| Author |
Message |
    
WendyP
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3348
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 10:24 am: | 
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And I read this:
"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own."
Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan, on Tasering and taking into custody Jakub Fik, 33, who severed his own penis and threw it at police after officers confronted him while responding to a property-damage call. Doctors at Chicago's Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's organ.
Hopefully they then checked him in to the psych ward!
OUCH! |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7007
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 10:26 am: |
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Clearly, I am not the only one with no use for penises. Peni? |
Parkbench87
Citizen
Username: Parkbench87
Post Number: 3828
Registered: 7-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 10:27 am: |
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What a D*** !!!! |
LibraryLady(ncjanow)
Supporter
Username: Librarylady
Post Number: 3142
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 10:30 am: |
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Why did they bother reattaching it?? He'll probably just do it again!! |
WendyP
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3350
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 10:32 am: |
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Clearly he doesn't value it in the same way most other "members" of the male species do.
Ah ha ha! |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1769
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 11:06 am: |
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Well.
I've heard of cutting off your nose to spite your face, but this is ridiculous.
It's got to be the influence of those damn David Letterman stupid pet tricks. |
Kibbegirl
Citizen
Username: Kibbegirl
Post Number: 440
Registered: 5-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 11:19 am: |
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I just read that quote over coffee this morning! He does need serious mental care. How does one go from property damage to lopping off one's penis? Are they somehow related? |
Hank Zona
Supporter
Username: Hankzona
Post Number: 5348
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 11:22 am: |
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Kibbegirl,
I know some guys are very possessive of their penises, so maybe the severing was the property damage they were referring to. |
Guy
Supporter
Username: Vandalay
Post Number: 1687
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 11:35 am: |
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I guess he is being held in a penal facility. |
Project 37
Citizen
Username: Project37
Post Number: 24
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 12:14 pm: |
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He might be deranged, but it takes a lot of balls to do something like that. |
Guy
Supporter
Username: Vandalay
Post Number: 1688
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 12:26 pm: |
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He might be charged with organ-ized crime. |
WendyP
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3357
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 12:32 pm: |
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Ah ha ha! You're full of 'em today, aren't you Guy? |
Guy
Supporter
Username: Vandalay
Post Number: 1689
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 12:39 pm: |
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Wendy in another section , some posters would say that I am full of IT.  |
WendyP
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3360
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 12:41 pm: |
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I picture you sitting at work or at home, staring at your computer screen, stroking your CHIN, with the gears slowly turning, trying to come up with yet another topic appropriate pun.
I dare say I probably don't dare go in to that "other" section you mention! |
Guy
Supporter
Username: Vandalay
Post Number: 1690
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 12:51 pm: |
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I can just see the protesters demanding his release shouting FREE WILLY.
|
The Soulful Mr T
Citizen
Username: Howardt
Post Number: 1663
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 1:50 pm: |
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"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own."
I was confused at first by the grammar - it's very convoluted syntax, indeed. |
WendyP
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3368
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 2:07 pm: |
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Yeah, I had a problem with the grammar too. It probably should have been something like "We captured him without any serious injury, aside from the one he inflicted upon himself." |
Hoops
Citizen
Username: Hoops
Post Number: 966
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 2:13 pm: |
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The NY Post headline would have said something like -
"Man Attacks Cop with Flying Penis"
The cops must have drawn straws to see who had to pick up his dis-member.
|
WendyP
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3372
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 2:14 pm: |
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I would imagine they would have left that job up to the EMT's. After all, they are trained medical professionals.
Lucky them.  |
Guy
Supporter
Username: Vandalay
Post Number: 1692
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 2:17 pm: |
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Another Post Headline after the trial.
Man receives STIFF sentence in penis throw. |
WendyP
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3373
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 2:27 pm: |
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Man receives STIFF sentence in assault with severed member. |
Hank Zona
Supporter
Username: Hankzona
Post Number: 5352
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 2:36 pm: |
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the real story here is of yet another delusional male...thinking that what he threw at the police was large enough to fend them off. |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7017
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 2:37 pm: |
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These are the funniest groaners....
I have to stop reading this thread at work. |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1785
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 2:41 pm: |
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It sounds like the perfect cock and bull story to me. |
Guy
Supporter
Username: Vandalay
Post Number: 1693
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 2:50 pm: |
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The police were wondering just before he cut,
" Woody or wouldn't he " |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1787
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 2:57 pm: |
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excellent, guy.
maybe also "woody or not...?" |
Guy
Supporter
Username: Vandalay
Post Number: 1694
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 2:59 pm: |
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Innis, I'm running out of material . I need more adjectives. |
Eats Shoots & Leaves
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 3143
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 3:09 pm: |
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Overheard in the prison shower: "Oh, I thought it was your SOAP I heard drop on the floor. My bad."
Sorry,  Guy has grabbed all the good lines already--very funny guy that Guy. |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1788
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 3:14 pm: |
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Guy:
You've been doing just fine. You don't need my help.
The guy in the Newsweek piece has invented new uses for the penis. Who would have thought the penis would become an unidentified flying object?
Besides, I reserve almost all my use of adjectives for "Team F--k-Up" in the White House.
|
las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 1349
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 3:19 pm: |
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I find this thread childish and offens-  
I tried to keep a straight face... |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1789
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 3:27 pm: |
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Well, we wouldn't want to prick anybody's sensitivities, would we now? |
Parkbench87
Citizen
Username: Parkbench87
Post Number: 3831
Registered: 7-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 3:43 pm: |
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"Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan, on Tasering and taking into custody Jakub Fik, 33"
Well Fik does rhyme with d*** |
Guy
Supporter
Username: Vandalay
Post Number: 1695
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 3:47 pm: |
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If he was in Wrigley field the announcer would have said.
" A perfect throw from the cut-off man. " |
ess
Citizen
Username: Ess
Post Number: 1471
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 4:07 pm: |
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Sounds like a real schmuck! |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7023
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 4:15 pm: |
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What an idiot. His whole existence seems to be pretty pointless. |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1793
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 4:22 pm: |
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Apparently the cops started chasing the guy, which brought the incident to a head.
He tried unsuccessfully to beat them off by taking matters into his own hands. |
breal
Citizen
Username: Breal
Post Number: 782
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 4:39 pm: |
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And the interdiction ensued. |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1795
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 4:44 pm: |
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He has apparently begged a large midwest law firm to defend him, but the decision-making partners, the real firm members, turned him down. |
WendyP
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3376
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 4:45 pm: |
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"the real firm members!"
|
ess
Citizen
Username: Ess
Post Number: 1474
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 4:46 pm: |
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That's too bad; it seemed as though he used to be a real stand-up guy. Guess he was trying to stick it to someone. |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1796
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 5:05 pm: |
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It gets better.
The latest Chicago Trib story says that he asked several of his male friends to testify in his behalf.
To a man, they replied: "We're not sticking up for you." |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 13148
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 5:13 pm: |
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You know where the word testify comes from, don't you?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testify
|
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7024
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 5:16 pm: |
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So, what you are saying is that guys who scratch their balls in public are not really being rude; they are just honoring an ancient Roman tradition? |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1799
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 5:23 pm: |
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Yes.
And you know, Latin has given rise to some interesting mottos:
Semper fidelis (US Marines)= always faithful
Semper paratus (Boy Scouts)= always prepared
Semper testiculo (my personal motto)= always on the ball |
Stevef
Citizen
Username: Stevef
Post Number: 190
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 6:30 pm: |
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Throw Job? |
Heybub
Citizen
Username: Heybub
Post Number: 412
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 2:30 pm: |
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Has this thread started to PETER out? |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1808
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 2:44 pm: |
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It seems the punishment for that sort of crime is three years of penile servitude.
The prison authorities intend to put him to work in a local coal mine, where he'll start on a new shaft. |
Eats Shoots & Leaves
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 3146
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 3:02 pm: |
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This thread is so funny I laughed my dick off. |
Guy
Supporter
Username: Vandalay
Post Number: 1704
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 3:17 pm: |
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More headlines:
Flaccid Felon Flagged in Phallic Fling |
Heybub
Citizen
Username: Heybub
Post Number: 413
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 3:19 pm: |
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Obviously, the Chicago police were ill-prepared for hand to gland combat. |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1810
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 3:24 pm: |
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This is one cock"tale" that is not a mixed drink |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1811
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 3:28 pm: |
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This happened in Chicago, right? I wonder if it occcurred on Wacker Drive. |
Guy
Supporter
Username: Vandalay
Post Number: 1705
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 3:28 pm: |
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Innis, that drink may be Dry Sack on the Rocks |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1813
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 3:36 pm: |
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The arresting cops got into hot water, but only one of them got the shaft. |
Guy
Supporter
Username: Vandalay
Post Number: 1706
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 3:42 pm: |
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The arresting officer
 |
aquaman
Supporter
Username: Aquaman
Post Number: 796
Registered: 8-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 3:46 pm: |
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Back at the hospital, he was fondly re-membered. |
aquaman
Supporter
Username: Aquaman
Post Number: 797
Registered: 8-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 3:51 pm: |
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According to eyewitnesses, Jakub Fik threw his severed penis "like a girl". |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1815
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 4:16 pm: |
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The doc's hypodermic managed to prick Fik where it mattered most to him. |
aquaman
Supporter
Username: Aquaman
Post Number: 798
Registered: 8-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 4:17 pm: |
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Alive Alive-oh
Alive Alive-oh
Now he's cockless, no muscle
Alive Alive-oh |
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