| Author |
Message |
    
Mr. Big Poppa
Citizen
Username: Big_poppa
Post Number: 576
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, April 6, 2006 - 10:16 pm: | 
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just before someone decides to pay you a visit? What would you do if....you know....hypothetically....that were ever to happen? |
jersey Boy
Citizen
Username: Jersey_boy
Post Number: 431
Registered: 1-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, April 6, 2006 - 10:20 pm: |
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Elevator. I WAS alone.
J.B. |
Monster©
Supporter
Username: Monster
Post Number: 2751
Registered: 7-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, April 6, 2006 - 10:25 pm: |
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elevator, I wasn't alone
grocery store aisle, I wasn't alone
movie theater, not alone again
bank line, not alone
post office, not alone
work, not alone
other peoples houses, not alone
bar, not alone
dining establishment, not alone
dutch oven, not alone
|
Mr. Big Poppa
Citizen
Username: Big_poppa
Post Number: 577
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, April 6, 2006 - 10:33 pm: |
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in the bath....bubbles bursting...... |
bets
Supporter
Username: Bets
Post Number: 22918
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, April 6, 2006 - 10:38 pm: |
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I deleted my fart! Ha! Top that! |
kriss
Citizen
Username: Kriss
Post Number: 282
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, April 6, 2006 - 10:44 pm: |
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Hypothetically, of course...
I would casually, yet efficiently, move the conversation outside. "Oh, I was just about to go to the copier! Walk with me..."
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Mr. Big Poppa
Citizen
Username: Big_poppa
Post Number: 578
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, April 6, 2006 - 10:45 pm: |
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I do the same.
I also like carpet bombing as I walk through the hallways. |
Brett Weir
Citizen
Username: Brett_weir
Post Number: 1435
Registered: 4-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, April 6, 2006 - 11:18 pm: |
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In the delivery room...sympathy poots. |
shasta
Citizen
Username: Shashalagoumba
Post Number: 68
Registered: 7-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, April 6, 2006 - 11:52 pm: |
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OMG, the worst one ever! When I worked in the WTC. My friend and I heard this loud, exploding sound come from the rear office, obviously from our partner/boss. Well, the scent soon followed and we had no recourse but to crack up. It was grossly insane! I will never forget that moment. It must have been his best fart ever. Poor Jeff!  |
ess
Citizen
Username: Ess
Post Number: 1650
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 12:19 am: |
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That is probably the only funny story that starts: "When I worked in the WTC. My friend and I heard this loud, exploding sound......" |
kegel
Citizen
Username: Kegel
Post Number: 14
Registered: 2-2006
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 4:20 am: |
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For some sick reason I find that hystericaly funny. |
Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3497
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 6:19 am: |
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TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI!
Do whatever you want to divert them, makes no never mind. The smell follows you! |
thegoodsgt
Citizen
Username: Thegoodsgt
Post Number: 947
Registered: 2-2002
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 7:41 am: |
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Rarely in the office. Mostly in the book store. (Consider yourselves warned.) |
algebra2
Supporter
Username: Algebra2
Post Number: 4037
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 7:53 am: |
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How about in a crowded bar, in the line at the supermarket, the bank, in the car (with the heat cranking), trying to keep it trapped under the covers so your spouse doesn't yell at you, at a crowded dining room table, out to lunch with your boss ....
Too much information? |
Eats Shoots & Leaves
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 3222
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 8:32 am: |
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After much unintentional experimentation, it is indisputable that farts attract office visitors like black suits attract white cat hair. Try it yourself--on a quiet day when there is little going on and no one has come to see you all day, let one go in your office, and within minutes someone will walk in to talk to you about something incredibly important. Watch as the realization first hits and their nostrils twitch unconsciously, then moves to their brains and finally shows up in the widening of their eyes as they and you shift uncomfortably and you try to get rid of them as fast as you can. |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5245
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 8:43 am: |
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Yes, TMI!!!!  |
Eats Shoots & Leaves
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 3225
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 8:56 am: |
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As Lynyrd Skynyrd sang: "OOOO that smell; Can't you smell that smell? OOOO that smell; the smell of death surrounds you." |
Eats Shoots & Leaves
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 3226
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 9:00 am: |
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And if there is any doubt that there can be a great career in being a practiced ashhole, please go to this link about Le Petomane:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_394
|
george H
Citizen
Username: Georgieboy
Post Number: 151
Registered: 8-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 9:16 am: |
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In A.C.,when someone is on a slot machine you want,theres no better way to get them to move on while you feign ignorance. |
ess
Citizen
Username: Ess
Post Number: 1651
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 9:21 am: |
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ESL:  |
Brett
Citizen
Username: Bmalibashksa
Post Number: 2264
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 9:46 am: |
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I’m doing it as we speak. Long night at the track last night  |
Alleygater
Citizen
Username: Alleygater
Post Number: 1621
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 10:08 am: |
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The toilet is quite far from my cube here in my new office. I'm not sure what to do. It doesn't seem feasible (on bad days) to have to march back and forth and back and forth, over and over again. I've been contemplating going into the conference room across the hall from me, closing the door and "relieving" myself just to save on all the walking. But that comes with it's problems too. I fear that it would be slightly obvious to others why I keep entering the room for about 10 seconds and leaving. Then there is the issue that someone might need to use the room after I left, which could be bad. Or scarier still that I might accidentally make a loud noise (which would get amplified by the empty room) that someone nearby would hear. What to do. What to do. Advice? |
Eats Shoots & Leaves
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 3230
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 10:20 am: |
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Stop eating carbohydrates and salsa products. |
algebra2
Supporter
Username: Algebra2
Post Number: 4038
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 10:25 am: |
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Alleygater -- there's nothing better than walking by a disliked coworkers desk and letting one rip (silently of course) and then scurrying away. That or a un-needed trip to the copier. I used to do the conference room thing too. Luckily, I used to have a private file room which only I used. My private fartorium. |
mem
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 5979
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 10:25 am: |
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I carry a fart machine. That way, no one is sure if it's the machine or not, so it just kind of diffuses the whole gas situation. People are like, "Oh, that's just mem's fart machine again", while I contently poot my heart out after my garlic and chive cream cheese bagel. Yum. |
Alleygater
Citizen
Username: Alleygater
Post Number: 1623
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 10:25 am: |
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OK, ESL that is not going to happen. To compound the problem I'm a vegetarian who LOVES mexican food and ice cream. |
Eats Shoots & Leaves
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 3231
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 11:04 am: |
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Herbivores are the greatest source of methane gas and mercaptins in the world. Mexican cows may be the worst.
You must be dangerous around open flames! |
Alleygater
Citizen
Username: Alleygater
Post Number: 1624
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 11:36 am: |
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TS would say that I'm deadly...I'm SURE!!! |
blackcat
Citizen
Username: Blackcat
Post Number: 553
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 11:53 am: |
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I'm in a street level office and one day my boss stepped out of the door and was looking down the street intently for a moment. The she walked back in and I asked if there was something going on. She said, " No, I had gas." I thought that was very thoughtful to step outside. But it was also one of the funniest things. |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7176
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 12:04 pm: |
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People who say they don't are like people who say they don't masturbate. |
Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3501
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 12:23 pm: |
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Again I say: TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI!!!!!
Hey Alleygater, ever heard of Beano! |
Rastro
Citizen
Username: Rastro
Post Number: 2812
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 12:32 pm: |
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Not in my office, but I always get a "nice one, Daddy" from my four year old daughter. |
Monster©
Supporter
Username: Monster
Post Number: 2761
Registered: 7-2002
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 12:43 pm: |
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I put the fart waffle off of JIBJAB on my site, this way I can get to it easily for a fartin' good time.
try it out, http://homepage.mac.com/jocnsoc/fartwaffle.swf
then go visit JIBJAB, http://jibjab.com/Home.aspx |
Wendyn
Supporter
Username: Wendyn
Post Number: 2900
Registered: 9-2002
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 12:45 pm: |
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My 2 year old walked into her room naked (from the potty) this morning and paused, a look of intense concentration on her face. A loud pffft eminated from her backside. She said "I no need poop mommy, I just faht." |
Eats Shoots & Leaves
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 3235
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 1:39 pm: |
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Awright, Wendyn, teaching her the fine art of scatalogical humor at an early age! Timing is everything. |
Alleygater
Citizen
Username: Alleygater
Post Number: 1632
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 3:06 pm: |
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I don't find Beano works. I tried at my last job. |
las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 1511
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 7:00 pm: |
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I believe my manicurist farted while she was doing my nails this afternoon.
Wasn't me.
For once. |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5259
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 7:33 pm: |
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So you walk into someone's office, you know they farted; do you call them out? |
Suzanne Ng
Citizen
Username: Suzanneng
Post Number: 701
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 7:42 pm: |
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Not in the office, but it's very funny when you have a group of 18 2nd graders (sitting on the floor listening intently to a story) and one lets a silent but deadly one out... the kids sitting around the offender all start to giggle and scrunch up their noses, and slowly start to move away... Invariably one of the kids shouts out (or politely raises his/her hand, and when I call on them...) " Mrs. Ng, someone farted!"
So much for finishing the book... |
kenney
Citizen
Username: Kenney
Post Number: 768
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 7:58 pm: |
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http://www.yorkshiresoul.org/ |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 13495
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 8:12 pm: |
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Jeez, folks. It's a fact of life. Just do it. I don't even worry much about whether it annoys anyone. Why should they be offended that I did what they also do?
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Mr. Big Poppa
Citizen
Username: Big_poppa
Post Number: 579
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 8:22 pm: |
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Uh....the smell? |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 13498
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 8:25 pm: |
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Yeah, it's not pleasant. But they do it, too, whether they admit it or not. And as so many have pointed out, there isn't always a choice as to when or where or whether to do it.
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Pizzaz
Supporter
Username: Pizzaz
Post Number: 3443
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 8:29 pm: |
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It can't be avoided. Suzanne's story with the kids is cute... |
Earlster
Supporter
Username: Earlster
Post Number: 1507
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 11:21 pm: |
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My father believed that holding it in is not good for your health. Who am I to question an elders advise.
Mine are supreme, to say the least, wherever they happen. However I have to say that my 4 year old daughter is practicing hard on keeping the family tradition alive. I'm so proud of her. (And so is she of herself). |
ess
Citizen
Username: Ess
Post Number: 1663
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 11:23 pm: |
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Take a cue from Shrek:
"Better out than in, I always say." |
kriss
Citizen
Username: Kriss
Post Number: 287
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 11:36 pm: |
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Agreed, everyone does it. You should at least say, "scuse me". |
Earlster
Supporter
Username: Earlster
Post Number: 1508
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Friday, April 7, 2006 - 11:44 pm: |
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Da fart |
Alleygater
Citizen
Username: Alleygater
Post Number: 1643
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Saturday, April 8, 2006 - 1:50 am: |
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Earlster that was hilarious. The Bud commercials are now so old (and thankfully forgotten) that seeing it again now years later, I can laugh at it again...finally.
Tom: dude, if you were CONSTANTLY farting around me in the office, I would call you out on it. I'm sorry. I was raised (as most of us -- clearly not Earlster -- probably were) that it's rude to do around people. It stinks. It actually lowers your immune system and I know for a fact it's bad for art work (so horrible if you work in a museum) People avoid doing it around others (by going to a less populated place (or a bathroom where it probably already smells like poop to begin with) as common courtesy. I can't believe that a TRUE FOLLOWER of Ms. Manners as yourself would be so declasse or for that matter, lacking in manners. I would ask you what Ms. Manner's says on the matter, except for the fact that this topic is so inappropriate a discussion that she surely wouldn't grace the pages of her article to explain it. Because it's just common sense and agreed upon by everyone that farting around others is rude. Recant your wicked ways Tom. I feel like your cow workers all owe me a HUGE THANK YOU now for setting you straight. |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 13511
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 8, 2006 - 7:40 am: |
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Alleygater
OK, I don't exactly push them out for grins. But if I have to, I let them out.
I think sometimes, it's best for everyone -- farters and innocent bystanders -- to pretend it didn't happen, to minimize embarrassment.
If it's really loud or smelly and someone indicates an objection, then I say, "whoa" or "excuse me" as if it were a regrettable accident.
|
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5262
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 8, 2006 - 8:12 am: |
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Tom, Tom, Tom......I don't know what to say, EEEEEWWWWW!
Wendyn, I missed your post before.... too cute!! |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 13512
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 8, 2006 - 8:17 am: |
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I don't see how what I do is different from others. I think the difference is my honesty, not my behavior.
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red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5263
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 8, 2006 - 8:19 am: |
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Tom I have to disagree, it is your behavior. I think most people do not just fart, where they are (if in public), it is rude IMHO |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 13513
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 8, 2006 - 8:33 am: |
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You wouldn't know the statistics if some people conceal it. I think most farts go unnoticed.
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mem
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 5992
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, April 8, 2006 - 9:29 am: |
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I just farted! |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5267
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 8, 2006 - 9:37 am: |
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mem do you have a recipe for farts? |
Darren Say Grrrrrrrr
Citizen
Username: Darrensager
Post Number: 367
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, April 8, 2006 - 11:46 am: |
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http://www.zippyvideos.com/8659469563976216/gas_passer/ |
Eats Shoots & Leaves
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 3237
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, April 8, 2006 - 11:56 am: |
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I still hold to an iron universal law--if you fart in your office, someone will soon walk in. Even if you are working late Sunday night, someone will wander in. And there is a direct correlation between the speed of their entry and the toxicity of the fart. |
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