| Author |
Message |
    
C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 2577
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, May 1, 2006 - 10:07 pm: | 
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I think I've been grafted onto Job's family tree. In the past two months the following events have occurred:
1) Kid broke her foot.
2) Mom died.
3) Spouse had emergency major surgery.
4) Saw mom's will: EVERYTHING went to abusive brother.
5) Car was stolen out of driveway and wrecked (with 18 months left on the loan.)
HELP, NEED NEW KARMA! (And new car.)
Not kidding. |
Virtual It Girl
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 4354
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, May 1, 2006 - 10:39 pm: |
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What? Are you really serious? I am so sorry for all of the above. |
Scully
Citizen
Username: Scully
Post Number: 395
Registered: 8-2005
| | Posted on Monday, May 1, 2006 - 11:12 pm: |
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Sorry!
How's the kid? How's the spouse? |
Joanne G
Citizen
Username: Joanne
Post Number: 95
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 - 2:47 am: |
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C, there's a neat little novelty gift kit called Bad Karma Cure. It's a mini-kit with a 32-page instruction booklet (they all come with an instruction booklet in this series!) Any decent bookstore should be able to get it in for you:
ISBN 0762425008 (Running Press publishers) $6.95 (US dollars)
If nothing else it's worth a good giggle!!! As the webhsite says: "Do you worry about things you’ve done that may come back to haunt you? Or are you concerned that you may end up the unwitting victim of someone else’s negative energy backflow? In either case, Genuine Placebo Brand Bad Karma Cure-All will provide you with an unmatched degree of Zen-like protection. Some people say the existence of bad karma is just a figment of your imagination, and we say: Exactly! That’s where our Bad Karma Cure-All comes in with its unrivaled record of success compared to all other bad karma remedies on the market. So remember, when it comes back around, we give you the ability to duck."
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C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 2579
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 - 8:06 am: |
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Kid is okay after a cast and a brace but complains about sore foot periodically. She told us yesterday morning that we were torturing her by making her go to school instead of trying to get a doc appt for her. She forgot the note excusing her from "Girls on the Run" after school so I go to rescue her and find her running around the playground just fine, thank you. I still gave her the choice and she decided to stay and practice anyway (with brace in place.)
Spouse still has to meet with an oncologist but the preliminary pathology was negative for malignancy. However the tumor (granulosa cell) that burst the ovary and caused bleeding into her abdomen is one that can turn malignant at any time over the next 30 years. And since all the lovely cells disbursed themselves on the abdominal wall, we'll have to keep watch. Recovery from surgery has been slower than she expected (they thought they were going after a burst appendix so went in on the right side whereas the real problem was on the left side - more tunneling and excavation therefore required.) She's supposed to go back to work part-time starting the middle of next week.
Haven't been back into the house I grew up in since Mom died because a) it hasn't been "convenient" for my brother and b) it makes me physically ill to face what she did (without ever giving me any warning whatsoever.) Brother seems unable to fathom why I might be interested in the old photos, etc. Told him I was planning a memorial service for sometime in May, which I was. (He, on the other hand, wanted her buried without telling any family members beforehand, because he couldn't "handle the phone calls" when he "had so much other stuff to do" (as executor). Since reading the will I've been so hurt and angry that to do such a service right now would be a sham. I'm going to hold off on that until I get some perspective. But it's hard to get perspective when the sh+t keeps pouring down. |
Crazy_quilter
Citizen
Username: Crazy_quilter
Post Number: 278
Registered: 2-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 - 8:47 am: |
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Did your mother have all of her faculties when she made the will? was she a JW too? (isn't your brother?) did he trick her or anything that you could sue over? it doesn't sound like you would damage your relationship much further if you tried for the money or at least more access to sentimental things. do i sound crass? i just hate for the church to end up with it. |
Crazy_quilter
Citizen
Username: Crazy_quilter
Post Number: 279
Registered: 2-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 - 8:50 am: |
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oh, and you have my real sympathies. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. all of that stuff adds up and makes each other thing even worse. I've been reading MOL off and on for years (just more lately), and remember you from the beginning! Maybe bad things come in fives for you and it's all over now?
i'll be sending positive thoughts into the universe for you. altho that won't help you with transportation... |
mjh
Supporter
Username: Mjh
Post Number: 483
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 - 8:50 am: |
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Cathy,
I am so sorry for all the difficulties you and your family are experiencing. I can't offer much more than my sympathies, except to say that in my experience (and you know most of what that is), it was possible to come out on the "other side" and see the light again.
I totally agree with holding off on any kind of service right now. You need someone to help you deal with the hurt and anger (IMHO) first and foremost. Having a memorial service is only going to compound those feelings.
Please let me know if there is anything more concrete we can offer. I'd be happy to help in any way. |
LilLB
Citizen
Username: Lillb
Post Number: 1635
Registered: 10-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 - 9:49 am: |
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C - I'm so sorry to hear of the string of misfortune lately. Sending positive thoughts your way that things will turn around.....quickly. |
C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 2580
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 - 10:06 am: |
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Crazy, she was not a JW despite all the years my brother tried to convince her. It's hard to say about her mental state. The will was drawn 20 years ago, after her second husband died and is a complete turn-around from the one she and my father had drawn when I was still a kid (split everything equally between my brother and me.) However, I was her foster child, from the age of 3 up to the present. So, legally, I don't have a lot of standing. She named me in the will as receiving in equal shares with her sisters (neither of whom she has spoken to in many, many years) ONLY if my brother (her bio son) and any heirs of his (he has none, has never been able to sustain a real relationship) died. My brother can't understand why I find this so painful. I just feel so discarded, again. She's the one who plucked me from an orphanage and she's the one, for good and for bad, who was my mother all these years. I've had conversations with a couple of attorneys, none of whom offered much hope/interest, mostly because of my foster status.
Parents, think carefully about what kind of message you send your kids by the way you write your will. I thought after literally 20 years in therapy that I was largely immune to her ability to do harm. We had some peaceful years, especially after I adopted my daughter. So I never suspected this land mine. And it aggravates me no end to know how many thousands and thousand of dollars I already spent trying to recover from my childhood. |
jem
Citizen
Username: Jem
Post Number: 1531
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 - 10:16 am: |
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Cathy, I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. We're thinking about you and spouse - had no idea that so much bad stuff was going on, and I wish we had known before now. |
Joanne G
Citizen
Username: Joanne
Post Number: 97
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 - 10:46 am: |
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C, pls believe I wasn't trying to make light of your situation, just trying to raise a smile for a second or two's worth of relief.
In the week before my mum died (and we had a really close relationship) she gave away everything she had promised me all my life to other people who weren't even family or old friends. In her will she left me meaningless things. 7 years later it still hurts, but in my case I could accept (in my head) that she was/is more than things to me. Sadly I won't have children to pass those values and memories on. My brother was executor and rushed my sister and I through the probate/estate disposal process; he and his wife divided everything up with no-one else there and shipped most of it off to thrift shops with no notice to anyone. So I have no photos, mementoes or heirlooms. Everyone grieves differently and some grieve incomprehensibly (is that a word?).
On the plus side is that your daughter's foot seems to be healing, and your partner will too (I'm always an optomist, sorry). Yeah, she'll have to keep an eye on her health, but we all do in one way or another and you're really intelligent and pragmatic so I have confidence you'll do all you can to maximise health and reduce stress.
It's been a crappy year so far, but everything changes with time. It will get better eventually!
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Duncan
Supporter
Username: Duncanrogers
Post Number: 6285
Registered: 12-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 - 12:18 pm: |
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C Bataille...if you need help, a dinner cooked, a dog walked, a bathroom cleaned, or a lawn mowed, will you PLEASE PL me.
I cannot offer much else but my culinary and domestic skills. Seriously.
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C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 2582
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 - 8:03 pm: |
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Thanks all for your concern and good thoughts. I know much of the misfortune is truly random but some of it (mom-related) is breathtakingly painful, especially on top of a lifetime of "survivorship" on so many levels. I've made a good life for myself despite some truly horrific circumstances (and I know others here on MOL know that struggle to be decent and productive in spite of the people who were supposed to nurture us.) But this bad streak is really trying my fibre. I vacillate between wanting to do violence to something or leaking my spirit through my tear ducts or numbness or, honestly, enjoying this beautiful spring or some beautiful music or my lovely homegrown family. Like being inside a pinball machine! |
Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 2715
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 - 8:11 pm: |
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(have you considered driving around in your car playing really loud music and screaming? it got me through some really dark days in the last year. my utmost sympathies for all of this undeserved crap flowing your way..) |
Wendy
Supporter
Username: Wendy
Post Number: 2421
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 - 8:17 pm: |
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I am amazed, astounded and deeply impressed by the way you are handling/have handled all that you have been and are going through. My sincerest well-wishes for getting through these times. Oh and listen to cynicalgirl regarding blasting music. She knows whereof she speaks. |
nan
Citizen
Username: Nan
Post Number: 2393
Registered: 2-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 - 11:08 pm: |
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Cathy,
I PL'd you. What a nightmare. I was going to suggest curling up into fetal position in the car and crying about eight times a day, but then I remembered that now you don't even have a car. It's a safer strategy than driving around, but you usually can't include the helpful loud music or screaming effect.
Anyway, I'm really, really hoping that by the time you get another car (ASAP) you will be feeling better.
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Brett Weir
Citizen
Username: Brett_weir
Post Number: 1499
Registered: 4-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 11:30 am: |
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C. Bataille- So sorry for your troubles, especially regarding your wife's condition. I'll keep her in my prayers.
I have a very good friend who is going through a similar matter regarding her late mother's will. She was left out while her brother, a career criminal and crack addict, had the will changed late in his mother's illness to leave it all to him. She is suing and has an excellent case- the operative premise is that the brother exerted undue influence over his mother while she was very ill. With no job or family obligations he stayed with her constantly for the final months, during which he engineeered the new will. The process will be somewhat drawn out, but the likelihood is that my friend will at least force a settlement if not have the second will invalidated. You may have no interest in pursuing such an option, but I figured I'd float it anyway.
In any case, 2004 was my "Year in Hell" and it is now a memory. I hope yours will pass as well and life will send some good things your way. |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7526
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 12:11 pm: |
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Cathy - there is nothing that anyone can say that will make you feel better. You can take relief, tho, from the fact that so many people are wishing you well and have survived similar without losing their minds. I guess.
The family crap is the worst and most painful. If there is any small comfort there, it is that your mom did this 20 years ago. For whatever reason, there was something going on in her life at the time, but it is quite likely that she got over it. Unfortunately, she never changed her will again. It may not get you any financial relief, but perhaps you can get some peace of mind knowing that she didn't intend to do this and just didn't think about her will so many years later.
You don't keep someone in your life if you don't love them; I'm sure that she loved you.
As for your brother, well, every family has an •••-hole. Too bad yours couldn't be a distant cousin. You know that you are a good and loving person. He just can't see it. Which is his problem, not yours. |
Brett Weir
Citizen
Username: Brett_weir
Post Number: 1500
Registered: 4-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 1:15 pm: |
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Greentree- As always, brilliantly put.
C Bataille- Don't equate the will situation with any lack of love; more likely it was a lack of foresight. And whatever has passed, you now have a loving spouse and family of your own. That's what it's all about. Things will get better. As far as your brother goes, Time wounds all heels... |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 14032
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 1:25 pm: |
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Wow, Cathy. The saying "that which doesn't kill me will make me stronger" usually makes sense to me, but in these cases, sometimes, I wonder if it's true. This is really rough. I'm sorry.
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Barbara
Citizen
Username: Blh
Post Number: 645
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 2:07 pm: |
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Cathy -- I didn't know this was all going on. I'll call your house and see what I can offer that's needed. But know I (and the rest of our clan) am here for you, K and J!
Barbara |
mlj
Citizen
Username: Mlj
Post Number: 216
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 2:50 pm: |
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C -
You have had too many setbacks at once, both emotional and practical, it will take a while to work things through. Your daughter will heal. Your spouse is still alive. Your car can be replaced (I do understand about the financial hardship) Your brother - let him go, do not give him any more power to hurt you. Set yourself free. Unfortunately, all kinds of awful things happen in families upon the death of a parent. There is unfairness, greed, and pain inflicted that can send you reeling. Don't drown in the past. You need time to get through your mother's death. To grieve. So much comes flooding back into our minds upon the death of a parent. Remember who you are, in spite of it all.
This is for you, (since I cannot buy you a car!)
Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers,
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever your are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place in the family of things.
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Bob K
Supporter
Username: Bobk
Post Number: 11391
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 3:26 pm: |
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Cathy, I don't know what to say, other than we Ks are with everyone else in hoping things get better for your family really quickly.
If you are confused by the insurance adjustor PL me, maybe I can shed some light on the games they play.
BTW, Cyn's screaming in the car works. Back in the 1970s there was a fad for "Primal Scream Therapy" and it is a great way to release some tension without committing a felony.
Hang in there, all three of you, things will get better. |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 14037
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 3:46 pm: |
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That's a wonderful post, mlj, and I love the poem.
Here are lyrics to a Dory Previn song, which I thought of when a couple of folks mentioned screaming in the car.
Quote:twenty-mile zone
from ON MY WAY TO WHERE
by Dory Previn
i was driving in my car
screaming at the night
screaming at the dark
screaming at fright
i wasn't doing nothing
just drive about
screaming at the dark
letting it out
that's all i was doing
just
letting it out
well along comes a motorcycle
very much to my surprise
i said officer was i speeding
i couldn't see his eyes
he said no you weren't speeding
and he felt where his gun was hung
he said lady you were screaming
at the top of your lung
and you were
doing it along
you were doing it alone
you were screaming in your car
in a twenty-mile zone
you were doing it alone
you were doing it alone
you were screaming
i said i'll roll up all my windows
don't want to disturb the peace
i'm just a creature
who is looking
for a little release
i said
and what's so wrong with screaming
don't you do it at your games
when the quarterback
breaks an elbow
when the boxer beats and maims
but you were
doing it alone
you were doing it alone
you were screaming in your car
in a twenty-mile zone
you were doing it alone
you were doing it alone
you were screaming
i said animals roar
when they feel like
why can't we do that too
instead of screaming
banzai baby
in the war in the human zoo
he said i got to take you in now
follow me right behind
and let's have no more screaming
like you're out of your mind
so he climbed aboard his cycle
and his red-eyed headlight beamed
and his motor started spinning
and his siren screamed
he was doing it alone
he was doing it alone
he was screaming on his bike
in a twenty-mile zone
he was doing it alone
he was doing it alone
he was screaming
i was doing it alone
i was doing it alone
i was screaming in my car
in a twenty-mile zone
i was doing it alone
i was doing it alone
i was screaming
we were doing it together
we were doing it together
we were screaming at the dark
in a twenty-mile zone
we were doing it together
we were doing it together
we were screaming
we were doing it together
we were doing it
together
alone
in a twenty-mile zone.
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ess
Citizen
Username: Ess
Post Number: 1880
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 4:03 pm: |
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Cathy, I can only add my small voice and good wishes amidst this eloquent sea of support. My thoughts are with you and your family and I wish you strength to get through this difficult time. It does sounds as though your spouse and daughter are on their way to recovery, which seems like the most important of all. With your family, you will prevail. |
Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 2719
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 4:17 pm: |
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Oh, Tom, that is GREAT!!! Obviously, I can so relate... |
mlj
Citizen
Username: Mlj
Post Number: 217
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 8:26 pm: |
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Yes, Tom, there it is, there it is. (I believe that Dory Previn had to withstand the fact that her husband Andre, left their marriage for Mia Farrow..)
Yes, and you can, to relieve the paralyzing stress, by opening your mouth as wide as you can and sticking your tounge out as far as you can...I am not kidding, and you will ease some bodily stress. Some tenseness in the jaw. But be careful if you do this in the car, as you can imagine to try to do this as discreetly as possible, while driving...maybe this is a a type of scream, tho silent. |
C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 2583
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 9:19 pm: |
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Update: State Farm has declared the car a "total loss" and are apparently preparing to offer in the neighborhood of $11 or $12K. Couldn't get through to the adjuster today despite being on hold for about 15 minutes. Of course, off the top of that goes the 5K I still owe on the lien, which is only fair. However, that leaves all of 6 or 7K toward a replacement. Kelley BlueBook says the car (2002 Outback, only 34K miles) should be worth about $17K. According to Young's Autobody, the State Farm standard (and generally the industry standard) is to only pay out about 75% of the worth of the car. Plus, according to paperwork I received today, once they make the offer they no longer have to cover any part of rental (currently $16/day.) Now, I love this car and don't have bucks to spend so I figure let's see how much repair I can get for 11 or 12K. Young's says they'd be happy to do the work and that 12K would cover it but the car might not be insurable by anyone once it's been declared a total loss. The damage is mostly airbags and front end body work. Nice, huh? Some cruds steal and wreck my car and I get to pick up the tab.
Raise your hand if you thought you would get reimbursed the real value of the car after paying your car insurance year after year after year. Silly me. |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 14043
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 9:33 pm: |
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It's not over yet. Ask your insurance company if they will insure it after repairs. And then ask NJ Cure and NJ Manufacturers if they'll cover you. We use the latter. Our insurance bills got cut in HALF when we switched to them.
But yeah, you don't need this aggravation, and I wish you didn't have it.
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Calliope
Citizen
Username: Calliope
Post Number: 174
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 - 10:12 pm: |
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C,
I don't know if this is any help , but because your car was stolen, you may be eligible for assistance from the NJ Crime Victim's Fund.
Here's a link: http://www.state.nj.us/lps/dcj/victimwitness/vwaf.htm
I've had 2 cars totaled, and I believe that for the insurance to pay the "full"totaled value, you, or the loan holder, have to surrender the title. If you still have 18 months to go on the loan, repairing the car may not be an option for you. I'm sure someone on this board knows more about the machinations of insurance than I do.
Anyway, I do know the crime victim's fund is well funded,and while it is annoying to deal with petty bureaucrats,in this instance it may be worth it. And don't hesitate to pour out all the surrounding circumstances, you may just find someone who will advocate for you.
Good luck and I'm keeping good thoughts for you,
Calli |
eliz
Supporter
Username: Eliz
Post Number: 1435
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 10:58 am: |
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Cathy - I'm so sorry to read all this. My mother's father died a few years ago and he left substantially different amounts to the four children - it ended up tearing them apart and the relationships never recovered. I don't understand why parents would do this to their children but it was the culmination of a lifetime of favoritism and resentment. Somehow I hope you can find solace in the fact that the will was done so long ago and you had managed to have peace with her more recently. |
C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 2584
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 11:20 am: |
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Calliope, I spoke with someone at SF today who explained the title surrender process and it sounds pretty odious at best. The car would have to be towed to Trenton for inspection (and back) and whether I could have it with a Salvage Title depends on the lien holder. He seemed to think I'd be offered somewhat more than what I'd heard yesterday so it may not be the absolute horror that I'd been thinking. Basically I have to submit the paperwork and see what happens.
I just missed the Consumer Reports April Car Issue. Anyone have one they don't need? (Yes, I know they're at the library but they stay in reference.)
Hold onto your hats, folks. At yesterday's staff meeting the principal was starting to talk about layoffs of non-instructional staff. Mine is a position that was threatened and salvaged last year but with expected cuts to Abbott districts I can probably kiss it goodbye. So much for tenure. (Yes, I've started looking already. Oh joy! More fun!) |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 14051
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 11:52 am: |
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I certainly hope you get to keep your job. That would be adding deep injury to severe insult.
There's a third possibility for your car, and I helped my wife do this. Her car got totalled. They offered her $3200 for the car, which was the market value. Cost of fixing would have been $3000 to $3500. They said she could keep the car, and they paid her $2900 instead. We sold it on ebay as a wreck. The buyerpaid $1675 for it! My pictures on the ebay listing highlighed the damage. The buyer knew what he was buying. He was going to race the car on a track, not use it on the roads. He came with his own towing trailer.
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C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 2586
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 11:59 am: |
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Tom, the problem is I don't own the car yet. It still has a lien on it.
I did see something nice on Craig's List that I'm hoping will work out. |
Bob K
Supporter
Username: Bobk
Post Number: 11397
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 1:06 pm: |
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Cathy, I sent you an email to your regular account. I don't know if you got it.
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C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 2587
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 2:33 pm: |
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Bob, I picked it up recently and sent a return message. thanks. |
bets
Supporter
Username: Bets
Post Number: 23039
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 5:44 pm: |
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Wow. I'm late to this thread and it was difficult to read of your troubles. I hope things turn around for you. |
sac
Supporter
Username: Sac
Post Number: 3403
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 8:00 pm: |
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I just got here too and am flabbergasted. I was feeling sorry for myself after a week of moving my folks into an assisted living residence and feeling depressed about their relative lack of health and vigor, although they are 85 and 87 respectively and able to live together somewhat independently, so that is actually not all that bad, I guess. I'm lucky, also, in that I've already seen my parents' wills (currently under revision with me involved in the discussions with their attorney) and I'm the executor and they treat everyone involved fairly and more or less equally.
Although I'm not at home right now to check, I'm sure that I have that Consumer Reports issue, so I'll try to put my hands on it and get it to you.
Let me know if there is anything we can do to help out. |
Nancy - LibraryLady
Supporter
Username: Librarylady
Post Number: 3406
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 5, 2006 - 7:12 pm: |
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How did I miss this thread? I feel awful right now. Let me know a good time to come over and get the c.d.'s if you want me to. please, please don't worry about them. I really, truely had no idea of the extent.
you WILL get through this. You have a lot of support out here. Lean on us
and about the re-insurabiltiy. My son totaled our jeep 2 months after he got his license. NJMIC wanted $300 back form the settlement for us to keep the car and repair it. After Modern Auto fixed it, the insurance co. sent an inspector, checked it out and approved reinsuring it for collision and theft. Don't know if all insurance companies do that tho.. |
Joan
Supporter
Username: Joancrystal
Post Number: 7387
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 5, 2006 - 7:22 pm: |
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Cathy:
Have you noticed how much so many of us (me included) care about you and wish you well? You may feel as though you have lost your ties to one family but you will find it virtually impossible to lose your ties to the MOL family. We are all here for you. Hang in there. Things will get much better, sooner than you could possibly expect. |
Longheadself
Citizen
Username: Longheadself
Post Number: 3
Registered: 5-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 5, 2006 - 10:01 pm: |
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Sorry to hear about your problems.
My parents are still alive, but their will leaves all of their land and house to 1 brother (I have 2 plus seven sisters and we are all biological.) Their reasoning is that it would be too expensive and legally complicated to divide it. So one person gets lion's share, leaving odds and ends of furniture to the rest. They are still lucid. They send mixed messages, like build a house here and you can have it but you have to live here, yada yada... Good luck with everything. The book of Job always strikes a chord, one of the best pieces of narrative literature ever. Stories like yours keep it real... |
Just The Aunt
Supporter
Username: Auntof13
Post Number: 4921
Registered: 1-2004
| | Posted on Saturday, May 6, 2006 - 3:24 am: |
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Cathy-
I'm so sorry so many things are going wrong in your life right now. I hope things get better for you soon. |
mlj
Citizen
Username: Mlj
Post Number: 219
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, May 6, 2006 - 9:36 am: |
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It is a wonder that parents leave an estate for anyone to inherit, considering the fact that nursing homes, assisted living, home health aides, and medical expenses can eat up their assets before Medicaid comes into the picture. In fact, adult children may become caregivers to their parents, with all the responsibility that entails, including helping the parent financially. (Sorry, this is off the topic.) |
Me2
Citizen
Username: Me2
Post Number: 243
Registered: 6-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, May 6, 2006 - 12:01 pm: |
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C Bataille, so sorry to hear of your difficulties. I have the Consumer Reports Car issue if you still need it.
Sending positive thoughts your way... |
CLK
Supporter
Username: Clkelley
Post Number: 2271
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Saturday, May 6, 2006 - 1:06 pm: |
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I'll add my voice to the "good karma chorus" and hope that things start to turn around for you. I've had years like that, too, and it sucks. |
C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 2594
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, May 7, 2006 - 6:54 am: |
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Positive update: We purchased a replacement (used) car yesterday. Amazing how much better that made me feel. Less unmoored, and definitely less unhinged. Left it at the dealer to have an alarm system installed but will pick it up tomorrow night. Hoping to drive out of this particular ring of the Inferno just as soon as we agree on a settlement from the insurance co.
Thanks for the continued good wishes. |
jem
Citizen
Username: Jem
Post Number: 1533
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, May 7, 2006 - 7:03 am: |
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Sounds good and hopeful. My grandmother would always say "wear it well" when I got new clothes, so I'll say "drive it well" and continue to send good wishes your way. |
Pizzaz
Supporter
Username: Pizzaz
Post Number: 3590
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, May 7, 2006 - 7:08 am: |
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Best wishes, C. |
Joan
Supporter
Username: Joancrystal
Post Number: 7396
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, May 7, 2006 - 7:50 am: |
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Cathy:
I'm so glad you are starting to feel better. Hopefully, things will contine to improve exponentially from now on. Enjoy the new car and freedom which comes with it. |
C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 2603
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 9, 2006 - 1:02 pm: |
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We took delivery on the new (2001) car last night (after having a lojack and an alarm installed!) I had to sit in nearly an hour of traffic on the way to work this morning but it was not entirely unpleasant in the new car. A heck of a lot better than the tin can Kia Rio we rented! I have to say I've admired Honda Accords for a long time. Finally I get to own one. The mileage is low enough (52K) that we've told the kid it might be her first car when she starts to drive. Of course I'm hoping that incentive will motivate her to help keep the car clean. Now that she's a bigger kid (9) I'm instituting a No Food in the Car rule. |
K_soze
Citizen
Username: K_soze
Post Number: 122
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 9, 2006 - 3:23 pm: |
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Hate to be the bearer of more bad news, but fries between your seats are inevitable. Especially the fresh, hot, lightly salted ones.........mmmm
All kidding aside, hope your streak of bad luck continues to turn around. |
C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 2613
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 12:51 pm: |
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Good News: State Farm called last night to go over the details of the claim and make a settlement offer. I had decided not to threaten to call the Insurance Dept or even to provide supporting documentation to my claim of 17K up front but, rather, wait to see what they would offer and use the other for appeal if necessary. Their settlement came in at slightly above 17K (including sales tax.) I was happily shocked! Having paid a bit over 11.5 K for the replacement car and still owing nearly 6K on the lien, it comes out basically even. To those of you who work in car insurance, and esp at State Farm, hold your heads a little higher today. The company did the right thing, against all expectations, and despite the fact that my rates had gone down significantly this time around. (Yeah, yeah, I know, they'll probably jump up again next year based on this "experience.")
So, the upshot is: I like my Accord, the money came out even and I have no more payments to make. The dark cloud seems to be lifting a bit. |
Nancy - LibraryLady
Supporter
Username: Librarylady
Post Number: 3436
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 12:56 pm: |
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That is such great news. I smiled while I read it! Good for you.
May it be the first of many more satisfying experiences |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 14217
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 1:25 pm: |
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Why would your rates go up? It wasn't your fault? Will they claim you're an accident magnet?
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jem
Citizen
Username: Jem
Post Number: 1535
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 1:33 pm: |
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Hooray for you! The erasing of the debt is especially wonderful. Let's hope that this is the beginning of a trend. |
sportsnut
Citizen
Username: Sportsnut
Post Number: 2410
Registered: 10-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 2:37 pm: |
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This is good news. FWIW, the first car that I had stolen (back in '89 out of S.O.) was insured by State Farm. The car was recovered and declared a total loss. They paid me full market value for the car but then dropped me the following year. I hope that doesn't happen to you.
Things are looking up already.
I've also had to witness the tension between my mom and her brother over money issues when their father passed away ten years ago so I sympathize with you. Money does bad things to good people and worse things to bad people. n fact, when my grandmother passed away last month it was the first time I had seen my uncle since my grandfather's funeral.
I really had no idea that foster children had no rights when it came to estate issues. That really sucks. I mean didn't the parent agree to take care of the child as if the child was their own. I don't get it. Some laws definitely need to be updated to reflect our changing times. |
sac
Supporter
Username: Sac
Post Number: 3427
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 5:03 pm: |
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Even biological children can be disinherited via a properly executed will, so I don't think that is the issue. |
Joan
Supporter
Username: Joancrystal
Post Number: 7414
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 7:01 pm: |
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Cathy:
Great news. Your luck is definitely changing for the better. |
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