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las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 1733
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 10:13 am: | 
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Am I the only one who spills her iced latte before leaving Starbucks?
Or the only one who is so enthralled by this new racer back bra that a co-worker had to advise me my shirt was tucked under the strap?
Does anyone else have the ability to dump seven dollars in change on the ground while reaching for your work ID at the office?
It can't be just me.
Who's hapless? |
Pippi
Supporter
Username: Pippi
Post Number: 2203
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 10:19 am: |
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Am I the only one who spills her iced latte before leaving Starbucks? <-- is that why you brought that extra shirt to work today?
 |
las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 1734
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 10:25 am: |
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No, silly. I spilled the latte on my pants. The shirt is still clean and in my drawer 'just in case'... |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7680
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 10:32 am: |
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This board does not have enough memory for all my clutzy stories. Face it, we are clumsy.
I could have a whole thread alone on public clothing mishaps. |
las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 1735
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 10:39 am: |
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Public Clothing Mishaps.
A category unto itself.
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The Soulful Mr T
Citizen
Username: Howardt
Post Number: 1943
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 10:47 am: |
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No, I got plenty of hap. |
mem
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 6151
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 11:02 am: |
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Hapless?
How about spending the day at work with puppy poop on your shoe and your nose so stuffed up you didn't smell it. I learned at the end of the day that everyone else did. Of course no one tells me. The same when I have stuff in my teeth. Jerks. |
The Soulful Mr T
Citizen
Username: Howardt
Post Number: 1944
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 11:03 am: |
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If I saw you with puppy poop in your teeth, I'd definitely let you know. Or I'd phone you.... |
las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 1737
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 11:16 am: |
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Stuff in your teeth: I saw Pippi the other night and she said, 'Go like this' to get me to clean the crap out of a tooth. I hadn't eaten since breakfast. I'd been smiling at people all day with an unknown piece of filth in my teeth and no one could tell me?
Mem, where'd the puppy poop? |
breal
Citizen
Username: Breal
Post Number: 889
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 11:55 am: |
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I cut my hand on my broken $3 umbrella this morning and arrived at work looking like bloody, rained-on roadkill. Things are looking up now that I've applied multiple bandaids and vented on MOL, however.
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SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 3320
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 12:25 pm: |
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If it is on the floor - dog toy, baby toy, etc, etc., I will most definately trip or slip on it.
If I just got my jacket/shirt back from the cleaners, I will spill something on it.
If I'm in a hurry and have to wear a skirt to work, I will poke a hole in the only pair of panty hose I have left while I'm tugging them on. |
Pippi
Supporter
Username: Pippi
Post Number: 2206
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 12:28 pm: |
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If I just got my jacket/shirt back from the cleaners, I will spill something on it. <-- SoOrLady - me too!
In addition, if I just cut the tags off a new garment, I will stain it within the hour |
Spare_o
Supporter
Username: Spare_o
Post Number: 409
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 12:36 pm: |
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I am very clutzy. My current worry is that I will fall on our stairs since we removed the hand rail to paint. Haven't hung the rail yet so I'm sure I am tempting fate.
In my haste while walking, I usually cut corners pretty closely. I think I used to be a (pretty bad) slalom skiier in a past life since I end up bumping into the corners a fair amount of the time.
I don't feel so alone anymore. Thanks, las!
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Calliope
Citizen
Username: Calliope
Post Number: 207
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:13 pm: |
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A few years ago I had a job interview at a "veddy veddy high-falutin'" organization. I was suited up to the nines. My hair was perfect, my nails,my shoes,and especially my silk suit,all bespoke professionalism. I had a few minutes before the interview, so I took the opportunity to visit the loo. As I turned to flush, the fancy extra special magnetic key card ID I was given at the visitor's desk, fell off my lapel and began circling the bowl.I had on a long sleeved silk blouse which repressed my revolting urge to dive in after it. I wondered just how I could delicately explain to the guard how I lost it. The bowl cleared, and lo and behold, there, taunting me, at the bottom of the bowl, was the key card. I took off my skirt and blouse, my watch and ring,and fished the #@&*in' thing out with my bare hands. >>shudder<< I then walked to the sink in my skivvies,scrubbed my arms and the key card. Thank Goodness no one walked in on me. I re-entered the stall, got dressed again, primped and proceeded to the interview. At the end of the interview,I handed the key card back to the guard and smiled brightly.
I didn't get the job. Wonder if there were cameras in that stall????
hapless????Oh, the stories I could tell... |
ess
Citizen
Username: Ess
Post Number: 1960
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 2:20 pm: |
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Calli - please forgive me, but I really laughed at that one! It is somehow reassuring to know that there are others out there with tales of haplessness.
Generally speaking, if I am wearing a white shirt, and I go to Starbucks, some little droplet of whatever I am drinking lands on the shirt. I never spill coffee on a black shirt. Never.
My favorite tale is the following:
A few years ago, when it was raining, and he was running late, my husband grabbed the first umbrella he saw and ran out the door. All throughout the morning, on his way to the office, on the streets of New York, he got funny looks. Some people actually giggled. He couldn't imagine why. Then he got to his office, and closed the umbrella. He had grabbed my daughter's umbrella -- bright yellow, with a cat face, and - this is the best part - cat ears sticking up. I think it was the last time he ever used an umbrella. |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5483
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 3:18 pm: |
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Okay, how about I went away for the week, and left my sunroof opened.... |
CLK
Supporter
Username: Clkelley
Post Number: 2292
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 3:50 pm: |
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I got a beautiful light-green silk suit a few years ago for a very-very important business meeting in Washington, DC. We were going down on the train.
I wore the suit for the first time for this meeting. Somehow, between Newark Penn and Washington Union, I got a striped black grease pattern on a very sizable area of one of the legs of my trousers. I have no idea how. I had to tough out the day in this gorgeous ruined brand-new suit.
Gleason's got the stain out, but they warned me that trying might take some of the dye out and I had to sign a release. Well that did happen. Ho-hum. In the intervening years, the color of the suit has faded enough that the light spot doesn't show that much (or maybe I've just stopped caring) and I've worn the suit a couple of times this year.
Almost every day I eat lunch at my desk. On a non-trivial number of days, some of my lunch ends up in my lap or on my blouse. I need a full-body bib to take to the office ...
And I have lost count of the number of spilled cups of coffee. |
Pippi
Supporter
Username: Pippi
Post Number: 2210
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 3:52 pm: |
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"He had grabbed my daughter's umbrella -- bright yellow, with a cat face, and - this is the best part - cat ears sticking up."
 |
Joanne G
Citizen
Username: Joanne
Post Number: 128
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 4:59 pm: |
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I once did an entire 3-hour shift of Meals on Wheels as the delivery 'jockey' with one white shoe and one black shoe - and the only way I found out was because the LAST person I delivered to thanked me for doing something to brighten her day and make her smile! Was wearing a knee length skirt so was noticeable. Had to be wearing those shoes for 5 hours by then, including with family; not one other person noticed or bothered to tell me.
And this is a good story, but perhaps not hapless merely brainless: in the short distance between the time check 15 minutes' away from an important job interview and arriving at the interview venue itself, I actually forgot why I was driving into town and went shopping. Arrived 30 mins late, in a fluster but not realising how late I was. Was so convinced I was right for this job, felt so comfortable that I actually kicked my shoes off under the table - then couldn't find them when the interview was over!!! No, I didn't get that job.
Got something from the next interview I went to however, am still there and am highly valued for my mixed-up injured and menopausal brain because it reminds people that stuff (grace, skill, talent, 'instant ability') doesn't come easily to all of us yet we can contribute well regardless. |
Lydia
Supporter
Username: Lydial
Post Number: 1849
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 5:29 pm: |
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Red -
I've done that sun-roof car thing too many times to count!
Once I left the car open to bring in groceries, forgot about it, came out and closed the hatch before I went to bed (don't want the light to drain the battery), Opened the door in the morning and the neighbor's cat jumped out.
That's odd - oh well.
Got into the car and saw the cat had thrown up, peed, scratched the material off the doors, scratched and bitten the plastic around every window, and gnawed a seatbelt. The estimates to repair the damage were around $1,700.
Another time I left 4 gallons of turned milk in the trunk that I was going to return to Costco - I forgot about them until they exploded a week later. 2 years later and the car still smells "off".
On the bright side, we don't worry about car thieves.
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The Soulful Mr T
Citizen
Username: Howardt
Post Number: 1946
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 5:30 pm: |
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Man, oh, man, you folks needs to get yoseffs some hap! |
Just The Aunt
Supporter
Username: Auntof13
Post Number: 5054
Registered: 1-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 6:53 pm: |
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Great thread! Now I don't feel so dumb for all the things that happen to me. |
Calliope
Citizen
Username: Calliope
Post Number: 208
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 7:48 pm: |
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ess----
Love the mental picture of the dignified businessman with the whimsical umbrella--I'm surprised anyone in NYC batted an eye!
Lydia---
What a catastrophe!heeeheeeheee-snort-haha!
CALLI |
Calliope
Citizen
Username: Calliope
Post Number: 209
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 8:17 pm: |
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From the archives of hapless moments I'd like to forget
but my "friends" won't let me
A while back a rambunctious group of us from work descended on a stuffy Italian restaurant in a nameless town* There was wine, high jinks and laughter,and at one point my right contact lens popped out. Eight of us froze as I tried, with only one eye, to check the table linen and napkins to see if I could find it. Soon, we were all crawling around on the floor around, and under, the table. Nothing. One of my friends took me into the ladies room, demanded I remove my blouse and checked all the lace on my cami---still nothing. I resigned myself to the fact that it was gone for good. I popped out the other one and finished the evening in my glasses.
As soon as I got home, I spread white towels on the bathroom floor and carefully removed each item of clothing, shaking them out gently, in search of the elusive lens. Again nothing. I gave up, decided to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. Something caught my eye as I was standing starkers in front of the mirror. There, glistening slyly, was my contact, perfectly situated and hugging my right nipple.
*Summit |
ess
Citizen
Username: Ess
Post Number: 1964
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 8:30 pm: |
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CLASSIC!!!!!!!!!
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snowmom
Citizen
Username: Snowmom
Post Number: 14379
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 9:38 pm: |
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Lydia - I was already laughing hard when the cat jumped out of the roof...
I've lost count (deliberately forgot?) the number of times I've hit a curb too hard in a turn and had to replace the tire... butit's never just one tire, or the car is unbalanced - usually minimum of two tires... |
phyllis
Citizen
Username: Phyllis
Post Number: 516
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 11:00 pm: |
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I did walk through an entire NYC restaurant once (back from the bathroom to my table) with the entire back of my skirt tucked into my stockings. My arse was hangin out for all. My then-boyfriend-now-husband was so upset because I seemed unconcerned. I was mortified really, but just decided I couldn't dwell on it.
Then there are the 10 million times I've fallen in public. |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7690
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 11:36 pm: |
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I won't go into my own stories, but, a few years back, a friend moved here after a rough divorce in DC.
She was searching for a job with no luck, down to her last few dollars and living by the grace of multiple friends with couches. 'Depressed" doesn't quite describe her.
She had an interview for a magazine writing job at some publication on the LES. Afterward, feeling as if it didn't go well, she decided that she needed to treat herself to a splurge: an herbal tea and a pastry at an outdoor cafe. She took her bridge out, carefully wrapped it in a napkin so as not to offend other diners and, well, you know what happened next.
Several hours later, as I was in the alley behind the restaurant (after midnight), with a flashlight, helping her rip open garbage bags and sort thru all kinds of disgusting stuff looking for that damned bridge, I mentally patted myself on the back for being such a good friend in a time of crisis. That and a major idiot for answering the phone when she called earlier in the evening, crying for help. |
las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 1738
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 17, 2006 - 12:04 am: |
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Why am I posting so late?
Because there was a harmonica player on the PATH train and I closed my eyes to listen and ended up in Journal Square. By the time I made it back to Hoboken (probably not my best commuting choice to backtrack) I was 38 minutes early for the 10:48 (of course, three minutes late for the 10:07). I sat on the still vacant train to find my fly open.
Got in at 11:24. |
Scully
Citizen
Username: Scully
Post Number: 471
Registered: 8-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 17, 2006 - 9:39 am: |
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Greenetree!! Please finish! Did you find the bridge? |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7697
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 17, 2006 - 11:41 am: |
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Scully - we never did. Although my friend got a job and moved to Paris, so it ended well for her. I can't remember how she continued interviewing in the immediate aftermath, with no front teeth.
I do remember that the bus boys kept coming out to look at us & shake their heads as if to say "those crazy chicks are still there". They were very nice, tho. Whenever they brought out a new bag of garbage, they would place it carefully to the side so as not to mix it up with the earlier piles that we had to search thru.
I think that there are very few people who can say that they spent a few hours in a back alley after midnight near Thompkins Square in the early 90s who were not scoring drugs or sex. |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 14310
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 17, 2006 - 11:52 am: |
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I got laid off yesterday, after eight months on a job which I liked fairly well. At least I made one good new friend. We'll keep in touch.
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The Soulful Mr T
Citizen
Username: Howardt
Post Number: 1951
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 17, 2006 - 11:54 am: |
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Give that man some g-ddamn HAP! |
Alleygater
Citizen
Username: Alleygater
Post Number: 2040
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 17, 2006 - 1:34 pm: |
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Gosh Tom, I'm so sorry to hear about the job. Having been recently laid off I know how it feels. Time really flies, because I remember when you were looking for a job, and it feels like you only just got that one.
I know this is sucky and useless information but I find that no matter how many people tell me this, it has ended up being true. You are a smart, likeable person. You will find another job. And somehow, regardless of how much you disbelieve it now, your life will be better soon and you will be glad to be rid of that old job. You will find something better. I never believe when people told me this, and yet it's been true for me -- time and time again. Yeah, there is no way to prove it so don't bother arguing with me.
Good luck on the search. |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 14317
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 17, 2006 - 1:36 pm: |
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Thanks, Alleygater. It's nice of you to say all that.
I've been through this a few times now. I'm not so discouraged. I have a feeling something good will turn up soon.
I've started a blog about my job search already. And I've made five contacts.
Thanks, Mr. T. You are the happest guy here.
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Lydia
Supporter
Username: Lydial
Post Number: 1852
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 17, 2006 - 5:16 pm: |
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I wore my swim suit bottoms inside-out at the town pool, w/the tags sticking out and the little white panty shield part on display.
Walked around for about 2 hours before my eye-rolling daughter told me (and everyone in ear-shot) with a loud "Mooooom!"
Greenetree - you are a good friend - I don't know what is grosser - garbage or other peoples' teeth!
Eewww! |
mlj
Citizen
Username: Mlj
Post Number: 236
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 9:53 am: |
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Tom, good luck. Better days ahead! |
mlj
Citizen
Username: Mlj
Post Number: 237
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 10:07 am: |
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Took a bad spill while skiing years ago. Hat came off, lost a ski, poles went flying AND contact lens popped out. While lying face down sprawled out in the snow and alone, with sight from one eye only, I saw the lens atop the glistening snow! Thank you God! Reinserted it, put ski back on, smashed hat back onto head, retrieved poles and off I went....look out below!! |
The Soulful Mr T
Citizen
Username: Howardt
Post Number: 1957
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 6:58 pm: |
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I was hapless once. Yes, me. The hapfull wonder.
My hapisode? I spilt my coffee. HOT coffee. Over and over. On my desk. On my keyboard. On my clothes. On my newspaper and work papers. Spilling hot black coffee is bad. Cleaning it up requires lots of paper towels.
So, what did I do?
I assumed, every time I had coffee, that it would spill. I KNEW I would spill it, every freakin' time. Since I assumed it would spill, I took every precaution not to spill it. I kept the lid on (as it were). I moved away important papers. I kept paper towels nearby.
And PRESTO! I only spilt the coffee half the time BUT I WAS PREPARED!!!!
I hope that this has been valuable. |
notehead
Supporter
Username: Notehead
Post Number: 3294
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 9:46 am: |
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Every spring I get poison ivy in my garden. It's not that I am particularly susceptible, it's that I forget, every spring, that I am putting myself in harm's way and ought to be careful. Every year I sheepishly tell people, "well, at least it's not on my face or the naughty bits."
This year, I wasn't so lucky.
Thank god for Prednisone. |
The Soulful Mr T
Citizen
Username: Howardt
Post Number: 1962
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 9:56 am: |
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Speaking of poison ivy...I was down on the Bowery one night many moons ago looking for a club or somethig and a mugger with clear bad intent approached me, very threateningly. I pulled open my shirt and showed my hands and chest and neck were covered with bad poison ivy and he saw it and took off. It wasn't very funny at the time. |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 14356
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 10:14 am: |
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Wow, Mr. T. The truth is stranger than fiction. You were wittier than you knew!
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breal
Citizen
Username: Breal
Post Number: 891
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 11:24 am: |
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I once splatted into a drift while cross-country skiing during a blizzard. This was before I realized that I don't ski. I fell again when I tried to get up, which was so embarrassing, but then a good samaritan approached to lend a hand. Except it wasn't a good samaritan. It was a camera man, zooming in for a head shot. My splat ran on the 6:00 news that night as part of some blizzard coverage. Local color. |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7737
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 11:30 am: |
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That's pretty funny.
This is (IMHO) more amazing than hapless, but, here goes...
This morning, half of a bagel leapt out of my hand onto my keyboard. It rolled across and literally bounced up onto the desk. It spun around on its side, then rolled over the edge, still vertical. It landed (cream cheese up) on the floor where it slowly stopped spinning.
I think that I won't be getting bagels from the cafeteria anymore. They just aren't supposed to bounce. |
Wendy
Supporter
Username: Wendy
Post Number: 2481
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 12:03 pm: |
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The bagel was showing off because it was jealous of the past coveted English muffin. |
The Soulful Mr T
Citizen
Username: Howardt
Post Number: 1963
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 12:07 pm: |
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- thread drift -
A man goes to see his Rabbi and says, "Rabbi, I know that when a piece of buttered toast falls on the floor, it ALWAYS lands buttered side down. That's the way it is and the way it has always been since time immemorial. However, this morning I dropped a piece of toast and it landed buttered side up. Tell me, Rabbi, how could this have happened"
The Rabbi puts his fingers to his chin and thinks for a few minutes. Finally, he smiles, looks up and says, "You buttered the wrong side."
- please return to designated topic -
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blackcat
Citizen
Username: Blackcat
Post Number: 611
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 3:15 pm: |
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I second the yellow cat ear umbrella story! We were at Mr. Blackcat's company function up in Ipswich (outdoor lobsterfest). I was taken back to the tent area to pick up left over beer and it started to pour! Mr. Blackcat was up the hill at the car and being the great guy that he is, came down the hill to rescue me-using the only umbrella in the car: The yellow cat eared one! It was a sight!
I sometimes purposely take that one to work. No one will borrow it! Good!
Second hapless story: Rode our bikes up a mountian in Italy, waited at the train station for hours to go find a place to sleep. Train pulls in, I go to get on my bike to get to the end of the train to load bike and trip over my bike smack down on the platform in front of the entire trainload of people. Laughter probably sounds the same in any language |
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