| Author |
Message |
    
sbenois
Citizen
Username: Sbenois
Post Number: 10143
Registered: 10-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, July 31, 2003 - 10:55 pm: |     |
Sbenois, Maplewood's Leading Authority on Lousy Movies has heard through the grapevine that there are exactly four people on the entire East Coast who have been heard to state that they're going to see the new JLo, Ben Affleck extravaganza, Gigli.
If you are one of the four people, please do tell us why you are going to see this dreck.
Thankey.
---> Brought to you by Sbenois Engineering LLC <---- |
Nohero
Citizen
Username: Nohero
Post Number: 1879
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, July 31, 2003 - 11:00 pm: | |
I think it's a shame that Sbenois has to stoop to mocking Jennie from the Block, who isn't here to defend herself. |
tom
Citizen
Username: Tom
Post Number: 1076
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 7:32 am: | |
Is that pronounced "Jiggly"? |
cutter
Citizen
Username: Cutter
Post Number: 201
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 8:51 am: | |
I think it's pronounced "Gee-Lee" as in Romeo
|
mem
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 1819
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 8:54 am: | |
Ugh! |
duncanrogers
Citizen
Username: Duncanrogers
Post Number: 634
Registered: 12-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 9:10 am: | |
From the NY TIMES
"As in really, really silly, which is the kindest way to describe this hopelessly misconceived exercise in celebrity self-worship, which opens to nationwide ridicule today."
But I loved Jeffrey Lyons' comment this morning that the worst thing about this movie was
"that my seat faced the screen"
OH LORDY.
|
amandacat
Citizen
Username: Amandacat
Post Number: 183
Registered: 8-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 10:49 am: | |
And from today's STAR LEDGER
"'Gigli' is not just a bad movie. 'Gigli' is a stupendously bad movie. 'Gigli is such an utter wreck of a movie you expect to see it lying on its side somewhere in rural Pennsylvania, with a small gang of engineers circling and a wisp of smoke rising from the caboose."
oof. |
johnh91011
Citizen
Username: Johnh91011
Post Number: 33
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 10:57 am: | |
NYTIMES REVIEW last paragraph
In one scene Ricki [JLo's character] takes on a group of ill-mannered ruffians who are making noise at a taco stand. Larry [Ben]wants to beat them up, but she takes a more refined approach, sauntering over in her short denim skirt and lecturing them on their "people skills." She also threatens the apparent ringleader with a baroque martial-arts torture, which involves gouging out the eyes and also removing that part of the brain that stores visual information, so that the victim will not only be blind, but will also lose all memory of what he has seen. Having seen "Gigli," I must say that the idea has a certain appeal.
ENOUGH SAID |
jet
Citizen
Username: Jet
Post Number: 231
Registered: 7-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 12:11 pm: | |
Ben Affleck is 2 things 1] the worst actor on the planet 2] the luckiest guy on the planet. These two movies go bad J. Lo drops him like a bad habbit, no losers allowed in J.Lo world. |
mem
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 1823
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 12:19 pm: | |
If someone pays me $50 I'll go see it, but the ticket, popcorn, snacks and soda are separate. This could add up to a total of about $70. A bargain, considering I'll also write a review for MOL.
Any offers? |
tjohn
Citizen
Username: Tjohn
Post Number: 1608
Registered: 12-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 12:26 pm: | |
I am deeply suspicious of Sbenois. His criticisms of Gigli reminds me a bit of social conservatives who feel obliged to watch every porn movie ever made so that they can pass judgement on it for the benefit of their followers. I am guessing that instead of four different people in NJ actually going to see this movie, Sbenois has watched it four times. |
mem
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 1828
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 2:35 pm: | |
Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Eleanor Ringel Gillespie "So bad it verges on the legendary." more... F
Chicago Tribune
Mark Caro "...a movie that's less incompetent than bewildering." more... D
Cincinnati Enquirer
Margaret A. McGurk "And the dialogue - sweet, screaming Jehosephat, it's awful." more... D
filmcritic.com
Sean O'Connell "The results aren’t as dire as expected, but they remain far from entertaining." more... D+
Los Angeles Times
Manohla Dargis "Nearly as unwatchable as it is unpronounceable..." more... D
New York Times
A.O. Scott "...hopelessly misconceived..." more...
|
cutter
Citizen
Username: Cutter
Post Number: 202
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 2:41 pm: | |
Wow, Those reviews are so awful I have to see it myself.
Crossing my fingers that "Gigli" will be out on video in time for the weekend. |
thoughtful
Citizen
Username: Thoughtful
Post Number: 113
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 2:51 pm: | |
It bothers me a bit that the reviewers are showing so much glee in their excoriation of this movie. Maybe they enjoy it when big stars fail, or maybe they just like it when they know that no one will question their take on a certain movie. I don't know, but there's certainly a mob mentality out there among critics when it comes to this movie. |
#9Dream
Citizen
Username: 9dream
Post Number: 528
Registered: 12-2002
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 3:43 pm: | |
This is one of those times when I wish Mystery Science Theater 3000 was still in production. |
duncanrogers
Citizen
Username: Duncanrogers
Post Number: 637
Registered: 12-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 3:46 pm: | |
I don't know, but there's certainly a mob mentality out there among critics when it comes to this movie
Or maybe its just that bad. All the press came out at the same time, they sure didnt compare notes or anything |
moose
Citizen
Username: Moose
Post Number: 123
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 4:04 pm: | |
http://www.theonion.com/onion3929/gigli_focus_groups.html |
sbenois
Citizen
Username: Sbenois
Post Number: 10146
Registered: 10-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 7:09 pm: | |
This movie is so bad that it must be seen. I am sure that it will never replace Plan Nine From Outer Space (an adorable little montrosity, paper plates and all) as the worst movie ever made but who knows.
I now plan on seeing it just to laugh at it.
---> Brought to you by Sbenois Engineering LLC <---- |
sbenois
Citizen
Username: Sbenois
Post Number: 10148
Registered: 10-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 9:04 pm: | |
Ebert gives it 2.5 stars!
Part of his review:
Consider the matching monologues. They've gotten into an argument over the necessity of the penis, which she, as a lesbian, feels is an inferior device for delivering sexual pleasure. He delivers an extended lecture on the use, necessity and perfect design of the appendage. It is a rather amazing speech, the sort of thing some moviegoers are probably going to want to memorize. Then she responds. She is backlit, dressed in skintight workout clothes, doing yoga, and she continues to stretch and extend and bend and pose as she responds with her speech in praise of the vagina. When she is finished, Reader, the vagina has won, hands down. It is so rare to find dialogue of such originality and wit, so well written, that even though we know the exchange basically involves actors showing off, they do it so well, we let them.
I just want to go on record as saying that I am sorry the penis lost.
How do the rest of you feel? Do you mourn for the penis or applaud the vagina's big win?
This debate must be taken before the next Wizard Council.
---> Brought to you by Sbenois Engineering LLC <---- |
Maplewoody
Citizen
Username: Maplewoody
Post Number: 262
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 9:53 pm: | |
I'll wait for their personal home video to come out, ala "Tommy Lee & Pamela Anderson"! The reviews on both their acting skills in the train wreck GIGLI are keeping alot of paying customers far away!!! |
Nohero
Citizen
Username: Nohero
Post Number: 1891
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, August 1, 2003 - 11:32 pm: | |
Sb: I have been informed that it would be a good idea if I applaud the v's big win.
'night, all. |
sbenois
Citizen
Username: Sbenois
Post Number: 10149
Registered: 10-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, August 2, 2003 - 7:32 am: | |
Understood: sometimes we just have to concede defeat.
---> Brought to you by Sbenois Engineering LLC <---- |
Arnomation
Citizen
Username: Arnomation
Post Number: 23
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 6, 2003 - 12:03 am: | |
A.O. Scott actually bought our house in Brooklyn :-) and at the closing we talked about his review (which was printed that morning) and I asked him if he had ever been to Mr. Cranky's website (which he hadn't) and if you all haven't I suggest you go. It's a riot :-)
Gigli
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Cranky's rating:
4 Bombs: As good as a poke in the eye with a sharp stick
Director Martin ("Meet Joe Black") Brest's film is of the shameful "gawk at the handicapped" variety, in which a hired thug named Larry Gigli (rhymes with "squealy"), played by the painfully miscast Ben Affleck, kidnaps a potential Special Olympian named Brian (Justin Bartha) in hopes of extorting favors from a federal prosecutor.
Soon, the kid is having amusing Tourette's-style temper tantrums, revealing the movie's sick comedic raison d'etre. Matters worsen when another mob hire, Ricky (Jennifer Lopez), shows up at Larry's door and announces that she's been sent to assure his competence. Though initially outraged, Larry's attraction to her quickly evacuates enough blood from his head to allow him to endure the insult.
Naturally, this coincides with Ricky's announcement that she's gay. Never mind that casting Ben Affleck as a street tough and Jennifer Lopez as a lesbian stretches believability more than casting John Goodman as Peter Pan. Welcome to Hollywood and the Anne Heche-ization of lesbianism. Not only is lesbianism a transitory sexual preference, to be waved around like a Chanel purse, but it's also a great marketing tool! Lesson: All Ricky needs is a little Gigli and she'll be dropping her affinity for babes in favor of a life spent hugging Gigli and kissing Gigli and shaving Gigli's back hair.
The dialogue between Lopez and Affleck is made even more interminable by the increasingly annoying dancing monkey routine of poor Brian. Rest assured, the filmmakers realize that he shouldn't just be a source of hilarity, so they accompany Brian's scenes with lots of sympathetic music. Brian may be mentally deficient, but at least he has a brain. The filmmakers can't say as much.
M
________________
Michael Arnold
arnomation@verizon.net |
tom
Citizen
Username: Tom
Post Number: 1094
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 6, 2003 - 7:40 am: | |
As bad as it may be, and I'm sure it's really really bad, at least it doesn't have Adam Sandler in it. |
duncanrogers
Citizen
Username: Duncanrogers
Post Number: 646
Registered: 12-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 6, 2003 - 7:53 am: | |
testimony to its crappydom is the fact that the studio is pulling its television commercial time and its newspaper ads. They shoot horses don't they? |
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