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Scrotis Lo Knows
Citizen
Username: Scrotisloknows
Post Number: 885
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 9:39 am: | 
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You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had
a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed
Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you
masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
Jack Bauer let the dogs out.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next
half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him
finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting
at a terrorist twelve miles away.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb
out of MacGyver and get out.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite
color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
The reason why terrorists attacked New York City was because Jack Bauer was
in LA.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is
because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
When you open a can of whoop-a**, Jack Bauer jumps out.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists.
Jack Bauer f**king hates lemonade.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
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Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1617
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 10:51 am: |
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Scrotey:
??????????
Seems like a case of premature ejaculation on your part, but, hey, whatever turns you on...
Kind regards |
Scrotis Lo Knows
Citizen
Username: Scrotisloknows
Post Number: 890
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 1:06 pm: |
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Innyboy-
Oh, I see you recovered from yesterday's •••-whooping everyone gave you? Still licking them wounds?
Nope just some low brow silly humor. You should relax and try it sometime.
-SLK |
dave23
Citizen
Username: Dave23
Post Number: 1389
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 1:22 pm: |
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That's a little creepy. |
Robert Livingston
Citizen
Username: Rob_livingston
Post Number: 1601
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 1:29 pm: |
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Scotis Lo Knows: Just because your title has the word "president" in it doesn't make it political. Keep this crap in the Art & Entertainment or Virtual Cafe section. We already get a shocking amount of adulation for a man pretending to be president here. |
The Libertarian
Citizen
Username: Local_1_crew
Post Number: 1614
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 2:38 pm: |
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it is amazing the lack of humor on this message board. lighten up people. jeez! |
Scrotis Lo Knows
Citizen
Username: Scrotisloknows
Post Number: 892
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 3:21 pm: |
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I am with Lib on this one. Everyone relax for a minute....it is called a sense of humor....if we had more of that instead of individuals trying to be witty all the time for the sake of being, well, witty then these boards would be much more fun....
Jack Bauer kicks •••.....oh I know, a white guy beating up on Middle Eastern terrorists all the time....oh the horror....
-SLK
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Robert Livingston
Citizen
Username: Rob_livingston
Post Number: 1604
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 3:27 pm: |
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Wow, Scrotis, we're all real impressed you can cut and paste from an e-mail forward. HILARIOUS! What a sense of humor! Or did you write those yourself? Because if you did, I'm willing to give you credit... |
Rastro
Citizen
Username: Rastro
Post Number: 2452
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 3:28 pm: |
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RL, why so hostile? It's not like he said "George Bush is doing a great job." |
dougw
Citizen
Username: Dougw
Post Number: 742
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 3:30 pm: |
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Robert isn't it time you brought up Iraq or used foul language? |
Scrotis Lo Knows
Citizen
Username: Scrotisloknows
Post Number: 895
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 3:35 pm: |
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Relax,
You have a strange way of getting from point A to point B Robert. that is ok, most left leaning folks do....
What does me cutting and pasting have to do with offering something I thought was funny? I am sorry you lack the sense of humor to see it.
If you weren't so busy being witty and make post that have zero substance then maybe you would find humor in things.
Cute picture by the way. Just another example of Witty RL...
-SLK
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Nohero
Supporter
Username: Nohero
Post Number: 5104
Registered: 10-1999
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 3:38 pm: |
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You forgot some of the ones about Jack Bauer as a child -In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"
When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed. |
yabbadabbadoo
Citizen
Username: Yabbadabbadoo
Post Number: 321
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 8:10 pm: |
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I thought that it was pretty funny.
FF |
Kiba
Citizen
Username: Radical_kiba
Post Number: 49
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 1, 2006 - 12:15 pm: |
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EL OH EL!  |
Wendyn
Supporter
Username: Wendyn
Post Number: 2757
Registered: 9-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 1, 2006 - 12:20 pm: |
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These made me laugh out loud. Thanks.
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notehead
Supporter
Username: Notehead
Post Number: 3098
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 1, 2006 - 2:20 pm: |
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Jack Bauer can check into a Roach Motel... AND check out.
Jack Bauer can darn well eat just one Lay's potato chip if he wants to, dammit.
Jack Bauer is the only person on the Grim Reaper's "Do Not Call" list.
Jack Bauer can wait more than 24 hours to use a bathroom... unless he needs to go in there to kill somebody.
If you don't know how to play the accordion, Jack Bauer will MAKE you know how to play the accordion.
Cats are jealous of Jack Bauer because they only have nine lives.
Jack Bauer knows the name of every street in California.
Jack Bauer knows the way to the roof and the basement of every building, everywhere.
How many Jack Bauers does it take to change a lightbulb? Nobody knows. Jack Bauer is NEVER in the dark. |
Scrotis Lo Knows
Citizen
Username: Scrotisloknows
Post Number: 912
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 8:32 am: |
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lol...thanks for playing along Notey...  |
Grrrrrrrrrrr
Citizen
Username: Oldsctls67
Post Number: 315
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 2:08 pm: |
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Bobby Livingston's never cut and paste anything on this board either....lol! |
Robert Livingston
Citizen
Username: Rob_livingston
Post Number: 1641
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 2:17 pm: |
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Grrrrrrr: I usually don't stoop low enough to acknowledge you, but I think you should stop beating around the bush and ask me out already. Your sexual tension directed at me is transparent.
(P.S. I'll have to ask my wife, she's into some weird stuff, but she might draw the line at neo-con toadys...)
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Scrotis Lo Knows
Citizen
Username: Scrotisloknows
Post Number: 930
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 2:24 pm: |
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RL,
your're married? Here I thought your were some Columbia student!!!!
God save her soul....
-SLK |
Robert Livingston
Citizen
Username: Rob_livingston
Post Number: 1642
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 2:27 pm: |
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And here I thought you, Scrotis, based on your near sub-literate level of written communications, language, grammar, and thought didn't even graduate middle school. |
Scrotis Lo Knows
Citizen
Username: Scrotisloknows
Post Number: 933
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 2:34 pm: |
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Witty RL boy,
Awww, the old "bad grammar" bit. A weak argument for someone who doesn't have a leg to stand on otherwise.
You wouldn't have to walk on water if you just swam like the rest of us.
-SLK |
Robert Livingston
Citizen
Username: Rob_livingston
Post Number: 1644
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 2:40 pm: |
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I'll add reading comprehension to the list since I included more than your poor grammar as the reason your posts are lacking. |
Nohero
Supporter
Username: Nohero
Post Number: 5112
Registered: 10-1999
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 2:47 pm: |
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Hey, how about some more Jack Bauer facts -If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
Jack Bauer is the 'i' in team.
Nobody says 'hit me' when Jack Bauer deals Blackjack.
If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.
Jack Bauer knows Victoria's secret.
There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.
Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him. |
Grrrrrrrrrrr
Citizen
Username: Oldsctls67
Post Number: 316
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 2:57 pm: |
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IT's OK to come out of the closet RL, your wife will understand. In fact, she's suspected it for quite some time. |
Robert Livingston
Citizen
Username: Rob_livingston
Post Number: 1645
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 3:02 pm: |
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Grrrrrr: That last post was the equivalent of you telling me, "dude, you're so gay." Which is a pretty lame and, frankly, homophobic comeback. That's the best you got? |
dougw
Citizen
Username: Dougw
Post Number: 744
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 3:04 pm: |
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Robert isn't it time you brought up Iraq and used foul language? |
Robert Livingston
Citizen
Username: Rob_livingston
Post Number: 1646
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 3:05 pm: |
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Ugh, they're just crawling out of the woodwork today. |
Bob K
Supporter
Username: Bobk
Post Number: 10849
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 3:10 pm: |
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This is hillarious. Never knew some of you folks were thatclever.
However, not being into pop culture, who the heck is Jack Bauer?
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Nohero
Supporter
Username: Nohero
Post Number: 5113
Registered: 10-1999
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 3:15 pm: |
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Psst, Bobk, some of us (well, me, for one) are cutting-and-pasting.
Don't say anything about it, though, or you'll wind up in that same fight that's going on around us. |
Grrrrrrrrrrr
Citizen
Username: Oldsctls67
Post Number: 317
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 4:09 pm: |
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So you're admitting it... |
notehead
Supporter
Username: Notehead
Post Number: 3108
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 4:22 pm: |
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Bobbest K (with credit to the Essest Benois): Jack Bauer is the anti-protagonist of the edge-of-your-seat spy-versus-world Fox series "24". Jack Bauer gets the job done. And he does it within 24 hours, or his name isn't Jack Bauer. In fact, you could say...
Jack Bauer knows when to hold 'em, knows when to fold 'em, knows when to walk away, and knows exactly how much pressure can be exerted on your spine before it will snap.
Jack Bauer is watching you via satellite right now.
If James Bond went after Jack Bauer, he'd become The Man With The Golden Headstone.
Jack Bauer is to terrorism what a case of C-4 is to a bag of potato chips.
99 out of 100 bad guys surveyed said that they would rather take on 275-pound wrestling legend Hulk Hogan in hand-to-hand combat than 160-pound CTU agent Jack Bauer. (The remaining bad guy died of fright while formulating his answer.) |
notehead
Supporter
Username: Notehead
Post Number: 3109
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 4:45 pm: |
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A bullet is in the eye of the last guy who tried to make Jack Bauer do paperwork.
The Tomahawk cruise missile can travel up to 1500 miles at 550 mph to explode within a few feet of its intended target at a cost of 1.3 million dollars. Jack Bauer can travel half-way around the world and put a corkscrew into the ear of a terrorist for, well, the price of a corkscrew. |
Bob K
Supporter
Username: Bobk
Post Number: 10852
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 5:49 pm: |
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Thanks Notes. I really gotta watch more TV.
Nohero, plagerism? I am really ashamed of you!!!! |
tulip
Citizen
Username: Braveheart
Post Number: 3291
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 6:04 pm: |
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God, Scrotis is so clever!!!
What's your beef with Columbia students, scrots?
Why don't you try it out? You should take a course or two, don't you think? Maybe logic 101, or writing....
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MBJ
Citizen
Username: Mbj
Post Number: 170
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 6:26 pm: |
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Take a hit of Ex-lax, Livingston.
Loosen up. |
yabbadabbadoo
Citizen
Username: Yabbadabbadoo
Post Number: 326
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 8:38 pm: |
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No man has ever used the phrase, "Jack Bauer is a pussy" in a sentence and lived to tel....
The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.
What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
FF |
Scrotis Lo Knows
Citizen
Username: Scrotisloknows
Post Number: 935
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 3, 2006 - 8:21 am: |
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tulip-
Still touting your education huh? Too bad you wasted so much time since it doesn't show....
You and RL are made for each other. MAybe you guys should out ofr a drink...but beware, he is into some kinky stuff, or at least his wife is, according to him....I can only begin to imagine how many ways my wife would kill me if I made such comments on a public board....
I am at NYU right now, good enough for you?
MBJ, according to my homey Grrrrrrrr, RL does, ahem "loosen up" every so often...
And according to RL, the gays are coming, the gays are coming...EVERYONE RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-SLK
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Robert Livingston
Citizen
Username: Rob_livingston
Post Number: 1650
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Friday, March 3, 2006 - 9:03 am: |
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Scrotis: Please stick to politics in the All Politics section. You are boring the rest of us. And you're a homophobe, like MBJ. Really showing your true colors, homeboy. Just another predictable anti-gay, pro-Bush mindless neo-con who can barely write in full sentences. |
The SLK Effect
Citizen
Username: Scrotisloknows
Post Number: 939
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 3, 2006 - 10:09 am: |
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Witty RL,
Ahhh, I didn't know you were the public spokesperson for the rest of the posters. I will keep that in mind in the future.
Yup, I am afraid of gays....you got me pegged....typical liberal-stiffling debate with name-calling...grow up...
My brother is going to find it interesting that I hate him now...no wait, fear him....I FEAR HIM......ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
-SLK |
Grrrrrrrrrrr
Citizen
Username: Oldsctls67
Post Number: 321
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Friday, March 3, 2006 - 10:45 am: |
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I've never said anything derogotory about homosexuals. I never associated a negative connotation with being a homosexual. My comments are strictly about being honest with one's self and being honest with others around you. |
The SLK Effect
Citizen
Username: Scrotisloknows
Post Number: 948
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 3, 2006 - 12:40 pm: |
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RL,
Don't blame me for my "predictable anti-gay, pro-Bush mindless neo-con who can barely write in full sentences" stance. Blame it on Global Warming... 
-SLK |
Bob K
Supporter
Username: Bobk
Post Number: 10859
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, March 3, 2006 - 1:11 pm: |
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Jack Bauer is so tough crocodiles run and hide from him.
Jack Bauer's doctor told him he needed more iron in his diet so now he eats nails for breakfast.
Women love Jack Bauer becasue he never goes so..., well you know what I mean.
When Jack Bauer was in high school he once scored 245 points in a basketball game, after disposing of the other team with a glare.
Jack Bauer is so strong he carries a 105mm howitzer as a side arm.
Rambo calls Jack Bauer "Sir", and means it.
Ok, maybe not that good, but original.
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Duncan
Supporter
Username: Duncanrogers
Post Number: 5829
Registered: 12-2001
| | Posted on Friday, March 3, 2006 - 2:28 pm: |
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Now you got it BobK!
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tulip
Citizen
Username: Braveheart
Post Number: 3295
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Friday, March 3, 2006 - 4:10 pm: |
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scrots:
YOU referred to Columbia. I took issue with making fun of it. Touting your NYU education, are you? HATE those people who have to BRAG!!!
Duh!!! |
The SLK Effect
Citizen
Username: Scrotisloknows
Post Number: 950
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 3, 2006 - 4:43 pm: |
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tulip-
Maybe I am missing something and my memory isn't too hot these days....when and where did I mention Columbia (not saying I haven't...)?
Thanks...
-SLK |
tulip
Citizen
Username: Braveheart
Post Number: 3297
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Saturday, March 4, 2006 - 3:10 pm: |
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Post number 930.
March 2, 2006: 2:04 pm |
anon
Supporter
Username: Anon
Post Number: 2631
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Saturday, March 4, 2006 - 5:12 pm: |
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OK, I'm lost. Did Jack Bauer go to Columbia? University or High School? |
Bob K
Supporter
Username: Bobk
Post Number: 10867
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, March 4, 2006 - 5:32 pm: |
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Jack Bauer attended Columbia for ten days before he graduated with the highest grades ever recorded, he had a 6.58 accum on the four point scale. He went on to Columbia University where he was Phi, Betta, Kappa and graduated in four weeks. As a freshaman he was elected Captain of the football team, but graudated before the season really began, keeping Columbia's record of truly horrible football alive. |
tulip
Citizen
Username: Braveheart
Post Number: 3299
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Saturday, March 4, 2006 - 5:33 pm: |
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He earned his Ph.D. at Columbia University in Middle Eastern Politics and Economics, having done research in Iraq, Dubai and Qatar. He wrote his dissertation on Comparative Economic Systems and their effect on Class and Socioeconomic Structure in three Middle Eastern Societies.
It was pretty good. I read it. |
Hoops
Citizen
Username: Hoops
Post Number: 866
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Monday, March 6, 2006 - 8:57 am: |
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Jack Bauer doesnt impress me. |
The SLK Effect
Citizen
Username: Scrotisloknows
Post Number: 995
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 6, 2006 - 10:09 am: |
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Hoops-
Should we be surprised?
It is called H U M O R, no matter how stupid it can be...relax....
-SLK |
Hoops
Citizen
Username: Hoops
Post Number: 867
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Monday, March 6, 2006 - 11:22 am: |
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SLK - exactly humor. Once again you fail to get the meaning behind the post.
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