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Eats Shoots & Leaves
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 3136
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 10:29 am: | 
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The President, Karl Rove and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One.
George looked at Rove, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."
Rove shrugged his shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."
Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could throw all of them
out of the window and make 56 million people very happy."
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Guy
Supporter
Username: Vandalay
Post Number: 1674
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 10:33 am: |
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56,000,001
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Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1742
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 11:22 am: |
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OK:
Big mounds of snow on the White House lawn, after days of snow storms. GWB returns from a jog and stops short when he sees written in pee on the snow:
"President Bush eats it."
He goes into a tizzy and a rage, calls the Secret Service, FBI, and CIA directors into his office. "I want to know who wrote that and I want to know within 24 hours. Nobody can do that to me. Get on it now."
So those directors drop everything else, forget about terrorism, the Iraq war, the threats from Iran and North Korea, and put their best people on the case. Photographs are taken of the text in urine, snow samples are taken to identify whose urine it is. The whole government is in turmoil until somebody gives the Prez the answer.
24 hours later, the Head of the FBI requests a private audience with GWB on this "delicate" matter.
"Well, whatcha find" asks President Bush. Who did it?" "Well, says the FBI Head, it's a little complicated. We had to analyze both the urine and the writing" "Bullturds, says the Prez, give me the straight answer."
"Well, sir, there's no doubt about it. The urine is from Don Rumsfeld.
But the handwriting is your wife's." |
mjh
Supporter
Username: Mjh
Post Number: 404
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 12:20 pm: |
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The Republican-English Dictionary
Have you ever found yourself confused over what you see on Fox news? Or have you found yourself scratching your head rather than nodding when
you open the newspapers? Well, what you need is the Republican-English Dictionary! Its definitions to commonly-used words and terms these days are guaranteed to have you ahh-ing and uh-huh-ing. Go forth, and let the warm light of knowledge descend upon your brow!
*alternative energy sources/ n./* New locations to drill for gas and oil.
*bankruptcy/ n./* A means of escaping debt available to corporations but not to poor people.
*"burning bush"/ n./* A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States, when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire.
*Cheney, Dick/ n./* The greater of two evils.
*Christian /n./* Fundamentalist
*class warfare/ n./* Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.
*climate change/ n./* Progress toward the blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.
*compassionate conservatism/ n./* Poignant concern for the very wealthy
*creation science/ n./* Pseudoscience that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental
*DeLay, Tom/ n./* Past tense of De Lie
*extraordinary rendition/ n./* Outsourcing torture
*faith/ n./* The belief that the Beatitudes include "Blessed are the rich" and "Blessed are the warmakers."
*free markets/ n./* Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense
*girly-men/ n./* Males who do neglect opportunities to grope unwilling women
*God/ n./* Senior presidential adviser
*growth/ n./*
1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.
2. What happens to the national debt when policy is made according to Definition 1.
*healthy forest/ n./* No tree left behind
*honesty/ n./* Lies told in simple declarative sentences, e.g., "Freedom is on the march."
*House of Representatives/ n./* Exclusive club; entry fee $1 million to $5 million (See Senate)
*in the national interest /adj. phr./*
1. Conducive to the election of Republicans.
2. Beneficial to Republican contributors.
*laziness/ n./* When the poor are not working
*leisure time/ n./* When the wealthy are not working
*liberal(s)/ n./* Followers of the Antichrist
*No Child Left Behind/ riff/.*
1. There are always jobs in the military
2. The rapture
*ownership society/ n./*
1. A civilization where 1 percent of the population controls 90 percent
of the wealth
2. A political system in which all power is in the hands of the owners
*Patriot /n./* Bush supporter.
*Patriot Act/ n./*
1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists
from destroying them first
2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us
*pro-life/ adj./* Valuing human life up until birth
*Real American /n./* See Patriot.
*Religion /n./* Christianity
*Senate/ n./* Exclusive club; entry fee $10 million to $30 million
*simplify/ vt./* To reduce, especially to cut the taxes of Republican donors
*staying the course/ gerund phrase/* Continuing to perform the same actions and expecting different results. (See: insanity.)
*stuff happens/idiom/* I don't have to live in Baghdad.
*treason/n./* Criticism of George W. Bush
*voter fraud/ n. phr./* A significant minority turnout
*woman/ n./*
1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but can't be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have a child.
2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place
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Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1768
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 10:04 am: |
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MJH: let's add one
Military service:
1. A non-starter for Bush and Cheney family members
2. An occupation where current service guarantees lower benefits, poor rehabilitation interventions for the wounded, longer tours in combat, lack of critical materiel and equipment. |
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