| Author |
Message |
    
Rastro
Citizen
Username: Rastro
Post Number: 3164
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 9:32 am: | 
|
http://www.dearnsa.com/
Q: Should I be worried about this red bump on my arm?
A: You should be more worried about the lump on your kidney.
Q: My wife suggested that I get this new haircut, how does it look?
A: It's fine -- but what's up with the pedicure?
Q: Where's Waldo?
A: We're still looking, but you can trust that we're following up on many excellent leads.
Q: I'm interviewing with AT&T, can you put in a good word for me?
A: Already taken care of.
Q: Where did I leave my keys?
A: Inside pocket of your gray jacket (it's hanging in the front closet).
Q: What should I get my wife for her birthday?
A: Blue sundress from Calypso. Size 12. Also note that she likes to have her toes licked.
Q: Is now a good time to buy Google?
A: Unfortunately, due to strict federal laws NSA cannot provide stock tips.
Q: Can I substitute margarine for butter in my Toll House cookie recipe?
A: We know that you've been smoking pot.
Q: What should I have for dinner?
A: You've been eating a lot of Chinese and pizza -- how about some Turkish? |
notehead
Supporter
Username: Notehead
Post Number: 3295
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 10:30 am: |
|
I'll play.
Q: You know that I'm kidding when I criticize the administration, right?
A: We've got all your internet posts in a file. Watch your step, pal.
Q: Why do I get the blahs on rainy days?
A: Who knows? We get 'em because it ruins our satellite recon.
Q: Hey, so is it true that W is actually some kind of cyborg?
A: Well, if he is, he's not one of ours. We do quality work.
Q: How much would a copy of "SunCruze Parties Gone Wild" cost me?
A: 10 bucks, and we'll throw in a free rendering to Romania. Interested?
Q: I'm not really important enough for you to waste your time on, am I?
A: You can't begin to imagine how much more aware of that we are than you are.
Q: Can you put in a good word for me with the PNAC guys?
A: Hum dee dummmmmm.... can't hear you.... bad connection.... |
Rastro
Citizen
Username: Rastro
Post Number: 3170
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 10:35 am: |
|
Q: What should I have for dinner?
A: Since you're out of chicken and the diet's not going so well, go for a small portion of steak with vegetables. No starch.
Q: Who put the bop in the bop-sh-bop-sh-bop?
A: We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you.
Q: Why did my wife leave me?
A: She's having an affair with the gardener and the mailman. They don't know about each other either.
Q: Why is the South Ornge BOT so ineffective?
A: There are some things even we don't know. |
notehead
Supporter
Username: Notehead
Post Number: 3296
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 10:59 am: |
|
Q: Why does it sometimes take my cell phone voicemails two days to reach me?
A: Look, we're a little understaffed. We promise to try harder.
Q: How effective are you guys in capturing terrorists, anyway?
A: If you keep using that word, you'll be finding out right quick, kiddo.
Q: So what kind of music do y'all enjoy up there in spy-land?
A: Easy Listening. BWAH HA HA HA HAAAA!!! Ahem.
Q: Hey how come you guys are answering my questions, anyway?
A: First we answer the questions. Then we replace all data we have on you with expert fabrications showing that you are a menace to society. Then we cart you off. And in your case, we can skip the middle step. |
Rastro
Citizen
Username: Rastro
Post Number: 3175
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 11:06 am: |
|
No, no no... The point is to ask innocuous questions that they can only know the answer to if they are <strike>listening to your phone calls</strike>spying on you.
Geez... |
notehead
Supporter
Username: Notehead
Post Number: 3297
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 11:26 am: |
|
Right, okay.
Q: How can I get out of having dinner with my in-laws tomorrow?
A: You better go. They told your sister that they know you faked being sick last time.
Q: Why haven't I had any Verizon bills lately?
A: We paid them for you. You're too entertaining.
Q: Which movie should I see tonight?
A: Um, you're visiting the Steins. How many times does your wife have to remind you? And don't forget to pick up cat food on your way home. |
Rastro
Citizen
Username: Rastro
Post Number: 3176
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 11:39 am: |
|
Bravo! |
Eats Shoots & Leaves
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 3363
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 1:06 pm: |
|
Q: How will Jack Bauer get to the real bad guys behind the President when he only has two hours left and they are probably in a hardened bunker in the middle of Kansas?
A:
I'm patiently waiting..........c'mon, I paid my taxes, so in effect I'm the boss of you. Tell me the answer, now. |
tom
Citizen
Username: Tom
Post Number: 4951
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 1:13 pm: |
|
A: You paid your taxes? Please. We know what was in that bag you dropped off in the Goodwill box last September 9. |
Factvsfiction
Citizen
Username: Factvsfiction
Post Number: 514
Registered: 4-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, May 20, 2006 - 6:08 pm: |
|
Wow. How clever. You should do this at parties. |
notehead
Supporter
Username: Notehead
Post Number: 3302
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, May 21, 2006 - 6:34 pm: |
|
 |
Closed: New threads not accepted on this page