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Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3169
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 10:36 am: | 
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I know, I'm sorry. I must seem very pathetic sometimes. But being cooped up in this house with little ones all the time, and with no adult nearby to turn and rant to in person, MOL is sometimes my only outlet!
Here's my question/conundrum: How can one child be so damned sweet and adorable and a gigantic, frustrating PIA all at the same time!! One minute I just want to squeeze him and sniff him and kiss him and cuddle him, the next I'm ready to wring his little neck with my bare hands!
My other two have their moments, obviously, but not to the extremes and the frequency that this one does.
And then I feel bad for getting frustrated with him--and beat myself up with the "Rotten Mommy" thoughts!
Off to do some laundry now. The fun never ends here! |
doulamomma
Citizen
Username: Doulamomma
Post Number: 1173
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 11:58 am: |
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Is he, by chance, turning 2? My angel's breath/demon seed is...
Likely, this, too, shall pass... |
Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3170
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 12:02 pm: |
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Nope, not the 2-year-old. He's doing all the things a 2-year-old is supposed to be doing and I'm expecting it and dealing with it.
It's the 5 1/2-year-old, which I guess, isn't the greatest age either. |
doulamomma
Citizen
Username: Doulamomma
Post Number: 1175
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 12:18 pm: |
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Yup - now that you mention it, that one (a few months younger than yours) is definately working the old nerves also, but then has moments of pure amazingness too... |
mem
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 5845
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 12:24 pm: |
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This sounds like my office environment. If I had to go home to that as well I would jump out a window - bless all you moms! |
Wendyn
Supporter
Username: Wendyn
Post Number: 2778
Registered: 9-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 12:35 pm: |
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My 5 year old has become a beast. But there are a lot of issues I believe that are causing it (overtired, school problems, little sister getting more attention).
I've been re-reading the Faber/Mazlish books to calm my own frustrations and they are helping tremendously. Main thing I have done is give her more trust and independence. One morning after a particularly bad evening I was about to remind her to pee. Then I stopped myself and said to her "I'm going to stop reminding you to go pee." She looked at me in amazement and asked why. I said "because you are a big girl and you know when you need to go". She was so happy. I've also been trusting her with tasks like collecting the garbage in the bedrooms, unloading some of the dishwasher, etc. I think it is making her feel helpful and more importantly trustworthy. We are still having issues, whining in particular, but things are looking up!
Good luck! |
Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 2439
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 12:55 pm: |
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A nursery school teacher, in her 60's, observed to me that kid's developmental changes seem to hit on the 6 month mark, and not on the year mark. She said 2 year olds -- no problem -- 2 1/2 year olds on the other hand... I think I've seen somethng of this with my kid, though when under 7. That's the half-year theory anyway.
Maybe that will make you feel better for a minute. |
Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3174
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 12:56 pm: |
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Oh yes, the whining. That's the worst.
I do allow him quite a bit of independence, particularly in comparison with the way I dealt with my oldest at this age.
This is also the one with the night terrors, so I think the regular lousy nights sleep isn't helping us. But we're working on that.
His biggest frustration in life is that he doesn't have playdates every single time his older brother does. And boy do I have to hear a lot of whining and crying and pouting about it. He's having more playdates than the older one did at this age, and will have even more as he gets older. I just cannot arrange a playdate for him every single time the older one has one.
So, this morning he has a playdate here. A regularly schedule Tuesday/Thursday playdate (I swap with another mom so we can each get a few hours a week to ourselves), and what does he do? Whines and cries and pouts and leaves the room and plays with a toy by himself and completely ignores her! I told him if he did not play with his friend who was right here right now, I better not ever hear one more word about how badly he wants a playdate!
Wendy, are those the books titled "Your Five-Year-Old" etc.? Perhaps I need to get it from the library for a refresher. |
Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3175
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 12:59 pm: |
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Cyn, yes I've heard the half-year theory. I think it is even discussed in those books Wendyn mentioned. My 7-year-old (actually 7 1/2) is an absolute dream for the most part. So I guess I only have a year and half to go before the middle child is there.
I'm guessing there's also some middle child dynamic happening that I need to familiarize myself with by rereading my birth order book! |
Wendyn
Supporter
Username: Wendyn
Post Number: 2779
Registered: 9-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 1:04 pm: |
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Nope the 3 books I have are:
Liberated Parents, Liberated Children
How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen...
Siblings Without Rivalry
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index=books&field-author-exa ct=Adele%20Faber&rank=-relevance%2C%2Bavailability%2C-daterank/002-6434402-78864 46
They are worth buying IMHO. They really teach you how to talk to your kids with respect (harder than it sounds) and get respect in return. I find when I am having a hard time with the kids I spend a few minutes re-reading parts of the books and it calms me down and helps me deal better.
Big props to Tom Reingold on these books as he suggested them! |
Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3177
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 1:08 pm: |
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I have "How to talk...." and "Siblings...." will give them a reread.
There are some books I got from the library that focus on each specific age and some of the things they describe as normal for a certain age I would never have considered. Those were the ones I was thinking of. I'd just like to read that ALL 5-year-olds are whiny, moody, charming, lovable, maniacs! |
las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 1196
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 1:13 pm: |
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Why don't you try changing your brand of litter? It worked for my cat, who has some of the exact bahaviors you describe in your son. |
Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3178
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 1:27 pm: |
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You're a wacky chick, las. I WISH it were that simple!
I guess there's always Ritalin!
(And in case anyone is wondering--yes, that WAS a joke!) |
dave23
Citizen
Username: Dave23
Post Number: 1449
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 1:58 pm: |
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I'm wondering if anyone notices that this type of behavior is worse during the winter, especially with boys, when everyone's cooped up and not getting enough exercise. Boys need to run, jump, push, pull and fall... a lot. |
argon_smythe
Citizen
Username: Argon_smythe
Post Number: 784
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 3:19 pm: |
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Yes and girls need to learn to mop floors and do laundry... a lot.
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Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 12820
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 3:23 pm: |
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What a load of laughs everyone here is. As the father of two girls, I agree with argon_smythe's jab at dave23, but yeah, winter is a downer for children, not just boys.
And las, you gave me my first LOL of the day.
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red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5105
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 3:43 pm: |
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me I am feeling the same way right now. I think it is the winter blues. You don't get out. In the warmer weather it is wonderful to go to the park and let them run get the energy out, while you gossip with a friend! |
Wendyn
Supporter
Username: Wendyn
Post Number: 2781
Registered: 9-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 3:49 pm: |
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Everyone needs to go out on Saturday! Sunny and 60 degrees!
I hate the cold so it takes a lot for me to go to a playground in 40 degree weather. We did it on Sunday and the girls had a blast. Spent most of the time on the swings believe it or not. One of the things I love about daycare is they are out almost every day, even if it is just a walk around the block. I on the other hand sit at a desk with a heater under it because 70 degrees is just too cold for me in my office!
I really need to start walking at lunch again. |
las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 1199
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 3:52 pm: |
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red and I like to go for a nice run on Saturday afternoons. If anyone wants to join us, the more the merrier! |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5106
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 4:08 pm: |
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yes, the run really really helps  |
dave23
Citizen
Username: Dave23
Post Number: 1455
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 4:11 pm: |
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argon,
I take it you think I was relying on stereotypes (though it was hard to tell since the joke was far from parallel and was a bit dusty). That's fine. But from my observation, boys are more physical than girls.
I take it you've observed otherwise and think that the two sexes as having precisely the same needs.
Tom, note my use of the word especially.
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Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 12828
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 4:18 pm: |
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My problem with making that distinction is that it's too easy to neglect girls' needs. Young kids of both sexes need a lot of physical outlet. They need so much that meeting even the most sedendary girl's needs is challenging for a parent. That's why the distinction is unimportant at best and sexist stereotyping at worst.
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dave23
Citizen
Username: Dave23
Post Number: 1457
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 4:34 pm: |
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Tom, then what's the point of making distinctions at all? We can go too far in any direction about any subject, but that doesn't make differences moot.
I'm not saying girls don't need physical activity. Of course they do. They need a lot. But as a parent of a boy and a girl (and observer of human behavior) I've seen enormous differences that I can't simply chalk up personality traits.
There was a good thread here some weeks ago about how boys and girls learn differently and how contemporary schools are geared toward girls' ways of learning. |
las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 1200
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 4:37 pm: |
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Although my female cat lies around like a blob of jello, my male cats can chase each other up and down the stairs for hours at a time. It wears me down.
Me, next time we go out let's promise to leave the boys and the cats at home.  |
hismom
Citizen
Username: Hismom
Post Number: 387
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 5:32 pm: |
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My 6 1/2 year old son is the exact same way (frustrating/tempermental/whiney one moment and sweet as can be the next). I felt bad until I read "Your Six Year old" that its completely normal and "limit testing" ( Meand - I got it from the Prospect CoOp Library - it's short & easy to read). That doesn't mean it doesn't drive me completely insane and want to run & hide. I can't wait until I can toss he and my daughter outside every afternoon to burn up some energy!
Ain't being a mom grand sometimes ? (Sorry if this is too incoherent, my daughter has been having nightmares from her brother teasing her that he would eat her while she's sleeping so that I haven't gotten any sleep....) |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 12832
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 5:35 pm: |
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I know how frustrating all this is, but I can't muster up enough empathy for you today. I have two teenage daughters.
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SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 3072
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 5:40 pm: |
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Tom wins. |
Lydia
Supporter
Username: Lydial
Post Number: 1706
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 6:07 pm: |
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Dave23,
I think you're onto something re: boys needing more romping around time. I've noticed with both of my girls that their boy-pals are much more physical overall.
After the age of 3 or so, girls don't really roll around and rough-house they way most young boys that we know do.
That said, I think ALL kids, male and female, need to walk/romp daily.
Meandtheboys,
I found my daughter was especially difficult when a change (in our case, 1st grade and a new dog) was on the horizon. Last summer was really trying, everytime I was out of her sight she went bananas.
One time during the summer my husband and I were sitting on the front porch - I guess she couldn't find us. Anyhow, the phone rings, I go indoors and it's the "911" operator saying that they just received a hang-up call from our address. The police came next...oy.
According to my daughter she was "pretty sure" the new dog had "accidentally" called 911.
Good luck, this too will pass.
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Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3182
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 6:10 pm: |
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Well, if we're competing, I win because Tom's two teenage daughters are in school most of the day, and he is at work most of the day, so he is not completely immersed 24/7 as I am. And I'm pretty sure Tom has his wife home most of the time when he's home so the load may be lightened by the presence of another adult.
I only have one in school all day, the other (most maddening one) is in school only 3 hours and the youngest is here ALL THE TIME, as am I. And my husband has not been home two nights already this week and won't be home again tonight. And really, it's all good and I'm lucky to be home with them, but it's hard sometimes to be so immersed in this as to lose myself. I know it won't always be that way, and I know it was my choice. I just need to get some stuff off my chest every now and then!
Although I do understand the challenge of teenage daughters as I was one once (a long, long, long, long, long, long, time ago). Sorry Tom.
Dave, interestingly that was my thread you mentioned. And the topic itself is my pet project and has been for the last several years (since the birth of my second son). And it is true boys have slightly more and somewhat different energy than girls, and learn in a different manner, and are not equipped to sit quietly for hours in a classroom in the early years of their school career, in the way that girls are. Girls and boys are different in many ways and that has begun to be studied and proven scientifically. I don't think there is any danger of girls needs being neglected, as it has been their needs which have been the primary focus since the passing of Title 9, some two decades ago. There was a time long ago when school was geared primarily to boys. This was noted and recitified, and now the pendulum has swung completely in the opposite direction, and we need to begin to focus on the reality of boys and education and how they are suffering and falling behind just about everywhere you look. It is an important reality and is in no way sexist stereotyping.
That is not to say that girls don't need to get out and run around in the fresh air at recess, and every other time, just as much as boys. |
Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3183
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 6:15 pm: |
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Yes, Lydia, and my 3 guys tend to be less rambunctious than many of their friends. |
CLK
Supporter
Username: Clkelley
Post Number: 1993
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 6:55 pm: |
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I think it depends on the girl. My own daughter doesn't need a lot of rough-and-tumble - she's an indoor girl, a reader, a film geek & a computer geek (like her parents I guess. ;-)
But her cousin (my niece) who is the same age needs a LOT of physical activity. She is in several sports (and does well at all), can't concentrate that well, but can run, jump, fall down, etc all day. In many ways, she's a lot like a boy.
So I hear what people are saying about boys & girls being different - they are in many ways. But when you do too much stereotyping, you can also miss the kids who aren't like that. Even worse, sometimes that difference is pathologized. My niece is a perfectly normal little girl, and boys who like to read instead of play sports are perfectly normal little boys, too.
Just some things to think about. |
Lydia
Supporter
Username: Lydial
Post Number: 1707
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 7:03 pm: |
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WIth kids, it's best to follow their lead.
There are a million studies that investigate the energy/romp vs. bookworm tendancies of boys and girls.
My girls are active and athletic but they don't seem to have the "roughhouse gene" that the majority of boys I know do.
Not to sidetrack this thread, but it gets much more interesting when they all become teenagers and girls attend all-girl high schools and colleges. |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 12834
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 7:41 pm: |
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My wife isn't home most of the time. Why did you think that? Sorry, I need to vent, but this isn't the place with my kids being older, so sorry I've been a little bitchy here.
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Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 2441
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 8:17 pm: |
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Bit of a side note: I don't get why folks go on about school these days being girly in style. Why, when I was a kid it was way quiter and more physically restrictive. Seriously. Our desks were bolted to the floor, there wasn't much in the way of learning centers etc. Everyone -- boys and girls alike -- had to sit and pretty much behave or else. The one thing that was different was that at least in elementary, I think we probably had real recess more routinely, and were allowed to run around like bandits. From where I sit, that time was "girly" in the sense of requiring heavy rules obedience and quietly. Boys did fine and went to college, etc. Now, things seem more girly to me. Am I crazy, or what?
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Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3185
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 8:20 pm: |
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You haven't been bitchy. I've never seen you be bitchy. But I did say I think your wife is home most of the time when you're home, meaning you are both home together in the evenings after work. Of course I could be wrong. I guess it's just that I tend to believe most other people have their spouses at home with them in the evenings--generally because I never do.
(and also because when I bring the boys over for piano lessons on Tuesday afternoons there's always something yummy smelling cooking for dinner!) |
sac
Supporter
Username: Sac
Post Number: 3212
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 8:30 pm: |
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Maybe Tom was cooking? |
Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3187
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 8:36 pm: |
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I suppose that could be. Funny thing is though, I've never actually seen Tom in his house!
But Red is always there and happy to say hello! |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 12837
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 8:50 pm: |
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No, I cook on Wednesdays and Thursdays. And I misread you. Yes, Carol is home in the evenings, though sometimes working in the music studio and sometimes gets home from teaching in Westchester at 7:30 or 8:30, and yes, that's easier than your evenings, if your husband isn't home in the evenings.
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Virtual It Girl
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 4138
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 8:52 pm: |
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What's Red doing in Tom's house? |
kmk
Supporter
Username: Kmk
Post Number: 1057
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 8:53 pm: |
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I could not relate to this whole conversation - until 5:10PM this evening...
My 5 1/2 year old daughter (May 4th) cut loose on a 90 minute tantrum the likes of which will go down in history!
It was all related to Kumon - which she ASKED to do. (Her big sisters go for a little extra help - she just wants to be part of the party.) After irritating everyone in the house she was sent to her room where she proceeded to throw things, scream and just "vent" for 30 minutes solid. Finally I went up to talk with her and she asks...to read a book! Her Kumon assignment was to read about 10 words - but no...she wants to read an entire book.
It must be a total developmental "thang" right now.
This is my third child and, bless her heart, because of her there will be no fourth child!
Me ...it's 8:47PM and the hubby isn't home yet here either....(sigh.)
Also..I have three younger brothers. We are 4 kids born in 4 years (yikes!) I remember my mom simply pushing the furniture out of the way when they would rough house. She knew they needed to expend that extra energy, establish pecking order and (most importantly to her) not crack their head open on a coffee table.
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Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3189
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 8:54 pm: |
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That would be Red the big Greyhound doggy (that my boys absolutely love)!
Not Red (formerly Redy97) from MOL! |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5109
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 9:02 pm: |
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Boy, you stop reading for a few minutes and I am in Tom's house having breakfast |
Jersey Boy
Citizen
Username: Jersey_boy
Post Number: 313
Registered: 1-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 9:10 pm: |
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Isn't Tom Reingold a single dad?
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Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 12838
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, March 9, 2006 - 11:49 pm: |
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Not any more. I'm a remarried dad now.
Red likes Carol's students! He greets visitors, and he loves it when people say, "Hi, Red." The doorbell is one of his favorite sounds.
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Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3190
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 7:08 am: |
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kmk, we have tantrums like that fairly regularly with the 5 1/2-year-old. But it's not ever about wanting to be tutored or read a book! How is that Kumon thing? Saw a commercial for it yesterday and thought it looked pretty cool but was wondering if it was just another "scam?"
Bless your mom--4 kids in four years! Seems she understood your brothers. I try to give my guys room to run around too--within reason. Have never moved furniture out of the way, but have often considered getting rid of furniture and any other "nice" items around the house, at least until they move out--or building them their own padded room. We "finished" the basement for them and their toys, and I purposely didn't put any furniture down there. Mostly because they're just as happy to sit on the floor as a chair, and because I knew they'd just jump off whatever I put down there. Now they jump off the stairs on to a couple of big floor pillows I gave them! |
kmk
Supporter
Username: Kmk
Post Number: 1059
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 8:58 am: |
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Me,
I like Kumon. We started with my first born at age 8. She was really struggling in school with math. I hired a private math tutor (who we visited weekly for an unbearable amount of money) and was informed after 12 useless weeks that they could not help us. THe tutor was convinced that my daughter knew all the math she needed (she could answer word problems without even calculating them on paper) but she couldn't answer simple multiplication on paper; she needed something else.
We found Kumon with it's daily 5 min. assignments to be just right. It simply made sense that she should become more "at ease" with math. She went for 3 years and now is an excellent math student in 6th grade.
My other two daughters go now too...just for fun. It is only $20/week so it can't hurt! |
dave23
Citizen
Username: Dave23
Post Number: 1460
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 10:40 am: |
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You people with 5 1/2 year olds are scaring me. My oldest is a year away from that.
Note to self--get basement finished... stat. |
Virtual It Girl
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 4140
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 11:52 am: |
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KMK, more info on Kumon...my oldest could use some help with spelling. We COULD do it, but she's beginning to hate us. Do they do spelling there too? This might save my sanity, and if it's $20 per week it's worth it! |
Purplebug
Citizen
Username: Purplebug
Post Number: 103
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 12:47 pm: |
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HIJACK!!!
Which Kumon location do you use? The last time I was in between jobs, I was looking to open one in the MW/So area. It is an idea that still vacations in the back of my mind. |
kmk
Supporter
Username: Kmk
Post Number: 1062
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 6:39 pm: |
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VIG - They are helping my 5 year old with beginning to read and I know they do stuff for older kids too.
Purplebug - I use the Summit location (behind Overlook Hospital) because it was close to our swim class at the Connection.
I love Ralph Genova (908-688-2303) the high school math teacher who runs it with his wife. I thought there was a Maplewood location in the professional building at Valley and Millburn Ave. but no one can seem to find it theses days. |
doulamomma
Citizen
Username: Doulamomma
Post Number: 1198
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 8:04 pm: |
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I can't be the only parent unaware of Kumon, so I looked it up - here's a link:
http://www.kumon.com/default.asp?language=USA |
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