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Hamandeggs
Citizen
Username: Hamandeggs
Post Number: 257
Registered: 8-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 6:40 am: | 
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My rant: I verbally agreed (a few times) to attend a party. Now the actual invite comes and guess what! It's a party where goods will be shown and sold -- two kinds -- in the style of a Tupperware party. And we are asked to bring dessert.
I don't like shopping parties so I decline every time. I don't enjoy shopping, so combining it with social time isn't a boon for me. It's very hard not to buy something at these parties, and the salesperson's pep talk about buying more so the hostess can get a freebie always leaves me cold. I always think that the hostess is responsible for getting her own candles/cookware/undergarments/toys, just as I am.
This time I already agreed to go, and I will. But since this is soapbox, I thought I would vent about it first.
Never do this to your friends and neighbors! |
Virtual It Girl
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 4315
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 6:50 am: |
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That's crazy. You are expected to bring something AND it's a selling party?!
Life is too short. Unless it's people you want to hang out with or a product you are interested in, don't go.
Don't beat yourself up over it. |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7348
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 8:25 am: |
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That's pretty tacky. No, wait. That's very tacky.
How well do you know this person and how much do you feel like asserting yourself? There's always "I have to decline; if I'd known it was a xxxxx party, I wouldn't have accepted because I don't buy xxxx".
If you go, I'd show up empty-handed. Or with a bag of Oreos.
I don't mind being asked to these parties because they can be fun. I've never been asked to bring something. I also had a Tupperware party once, but I only invited the Tupperware junkies I knew and we served a full brunch, including Mimosas. |
Joan
Supporter
Username: Joancrystal
Post Number: 7300
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 9:16 am: |
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If you feel uncomfortable about going to this party, you can still decline. Something else could always come up last minute forcing you to cancel if you don't feel comfortable telling the person the real reason why you are declining this invitation. If this person is relying solely on your generosity to provide the refreshments, then s/he is really in trouble. |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5387
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 9:39 am: |
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Defintely decline, let the host know you didn't realize it was a tupperware party, and you don't care for those types of parties. Thank her for thinking of you, and let her know you would love to do something another time.
She shouldn't be offended, and if she is, she's not a really good friend IMO |
Case
Citizen
Username: Case
Post Number: 1392
Registered: 2-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 9:40 am: |
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Could we possibly hear a bit more about the "undergarments and toys", please? |
MeAndTheBoys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3566
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 9:52 am: |
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What red said! |
Morrisa da Silva
Citizen
Username: Mod
Post Number: 433
Registered: 12-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 10:33 am: |
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Hey too bad it's not a Pole Dance party. |
Soda
Supporter
Username: Soda
Post Number: 3800
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 11:05 am: |
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My old friend's birthday is in May, and mine is in August. Every year, we buy one another dinner (sans spouses) sometime during our birthday weeks. It's a tradition. This year, his wife called me to announce that she'd made reservations for the four of us to celebrate his birthday at an excellent eatery we've all been to before, on the Friday following his birthday. Then she says, "...so, of course, you guys will be treating us..."
WTF?! I was stunned speechless, and hung up without voicing any rebuttal, then came to my senses and called my friend to ask if there were to be other folks coming to his birthday dinner, or if it was just to be us four. He claimed ignorance of the details, but promised to check with Wifey and get back to me, which he did yesterday. Just us four. And could we bring a bottle of dessert wine, since they'd be bringing the reds&whites...
I'm not cancelling, but I've told my wife not to get any ideas about August. Gotta stake out the high ground, ya know...
Sheesh.
-s. |
Case
Citizen
Username: Case
Post Number: 1395
Registered: 2-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 12:08 pm: |
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Dude, you should tell your friend to get a handle on "Yoko" - that does not sound good at all. |
Glock 17
Citizen
Username: Glock17
Post Number: 706
Registered: 7-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 12:23 pm: |
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You should show up with marijuana brownies.
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Mayor McCheese
Supporter
Username: Mayor_mccheese
Post Number: 1200
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 1:16 pm: |
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Glock, that makes no sense. If you don't want to go to a party like this, bringing a wonderful dessert is not going to get back at them. |
Soda
Supporter
Username: Soda
Post Number: 3806
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 3:49 pm: |
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Please understand: I'm not mad at my buddy, and have no intention to inflict any negativity upon his poor, weak, narrow shoulders. He's got enough grief already, being hitched to Yoko.
-s.
...But maybe I'll insist that he bring some brownies to my birthday dinner in August... |
Kibbegirl
Citizen
Username: Kibbegirl
Post Number: 513
Registered: 5-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 5:28 pm: |
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Hamandeggs, I feel your pain. This has happened to almost every woman in the universe. I typically do show up, knowing in advance that a "buddy" will be there too or I'll arrive with a buddy just to make us more comfortable. I would make it clear in advance, that you won't be staying long -- kids are always a great excuse. Check out the merchandise, snack on whatever is presented and hit the door! |
Glock 17
Citizen
Username: Glock17
Post Number: 707
Registered: 7-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 6:37 pm: |
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Mayor...you get everyone to eat them without telling them what they are...and after they are incapacitated you steal all the free stuff and bounce outa there! |
Hamandeggs
Citizen
Username: Hamandeggs
Post Number: 258
Registered: 8-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 7:28 pm: |
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Thanks for all the advice! I think the advice about leaving early is good -- that way I fulfill the commitment and get out fast. I do wish these parties would cease to be popular... |
Glock 17
Citizen
Username: Glock17
Post Number: 708
Registered: 7-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 7:37 pm: |
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I still don't understand the concept...they get free stuff...by hiring a company to tell people to bring stuff to a party? |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5394
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 9:28 pm: |
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No glock, the hostess gets free stuff by her guests buying things. So if you go to a Tupperware party for example and the friends of the hostess spend all together around $1000, the hostess gets $100 of free stuff. |
jab
Citizen
Username: Jab
Post Number: 552
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 10:21 pm: |
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Within a few months of when I moved to Maplewood, my realtor left a voice message for me that she was having a little party to introduce to each other all of the nice young women she had recently sold houses to. I thought it sounded like a very nice idea ... until I received a printed invitation for a candle sales party! I couldn't go anyway, because I had a class that evening, but I couldn't believe that she was looking to make money from me after recently receiving a broker's commission! |
Glock 17
Citizen
Username: Glock17
Post Number: 709
Registered: 7-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 10:32 pm: |
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I'm broke now..the last thing I need is to finally make it in the world and have people try to get at my finances under the guise of parties.
If that's gettin' older...hell I'm signing my resignation and moving to neverland now.
truly |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5396
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 11:14 pm: |
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Any person that lies to you about a party is not your friend  One of my friends was invited to a "party" only to find out she was being recruited to be one of those horrible sales people. She declined, but kept getting pressure to start working for one of these companies.
Ever since then I NEVER will go to one of these parties. |
Hamandeggs
Citizen
Username: Hamandeggs
Post Number: 259
Registered: 8-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 7:05 am: |
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Glock, Yes, that is a problem too. If you attend, you're expected to buy, no matter the state of your finances or what you need. I think it can be very embarrassing. I don't know why people agree to host such "parties," since it's really kind of mean to friends and neighbors.
I think it must be a tough job for the salespeople too. In many cases, they know the partygoers and here they are hawking stuff at them and raving about how easy it is. And then sometimes there are games... |
tulip
Citizen
Username: Braveheart
Post Number: 3450
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 7:13 am: |
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Yesterday we went to an "art show" of a friend and neighbor's art. When we got there, each painting/drawing had a price tag on it, we were asked to "sign in" (so impersonally, not even a "how do you do, how're the kids, how's life?") and we were told, "There are paintings all around. Please look around" as if it were a gallery. People were standing around talking to each other. They obviously knew each other. But we didn't know them. Was this schlocky, or is it just my imagination? Wouldn't it have been a bit more couth to just show the paintings and have a real get together without trying to "push" the art?
Just wondering... I may be wrong... |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7352
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 9:09 am: |
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I've been invited to a few over the years. The people who invite me are always very upfront about it. Sometimes I go, because it can be a lot of fun. If I'm not into the product, I'll tell the host (who has never been a stranger) "I'm not really into xxx, so I won't be there". The host always says "you don't have to buy anything, come if you want to".
I have never felt obligated to buy anything once I've announced my position. Being invited under false circumstances is not acceptable. I can't imagine anyone I know doing that. For that matter, I've never been asked to bring a dish to a party unless it's a neighborhood block party or a good friend with whom we've planned a pot luck.
I have a bigger problem with people bringing those dumb catalogues from their kids' school fundraisers to work. It's a place of business; not a social situation. Take the kids door to door around the neighborhood and teach them something about carrying through responsibility.
Over all, I think part of the problem is that we are so afraid of hurting people's feelings that we have fallen hostage to some "obligation mentality". A firm, polite "no thank you" is all it takes. Are you really worried that a relationship will be ruined because you didn't buy a $25 plastic spatula at their kitchen party? And if it is ruined, what the hell kind of friend was this person?
If you are getting twisted because someone is honest and upfront when they invite you to one of these things, perhaps you should take some assertiveness training. IMHO. |
Pippi
Supporter
Username: Pippi
Post Number: 2121
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 11:18 am: |
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I recently hosted a similar party. I told everyone I invited not to feel obligated to purchase anything.I just wanted to have a reason to invite some people over and server wine and snacks. I felt the rep from the company made very little sales pitch and there was no pressure to buy. I hope that people who did purchase only did so because they truly wanted the product.
Anyone who hosts such a party should serve copious amounts of food and drink and should never EVER ask guests to bring something. That is tacky tacky tacky.
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Virtual It Girl
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 4319
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 12:00 pm: |
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You were a very gracious hostess btw plus we've known each other forever and I enjoy your company enough that I knew I'd have a good time, whether or not I chose to buy. |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5399
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 12:34 pm: |
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Pippi, agreed, it is very different if you have a hostess that is upfront and had good snacks and wine! It should be all about the fun, and if you want to buy, go ahead if not, that is okay! |
CLK
Supporter
Username: Clkelley
Post Number: 2207
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 7:25 pm: |
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Slightly OT rant alert:
greenetree: "I have a bigger problem with people bringing those dumb catalogues from their kids' school fundraisers to work. It's a place of business; not a social situation. Take the kids door to door around the neighborhood and teach them something about carrying through responsibility."
This is one of my biggest, hugest pet peeves. We get these things from the school all the time, and some of them say explicitly "no door to door please." You're supposed to hit up your family, friends - and yeah, I suppose co-workers too. Which I flat refuse to do - I make way more money than my parents, and my sisters have their own kids' stuff and they never ask me for donations. I'm the boss where I work, and I will NOT put my employees in a situation where they feel they need to buy something to brown-nose the boss.
BUT - and this is the thing that really, really gets my goat: Every kid is expected to sell at least one thing - e.g. a pizza party for every class that has 100% participation. And some of these fundraisers have rewards for the class that sells the most stuff. E.g. the class with the highest "take" gets a pizza party. I think this is totally unethical and I refuse to bow to this pressure, but I hate that it's my kid (and her class) who suffers for holding to my value system. It is NOT RIGHT.
I also never, ever buy anything from people selling for their kids at work. It doesn't happen much any more in any case, as the biggest offender left the organization a while ago. So far, nobody's taken up the standard - thank goodness.
I do make an exception for Girl Scout cookies. :-) I think I bought from three different kids this year. (one local, one from work, and one from my Sunday School class.)
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greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7356
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 7:49 pm: |
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CL- I worked for a company once that banned those catalogue things. I enforced it in my department. I think that some of my staff were actually relieved.
I know that most kids are pressured into this and I feel bad for them. But, I also wish more parents had your backbone. There aren't too many people in this world who really need an $8 roll of wrapping paper or $7 tub of chocolatey pretzels.
Yes - GS cookies are their own thing. I have a coworker who sends an e-mail to his immediate team members letting him know that the form is available. Kind of like a crack dealer, I guess. He doesn't push it; no one minds. The head of my department actually buys several dozen boxes from his staff whose kids sell them and puts them out to be shared. |
Virtual It Girl
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 4320
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 8:41 pm: |
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I also refuse to participate in those fundraisers. If it's something (like the magazines) that I want to buy, I will, but we don't need those horrible coffees or wrapping paper or a $10 tub of cookie dough. |
Lydia
Supporter
Username: Lydial
Post Number: 1788
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 9:50 pm: |
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I like the cookie dough - but in general I give the bulk of my school charity $ to the "no frills" fundraiser - the wrapping paper and icky chocolate turtles info I just throw out and give $20.
I hate the message that our kids have to hawk junk to fundraise. Some people like wrapping paper, so maybe I'm a curmudgeon in this case.
When I was in grade school we had a school fair that was about fun and simple events.
We had a haystack for 3 tickets - dig in the hay and pull out a wrapped prize + there were 5 prizes that were really valuable (at least to kids) a real geode with crystals, a big chunk of turquoise, or a $5 gift certificate for ice cream.
30-somthing years later I still remember how much fun it was unwrapping the prizes.
Kids still like to participate in their recreational activities and a huge jumping slide is an expensive waste.
Lemonade stands are always more fun than a moon-walk. |
Pizzaz
Supporter
Username: Pizzaz
Post Number: 3539
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 10:24 pm: |
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What was neat was the coworker baked the $10 tub of cookie dough if you ordered the cookies from her daughter. She spent a day with her daughter baking a lot of cookies.  |
Pippi
Supporter
Username: Pippi
Post Number: 2123
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 11:03 pm: |
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CLK - I wish you were my boss!
My old boss used to bring it catalogues of stuff his son had to sell. I felt such pressure and, c'mon, he was my boss -he KNEW how much ( or, how little) I made! How dare he put me in that position.
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mlj
Citizen
Username: Mlj
Post Number: 207
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 10:11 am: |
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If you really do not want to do, attend, see, or buy, just say no. If you feel on the spot or taken by surprise, just say I will let you know. Then when you have had a chance to think about it, say no. Thank you. |
combustion
Citizen
Username: Spontaneous
Post Number: 6
Registered: 4-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 11:59 am: |
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One of my friends threw a sales type party, but she told me exactly what it was before she even invited me. I ended up not going and she wasn't offended in the least. I've never had anyone try to pull a fast one on me like that, I'd be pretty upset if they did.
I really dislike the kid's fundraising stuff. Not because of the price, yes they're high, but that's because they have to be to give a kick-back to the school. What I don't like is the poor selection and quality of the stuff you're expected to buy. Back when I was in school my mother REFUSED to take my catalogs to her work (except for girl scout cookies, of course). |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7370
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 12:32 pm: |
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Boy, do I feel old. We didn't have catalogues when I was in school. |
SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 3258
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 12:37 pm: |
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YOU feel old? Not only did we not have catalogs when I was in school, but Girl Scout cookies were $.35 a box! |
CLK
Supporter
Username: Clkelley
Post Number: 2210
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 12:51 pm: |
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I think I'm about the same age as greenetree - we didn't have catalogues, but we DID have submarine sandwich sales for the Marching Band. We had purple-mimeo order books and sold them door to door - and on "sub day" we all showed up in the school cafeteria to form huge assembly lines to make the subs. I hated it. And I doubt it would pass modern sanitary inspection standards.
And my parents wouldn't sell at work, either, though some weren't so delicate - one kid whose dad was a big cheese at a local mega-industry used to sell hundreds of them. I think every employee at the whole place bought one. This stunk because we got a commission that went towards our competition trips - and since this kid came from a better-off family, it seemed unfair that his trip was almost entirely paid for, whereas I had to pay nearly full freight.
Oh, and this is great - all band members had to take Band as an elective class. The Band director tried to make our sub sales part of our grade!!!! But a bunch of parents rebelled about that, so he didn't get away with it.
Oh, the baggage we carry from our childhood. |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 13828
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 2:02 pm: |
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If the purpose of the gathering is to sell stuff, party is totally the wrong word for it. There may be a social aspect to the sales meeting, but that doesn't make it a party.
Hamandeggs's friend took a tacky event and made it even tackier with the sneaky invitation.
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Psychomom
Citizen
Username: Psychomom
Post Number: 114
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 4:56 pm: |
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Once when I was a girl scout leader one of the other leaders in town hosted a craft night to share ideas for projects to do with the girls with simple materials and low cost...when we got there she used it as an excuse to hawk her own private crafts that she was selling like customized T shirts etc. what a turn off. |
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