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Just The Aunt
Supporter
Username: Auntof13
Post Number: 5391
Registered: 1-2004
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 5:08 pm: | 
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I'm pretty sure this will open a can of worms but, this is from today's DEAR ABBY. Forget the writter's question about 'justifying hitting someome,' I'm wondering does a person who has have Gender Reassignment have an obligation to inform someone interested in dating them they use to be the opposite sex? If 'Yes,' at what point, if 'No,' why not?
WOMAN'S GENDER CHANGE SHOCKS THE MAN SHE DATED
By Abigail Van Buren | Jun 16, 2006
DEAR ABBY: I recently met a gorgeous woman I'll call "Giselle." After we had dated for a couple of months and became physically involved, she told me she had had gender reassignment surgery and used to be a man! I was, to say the least, shocked and deeply disturbed.
I did not punch out Giselle as I would have liked to -- which brings me to my question. What is the etiquette regarding physically confronting someone like that? Is it the same as hitting a girl? We're roughly the same size. -- DISTRESSED IN VIRGINIA
http://www.keepmedia.com/pubs/uExpress/2006/06/16/1611551?ba=m&bi=0&bp=1 |
LilLB
Citizen
Username: Lillb
Post Number: 1804
Registered: 10-2002
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 5:17 pm: |
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Huh? What a stupid question. It's not ok to punch anyone. |
LilLB
Citizen
Username: Lillb
Post Number: 1806
Registered: 10-2002
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 5:24 pm: |
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Yikes - I just reread your post and realized you were asking a different question than that guy! Sorry JTA - I was commenting on his question, not yours!!!!! Sorry!} |
Just The Aunt
Supporter
Username: Auntof13
Post Number: 5395
Registered: 1-2004
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 5:45 pm: |
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It's okay LilB! I agree it's stupid to hit someone over it and the writer's question was stupid. A friend and I are having a heated discussion about whether or not a person who has had Gender Reassignment Surgery has an obligation to inform the person. |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5818
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 6:03 pm: |
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Absolutely they should advise the person they are dating. "Giselle" should have let her suitor know at least before they got physical. I can understand "Giselle" dating someone a few times, waiting to see if there was something to come of it, she has an obligation to let the suitor know BEFORE they get physical. |
ess
Citizen
Username: Ess
Post Number: 2273
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 7:23 pm: |
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I would have to agree, Red. "Giselle" probably doesn't have to tell every man she meets upon meeting him that she used to be a man, but she should certainly tell him if she thinks (and before it actually does) it's going to get physical.
In a perfect world, "Distressed" would care for "Giselle" regardless (especially since he had gotten physical with her and obviously couldn't tell the difference), but I can see how people would get disturbed over such a revelation. Unfortunately, "Distressed" probably feels his manhood threatened and is dealing with some homophobia, but perhaps I am reading way too much into this. |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 8087
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 11:17 pm: |
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I'm waiting for our 17th anniversary to tell TS about my surgery. I want to be sure that she loves me no matter what. |
las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 1881
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 11:24 pm: |
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I'm also waiting for G'tree's 17 anniversary to tell TS about my surgery. I want to be sure that she loves Greenetree no matter what. |
ess
Citizen
Username: Ess
Post Number: 2276
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 12:45 am: |
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And I am waiting for Greenetree's 17th anniversary to tell TS about my surgery. I want to be sure that Las is sure that TS loves Greenetree no matter what. |
K_soze
Citizen
Username: K_soze
Post Number: 395
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 1:42 am: |
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what the crazy surgeries. that stuff should be right out in the open asap, if the person has an issue with it then you don't want them anyway but keeping it a secret will ruin trust. BTW, a good friend of mine got the shock of his life by a woman who was pretty good at tucking what she had. hahahaha, to this day that story cracks me up |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5829
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 9:04 am: |
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k_soze--I couldn't disagree more. It is a very sensitive issue for both parties. If nothing is going to happen, why should "Gisselle" have to reveal to a complete stranger? |
Soparents
Citizen
Username: Soparents
Post Number: 1149
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 9:19 am: |
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A very sensative subject. Obviously "Giselle" wants to be accepted for who she is now, she has gone through a lot of physical and mental pain to become who she is, BUT, it must be realised that to break the news to someone after they had become involved (that was the way I read it) it would have been tantamount in her partners eyes (immediate reaction) to having sex with a man. That evening must have been a horrific time for both parties.
I don't know that there will ever be a "right time" to announce something like this, the people involved would have to assess that for themselves...
For as many problems that gender reassignment may cure for some people, it creates a whole lot more.
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K_soze
Citizen
Username: K_soze
Post Number: 397
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 1:13 pm: |
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I don't know that there will ever be a "right time" to announce something like this, the people involved would have to assess that for themselves
I'm thinking sooner than later is the best bet.
RED - What do you mean by nothing's gonna happen? I still think it's just as important. I'm not saying tell complete strangers "Hey guess what I used to be?" But anything more than that, anything that can even remotely be considered dating or being intimate...on any level..should not go on with out "Giselle" being honest about his/her past. NOT that we need to know everything about each other's past but the things that could/would definately have an impact on the future should be out on the table. |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5831
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 4:14 pm: |
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I still disagree. Let's say "Giselle" goes on a date with a guy. After the date she knows it isn't going to go anywhere. I have been on dates that I knew there was no chemistry, connection etc. I don't think "Giselle" need to reveal herself until she knows the guy she is going out on a date with, will get physical (in this case as soon as kissing). |
anon
Supporter
Username: Anon
Post Number: 2785
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 10:12 pm: |
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WOW! I'm glad I'm not single anymore. The World has gotten very complicated. |
K_soze
Citizen
Username: K_soze
Post Number: 399
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 10:23 pm: |
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Red, I see your point with the one date thing, I guess we're both on the same page with what to do if it may get physical.
••••, now I gotta think back to all the one date only ladies I've known |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5836
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 10:39 pm: |
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Yeah, you always wonder about that. I think these days it is much more commen and the surgeries are much better at making the individual looking the way he/she wants. It has to be an amazingly tough situation.... |
SO Ref
Citizen
Username: So_refugee
Post Number: 1912
Registered: 2-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 11:12 pm: |
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Alright, this is the condensed version, but TS used to work with someone whose SO was born with 'ambiguous genitalia' and was arbitrarily assigned as a female who we'll call "Pat." Pat grew up confused, not sure about 'her' sexuality and, finally, decided she was a lesbian and began socializing as such. Later, Pat learned of the 'decision' that was made to make 'her' a female - even though genetic testing would have pointed towards Pat being male - and, along with the SO, decided that 'she' would undergo re-assignment (or correction) as a male. In essence, the SO converted from being homosexual to heterosexual because of the re-assignment... Thank goodness that they were in a strong, committed relationship when all this unfolded and they continue to travel down this road together and have been able to start a family of their own. You may have seen them profiled on NOVA.
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K_soze
Citizen
Username: K_soze
Post Number: 403
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, June 18, 2006 - 11:18 am: |
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Whoa |
Soparents
Citizen
Username: Soparents
Post Number: 1175
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, June 18, 2006 - 1:02 pm: |
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I watched a programme years ago about children who were born with "both bits"... it was easier back then to make them female, but there was a doctor who believed some 20+ years ago that just because you looked a certain way, and were brought up a certain way, that there was a part of us mentally which was predetermined.
I watched in great sadness as he told of one child called Jade. Jade was born with both sets of organs, and it was decided to make her female. Through the years, he kept in contact with the parents as he did many children like this, who dressed her like a girl, gave her toys like a girl, cut her hair like a girl etc etc. He would put the child in a room with masses of toys and told her that he wanted to talk to Mummy. He went into the next room with the Mother and looked through a 2 way mirror. The child was playing with the "Boys toys" EXACTLY the way a boy would. The same mannerisms, aggressive stance etc. I saw clips of some 7 years of footage... "Jades" true self was becoming more and more apparent even though she was still being raised as a girl. This was sadly true of many of the children he kept in touch with.
I also saw interviews conducted with adults whos fate had been decide at birth by doctors (with parental consent), all were wishing they had been allowed to choose later in life.
I came away from watching this feeling so very very lucky for my life and my oh so insignificant problems... |
ess
Citizen
Username: Ess
Post Number: 2286
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, June 18, 2006 - 9:56 pm: |
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Incidentally, there is a great novel called "Middlesex", by Jeffrey Eugenides, that is quite relevant to this discussion. |
Factvsfiction
Citizen
Username: Factvsfiction
Post Number: 688
Registered: 4-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, June 18, 2006 - 10:23 pm: |
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I have a bone to pick with "Dear Abby"
Do you know 2 alka-seltzer tablets DO NOT remove the hard water lines in your toilet? Makes you wonder about her transsexual advice qualifications too.
Having learned this about the alka-seltzer ,I am glad that I at least occasionally read some news when I buy the paper. |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5863
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Sunday, June 18, 2006 - 11:34 pm: |
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on the hard water line thing, I heard Pepsi will do that....just a little thread drift |
LilLB
Citizen
Username: Lillb
Post Number: 1810
Registered: 10-2002
| | Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 8:54 am: |
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I thought Pepsi or Coke took the rust off of metal. |
Psychomom
Citizen
Username: Psychomom
Post Number: 182
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 3:01 pm: |
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I think before you hop into bed with someone you ought to know them really well, including if they had gender change surgery! |
K_soze
Citizen
Username: K_soze
Post Number: 424
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 3:10 pm: |
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Hahaha, you never know these days. Been to any clubs in NY lately? Some of the "hottest" chicks you see may surprise you. I don't think most guys will stop to discuss her past if she's talking about "her place or yours". |
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