| Author |
Message |
    
The Man
Citizen
Username: Mapleman
Post Number: 654
Registered: 6-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 10:49 am: | 
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What is it with kids today, and the horrible job of parenting that adults are doing? It is almost unheard of for these little whippersnappers to acknowledge my profound brilliance and general greatness. I ask them to address me by my proper title, "your lordship," and I ask them to bow or curtsey politely. But how often do they obey me? Almost never, I can assure you. I've worked hard at surviving the rigors of this world long enough to be considered mature, and gain the experience of many years of life. Why can't these little bastards acknowledge my vast greatness? Most of my life I was addressed as "grand high mystic exalted one," but I've adapted and relented, and asked only to be called "lordship." Why don't parents today demand that their little ones respect my wishes? In my day, such cheekiness would lead to a beating with a cat o' nine tails, I tell you.
The world is going to hell and you're all in a hurry to get there. Thank God I don't have much time left for this world. |
LilLB
Citizen
Username: Lillb
Post Number: 1900
Registered: 10-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 10:56 am: |
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Smarty Jones
Citizen
Username: Birdstone
Post Number: 845
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 11:16 am: |
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Why won't kids be my friends? They are so wonderful, and so much fun, and I really really really REALLY want them to like me. I realized when I was a teenager that respect and discipline are for spoil-sports, and I swore I'd never force such horrors on any offspring of mine. Life is a bowl of f--cking cherries man, and sometimes, it really bugs me when other people in my community try and ruin it with some god-dammed order.....kids are only kids once, you know? AND for the love of God, maybe I want to be a kid again because MY childhood was wrecked from parents who actually expected something MORE from me. What has High-standards gotten anybody anyway?
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The Man
Citizen
Username: Mapleman
Post Number: 655
Registered: 6-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 11:40 am: |
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Sir, it is that sort of attitude that leads to the chaos and social destruction that is plaguing our once-great society! |
mjh
Supporter
Username: Mjh
Post Number: 624
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 11:53 am: |
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Gee, I wish they'd give Smarty the Parent-in-Charge-of-Parenting title. It's so clear that the world is going to hell in a handbasket, and he's our only hope.
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Glock 17
Citizen
Username: Glock17
Post Number: 1281
Registered: 7-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 12:29 pm: |
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They are all too busy trying to copy me. |
Bajou
Citizen
Username: Bajou
Post Number: 841
Registered: 2-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 1:42 pm: |
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The man: Please move in with me!!! With your help I could actually woop the my wippersnappers in shape! LOL Where did good men like u disappear to.
Dear Smarty: Have a teenager and you will change your tune.
I have told my children (almost 18 and 16) several times now that only by the grace of god did they wake up this morning. If I had my say.... |
Smarty Jones
Citizen
Username: Birdstone
Post Number: 846
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 1:57 pm: |
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"Help Me Smarty-Jone-Kanobi, you're our only hope"
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The Man
Citizen
Username: Mapleman
Post Number: 658
Registered: 6-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 1:58 pm: |
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While a small part of me is flattered my dear Bajou, a man of my breeding and social standing would never allow himself to accept an invitation from a lady, even one who seems as lovely as you do. In my day, we courted for years with a chaperone before we were even allowed to hold hands as we sat in the glider on the front porch. It was a more innocent time, before internet dating of course, but also before personal classified ads (not to mention before the Charleston, the Roaring Twenties, and the Great War). It was a more innocent time, a gentler time, when women and children knew their respective places, and the men retired after dinner for cigars and strong brandy (or bourbon and branch, if that was your preference). Every day I long for those days, of penny candy, buttonhooks, a Singer sewing machine (in the sewing room, of course), Jack Benny on the vaudeville circuit (before the days of the "wireless"), the ice man, smallpox, polio and influenza epidemics, home made ice cream, moustache wax, bowler hats, coal stoves, and all the other wonderful parts of everyday life that have become extinct. I've seen so much during my lifetime; so much progress.
I hate progress. |
Glock 17
Citizen
Username: Glock17
Post Number: 1285
Registered: 7-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 2:05 pm: |
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You're boring. Live it up. |
Smarty Jones
Citizen
Username: Birdstone
Post Number: 847
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 2:06 pm: |
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Bajou, I do believe Glock is a teenager....imagining that he's my son is giving me a fright! |
Bajou
Citizen
Username: Bajou
Post Number: 844
Registered: 2-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 2:08 pm: |
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The man:
You wrote:
While a small part of me is flattered my dear Bajou, a man of my breeding and social standing would never allow himself to accept an invitation from a lady}
Can I assume that you have not followed the Boob thread...LOL |
Glock 17
Citizen
Username: Glock17
Post Number: 1286
Registered: 7-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 2:10 pm: |
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I don't see anything wrong with questioning the authority and institutions of your time. Gotta' get started early if things are going to change. |
The Man
Citizen
Username: Mapleman
Post Number: 659
Registered: 6-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 2:13 pm: |
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My dear Bajou, I always believe it is best to assume a young woman is a lady, absent solid proof to the contrary.
Mr. Glock, if you are indeed a teenager, as Mr. Jones suggests, then you make me long even more for the days of my youth. In my day, a cheeky lad such as yourself might find himself conscripted into Black Jack Pershing's cavalry. It made men out of boys! |
Bajou
Citizen
Username: Bajou
Post Number: 847
Registered: 2-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 3:09 pm: |
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YOU WROTE
My dear Bajou, I always believe it is best to assume a young woman is a lady, absent solid proof to the contrary.
THAT'S WHY I ASSUMEd YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE BOOB THREAD...IF THAT'S NOT SOLID (lol) PROOF THEN CALL ME KITTY |
mlj
Citizen
Username: Mlj
Post Number: 292
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 3:53 pm: |
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Your lordship, tho I am but a lowly serf, please permit me to ask you if you are from The British Isles, or perhaps The Bronx. As I read your pearls of wisdom, I am picturing an accent.  |
The Man
Citizen
Username: Mapleman
Post Number: 661
Registered: 6-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 4:13 pm: |
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I am a life long resident of Maplewood. I consider myself a classic New Jersey Republican, in the old-time tradition (not like these tawdry nouveau Republicans in Washington). I apparently do have a bit of an accent, as I've been told I sound a bit like that gentleman who played a millionaire on the TV program with castaways. I think maybe it was called Hooligan's Island or some such. I don't watch television, and I never have. I prefer my old victrola and my Caruso records for entertainment. |
Nob
Citizen
Username: Nob
Post Number: 258
Registered: 4-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 5:14 pm: |
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Your Lordship -- I think you underestimate the children around you -- perhaps they realize you are from the era when children were to be "seen" and not "heard"; and of course one must never speak to a royal lordship unless the royal has spoken to them first. Clearly all you need to do to get these little whippersnappers to acknowledge your profound brilliance and general greatness is to politely inform them when you will be recieving "little whippersnappers" to welcome their comments (In keeping with modern times, you are likely to hear better comments if you provide namebrand soda, snacks and have electronic entertainment for the little whippersnappers). Good luck. |
The Man
Citizen
Username: Mapleman
Post Number: 662
Registered: 6-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 5:19 pm: |
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On the contrary. They are "heard" all right. They call me "dude" or "yo." And that is just beyond the pale. They have all this slang that I don't understand. Even the slang was better in my day. You can keep your "fo shizzles" and the like. I prefer a good "vo dee o do" or a "23 skiddoo" any time. |
Peter G. Magic
Citizen
Username: Pmagic
Post Number: 146
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 12:20 am: |
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and when you were a teenager you probably wore a fur coat and swallowed live goldfish? at least that is what I have heard about your generation - 23 skiddoo |
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