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Amateur Night
Citizen
Username: Deborahg
Post Number: 1920
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 7:24 am: | 
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Well, I generally adore MeAnd anad worship everything she says, but the "single/no kids" comment hit me the wrong way, too, for the reasons combustion mentioned above. I certainly believe and hope MeAnd didn't mean it that way, but sometimes posting comes across harsher than conversation, you know?
And in case anyone asks, I am a single parent with two kids and a full-time job in NY -- the trifecta of overload.
That said, three weeks is enough notice for me. When's the party? I will be there! |
Royce
Citizen
Username: Royce
Post Number: 19
Registered: 1-2004
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 9:47 am: |
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Amateur Night, you sound pretty busy to me, but according to the Meandtheboys standard, you've got way less going on than she does (3 schedules vs. 5 schedules). But you're still ahead of combustion and me (2 schedules) and bella (1 schedule). |
Zoesky1
Citizen
Username: Zoesky1
Post Number: 1607
Registered: 6-2003
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 9:58 am: |
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I have to pile on here...I, too, like AmateurNight, am a single parent with two kids and a full time job in NYC. It's not a contest, but I'd argue any day of the week that we have it tougher when it comes to juggling getting things done than a married woman with kids, esp. one who doesn't work outside the home. It's not about schedules so much as sanity and how many balls one person can keep in the air at any one time. Oh, and I have been both types of mom, by the way. |
Amateur Night
Citizen
Username: Deborahg
Post Number: 1922
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 10:01 am: |
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Hey, this isn't a contest! In no way would I argue that I have it tougher -- or less tough -- than MeAnd or a single person or anyone else! Just wanted to give backstory on my reaction to MeAnd's comment, fwiw. |
Zoesky1
Citizen
Username: Zoesky1
Post Number: 1608
Registered: 6-2003
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 10:08 am: |
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Actually, I have to edit myself....after I posted that post, I thought about it more and realized I'd start a full-blown mommy battle --- not to mention potentially offend some good friends of mine if they read this --- and I had no intention of doing that. As I said, it's not a contest. But some times my own Monday morning/never-enough-time-on-the-weekend angst gets the better of me, and I make the mistake of firing off my mouth (er...mouse?) before I've thought about it enough. I apologize to any mom whom I have just offended. We ALL have it tough. None of us make enough money, all of us are frazzled, and overworked, and we should all bang margarita glasses together some time at the pub. Sorry, all.
Happy Monday. |
Royce
Citizen
Username: Royce
Post Number: 20
Registered: 1-2004
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 10:12 am: |
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I was just kidding around -- I thought meandtheboys's comment "1 person, one schedule. 5 people, 5 schedules. I'm sure even Bella must understand that simple math" was condescending and simplistic, so I decided to make fun of it.
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las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 2137
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 10:12 am: |
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Sometimes a vent is just a vent, not a political viewpoint.
MATB was griping about her sister-in-law, not about her lifestyle.
I would be willing to bet if this were a thoughtfully planned post in Please Help as opposed to the vent that it is MATB would have edited that comment or deleted it in its entirety simply to avoid any possible contention.
FWIW, the other day someone in Virtual Cafe referred to people as being Nazis and no one came out to slam that poster.
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Glock 17
Citizen
Username: Glock17
Post Number: 1641
Registered: 7-2005
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 12:09 pm: |
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If you don't care if she comes or not, meandtheboys...why does her marital status/schedule matter? Additionally...if you REALLY didn't care, this topic wouldn't exist. That's all I have to say. |
BGS
Supporter
Username: Bgs
Post Number: 1202
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 12:25 pm: |
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Meand...I understood what you said and do not think that you said anything wrong. Unfortunately, some days, some people are more sensitive than other days.
Hope that the party is a success and that SIL remembers your child.
Ciao!
B
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Brett Weir
Citizen
Username: Brett_weir
Post Number: 1705
Registered: 4-2004
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 1:00 pm: |
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I think the real issue was the notice time- three weeks is plenty for the birthday of a child. How much more time does one need- YES, I can or NO I can't make it.
The "not married, no kids" part was surely intended to reflect that the SIL has a different sense of scheduling than a parent with a spouse and several kids. Moms don't get to sit around a day-planner and organize to their favorite music with a favorite beverage selection- they do it and everything else amidst the daily firestorm of running a home. It's not a value judgment but a clarification of persepective.
MATB- every family has them and you just bite your lip and move on. Family functions should not be a source of anxiety; we all should assume that everyone who can be there will, and everyone who isn't had another commitment. Carry no hard feelings and make no apologies; life goes on. |
Virtual It Girl
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 4886
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 1:58 pm: |
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Agree with Brett. I used to feel bad if my in-laws couldn't come or what have you. Now that I see they pull the same BS with my sister-in-law (their own daughter and her kid) I realize it's them, not me. Plus, when my mom and aunt and siblings do all they can to help, my MIL would be sitting on her Arse making stupid conversation and asking for more bon bons.
Planning kids' b-days when you have three busy kids and a crazy summer schedule is difficult. You don't need her BS. If she makes it, fine, if not, don't worry. Your son has plenty of love in his life. |
combustion
Citizen
Username: Spontaneous
Post Number: 334
Registered: 4-2006
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 3:15 pm: |
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Yes, between hubby and me, we technically only have "2" schedules. But I should also point out that between hubby and me, we have three jobs (2 full, 1 part) AND 1 full time college student, AND time spent volunteering (approximately 24 hours per average week). No, we don't have children, but we still have a very full schedule. When my sister announced my nephew's b-day 10 days before the party, it was very difficult to arrange. I managed to wrangle a half day at work, hubby was unable to get the time off. Sorry, but parents don't hold the patent on busy schedules. |
Brett Weir
Citizen
Username: Brett_weir
Post Number: 1706
Registered: 4-2004
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 6:01 pm: |
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Combustion- Ten days is still not a daunting period to resolve one's ability to accept or decline. For most, a regretful "no" is far preferable to an open "we'll try", or a non-response. I think it's a given that we're all very busy regardless of our particular life-situation. A family birthday is a known event and one can always pick up the phone and ask "What are you doing for Mary's birthday?" if timing is a problem. It is family... |
Tuxedo
Citizen
Username: Tuxedo
Post Number: 86
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 1, 2006 - 8:24 am: |
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Leticia Baldwin, Emily Post, et al. Buy a book, live by it. You won't piss off your friends or family. I could go on and on, but that would be rude.
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Brett Weir
Citizen
Username: Brett_weir
Post Number: 1708
Registered: 4-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 1, 2006 - 9:07 am: |
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Right- unless you wear white after Labor Day... |
LilLB
Citizen
Username: Lillb
Post Number: 2193
Registered: 10-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 1, 2006 - 9:24 am: |
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3 weeks is plenty. We've gotten invites to children's partys even later than that, and to be honest, I thought it was a clever way for parents to keep the number of people attending down to a minimum (which is easier to control, especially when there are lots of young kids in the family). I never faulted them for that - I actually gave them kudos for good party management. 
Whether you're married with kids, single parent, single, or married without kids or any other situation, people make some assumptions without really realizing it about your life based on this status. I think that the SIL's response was actually very telling that she encounters the same assumptions that posters (the ones without kids) have expressed here. She reacted with a "Yes...I do work" because she's probably sick of people making assumptions about her schedule/obligations. |
Gregor Samsa
Citizen
Username: Oldsctls67
Post Number: 576
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 1, 2006 - 3:07 pm: |
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Isn't wearing white after Labor Day a generally accepted practice now? ( I still won't wear my white bucks before Memorial Day of after Labor day) I thought I saw it on one of those little road signs on "What not to wear" |
MeAndTheBoys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 4301
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 2, 2006 - 9:10 am: |
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Whatever, Bella. So I guess you think calling me a "caustic hausfrau" is "nice." Don't know where you come from, but where I come from it's about as far from "nice" as you can get.
Thanks to those of you who "get" where I'm coming from.
Single, married, with children, without, or any combination thereof, it's all the same to me. I have good friends in every category. Treating folks with common decency is what matters to me, and it's my only criteria for "judging" whether anyone is worth my time and energy. |
Glock 17
Citizen
Username: Glock17
Post Number: 1662
Registered: 7-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 2, 2006 - 11:09 am: |
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If you don't care if she comes or not, meandtheboys...why does her marital status/schedule matter? Additionally...if you REALLY didn't care, this topic wouldn't exist. The truth is that you DO care...and you care a lot. You want to shove your having kids in her face and try to show her that your way of life is better than hers (because it is in your mind.). |
mjh
Supporter
Username: Mjh
Post Number: 720
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 2, 2006 - 11:48 am: |
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Please don't sugar-coat it Glock. Tell us what you really feel. |
Mr. Big Poppa
Citizen
Username: Big_poppa
Post Number: 832
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 2, 2006 - 12:53 pm: |
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Hold on...I have to go get some popcorn....don't want to miss these post July 4th fireworks!!!!! |
MeAndTheBoys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 4306
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 2, 2006 - 12:57 pm: |
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Wowsa, what a rich and detailed fantasy you've created there Glock.
Tell us more, oh clairvoyant one! |
Joanne G
Citizen
Username: Joanne
Post Number: 441
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 2, 2006 - 5:42 pm: |
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To a certain extent we've kind of missed the point: Me& said in first post this lady is the child's godparent. That assumes she's accepted a degree of interet and closeness in child's life, which comes with responsibilities - such as keeping tabs on birthdays. It's virtually the same as being an aunt. Working for pay or not, with children or not, living nearby or not there's an obligation to keep up with important dates and milestones so that you can be the 'back-up parent' the godparent role is earmarked for.
Me&, I don't think you're unreasonable for feeling put out by the response. I don't think SIL is, necessarily, either. However in her place I would have had the date marked on my calendar, would have known you were probably trying to arrange something and might have tried to keep my social options open.
Min you - my sister and her entire family just drove 4 hours to come to my milestone birthday lunch on Saturday. Never before been to visit me in this town in the 10 years I lived here. Had lunch and turned around to go home again because their morning tennis and walk and the kids' evening socialising was more important than me. H'm.... She's older, it's not as if she doesn't know the date...
Families. |
combustion
Citizen
Username: Spontaneous
Post Number: 348
Registered: 4-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, August 3, 2006 - 1:36 am: |
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Guess what!!! I got notice of a family party FIVE F'ING DAYS before the party!!!! Guess what else. I decided I was too busy to go. If someone's gonna wait until five days before to invite me, to a family event no less, I must not be that important to them, so I really don't think they'll miss me for not being there. |
sll
Citizen
Username: Sll
Post Number: 15
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Sunday, August 6, 2006 - 12:22 pm: |
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Zoesky-
I was not offended by your remarks at all. I am in a two-parent household, with two children, (with all its challenges), and when my husband travels, I struggle. I salute all parents, but especially single parents! |
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