| Author | Message | ||
     Matt Foley Citizen Username: Mattfoley Post Number: 760 Registered: 6-2004  |
HELP ME! Our butler just gave us his two weeks notice this morning! I am in a major jam. As you can imagine this has thrown the House of Foley into utter chaos. What kind of sick person just up and quits mere weeks before the Labor Day picnicing season ? Who will prepare my picnic basket and box lunches ? Who will ensure my comfort ? Will my door answer itself when guests drop in ? I'm quite certain that cucumber sandwiches don't just up and serve themselves. Am I to just sense when the family sedan is ready for the day's touring? Does anyone know of a butler of promising repute ? I am currently writing an advertisment to run in a few local papers. If anyone has any suggestions... PL me if you must | ||
| Mayor McCheese Supporter Username: Mayor_mccheese  Post Number: 2047 Registered: 7-2004  |
My suggestion is to lay off of the toad licking for a few days. You are losing your mind. | ||
| Hoops Citizen Username: Hoops Post Number: 1766 Registered: 10-2004  |
I hear Geoffrey is available -  | ||
| MHD Citizen Username: Mayhewdrive Post Number: 4500 Registered: 5-2001  |
or Benson  | ||
| Parkbench87 Citizen Username: Parkbench87 Post Number: 5029 Registered: 7-2001  |
Stick with the Old School Butler  | ||
| Matt Foley Citizen Username: Mattfoley Post Number: 761 Registered: 6-2004 |
Benson was the Lietenant Governor. Krauss was the maid. | ||
| Mayor McCheese Supporter Username: Mayor_mccheese Post Number: 2048 Registered: 7-2004 |
Of course there is the ultimate, Mr Belvedere  | ||
| Dave Supporter Username: Dave Post Number: 10302 Registered: 4-1997  |
You can borrow Jeeves for the weekend.  | ||
| Nohero Supporter Username: Nohero Post Number: 5691 Registered: 10-1999  |
I suggest Mr. French.  | ||
| Pdg Citizen Username: Pdg Post Number: 1117 Registered: 5-2004  |
I loved Mr. French! (and Mrs. Beasley, of course.) | ||
| buzzsaw Citizen Username: Buzzsaw Post Number: 5501 Registered: 5-2001  |
 | ||
| Lord Pabulum Citizen Username: Lord_pabulum Post Number: 13 Registered: 7-2006  |
How about Alice - she ain't a butler but she's hot in an apron  | ||
| Flying_char Citizen Username: Flying_char Post Number: 143 Registered: 8-2005 |
I would help you, but I am not a man, just a tall blonde with big boobs, Sorry :-( | ||
| Pizzaz Supporter Username: Pizzaz Post Number: 4106 Registered: 11-2001  |
Matt Foley welcomes those kinds of introductions..... He's very amiable.....  | ||
| Debra Davidson Citizen Username: Peanutslady Post Number: 170 Registered: 5-2005  |
I know you will do fine. All you have to do is to do what the rest of us do. Wash your own close, do the dishes, make dinner, clean the house, pack your own picnic basket and live your life just as you have been. There millions of people who are not as fortunate as you to have a butler and we are all doing just fine. Your life is not going to fall apart. You are going to put an add in the paper and or on the net for a new butler. Until you hire a new butler I know you are going to do just fine. | ||
| doulamomma Citizen Username: Doulamomma Post Number: 1643 Registered: 3-2002 |
Good help is so hard to find these days... How about just getting one of those (awful - sorry) little tables shaped like a littler butler! Or, how about a beautiful nanny instead?!  | ||
| Jersey_Boy Citizen Username: Jersey_boy Post Number: 1596 Registered: 1-2006  |
Yeah Matt, I agree with Debra. The same thing happened to me and it worked out fine. He's something I learned though: The dishes are washed, not thrown out after meals. Just a heads up till you find a replacement. J.B. | ||
| Matt Foley Citizen Username: Mattfoley Post Number: 763 Registered: 6-2004 |
Thanks JB. Although I have to admit to throwing out dishes after meals during my bachelor days. | ||
| Matt Foley Citizen Username: Mattfoley Post Number: 764 Registered: 6-2004 |
Debra, I did not strive all these years to attain this station in life only to be reduced to domestic stoop labor. I have always been more than nice to the help. Just so dumbfounded by the sudden departure. I acknowledge good service and only chastise/admonish when necc. due to churlishness or impudence. | ||
| Mayor McCheese Supporter Username: Mayor_mccheese Post Number: 2062 Registered: 7-2004 |
"Just so dumbfounded by the sudden departure." Well, good help does tend to ask for some type of compensation. | ||
| Matt Foley Citizen Username: Mattfoley Post Number: 765 Registered: 6-2004 |
The staff receives an ample "living wage". I as I'm sure other folk in my situation do deduct for their meals, personal use of my utilities,downtime rest periods, and other expenditures. I even grant 2 floating holidays in lieu of Christmas & Thanksgiving, to those who demonstrate perfect attendance during the course of the previous year. | ||
| Matt Foley Citizen Username: Mattfoley Post Number: 766 Registered: 6-2004 |
Here is a copy of my advert as it is to read in this weeks remaining Star Ledger editions: Butler Needed For Family of four in bucolic South Orange,NJ. Must come highly endorsed by familiar reference sources. Conversational fluency in Dutch & Flemish a + for expidited mgmnt. of laundry staff & driver. duties include/not limited to:food service(not preperation),doorman activities,schedule maint., heavy phone traffic, maintain overall integrity of rms. including sunporch and gazeebo(no gardening). responding to some personal mail. heavy lifting from time to time. Comp. Salary and benifit. incld. floating holidays, Sunday non-live in status, uniform allowance, a reserved spot in annual family portrait sitting,use of a post office box located in Murray Hill, 401k Busy Picnic sched. in fall so time is of ess. please phone Mr.Foley at SO3-1121 | ||
| LazyDog Citizen Username: Lazydog Post Number: 346 Registered: 6-2005  |
MF (!), this may help if position is not filled in a timely manner, and your are, despicably, left to fend for yourself.  | ||
| GlassJoe Citizen Username: Glass_joe Post Number: 82 Registered: 6-2005  |
mf is an elitist jerk. | ||
| Pdg Citizen Username: Pdg Post Number: 1135 Registered: 5-2004 |
Matt is funny - what's eating you Joe? | ||
| Jersey_Boy Citizen Username: Jersey_boy Post Number: 1599 Registered: 1-2006 |
He's Matt's ex-butler!  J.B. | ||
| Matt Foley Citizen Username: Mattfoley Post Number: 768 Registered: 6-2004 |
that would explain a lot. | ||
| Pizzaz Supporter Username: Pizzaz Post Number: 4126 Registered: 11-2001 |
Matt, you're looking better than ever....  | ||
| Lord Pabulum Citizen Username: Lord_pabulum Post Number: 18 Registered: 7-2006 |
Hey matt - who's a fancy pants with the moving picture huh? show us your co*k, unless your chef has left your employ as well. | ||
| Debra Davidson Citizen Username: Peanutslady Post Number: 172 Registered: 5-2005 |
If it is to much for you to the dishes then use paper plats, bowls, cups and plastic flat were until you get a new butler. As for the other things, sorry there is no easy way around them. You can't go around wearing disposable cloths, so you do the laundry until you get a new butler. As for cleaning the house. They have not invented a self clean house yet. | ||
| The Man Citizen Username: Bumboklaat Post Number: 191 Registered: 2-2005  |
I've got a warranty on my self-cleaning house... And paid plenty for it. | ||
| Amateur Night Citizen Username: Deborahg Post Number: 1934 Registered: 5-2001  |
Until Matt Foley posted the bit about his "family of four," I thought perhaps he was a pseudonym for my ex-husband! | ||
| Steve Hickson Citizen Username: Shickson Post Number: 56 Registered: 4-2006  |
Matt, Might I suggest my housecleaner/psuedo-butler---her name is Hazel, she's hot and has a heart of solid gold!  | ||
| Steve Hickson Citizen Username: Shickson Post Number: 57 Registered: 4-2006 |
Matt, Upon further reflection I might also suggest Mrs. Livingston---in fact, if anyone has her number I have a job for her at my Meeker Street estate!  | ||
| Just The Aunt Supporter Username: Auntof13 Post Number: 5949 Registered: 1-2004  |
What about Alice from the Brady Bunch? Or Mr Belvidere? Or the guy from the Nanny? BTW I LOVED Hazel and the Courtship of Eddie's Father!  | ||
| Lord Pabulum Citizen Username: Lord_pabulum Post Number: 40 Registered: 7-2006 |
Just The Aunt : This thread died along time ago what is your agenda in resurrecting it? and if you notice some of your suggestions have.. look above. | ||
| Scully Citizen Username: Scully Post Number: 935 Registered: 8-2005 |
Lord Pabulum - Steve Hickson resurrected this thread. Read your dates and times. And his 'agenda' (and JTA's) is a little light hearted fun. Troll away... | ||
| Politicalmon Citizen Username: Politicalmon Post Number: 247 Registered: 9-2005  |
I really think Foley needs a man's man...  | ||
| Matt Foley Citizen Username: Mattfoley Post Number: 781 Registered: 6-2004 |
Mrs.Foley is beside herself. What with all of the general domesticus. I'd like to thank all of those who have PL'd me with actual candidates. I am delighted to announce that we have it narrowed down to 3 potential Butlers. It is in this light I now need further assistance from my MOL "family". I am proposing a Buttleoff. In hopes of discovering in earnest who is really worthy of said position. I would like to study each in a multiple of disciplines. Please add your opinion and or event. This has been so burdensome to say the least. First event... Lazy Susan Spinoff (contestants will attempt to stop the "susan" at the precise moment, so as to easily hand me my condiment/spice of choice with rapid ease.) | ||
| Elaine Harris Citizen Username: Elaineharris Post Number: 224 Registered: 12-2004 |
Mr. Foley, sir, there is another major crisis looming for you, and you seem to be ignoring it. | ||
| Scully Citizen Username: Scully Post Number: 945 Registered: 8-2005 |
And what would that be? | ||
| notehead Supporter Username: Notehead Post Number: 3725 Registered: 5-2001  |
Mr. Foley, I wish you luck in addressing this most unfortunate turn of events. I strongly suggest that, in the interest of avoiding a sudden crisis like this in the future, you consider allowing the butler to sleep somewhere other than that large dog cage in your yard. Indoors, perhaps? Surely the high nighttime temperatures have had some influence on the scalliwag's unconscionable abandonment of his post. Maybe providing a small battery-powered fan would be sufficient. By the way... you are a freakishly gifted dancer. I'm amazed. | ||
| Matt Foley Citizen Username: Mattfoley Post Number: 782 Registered: 6-2004 |
Ms. Harris, I am still unable to locate the missing. I apologize. Chalk it up to me being an embarassing moron. Sincerely sorry | ||
| Bajou Citizen Username: Bajou Post Number: 1590 Registered: 2-2006  |
You know it is a sad state of affairs. Here is Matt Foley having spent many many hours researching to find the proper help. He finally lucks out and finds that therapist that can help him get rid of that darn imaginary butler friend of his and then this...a relapse...what a sad turn of events. | ||
| Monster© Supporter Username: Monster Post Number: 4561 Registered: 7-2002  |
your lazy susan test is all wrong, the proper butler will be able to precisely pluck the needed item from it as it is spinning, then apply the correct amount of said item to your food (as he knows your tastes, desires, whims, etc.), and then place said item back upon the still spinning lazy susan. I would have been happy to forward references from my last butler to you, however he left suddenly and his family still hasn't been able to find him, and they never will, hahahahahahaha................ | ||
| Bajou Citizen Username: Bajou Post Number: 1594 Registered: 2-2006 |
You are scary man! | ||
| Lucy Supporter Username: Lucy Post Number: 5199 Registered: 5-2005  |
Lesson learned don't piss off Monster! | ||
| Monster© Supporter Username: Monster Post Number: 4565 Registered: 7-2002 |
the lesson learned is to not miss on the lazy susan.... | ||
| Bajou Citizen Username: Bajou Post Number: 1599 Registered: 2-2006 |
Who gives as long as the thing is not called "Lazy CBajou"....Oooops almost outed myself. | ||
| Robert Landau Citizen Username: Metaphysician Post Number: 1 Registered: 6-2006 |
Hey, Steve Hickson and Just the Aunt, Since all three of us have Meeker St. estates, maybe we could share the services of a butler. Since Matt Foley is too lame to keep good help, I bet the 3 of us could easily outbid him for the best of the best, and keep all of our manses and vast tracts of land in tip-top shape! |
