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Just The Aunt
Supporter
Username: Auntof13
Post Number: 3669
Registered: 1-2004
| | Posted on Friday, January 20, 2006 - 3:19 am: | 
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How do you go about making arrangements for someone who dies in a hospital in New York State (about 1 1/2 hours from here) who wants to be cremated? They have made it clear they don't not want 'anything big.' Any Memorial Service would be here in NJ.
For some reason some of the family members were told by the hospital if the person is cremated it would take two weeks to get the ashes. The hospital also told some of the family members due to some ridiculous law the ashes can't be released to the family because they'd be going across state lines.
Supposedly even if the person were to die in NJ, the body would still end up at the same crematory. If this is the case, why couldn't the Funeral Director from NJ go to the hospital when the person dies, get the body and take it to the crematory?
Supposedly because the person has Sepsis (which they got while in the hospital), NY insists on certain procedures being followed and one of them is the person's body has to be release to a mortician who is licensed in NY.
The hospital itself is screwy! There is a sign posted outside the Emergency Room Entrance that says 'if you have a fever or are throwing up, DO NOT enter the building. Send someone inside and we will come out to you...' Or something to that effect. |
fiche
Citizen
Username: Fiche
Post Number: 68
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Friday, January 20, 2006 - 10:30 am: |
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JTA:
I read your post under Zadya's and assume you are talking about your father here. Please accept my deepest condolence to you and your family.
I know that you are a long time resident of South Orange so presumably you have a funeral home you deal with. They can give you the answers. That's what they are there for. Also, you can have a memorial service without the ashes.
Best wishes. |
Just The Aunt
Supporter
Username: Auntof13
Post Number: 3676
Registered: 1-2004
| | Posted on Friday, January 20, 2006 - 1:45 pm: |
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Yes, I am posting about my dad. Thanks. We found out they were telling the truth with what they told my sisters at the hospital. It's a major mess. After my mom spoke with the Fureral Home that handled the arrangements for my brother and brother in law when they died, my mom, sister and brother all went back up to NY to try to make arrangements to get my father's body back to NJ, for when the time comes.
I tried to tell my mom we could have a Memorial Service without a body. But being Catholic, there's some stupid rule about needing to have the body for the Mass. (Just one more reason I'm an escaped Catholic). Now she's talking about having a full fledged wake etc. |
susan1014
Supporter
Username: Susan1014
Post Number: 1297
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Friday, January 20, 2006 - 3:00 pm: |
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My condolences also.
Best of luck sorting out the messy logistics. |
ess
Citizen
Username: Ess
Post Number: 916
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, January 21, 2006 - 12:01 am: |
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JTA -- my sympathy on the loss of your father. |
Joan
Supporter
Username: Joancrystal
Post Number: 6932
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, January 21, 2006 - 9:46 am: |
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JTA:
I'm so sorry about your loss. Please accept my deepest condolences.
Just a thought here, do you have any close relatives or friends who are NYS residents and could pick up your father's ashes from the crematorium and then transport them to NJ and give them to you or your Mom?
My father-in-law died in NYS and was cremated in NYS. A family member who lived in NYS signed for the ashes and then brought them out to us in NJ.
If this is not an option, you might consider getting advice from your father-in-law's clergy person if he had one regarding both the release of the body from the crematorium and the requirements for a memorial service or wake within your father's religion. This person is bound to have come across this problem before and have a quick solution for you.
Again, my sympathies. You will find a workable solution to this problem but it is so dreadful to have to face something like this just now. |
Just The Aunt
Supporter
Username: Auntof13
Post Number: 3678
Registered: 1-2004
| | Posted on Sunday, January 22, 2006 - 4:41 am: |
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Ooops. While I appreciate everyone's concern in the other thread; I realize my mistake. At the time I posted the original note my father hadn't died. He wasn't expected to make it through the night Thursday. He wasn't even expected to last the 2 hours it would take me to get to the hospital.
The doctors and nurses were so sure of this, my sister and brother who had spent the day up there and had just gotten home, turned around and went back up. They had been up there most of the day Thursday; but by the time they had gotten home, my dad's blood pressure dropped significantly. This happened after my brother in law (who was less the 15 minutes from the hospital) had turned around to come get me because my mom thought the roads were dangerous for me to drive at night! So we now had my brother and sister already home getting ready to turn around to go back and my brother in law almost here to get me!
Unbelievably my dad seemed to perk up slightly when he realized I was there. His blood pressure which was something like 48 / 20 even rose slightly. When my brother in law, brother, sister and I left to go back home (my mom decided to come home too) Thursday night Friday morning, we were still told he would most likely not make it through the night. (thus the posting of my note).
If my mom didn't have to figure out what the regulations were, my brother didn't need to be on a job site, my having to be home for my friend's child I was supposed to be taking care of, I am sure we would have stayed. If anything had happened Thursday night and I wasn't able to get there I would have felt terrible.
My mom spent Friday speaking with the Funereal Director in Jersey, who had handled the arrangements when my other brother and a brother in law had died. He informed her the hospital was right with their information. From what I understand, my cousin, who lives where the hospital is helped my mom make the necessary arrangements with someone in NY, when she got up there Friday (yesterday) so we don't have to worry about it when the time comes.
I think my family is driving the hospital staff nuts. But to tell the truth we think most of the ICU staff is clueless anyway. His nurse today really ticked off my sister and brother. When my mom sister and I got there we found the sister who was there cleaning my dad because the nurse taking care of him really couldn't. She (the nurse) was rude to my sister, rude to my dad, then make the mistake of being rude to my mom with the three of us there. Big mistake!
We couldn't believe we had to ask for ointment to put on him because skin was breaking down and the nurse didn't bother to put anything on him. We had to asked for clean sheets. We had to ask for ice. The ICU wasn't even that busy!
We were really glad when she left at 7pm. The nurse who came on next luckily was a man who was better able to position my dad when he needed to be moved. My dad's still not out of the woods; but we are now pretty confident nothing's going to happen tonight or in the next few days. Enough so my youngest sister is going back to Florida tomorrow (Sunday morning).
I think she was starting to be concerned she left her three year old in the care of her 19 year old son and soon to be 17 year old girlfriend as well as their girlfriend and boyfriend. At least the 3 year old was in school all day Thursday and Friday.
This is the first time since Thursday morning none of us are up at the hospital. Something we noticed, none of the other patents in ICU had family in the tiny little waiting area. This hospital didn't have round the clock visiting hours like the other hospitals we were use to.
When a friend of mine was in and out of the hospital, one time 90 days in ICU, there were days I was in her room 24 hours straight. Her mom would be there 8 am -7pm every day, sitting by her bed.
They don't allow that at the hospital my dad's in. We think because this is a hospital pretty much in the middle of nowhere, the staff isn't use to dealing with family members who know how to advocate or speak up for the patents.
Since my mom felt very comfortable with the nurse who will be on until 7am Sunday morning, she felt it would be ok for nobody to stay. (I think the hospital is glad we aren't there either)
I've been calling up there every couple of hours or so since we've been home to get updates. Good or bad, there's been no real change. Good because he hasn't gotten any worse, but bad because he hasn't improved. The nurse has been great about my calling. Since my brother plans to be up there by 6:45am (he wants to personally talk to the over night nurse) I let the nurse know I won't be calling back to annoy him anymore tonight.
So that's how things stand for now. I'm really sorry for not being more clear the other night. |
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