| Author |
Message |
    
amk
Citizen
Username: Amk
Post Number: 53
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 11:00 am: | 
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My husband and I are exploring international adoption. Has anyone had experience that they'd like to share with this way of building a family? Please feel free to pl me. Thanks very much. |
The Libertarian
Citizen
Username: Local_1_crew
Post Number: 1447
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 11:08 am: |
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my sister is adopted. we got her when she was 14 months old. she is korean by birth but is now a normal 34 year old new york jew. we got her from the Holt agency in oregon.
the first year was the hardest. she had very little contact with people with light colored hair so she wailed every time she saw my very blond mother. she had also never slept on a bed so my father had to sleep on the floor with her until she got used to a bed. the agency gave us a list of the 4 words she knew but of course they were in korean. we all learned how to say cookie, no, bottle, and yes in korean pretty quickly.
i have always had a great bond with my sister, i cant ever recall fighting with her, even when we were small.
she asked about her bio parents once but never seemed that interested. whenever her adoption came up, my folks told her how special she was because most parents dont get to pick out the child they want, and they picked her. it made her feel like her adoption made her special.
anyhoo, my sister turned out to be a real cool chick and i reccommend adoption wholeheartedly.
please pm me with any question.
Complaining isnt activism.
stop bitching on the internet and do something about it!
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The Libertarian
Citizen
Username: Local_1_crew
Post Number: 1448
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 11:10 am: |
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i must admit i got a little weepy thinking about how much i love my sister after writing that. i think i will call her.
Complaining isnt activism.
stop bitching on the internet and do something about it!
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Pamela
Citizen
Username: Pamela
Post Number: 22
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 12:26 pm: |
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We adopted our daughter from Guatemala ~3 years ago. Of course, she's totally wonderful & despite the ups & downs in the process, it wasn't too bad. International adoption requirements vary by country so you should research thoroughly. We're part of an adoption group where many of the kids were adopted from abroad. Feel free to private line if you want more information. |
Bob K
Supporter
Username: Bobk
Post Number: 10473
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 12:37 pm: |
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Our kids, 22 and 19 are also Korean born and were adopted through Spence Chapin in New York. They arrived before they were three months old, so the adjustments weren't as difficult as Libertarian's sister experienced.
Unfortunately, Korea is no longer a source of adoptable children unless one or both parents are Asian.
I think there are agencies that deal with Chinese children. I know a couple of posters who have adopted kids from China. |
C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 2425
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 12:47 pm: |
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There are a lot of transcultural adoptive families in Maplewood and South Orange. A major change from when Libertarian's sister was adopted has been the recognition (based largely on the experience of Korean adoptee, btw) that both race and cultural issues matter and they can/should be addressed in positive, affirming ways. Living in a community where other kids, and some of the adults, look similar is helpful.
We are an adoptive family by way of China (nearly 9 years ago) and have been very happy raising our daughter here. Most years she has had another Asian (usually Chinese) child in her class. And she knows lots of adoptive families.
Private Line me if you like. We used La Vida in Pennsylvania for the adoption and they have programs in Asia, Latin America and Eastern Europe, I believe. |
Handygirl
Citizen
Username: Handygirl
Post Number: 548
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 1:22 pm: |
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Bob K, fyi, I have friends who just last month adopted a baby boy from Korea. Neither of them is Asian, so it is definitely still possible.
Handygirl
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Eats Shoots & Leaves
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 2952
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 1:42 pm: |
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We were planning on an adoption from Columbia. We were using Alliance for Children in Waltham, MA--they specialize in Columbian and Chinese adoptions. Through a cool twist in the universe we wound up adopting a whole different way, but we learned a ton about foreign adoptions.
1. Find a reputable agency, first and foremost. Speak to lots of people who have used agencies and find the best ones. Then, interview the agency director and social worker you would work with. If you do not feel comfortable, don't use them.
2. Look up Open Door Network or other adoption service groups and find other parents who have adopted internationally. Go to their conferences, if they have one, and meet people. Find out which countries currently have the most fair and open adoption procedures--these change from moment to moment depending on politics in each country. We chose Columbia because at that time it was very clean regarding adoptions, and we were very comfortable with Latin culture. My best friend went to China because her husband was Chinese, although he had never been out of the USA in his life.
3. Find out which countries have restrictions that you can live with. For example, some require you to stay in-country for a period of time, others require two trips down. Also, be really honest with yourself--how will you integrate a foreign child into your family? Would you want to take them to visit their birth countries or not? Will you be more or less comfortable with an Asian culture? Latin culture? Eastern European culture? Their birth origins will become part of your family, even if you raise them totally as Americans with no connection to their birth land--it will be there, so you need to be comfortable with it.
4. Find a pediatrician who specializes in foreign adoptions BEFORE you get on a list. She or he will give you great guidance on what could be a scary part of the process.
5. Trust me on this one, no matter where you go or what you do, the moment you lay eyes on your kid, you will be lost in love for the rest of your lives. The bonding is quick, strong, and searing. It may take a few days or even weeks for everyone to get warm and cozy, but that immediate bond is incredible. I have seen it myself, and heard it from so many other adoptive parents.
Best of luck in growing your family. |
mem
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 5692
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 1:53 pm: |
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There are over 100,000 American children in foster care that are eligible for adoption... |
Bob K
Supporter
Username: Bobk
Post Number: 10474
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 2:04 pm: |
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Handygirl, interesting. At the time of the Seoul Olympics Brian Gumble made an insensitive remark about Korea "exporting" children and soon thereafter the sources dried up. Apparently, at least to some degree this has changed.
Cathy, by the time our kids came along introducing the kids to their birth culture was already in vogue. Interestingly, neither of our kids were all that interested, although as young adults they both, especially the 19 year old boy, have become more interested and have sought out some Asian friends. |
C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 2426
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 2:11 pm: |
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Trust me on this one, no matter where you go or what you do, the moment you lay eyes on your kid, you will be lost in love for the rest of your lives. The bonding is quick, strong, and searing. It may take a few days or even weeks for everyone to get warm and cozy, but that immediate bond is incredible. I have seen it myself, and heard it from so many other adoptive parents.
So true, in my experience. My daughter's referral picture was not the most flattering (I tell her I know what she's going to look like when she's an old lady and totally pissed off at someone!) But, when they put her in my arms, she looked directly into my eyes and I literally fell in love, sobbing. Gettin' misty here just writing about it 9 years later. |
Da Lat
Citizen
Username: Sidrn
Post Number: 164
Registered: 6-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 2:23 pm: |
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"she is korean by birth but is now a normal 34 year old new york jew." 
Lib, I know a Korean guy adopted by a Jewish family in California. They named him Leo Katz. It was hilarious because every time we had roll call, a new teacher or coach thought that he was being a wise guy when he answered his name. His adopted dad finally got so sick of having to hear poor Leo retell the same stories that he changed his last name to "Lee." "Katz" became his middle name.
He was/is more comfortable eating bagel lox than japchae. Great family and great guy!
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The Libertarian
Citizen
Username: Local_1_crew
Post Number: 1449
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 3:39 pm: |
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that both race and cultural issues matter and they can/should be addressed in positive, affirming ways
we in know way treated her or involved her in activities that werent part of our normal lives.
we felt that she was now an american jew and would be raised a such. anything else would have confused her and made her feel more isolated. especially since she had no memeory of korean culture. we saw no point in forcing what was essentially a foriegn culture on her.
we felt that being adopted was enough of an issue for her without creating false issues that would make her feel even more different from the family. i think we went out for korean food once and realized we didnt like it and left. that was her moment of korean culture.
she turned out great.
DaLat- getting her bat mitzvahed was hell. really interesting too.
Complaining isnt activism.
stop bitching on the internet and do something about it!
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peteglider
Citizen
Username: Peteglider
Post Number: 1751
Registered: 8-2002
| | Posted on Monday, January 30, 2006 - 8:59 pm: |
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If you'd like, I'd be glad to share with you "my journey of a lifetime" story about adopting from Russia. PL me, be glad to talk
A good starting place -- Frank Foundation
http://www.frankfoundationcai.org/en/
And the actual adoption agency
http://www.frankadopt.org/
Perhaps MOST importantly -- a Maplewood resident is one the top in the world doctors involved with international adoption -- Dr Jane Aronson. Its a perspective you must have -- realistic and pragmatic.
http://www.orphandoctor.com/
Lastly -- just a language item -- no is "is adopted" -- just like no one "is born" -- its not an ongoing "state".
So -- a child "was adopted" (not "is adopted")
All the best --
Pete |
mem
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 5695
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 - 4:42 pm: |
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I just want to add that I have nothing against international adoption, I just wanted to remind people about domestic adoption as well, especially with the media frenzy about child abuse here lately.
I heard it is more difficult in some instances to adopt in the US for various reasons, which I think is a shame. |
amk
Citizen
Username: Amk
Post Number: 54
Registered: 11-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 12:30 pm: |
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Thanks very much for all the feedback. I'll be PL'ing those who offered. Thanks again -amk |
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