| Author | Message | ||
     las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 855 Registered: 10-2003 |
So there I was having dinner with my Partner In Crime at a restaurant when a man sat not too far away and I couldn't help but look at him. A lot. Until he looked at me, then I looked away. Until he looked away, then I looked back. Tres racy, I know. This is the first man I've noticed since my husband left me, and I had no idea what to do, so I kept eating and talking about him with my girlfriend. When I passed by him on my way out, I stared at my feet as if I had not spent the past hour pretending not to notice him while inventing fake encounter-scenarios with my girlfriend. We get outside and my PIC says, 'I hope you forgot something at the table so you could go back in to retrieve it.' Of course not, I had all my belongings. Do tell: how do you make nice with a stranger? | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 3875 Registered: 5-2001 |
Hmmm...make eye contact & smile? | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 2780 Registered: 12-2004  |
Yup, eye contact and smile. Hold contact for more than just a few seconds. Look at him every time you sense him looking at you and smile again. You have a very nice smile. If he responds, and he is alone, and your PIC agrees, maybe go so far as to see if he'd like to join you? Introduce yourself with a smile and a firm handshake. Exude confidence--even though you are probably not feeling it. What progress--noticing men is a very good step in the right direction, my dear! | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 856 Registered: 10-2003 |
Eye contact? Forget it. I'm not ready for this yet. | ||
| Jersey Boy Citizen Username: Jersey_boy Post Number: 66 Registered: 1-2006  |
Let's not forget this man could initiate contact too. We're trained that this is our responsibility from a very young age, usually by Disney. Did you make it clear that he could approach you without being rebuffed? It's not feminism, but unfaltering eye contact is a potent thing. It releases the man from his fear of rejection. As the female in this senario, all you have to do is maintain eye contact longer than is normal. I believe some call this a "come hither look". With good reason. You can still slap him once he comes over if you want -- or throw a drink in his face. Men are used to that. Have fun. | ||
| algebra2 Supporter Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 3956 Registered: 5-2001  |
Just walk over, stick out your paw and introduce yourself -- what's the worst that can happen? | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 857 Registered: 10-2003 |
For real, JB: you have an intrigue. What do you do? What do you say? The most important thing to me is that they don't have a dog, because my husband left me with three cats. I assume that's not the ice breaker. What is? What's the worst that can happen, Alg? It already did - anything else is a step up! | ||
| James Citizen Username: Gymtagart Post Number: 13 Registered: 11-2005 |
When you see a guy that you find interesting, find out where he'll be on Saturday afternoon and drive by him in a Miata. | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 933 Registered: 11-2001 |
I think it would have been cool to invite him to sit down. Wish I had thought of that. Of course, he would have had to have navigated through a sea of crayons, but if he were as nice as he were nice-looking, I am sure he wouldn't have minded. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 858 Registered: 10-2003 |
Nice, James! ESS, how come you only started having all these great ideas once we left the restaurant? | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6643 Registered: 5-2001  |
Well, in a restaurant, you have a no-brainer if you are shy: Are you enjoying your dinner? If he's not interested and you were misinterpreting his glances, he will say "fine, thanks" and go back to his food. If he chats more, well then.... Could be that he mistook your shoe-gazing as disinterest. Now, come on. You can do this. How could a lesbian possibly know more about this than you?  | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 859 Registered: 10-2003 |
You bring up a valid point Greenie: You see ESS and I were sitting next to each other in the booth, her kids were across from us. He probably thought we were partners and that I had a cross-eye or something. He was probably looking at me because he wanted to recommend the name of an ocular surgeon. | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 934 Registered: 11-2001 |
Maybe I shouldn't have been nibbling your ear. That might have given him the wrong idea. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 860 Registered: 10-2003 |
No, ESS. I'm glad you didn't stop. | ||
| Peter Citizen Username: Peter Post Number: 179 Registered: 7-2004 |
"Hi, my name is Las. What's yours?" Offer your hand for shaking. It worked for me for 20 years until I got married. Oh, what do you say next? Whatever you want. If he's interested, it won't matter. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 861 Registered: 10-2003 |
It worked for me for 20 years until I got married. Did it work on the woman you married? | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 2782 Registered: 12-2004 |
Now I'm jealous. las never let me nibble on her ear! | ||
| ajc Citizen Username: Ajc Post Number: 4738 Registered: 9-2001  |
...I'm sorry for staring, but you look so much like my High School sweetheart. So what school did you go to?  | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 936 Registered: 11-2001 |
Meand -- you just have to go for it. | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 12100 Registered: 1-2003  |
That's a good suggestion, ajc. A little lie (about recognition) to start the conversation. las, try looking in a mirror and practicing the looks you'd like to give. You'll forget them once you're in the moment, but it will build your confidence anyway.  | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 2785 Registered: 12-2004 |
Las has a very nice smile, she's smart and has a fabulous dry wit and a gigantic heart. Las, just keep telling yourself how wonderful you are over and over and over in your head, day and night, until you believe it. I honestly think your only obstacle is your tendancy to under-appreciate what you've got going for you. Which, of course, is understandable after the way you were treated. But that was all about him and not about you! | ||
| Michael K. Mc Kell Citizen Username: Greenerose Post Number: 828 Registered: 9-2003 |
I agree with ess..... Just grab the bull by the horns. I can recall in my short time being single just being bold. If it's gonna happen it's gonna happen. By the way, if a woman approached me I would feel like quite the stud so be tactful. Being a man I'm the first to say we are pigs and think with the wrong head. (Can I say that?) Michael K. Mc Kell | ||
| Guy Supporter Username: Vandalay Post Number: 1461 Registered: 8-2004  |
Las , one technique is to let your wingman (wingwoman)intitiate contact. When I was single this used to work for my friends. I would say, " Hi , I am going to the bathroom , could you keep an eye on my friend while I'm gone. " They would spend the first few minutes talking about what an idiot I am and that would break the ice. This really puts no pressure on either of you. | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 937 Registered: 11-2001 |
Guy, I was with you on the wingwoman gig, and was about to sign myself on to that role, until you got to the "idiot" part. Can't live with that. Any other suggestions? | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 862 Registered: 10-2003 |
I agree with ess..... Just grab the bull by the horns. Um, Michael, you just gave Meandtheboys the blessing to nibble my ear. I don't mind, of course, just thought you might want to know. Art: Perfect. Thank you. | ||
| LilLB Citizen Username: Lillb Post Number: 1211 Registered: 10-2002  |
Turn your head off to the right to look toard an area of the room to his right -- as if something caught your eye -- look there for about 10 seconds. Then, as you slowly bring your head back to looking straight ahead again, keep the "look" in your eye then look down slightly and back up right at him and hold it for approximately 4 seconds - then accompany it with a very slight but noticable smile - the kind that makes your eyes light up with a smile without really showing the pearly whites. Then immediately begin talking with a smile to your friend and slightly gesture with your head in his direction as if you're saying to your friend that there is a very attractive man over there. Raise your eyebrows as you're gesturing his way. Then, about 10 minutes later look over at him again (not past him this time) and smile with the pearly whites. Gesture the waiter over and ask him to send a refill on whatever he's drinking and tell the waiter to bring it over as a thank you from you for brightening your day. OK - now - this is the most critical part...make sure he leaves before you do. Otherwise, you're forced to make the choice of whether to strike up the next more formal move. This way, you've put the ball in his court, and if all goes your way, he'll give you his business card on the way out of the restaurant and ask you to call him sometime. If he does nothing and simply leaves, well, then you're just out 5 bucks and you had a nice little encounter with an attractive man - may give you confidence to keep trying with others out there without really being rejected at all (can't be rejected if you didn't really proposition). OK - this was (clearly) too much fun for me to think about. I think I just played this whole thing out in my head for my own benefit...Thanks las. I feel like I just had this little encounter myself..  | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 863 Registered: 10-2003 |
ess: take a vacation; LilLB: you're my new PIC! | ||
| Guy Supporter Username: Vandalay Post Number: 1462 Registered: 8-2004 |
ess, I was half joking about the idiot part. The initial response should indicate that you had nothing to do with your friend's request. Something like " Sorry about that. My friend can be such a jerk sometimes" This is said jokingly and breaks the ice. That is not alot to ask of a wingman. | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 939 Registered: 11-2001 |
Guy, I know, I know -- all tongue in cheek! LilB, do you think you could give those of us who may be a tad rusty in the fine art of pursuit a few lessons? | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 2786 Registered: 12-2004 |
Wow, LilLB, now I feel like I had the "encounter" too. Thanks, that was lovely. | ||
| Hank Zona Supporter Username: Hankzona Post Number: 5188 Registered: 3-2002 |
Now I feel like I had the "encounter" too!! (I was the guy sitting at the bar with his friends watching the whole thing unfold) | ||
| LilLB Citizen Username: Lillb Post Number: 1212 Registered: 10-2002 |
Woohoo!!! I'd love to be a PIC! Even though I'm married, it would be nice to know I could still get a guy, even if I wasn't the one trying to get him...  Tip #2 for the day, but this one only works in a crowded situation where people are generally standing about (e.g., a bar or party) is the light touch along his back as you pass by. Your hand gently brushes along his back as though you're trying not to push into him but just get by him -- he'll inevitably look in your direction (being unable to ignore the gentle hand along his back) -- make sure you catch his eye and smile and give a "Oh,Sorry". Then rejoin your friend(s) - not too far off. Then throughout the night look in his direction - make sure it looks like you're trying to be discrete, but not doing it very well (he may think that's kind of endearing) -- and always manage to go by him when you go to the bar for a refill. If you're feeling gutsy, have your hand touch his shoulder or back again in some way as you return to the bar (BUT, not every time -- overkill is not good on this one) - just as a little reminder of how much he liked it the first time you did it. Oh, and ess -- I think I probably fall into the rusty category as well. It's just so much easier to tell other people to do these things rather than doing them yourself...Even the most perfect plan takes the courage to actually follow through with it... | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 2789 Registered: 12-2004 |
I think you need to write a book. Give us all a vicarious thrill, LilLB! Your so good at it. And I love all your ideas. | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 940 Registered: 11-2001 |
I'm printing these ideas out and making a wallet-sized cheat sheet for the next time Las and/or I are in that situation. Cool! | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 5690 Registered: 5-2001  |
Here's two: The Pick Up Line, That's Not Really a Pick Up Line: Ask him if he's that guy in the toothpaster commercial (insert pregnant pause) then say, "you know, the "before whitener" guy?" The Sympathy Angle: Go up to him and his friends and tell them your dog needs an operation and you need to borrow some money...or just cover your drink bill. Most guys love dogs and alcohol. | ||
| Twokitties Citizen Username: Twokitties Post Number: 367 Registered: 8-2004 |
Ask him if he's allergic to cats. Take it from there. | ||
| Twokitties Citizen Username: Twokitties Post Number: 368 Registered: 8-2004 |
LAS, you say you have three cats. So here's how it goes: You: "Excuse me, but are you allergic to cats." Mystery Man: "No I'm not, why do you ask." You: "Because I have three." | ||
| Bob K Supporter Username: Bobk Post Number: 10433 Registered: 5-2001 |
Glad to see Las is thinking about these things at least. Acting on them may still be a couple of months in the future.  "Hi, weren't you at Francine's party last weekend?" | ||
| Peter Citizen Username: Peter Post Number: 180 Registered: 7-2004 |
Las, If memory serves, the woman now my wife introduced herself to me. She's like that, and that's a big part of why we're married. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 867 Registered: 10-2003 |
Wow, TwoKitties - it's like you're in my head! He will find that line attractive, right? Men like women with lots of cats? Acting on them may still be a couple of months in the future. You never know, Bob. I've been thinking I might ask the owner about him (they knew each other). I mean really! He made eye contact...he must really like me! (Seriously, I am contemplating asking the owner because my new life is all about meeting people. I mean, what on earth have I got to lose?) Lynn |
