| Author |
Message |
    
melicious
Citizen
Username: Melicious
Post Number: 353
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 11:13 am: | 
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My office mate is getting her doctorate in Psychology (being trained as a therapist) and deals with any and all issues regarding our space as a chance to cut her teeth in therapy.
She wanted more quiet in the office, so instead of just asking, proceeded to tell me in five emails that my "personality type" was frequently more talkative than normal (normal?), related my need to talk to someone wanting approval from a parent...
I am feeling so overpathologized that I hate going to work - but very much have to.
How can I help us get to "hey, I need more quiet" and "OK, I'll work elsewhere or not have clients call when you're in..." and AWAY from an unwanted therapy session about the symbolic meaning of my choice of paperclip colors.
thoughts?
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Meandtheboys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 2853
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 11:20 am: |
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Tell her to cut it out? |
LilLB
Citizen
Username: Lillb
Post Number: 1224
Registered: 10-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 11:24 am: |
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Next time she analyzes you, say something like "your need to analyze the finest minutia in other people is a clear reflection of your insecurity about yourself and your inability to confront your own issues. I would recommend that instead of talking to me about my personality issues that your time would be better spent figuring out why you are exhibiting this behavior. I think it will make you a better therepist in the long run."
Or, you could just say "Cut the crap and just have a professional conversation with me about our working environment so we can move on." |
las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 878
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 11:27 am: |
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The confrontation-phobe in me thinks that instead of viewing her as a peer obtaining her doctorate, why don't you look at her a person with special needs? This way, rather than feeling like you are constantly being analyzed, you can evoke Tolerant Melicious and understand all brains work differently and this is how hers processes, well, you.
Tolerant Mel knows her office mate can't help but micro-analyze everything. Tolerant Mel can pretend the psych-in-training is really just a person whose day program entails spending time in the community, in this case, your office.
At some point she'll likely realize how foolishly she's been behaving (like when she gains actual experience), meanwhile Tolerant Melicious can sit back in judgmental calm watching her make a fool of herself. Until the passenger van comes to pick her up at the end of the day.
Lynn 
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mjc
Citizen
Username: Mjc
Post Number: 1034
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 11:29 am: |
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Oh my goodness, that would be really annoying. I think I'd just ask her to ask for what she wants and to leave the personal comments out. Sounds like she has a lot to learn!
Where are Tom R and Miss Manners when you need them?? |
CLK
Supporter
Username: Clkelley
Post Number: 1851
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 11:32 am: |
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I am a psychologist myself (though never trained in therapy), and I've worked alongside psychologists / therapists in various positions I've held.
What you are relating here sounds very familiar to me ... I even didn't get a job offer from a place where I had interviewed because the clinical psych types had decided that I had "anxiety issues" or some such. I mean, hello! it was a job interview, I didn't go there for a diagnosis. I guess it's just as well that I didn't get the job. I had a psychologist boss for a while - and while there were many things to like about him, this kind of thing was something that drove me absolutely nuts. (hey, I thought they were supposed to cure that, not cause it, right?)
You can tell her to cut it out, but she probably won't. My impression is that once trained in this area, they just can't help it. All behavior gets analyzed, and if they don't like the behavior for whatever reason, it gets pathologized.
don't panic
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Handygirl
Citizen
Username: Handygirl
Post Number: 558
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 11:48 am: |
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LilB - awesome!
Mel, I would go with LilB's first suggestion (I can only imagine that a psychologist who likes to analyze - uninvited - probably HATES to be analyzed herself). Then I would follow up with LilB's second suggestion - just to keep it real.
If all else fails, can you ask to be moved?
Handygirl
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AlisonS
Citizen
Username: Alisons
Post Number: 70
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 12:01 pm: |
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Handy Girl -
Exactly. Do both parts of LilB's suggestion. It's brilliant! |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 12248
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 12:09 pm: |
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I disagree about analyzing the analyst. That's a "you" statement. The most likely result is that she'll analyze the reasons for your need to insult her.
Use a good old fashioned "I" statement, such as, "when you analyze my personality, it makes me angry (or whatever emotion you actually do feel)."
As a psychologist, she should know that there is no disputing what you feel. Then it's fair to follow that up with a request for how you would prefer her to behave, but only if you believe she has heard you.
"mem's signature is trendier than mine."
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wnb
Citizen
Username: Wnb
Post Number: 321
Registered: 8-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 12:32 pm: |
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There's always talking to HR too. A speculative comment about your relationship with your parents is out of bounds in almost any business context.
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dave23
Citizen
Username: Dave23
Post Number: 1303
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 12:34 pm: |
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I would ask if she wrote satire. |
melicious
Citizen
Username: Melicious
Post Number: 355
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 2:02 pm: |
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thanks so much.
las - the van comment cracked me up.
tom - the turning tables point is well taken.
my husband says to ignore. i think i'm too busy seeking approval from parental figures to do that!
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mem
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 5703
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 2:13 pm: |
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Next time she analyzes you, calmly haul off and punch her in the nose just as hard as you can. With any luck, chances are she'll never speak to you again and you can revel in the freedom of blabbing on and on as loud as you want. Fun!
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CLK
Supporter
Username: Clkelley
Post Number: 1853
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 2:25 pm: |
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She'd probably suggest anger management therapy.
don't panic
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greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 6692
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 2:30 pm: |
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This is a very common disease among certain professionals. Med students, lawyers, social workers and PhD therapists are notorious for test-driving their newly acquired super-powers on undeserving victims.
There is no way to make them understand how annoying and inappropriate they are.
So, you must torment these types into leaving you alone. They will still continue to stew silently and analyze your personality disorder, but you won't have to listen to it, which is the point, right?
The following can be helpful the next time you are approached (always start with 5-10 seconds of silence and an inquisitve look):
You know, I've read that it takes about 6 months to a year after therapists get their PhDs before the superiority complex and inappropriate need to cross personal boundaries wears off. How much longer to you have to go in school?
Is this part of your dissertation research or am I just the lucky recipient of your newly discovered inner albatross?
I take it that you haven't yet studied the concept of overstepping personal boundaries?
Then, walk away without another word. Refuse to engage from that moment on.
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Handygirl
Citizen
Username: Handygirl
Post Number: 560
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 2:38 pm: |
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"newly acquired super-powers"
Greentree, your responses - so funny. Remind me to never cross you either on MOL or in the real world.
Handygirl
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Camnol
Citizen
Username: Camnol
Post Number: 217
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - 3:47 pm: |
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You should ask her if she will be billing you for these therapy sessions! 
My mother-in-law is a therapist. I love her, but I always have the feeling that I'm being analyzed. |
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