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Tinkrock
Supporter
Username: Tinkrock
Post Number: 115
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 8:28 am: | 
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Later this week, my brother-in-law, his wife and two kids will be arriving to stay with us for a week. In no way does this visit have anything to do with us...we are essentially a free place to stay for their spring break vacation in New York. We're more than happy to provide accommodation, but my question is this: are we supposed to provide all their food? I mean, of course we'll be eating dinner and stuff together, some nights at least, and we'll take care of that, but I have no idea what their plans are for lunch and breakfast and so forth (will they even be eating here? grabbing a bite in the city?). Am I supposed to call, find out and go shopping? Give them directions to the grocery store when they get here and send them on their way? My husband and I aren't huge snackers, and we definitely don't eat many hot dogs and chicken fingers, so the stuff we have is not likely to satisfy. I don't want to be a poor hostess, but at the same time I feel like I'm not really the hostess, if that makes sense. |
CFA
Citizen
Username: Cfa
Post Number: 1608
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 8:36 am: |
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I think they shouldn't even impose on you for accomodations. If they didn't impose, you wouldn't have to worry about all this stuff. |
Wendyn
Supporter
Username: Wendyn
Post Number: 2829
Registered: 9-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 8:52 am: |
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If you have already offered your place, you do have a certain responsibility to make sure they are comfortable.
I'd give them a call and ask them what you can pick for breakfast and lunch. Cereal, yogurt, bread, peanut butter, deli meat/cheese. Don't go nuts.
If your pissed that they are staying with you and you don't buy anything they will probably just eat the food you bought for yourself, so better to buy a few staples for them. |
Miss L Toe
Citizen
Username: Miss_l_toe
Post Number: 476
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 8:53 am: |
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Actually other than probably making sure that you have plenty of bread and milk in the house (perhaps some breakfast cereal too) then I wouldn't get anything extra in.
When we get visitors from England they invariably spend most of their time getting out and about to no fixed time scale; the only time I can be sure they are around for sure is at breakfast time.
The rest of the time they will probably be in NYC and eating on the go. Don't worry if they turn up in the evening - you can always order take-out or go out to a diner or restaurant.
They will almost certainly be taking you and your husband out for a nice meal to say 'thank you' for hosting them. |
eliz
Supporter
Username: Eliz
Post Number: 1374
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 9:24 am: |
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Maybe it's just me but I enjoy have family come stay (also enjoy when they leave) and I try to go out of my way to make sure they are comfortable and welcome. This is family - I think it would be really rude to give them directions to the grocery store when they arrive (unless your financial situation precludes you from buying groceries). Sounds like you're not exactly thrilled they're coming. |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 6972
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 9:36 am: |
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I'm with Eliz and CFA on this. If you can't ask your family what they'd like to have in the house, then why are they staying with you?
Give a call and say "I'm going grocery shopping, is there anything specific you'd like"? That should be when they say "don't bother" or ask for some items. I would expect that they'd offer to pay for some groceries and buy dinner one night.
I'd take Miss L's approach. And if they are horrible guests, just make up an excuse next time (bathroom renovation, etc.). |
Pippi
Supporter
Username: Pippi
Post Number: 1954
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 9:50 am: |
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Tinkrock - Since your bro in law and family are coming to spend most of their time in NYC and not with you, I'd say you shouldn't feel compelled to provide more than breakfast.
My sister and her family visit us a few times a year from Maine.
I generally provide basics: milk, beer, juice, cereal, bread (maybe coldcuts for sandwiches) and some simple snack that everyone will eat. I'll also call from the supermarket for special requests, but there usually aren't any.
Because they visit so often, they know where the market is if they have a yen for something I don't have. They are also appreciative enough of our hospitality that they will bring bagels in, treat us to dinner and the like.
Like eliz, I love to have family visit. I love it when they leave, too. I am usually a great hostess for 4 days. Beyond that, I want you out of my house.
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Handygirl
Citizen
Username: Handygirl
Post Number: 624
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 9:58 am: |
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Pick up some bagels the first day and see how they go down, bread for toast and sandwiches, cereal, yogurt, juice, milk, cold cuts, cheese, peanut butter. That should do it.
I also like having guests for short visits. A week is pretty long, but if you prepare and staples, the visit will be less stressful. They should handle most of their food themselves, but it is always good to have some breakfast food available at the least.
Good luck. |
Amie Brockway-Metcalf
Citizen
Username: Amie
Post Number: 520
Registered: 6-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 9:59 am: |
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Tink, we do a lot of travelling to see family, and the first thing we do when we arrive, after unpacking, is go to the grocery store for diapers, cereal bars, beer, and all that stuff we need but don't need to transport to Texas/Seattle/Mexico. Why not give them a call to see what kind of milk they drink so you can have it on hand, and then (in the same phone call) offer to make a grocery shop trip when they arrive? |
Innisowen
Citizen
Username: Innisowen
Post Number: 1741
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 10:12 am: |
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Tinkrock:
Why not ring and ask them what their plans are, and tell them what your commitments and already scheduled obligations are.
Maybe you and your guests should talk about schedules, your commitments, and your needs so that you can plan either no time together or some time together.
Otherwise it's too easy to sit there and stew. |
doulamomma
Citizen
Username: Doulamomma
Post Number: 1253
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 10:51 am: |
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Lots of good advice above...I'd just add that you should remember (if I recall) that you are preganant & recently had a bad back issue, so keep it simple - provide some basics - give a tour of where things are kept (food, towels, TP, laundry, coffee maker etc) & help them be self-sufficient guests.
If they are not that familiar with the city, I'd maybe provide them with a copy of the train schedule & basic directions in case they plan to drive in. |
Tinkrock
Supporter
Username: Tinkrock
Post Number: 116
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 12:31 pm: |
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Thanks for the advice, all...I didn't mean to make it sound like I resent the fact that they're coming, because I don't. Doulamomma has a good memory though...I have a 14 month old, am 7 months pregnant and a month and a half ago I developed a pretty severe pregnancy related back problem that has sidelined me but good. The truth is, this visit is not exactly convenient, but they've been planning it for months and we're happy to have them. As it happens, my mother-in-law is here right now helping me out (my husband is dropping her off at the airport as he picks up the other family -- literally), and last night at dinner she (jokingly) said, "Have you got a supply of chicken fingers and hot dogs for the kids?" Because, apparently, that's about all they eat. My husband and I hadn't even thought about the question of food until then. |
WendyP
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3320
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 12:47 pm: |
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I don't know, but I kind of feel that your circumstance is special and they should expect very little from you in "your condition." Obviously you had a prior arrangement with them, and that's fine, but circumstances have changed and they should be going out of their way to make it easier for you, not the other way around.
Since you need to shop anyway, it can't hurt to offer to pick up anything they think they might need while they're here. Other than that you should make it clear that you are very limited in terms of what you can do while they're here--if they haven't figured it out already (which, IMHO, they should have).
Is this your husband's brother? Can your husband have a heart to heart so everyone understands what your current circumstance is? At this point I would think it would be a huge burden to have anyone stay with you who wasn't helping you. Is this your MIL's son? Can she shop for what the kids might need before she leaves? |
Pdg
Citizen
Username: Pdg
Post Number: 697
Registered: 5-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 4:37 pm: |
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Peapod.com - it is made for people like you, Tink!
(likewise, http://www.suncrestmilkman.com) |
Just The Aunt
Supporter
Username: Auntof13
Post Number: 4436
Registered: 1-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 4:43 pm: |
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Tink
Did you and your husband invite them, or did they invite themselves? Considering youre pregnant and have a child just over the age of one, I'd think they'd want to do everything they can not to impose. Maybe you can jokingly say to them due to your situation you haven't had time to shop, but would like to know what they might need so ou could run to the store. |
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