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Message |
    
Seagull
Citizen
Username: Seagull
Post Number: 76
Registered: 9-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 4, 2006 - 12:18 pm: | 
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I want to throw a party for my husband's grad school graduation. We do not want any of the guests to bring gifts- so how do I convey that? I've seen "Please no gifts" on invitations, but that always made me feel even more compelled to bring a gift (God forbid I show up and am the only one that didn't bring one!  )
Any ideas on how to phrase it? |
MHD
Citizen
Username: Mayhewdrive
Post Number: 3800
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 4, 2006 - 12:22 pm: |
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How about something like "Your presence is requested. Your presents are not"  |
Alleygater
Citizen
Username: Alleygater
Post Number: 1543
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 4, 2006 - 12:31 pm: |
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Tell them on the invite to not bring gifts, and state that if they REALLY feel the need to give a gift, that they should donate to a specific charity. I'm sure no one will donate to the charity (because very few people do) and if they donate something, at least it's going to a good cause you support. |
Project 37
Citizen
Username: Project37
Post Number: 41
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 4, 2006 - 12:32 pm: |
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MHD beat me to it - I usually put "No presents, please. Just presence!" There's no doubt that way  |
LilLB
Citizen
Username: Lillb
Post Number: 1478
Registered: 10-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 4, 2006 - 12:51 pm: |
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I have to admit, even when friends have written "no gifts" on invites, I bring a gift. Guests can feel awkward not bringing something to what they perceive as a gift-giving occasion. So, you inevitably end up with a situation where some guests bring gifts and the others who didn't, feel awkward because they followed your instructions.
So, the only thing I can think of is to come up with a substitute for a gift that will make everyone feel comfortable showing up empty-handed. Have a big poster board at the party that you intend to frame later and on the invitations, write something like "Please don't bring a gift. Instead, we'll have a plaque we would like all of you to write a note to "Bob." So, bring the gift of your good wishes for "Bob" in the form of words, whether they be clever, witty or just plain kind."
Just a thought.
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Calliope
Citizen
Username: Calliope
Post Number: 48
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 4, 2006 - 1:13 pm: |
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LilLB's idea is great!
In that vein, the most thoughtful invitation I ever received, was for a wonderful great-aunt's 85th birthday. The message on the card was something like: "At this celebration of a long life, Aunt Leonora has all she can ask for. Please only bring your memories. If you would like to share anecdotes or photos, we will assemble a book of memories for her."
I thought that sent the message, and yet left the door open for her family and friends to give her a tangible gift of rememberance, of how she had touched all our lives.
Calli |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 7141
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 4, 2006 - 1:15 pm: |
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According to Miss Manners, even well-intended "no gift" instructions are in bad taste because it assumes that someone is bringing a gift. Which is presumptuous. And another reason why family members are not supposed to throw parties in other family members' honor.
OK - the real world. I've seen "Your presence alone is gift enough" which is cute and subtle. I wouldn't stress about people who do/don't bring something. The best way to handle it is to wisk away any gifts that do show up so that they remain out of sight. They can be opened later, in private.
The more you dwell on it and try to think of accomodations for this thing which you say you do not want to happen, the more likely people will feel that they should buy a gift.
Another way to handle it is to invite people to a party without a "purpose". You can roll out a cake and say something like "since our favorite people are all here today, we wanted to have some cake to celebrate Bob's graduation from school". Is there any advantage to making it a party specifically for his graduation other than the gift thing? |
Seagull
Citizen
Username: Seagull
Post Number: 77
Registered: 9-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 4, 2006 - 4:43 pm: |
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Great ideas everyone- Thanks!
Greenetree- I originally wanted the graduation party b/c of all the time and effort he put into getting it done. (I, personally, will be celebrating that all the classes/homework/ruined weekends because of term papers are finally OVER!!!)
I like the idea of just making it a BBQ- and then bringing out a cake, as you suggested. The only problem I see with that is I'm planning on inviting his family- they all live out of state. I'm not sure if they'd come for just a run-of-the-mill BBQ.
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Joan
Supporter
Username: Joancrystal
Post Number: 7207
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 4, 2006 - 4:56 pm: |
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I like the memory book idea but I think it is more suitable for an 85th birthday party where everyone at the party will have shared at least part of those 85 years than for a recent grad who is not likely to have attended school with the majority of the guests.
One idea that might be appropriate is to ask each guest to bring a package of non-perishable food that can be donated to a local food bank in the graduate's honor or some other form of collection in support of a cause near and dear to the grad. |
Andrea Weisbard
Citizen
Username: Njnetsfan
Post Number: 431
Registered: 6-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 4, 2006 - 8:01 pm: |
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When my grandfather(RIP) would have turned 100(2/26) we had a party for him, a family party and we celebrated his life. Tell all those invited to think of a funny story etc. about your hubby. If any of his friends from grad school, high school etc. are invited ask them for a funny story |
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