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Bettina
Citizen
Username: Bettina
Post Number: 141
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 3:02 pm: | 
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I had a weird experience last week on New Jersey Transit and I'm debating whether I should change my route or how to handle it if I don't. I was reading a magazine when the man across the aisle says, "excuse me, excuse me" and when I look over he tells me "did you know we've been riding this train together for over a year?". When I tell him, no, I didn't notice, he acts surprised, saying "well you must be a busy person, or just a lot on your mind." He proceeds to tell me we take the same route all the way to Hoboken and then the path train to 9th street and sometimes notices I go uptown from there. I just felt kind of overwhelmed and intruded on by his observations because I had truly never noticed him before. Then he says, "yeah, you have a couple of kids, right?". Yikes. "Wow," I said, "you're really tuned in to me, aren't you?" He insists, no, he just heard me talking on the phone once.
Well, the remainder of the ride he proceeds to behave like your typical pest who wants to talk your ear off, and nothing else seems too worrisome. He interacts with the conductor who is friendly and clearly has chatted with him before. By the end, I feel he is just very intrusive and socially inappropriate. Still, I'm wondering if I should alter my route, and if not, how I should handle him if I see him again. I did not feel at all that he was hitting on me. He appeared about 60 years old and spoke of his wife. Any ideas? |
jab
Citizen
Username: Jab
Post Number: 551
Registered: 3-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 3:20 pm: |
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If you don't want to talk to him then just look away or bury your face in a book or newspaper, but I wouldn't worry. He sounds like an observant guy who happens to be chatty. There have been instances where I have recognized people from the train other places and have remembered things about them that I noticed. Of course, some people are made uncomfortable by this. I have had conversations along the line of both people acknowledging that the other looks familiar and then acknowledging that we must have seen each other on the train. I don't think it's such a big deal. |
las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 1642
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 4:40 pm: |
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I notice people who share my commute all the time, and some I follow once we reach the City for the simple reason they get off the train ahead of me every single day. The other day I told a woman I occasionally smile to on the PATH train I saw her in the Starbucks in my building a few days earlier. As well, I have changed cars when a person I find creepy has started chatting with me repeatedly.
Having noticed you for a while, in what was probably a simple, everyday occurrence for him, I would bet he felt a sort of comfort with you and didn't really process he was a stranger to you thereby overstepping your boundaries a bit.
I would say the most concerning part of this is that you spoke on your cell phone while riding the train allowing people to hear your private information. I find that more disconcerting than the chatty stranger. |
Bettina
Citizen
Username: Bettina
Post Number: 142
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 5:23 pm: |
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I actually very rarely speak on my cell phone on the train since I find it annoying to other people. However, on a couple of occasions, once recently that I can think of, I forgot to tell my caretaker something important about the children's schedule and called her from the train. I agree that it is not a good idea.
Thanks for your feedback. I agree that it was basically harmless, although I may not have comminicated the creepy factor well enough, which was there. I'm also not very good at extracting myself from conversations where I feel cornered. |
Kibbegirl
Citizen
Username: Kibbegirl
Post Number: 512
Registered: 5-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 5:23 pm: |
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I think he's the regular pest, but these days you can't be too careful. I would not be rude but be firm in not wanting to chat with him in the future. He could be just a nice guy riding your train, but many kooks start off as nice guys. |
Bob K
Supporter
Username: Bobk
Post Number: 11287
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 5:26 pm: |
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Last week I happened to share a seat with a woman who was talking with the conductor. They were discussing the engineer, Chucky, who has a habit of driving really slow to make overtime. We continued to talk. She told me about a guy the women call "Rugman" for the very bad rug he wears. He tries to sits next to younger blond women in two seaters and strikes up a conversation, usually right on the line between "nice day, huh" and " you smell nice, what perfume do you wear". It freaks the women out.
Like most people who commute on a fairly regular schedule there are maybe a dozen people who I recognize and occasionally see either around Maplewood or downtown in Manhattan and we acknowledge each other with a nod, a smile and a "howyahdoin'". |
las
Citizen
Username: Las
Post Number: 1643
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 5:39 pm: |
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For what it's worth, Bettina, a couple of years ago I had a train "stalker" - he had different space and boundary issues than I do, and he'd sit next to me everyday and try to talk, regardless of the body language I gave off (like wearing my iPod and knitting). There were two ladies who sat near me and occasionally I would ask them to pretend they were giving me "knitting help" until they finally invited me to sit with them, which I now do everyday. (And to ensure the stalker didn't follow me I got up the courage to tell him he gave me anxiety could he sit somewhere else.) That said, what about changing cars for a few days to see how you fare? You might just make a new friend. Or meet more creepy people. But probably not.  |
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