| Author |
Message |
    
Bettina
Citizen
Username: Bettina
Post Number: 144
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 3:25 pm: | 
|
What is the typical range for amount spent on a Bat/Bar Mitzvah gift? I know it must vary with the closeness of the recipient, but what's a rough idea? My sister mentioned that a neighbor had given her daughter $500. That's insane and completely over the top, isn't it? |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 14064
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 4:21 pm: |
|
Sounds like it. For kids we care a lot about, we write a check for $54. There's a historical reason for making the amount a multiple of 18. If I tried to explain it, I'd mess it up.
But a lot of it has to do with the comfort and wealth of the giver. If a poor person gave me a gift worth $18, I'd be extremely grateful. And the recipient has the duty of showing gratitude for all gifts.
|
HOMMELL
Citizen
Username: Hommell
Post Number: 153
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 4:56 pm: |
|
And the recipient has the duty of showing gratitude for all gifts.
Except for Boggle 
 |
michelezembow
Citizen
Username: Michelezembow
Post Number: 194
Registered: 5-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 6:10 pm: |
|
I love Boggle (and Tangleword, online)! Will you come to my Bat Mitzvah, Hommwell?
Anyway, Bettina...the multiple of 18 comes from the numerical value/equivalence of the two letters that make up the word, "Chai", which means life in Hebrew (as in the toast, "L'Chaim"--to life!). So, it's an auspicious gesture and a long-standing tradition to give someone Jewish a multiple of 18 in a monetary gift. Re the size of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah gift, I'd also add the issue of how many people are attending...is it your child who's invited as a peer of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah kid or is an adult couple (or family) invited? I think the degree of closeness to the family should certainly be considered as well as one's means, but your $500 story brings home how way over-the-top these things have become. From the earlier days when a Bar/Bat Mitzvah was largely a religious ceremony and only a small party (if any) followed, these things have grown exponentially--and certainly not only in terms of gifts given but in the splashiness and expense of the party itself (you know, or may be about to find out--the big themes, the entertainers, and even the costly keepsakes for guests that often accompany them). I'm probably of the minority these days that tries to have the gift fit more with the kid's developing interests and something of the religious spirit of the occasion--the ushering into adulthood of the (very) young person. So, I often give a savings bond (or sometimes money) in part, and then something that speaks to an interest of the kid's (e.g., Border's gift card for a reader or music lover), and sometimes give the certificate that would accompany trees planted in Israel (in his/her honor) or something of that nature. It's a tough one, but like the gift giving at any other occasion, you might add to the "appropriate, accepted" consideration the one of honoring the Bar/Bat Mitzvah by giving what's comfortable for you and consistent with your values. |
Joanne G
Citizen
Username: Joanne
Post Number: 99
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 7:37 pm: |
|
I have friends who have given a specially painted tallit for the girl - if you're in the Progressive (Reform) movement, or a feminist family. the art reflects who she is, and significant themes in her life. Another popular thing here is donate to a charity of the girl's choice amounts in multiples of 18 - Wizo certificates of various grades, donate to water saving projects, animal rescue, youth refuges etc.
Sadly, I also have friends and family who believe that gifts of very high $$ value - such as diamond jewelry or designer handbags - are more appropriate. I say 'sadly' because I think immediate family coudl do that if they wanted but it's a bit like the 8th grade graduation party issue: how much is too much and in what social setting? Kosher recipe books, philosophy, prayer books and beatutiful editions of texts such as the Ethics of the Fathers or the Book of Esther are more usual; inspirational music or art also works.
Having said all that, although I didn't have a formal bat mitzvah, my grandmother from Paris sent me my first sexy nightgown (and I mean trousseau quality!) for my 12th birthday. My mum was horrified, and I thought it was the best gift ever! |
Ink
Citizen
Username: Pageturner
Post Number: 102
Registered: 2-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 8:19 pm: |
|
I still have some of my bat mitzvah presents - and we're talking from years and years ago. I don't even remember who gave me the jewelry box - but it's a beautiful one. I received some very simple jewelry - a small Chai, a silver Jewish star, and a charm for my bracelet that I still have (in the jewelry box, of course). Someone gave me an unabridged Webster's dictionary, which was actually a popular present at the time, and I had that til the covers fell off. For some reason, I remember I got a total of $200. in money presents, some of it in cash, which I got to pocket. I went to a bat mitzvah recently, and bought the girl a lovely Jewish star at the gift shop of the Jewish Museum in Manhattan. They have lots of beautiful, meaningful gifts, from books to ceremonial items to fun stuff with a Jewish theme. |
soresident
Citizen
Username: Soresident
Post Number: 381
Registered: 10-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 4, 2006 - 10:17 pm: |
|
SO Answer (you will get a different answer in Livingston or Short Hills): $500 would be unheard of from a neighbor. General range for amount when my now 17 year old was bar mitzvahed was $100 - $200-$250; more from very close friends. Kids almost universally gave $36 each to each other, often giving gifts if they were close friends. Typical guy gifts (sometimes bought by multiple friends, depending on price): stereo (now probably replaced by something to blast your iPOD from), binoculars, sports jerseys of favorite players (these aren't cheap!), camera, watch, wallet, leather toiletry kit.
While a lovely idea, I would advise against the tallit route unless you have discussed it with the family first. In my experience, it is often a grandparent gift.
In my day, multi-colored suitcases or Cross pen sets were the standard kid gifts. I got 21 different suitcases! (Returned everyone I could!) Still refer to a 6" prayerbook with silver and turquoise cover I got almost 40 year ago. Like Ink, I have no idea who it came from.
Hope this helps. |
Former Cowgirl
Citizen
Username: Formercowgirl
Post Number: 53
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 5, 2006 - 8:58 am: |
|
I also want to chime in that I still have some jewelry and jewelry boxes from my bat mitzvah...it's the first "special" jewelry I ever received and the first Judaica. I don't know if teens are still wearing Chai necklaces or Stars of David, but I know you can find online (from Israel) gorgeous rings, bracelets and more with the child's Hebrew name in beads or in charms. Usually the Hebrew name is inscribed in the invitation so if you don't read Hebrew, you could scan the invite in and email it to the jeweler.
It depends on how close you are to the family and how important it is for you to give a gift with meaning. I agree regarding the $100 - $250 cash gift range from grown up friends of the family and/or relatives and $18-$36 for friends of the teen. It's similar to going to a wedding, I think, where you're basically making up for the cost/person and then some... |
Joanne G
Citizen
Username: Joanne
Post Number: 101
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Friday, May 5, 2006 - 4:31 pm: |
|
Now you mention it, soresident,my sister and I both got our adult manicure sets at 12. Beautiful full manicure sets in morrocan leather, that have alsted us both several decades. My sister was only just complaining the other day that the day has come to replace her set as she can not replace some tools - the manufacturer no longer exists! (she's close to 60, and is much older than me)
Friends also go their first beautiful dress watches at this age, too. And one friend got classy monogrammed stationery (notepaper, envelopes and note cards, all printed with her name and address) |
max weisenfeld
Citizen
Username: Max_weisenfeld
Post Number: 34
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 5, 2006 - 4:32 pm: |
|
I got 4 dictionaries and 15 pens.
But the only gift that made enough of an impression that I still remember who gave it was Led Zep, Houses of the Holy.
Kids don't change. Give the gift that's guaranteed to annoy her parents most. Give music. Loud music. |
Virtual It Girl
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 4381
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 5, 2006 - 5:44 pm: |
|
As someone who just told me his kid's Bat Mitzvah is next year, you're a brave man Max! |
|
Closed: New threads not accepted on this page