| Author |
Message |
    
Jersey_Boy
Citizen
Username: Jersey_boy
Post Number: 793
Registered: 1-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 8:45 pm: | 
|
He knows his colors. He refers to people by the colors of the clothes they are wearing. "Daddy, what's the yellow lady doing?"
"She's shopping just like us."
"What's the green man doing?"
"He works here. He's making a sandwich."
Enter an African American person with black clothes.
"DADDY!," it always seems louder, "WHAT"S THE BLACK LADY DOING!"
"She's shopping, just like us."
Or, what? Everyone hears it. He doesn't know about or speak of Race. Should I teach him about Race by telling him NOT to talk about Race? He's two and a half! I dread what he'll say after I have any conversation about Racial issues.
What's the most appropriate way to handle this?
J.B. |
Lizziecat
Citizen
Username: Lizziecat
Post Number: 1224
Registered: 5-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 8:57 pm: |
|
So far, I think you're doing fine. Maybe explain to the kid about "inside voices" and "outside voices" and how he should use his inside voice in stores. |
Jersey_Boy
Citizen
Username: Jersey_boy
Post Number: 795
Registered: 1-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 9:00 pm: |
|
I'm not too worried about him. It's the looks we get.
J.B. |
Mr. Big Poppa
Citizen
Username: Big_poppa
Post Number: 678
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 9:00 pm: |
|
I believe everyone understands that a child at that age doesn't carry any stereotypes when referring to people's colors, whether it be the color of their clothes or skin.
My 3-yr old has done something similar and I handled it just like you did. |
Monster©
Supporter
Username: Monster
Post Number: 3175
Registered: 7-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 9:08 pm: |
|
They all do things like that, I found that reminding them to refer to people as a man, he, woman, she, lady, etc. worked well. Has he started to call fat people, fat, I always liked that one.
When we lived in NYC it seemed that during the summer months there was construction going on all the time, every time my daughter would see a digger she would shout digger! digger!, of course it was always really noisy, there were always people walking around, so I always had to yell louder, Digger! Digger!.
I couldn't have people thinking bad about little Monster Girl.... |
Kibbegirl
Citizen
Username: Kibbegirl
Post Number: 560
Registered: 5-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 9:34 pm: |
|
Jersey Boy, that was great! I think you guys are on the right track. Kids are oblivious to race until we bring it to their attention. I am of mixed heritage as well as Mr. Kibbegirl and although the Kibbeboys know this, they hardly ever bring it up, in public or otherwise. To kids, it's of no importance. They just want to be happy, play and have fun -- with whatever color comes along wanting to do the same stuff :-) |
MeAndTheBoys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3734
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 9:49 pm: |
|
Or perhaps just gently correct his grammer, by repeating the question back to him in more appropriate terminology such as, "do you mean what is that man who is wearing green doing?" |
Jennifer Pickett
Citizen
Username: Jpickett
Post Number: 213
Registered: 4-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 10:14 pm: |
|
I grew up in an area that was not so diverse- imagine my mother's humilation when as a toddler I proclaimed in the grocery store upon finally seeing someone with a different skin color: "Mommy, that boy is the wrong color!" Yipes. I'd like to apologize to everyone worldwide for that one.
Also, my friend's toddler son is white with red hair, like Opie, but referred to his (equally pale) father as Black Daddy because of his hair color. His mom was Orange Mommy. |
CageyD
Citizen
Username: Cageyd
Post Number: 686
Registered: 6-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 11:06 pm: |
|
I struggled with this too,until I realized that my african american friends referred to each other as "black" and never as african americans - unless they are speaking in political or social terms. I told my kids that we are all really shades of brown but they do at times use the term black as a way to physically describe someone - I don't correct them as it is purely a physical characteristic. |
Lizziecat
Citizen
Username: Lizziecat
Post Number: 1225
Registered: 5-2003
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 12:05 am: |
|
By the way, when my mother got to be in her nineties, she used to do the same kind of thing--only it wasn't cute, and there was no way I could make her stop. |
Virtual It Girl
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 4410
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 12:09 am: |
|
Ugh, my 4 yo did that this week too. I forget where we were, but we were the only white people and she said "there's all black people here and us." I don't know where it came from but I diverted her attention and that passed. Then tonight as I got dressed she told me I looked fat. Now, I know I'm not fat so I have to assume it's a phase! |
Ukealalio
Citizen
Username: Ukealalio
Post Number: 2559
Registered: 6-2003
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 12:46 am: |
|
When I was around 3, I was in a playground and this African American woman who was a nanny came in with the little girl she was caring for. I remember she was really nice to me and I finally asked her, "Why is your skin that color?". She laughed and said, "I'm colored" (This was the late 50's). I looked very surprised and said, "You mean like with a crayon?", she couldn't stop laughing and then finally explained as best as she could to me. It's hard to control what comes out of kids mouths, you just have to do your best and teach them respect and tolerance for all. |
Former Cowgirl
Citizen
Username: Formercowgirl
Post Number: 71
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 7:05 am: |
|
I just want to chime in with the rest of the posters who have said that most people are understanding that little children are oblivious to anything other than what they are observing with their eyes right then and there.
But it does make for uncomfortable moments for parents.
Interestingly enough, when my son was 2 and in the habit of doing exactly what your child is doing, we got into an elevator with a black woman with a shaved head. My son looked at me and said, "Mommy, where is that man's hair?" That was a lot more mortifying to me than any color recognition. But the "man" just laughed and told my son she shaved her hair off because it kept her cooler in the summer. |
Phenixrising
Citizen
Username: Phenixrising
Post Number: 1653
Registered: 9-2004
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 9:33 am: |
|
'm not too worried about him. It's the looks we get.
JB,
This reminds me of an Open House which I was volunteering for my company on a Saturday afternoon. The kid had to be around 7 years old and he said to me loudly, "YOU LOOK LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK!" Enough for everyone waiting in line to hear. Kind of caught me off-guard, but then again the Open House was in a town where diversity was moot. I laughed it off, however, his guardians (I think it was Grandma & Grandpa) were embarrassed.
Folks understand kids your child's age, mean no harm.
|
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 14232
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 9:43 am: |
|
When my older daughter was seven, we went shopping at the Asian Food Center in Edison. She looked around at all the people of various Asian ethnicities and asked, "Daddy, are Jewish people allowed in here?" 
|
CLK
Supporter
Username: Clkelley
Post Number: 2287
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 9:48 am: |
|
A woman I knew long ago talked about her kid on a particularly bad day at the grocery store. He saw a pregnant woman - and loudly, "Mommy why is that lady so fat?" Mom says, "she has a baby in there." He went over to the woman and lifted her shirt and said "I don't see any baby!" Fortunately, the woman had a sense of humor.
Later, they saw a man with a huge beer belly. Again loudly, "Him got a baby too!"
Kids embarrass the heck out of you - it's what they do best.
But it is so very much worse when it's adults - elderly people with dementia, or even people from different cultures. My husband's aunt visited New York a few years ago and asked somebody in a store for shoes, and wanted a nice "n- brown" color. That terminology is beginning to be considered offensive in Ireland, but some older people still use it. It was mortifying to my brother-in-law who was escorting his aunt on this shopping trip though. That is the one of the few swear words that never, ever passes my lips, and I consider it about the most offensive thing a person could say. When asked not to use it, she had no idea what the problem was.
And my mother-in-law came over from Ireland for my daughter's First Communion last year. My daughter was the only white kid in the class - the rest were all African, Caribbean, or African-American. My mother-in-law couldn't keep her hands off the kids' hair. She had never really seen an African up close before and just couldn't resist I guess. An African-American co-worker who went on vacation with a group of women in the office to Croatia a few years ago had the same experience - everybody kept touching her hair and wanted to take pictures of her. She is a very easy-going and good-natured person and was able to laugh about this, but it was weird.
I guess something like that has happened to me - a young African girl I know in my church used to always sit with us during Mass and wanted to run her hands through my daughter's very fine-textured, stick-straight sandy blond hair and try to braid it for her. The family was newly arrived and I guess she had the same fascination because of unfamiliarity. Her dad used to get very annoyed with her. I knew this girl's younger brother as he was a student in my CCD class, so they weren't total strangers or anything - and as long as my daughter didn't complain I didn't try to stop it. My daughter actually loved the attention. |
mjh
Supporter
Username: Mjh
Post Number: 519
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 10:20 am: |
|
JB;
When my son was about that age I found it interesting that he used "brown" rather than "black" to describe most dark-skinned people. I thought of it as a "true" sign of innocence, or at least never having heard anything about much about race. "The kid with the dark brown skin" and "the man with the light brown skin" were common descriptors.
Much more embarassing was when he noted "That guys teeth are so yellow!" |
Just The Aunt
Supporter
Username: Auntof13
Post Number: 5014
Registered: 1-2004
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 12:03 pm: |
|
VIT
I can imagine how you must have felt. About a month ago I went to Ruby Tuesday on Route 22 with some friends of mine. I almost died when one said 'Did you notice we are the only white people here?' She talks pretty loud so other people heard her as well. Ah, no, we didn't until you said something.
She then had the nerve to say something to the server. I wanted to crawl under the table when she asked if any 'white people ever come here.' One of my friends reminded me she had done the same thing a few years ago at Red Lobster.
Needless to say, I no longer return her phone calls.
When we were younger we had a dog named 'Blackie.' Have no clue which one of us named him or if he already had a name when we got him. I just know it was very embarassing when someone who was African American asked what his name was I'd tellthem Midnight or Shadow. Even worse was when he'd get loose and we'd have to search the neighborhood calling his name. |
Virtual It Girl
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 4413
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 12:24 pm: |
|
JTA, the only difference being my daughter is only 4!!! When adults lack that filter, it's a whole other ballgame. |
chiquita
Citizen
Username: Chiquita
Post Number: 88
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 12:37 pm: |
|
MJH--My son was the same way. I'll never forget when he was 2 and a half and attending the YMCA daycare. One day I asked him what he did that day. He said he played with Stacey all day. I asked him which one was Stacey, and he said, "She's my brown friend...she's the prettiest girl in class!" Remembering that still makes me smile. |
blackcat
Citizen
Username: Blackcat
Post Number: 598
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 1:13 pm: |
|
My sister lived across the street from public housing years ago and she was pretty sure her cat got out during a furniture delivery. I had to walk around her neighborhood calling out "Boy!" I had to add "Here Kitty" so I wouldn't get looks. Turns out he was hiding in the house. |
mooewe
Citizen
Username: Mooewe
Post Number: 341
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 1:25 pm: |
|
When I was about 7, my parents asked me at dinner one night if, in my new school, there were any "colored" kids in my class (this was 1960). I replied "Nope, just flesh."
If you had a large box of Crayola crayons back then, you know where I got that.
And my parents nearly choked on their dinner.  |
Eire
Citizen
Username: Eire
Post Number: 162
Registered: 7-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 1:55 pm: |
|
For what it's worth, I think it's great to have discussions with our kids, as young as possible, about diversity and different kinds of people, etc.
I was in Shop Rite in West Orange - my daughter was about 18 mos, in the cart, and this 7-ish year old girl is doing cartwheels and spins, and stuff - kept saying "look at me!" - so we were bantering back and forth. The woman who was with her was in a wheelchair (that's actually not important, but just part of the story - she was right there).
The girl all of a sudden looks at me, who is white, then at my daughter, who is African-American. Looks again. I'm smiling now, cause I can feel it coming. She says "is that your daughter?" I say, "yes! She's my daughter. She's adopted. Do you know what that means?" She looks at her mother, who looks just as interested, and says, "you mean she's an ORPHAN?" I say, "No! She has a family, and we'll be her family forever!" I look at her mother. Nothing. Kid then says, "you mean her REAL (don't even start me on that word) mother didn't love her?"
Luckily I was prepared for this... and I'm glad that I was. My daughter wasn't old enough to get what was going on, but this could happen again, and I need my daughter to know, from me, that questions like that won't freak me out. If it had gone much further, though, I would've explained that some answers are private... but that's another thread, no?
I told the kid that of course her BIRTH mother loved her very much, and that it was a very loving thing to find parents for my daughter who would love her and take care of her forever. Hopefully it was a good lesson for the girl, and for her mother, who didn't step in at all. The girl's questions were completely innocent, just verging on intrusive.
|
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 14241
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 2:22 pm: |
|
This thread raises an uncomfortable question. Why is drawing attention to one's ethnicity so much worse when the person is black? If, for example, we're out in public and I point out that someone in the crowd is an old neighbor of mine, and if you ask which one, I'll indicate the person and say, "the Indian guy." And that's fine, right? But if I say, "the black one" people are likely to hush me. But why is that wrong?
What's wrong with naming a dog Blackie and calling out for him in the street?
I just heard a story about a lifeguard who worked at the Millburn pool. Someone asked who Paul (or whatever) was, and the answer was, he's the guy in the blue bathing suit. Yeah, all the lifeguards wore blue bathing suits. Paul was the only black lifeguard, but his cow-orker didn't want to say "the black guy" outloud, which would have been the perfect identifier. Why didn't she want to say it out loud. Why not?
|
Bob K
Supporter
Username: Bobk
Post Number: 11489
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 2:31 pm: |
|
Chocolate Milk? Isn't he one of the playground stars who played in the Rucker League maybe ten years ago? 
Tom is right. Several years ago a bunch of us (multi racial and multi-cultural) were approached by a young Maplewood PD officer during a soccer game. He was looking for a missing five year old girl. He described what she was wearing in great detail, but never mentioned her race until one of the parents asked. This was potentially a serious situation and being afraid of offending could have had consequences. It turned out the girl had just set out down the street for the bright lights of the local QuikCheck.
|
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 14252
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 5:21 pm: |
|
Thank you for agreeing with my observation. But I really hope someone can tell me WHY someone's blackness is so unspeakable whereas other people's ethnicities are fair game.
|
Morrisa da Silva
Citizen
Username: Mod
Post Number: 457
Registered: 12-2003
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 5:28 pm: |
|
My son when 2 and 3 years old referred to people with brown skin as chocolate people. One day as we walked down our street he yelled out loud and clear "there's a chocolate family". The teenage son gave us a dirty look and I didn't know what to say or do. |
Former Cowgirl
Citizen
Username: Formercowgirl
Post Number: 75
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 5:32 pm: |
|
Tom does raise an interesting point... a conversation I've had with friends over the years.
But the question gets even grayer when you ask yourself is it okay to describe a person (save for a crime situation) by their physical characteristics? Is white or black or brown okay? Is fat or skinny okay? Is it okay to say, "you know, that guy with the big nose over there?" or "that kid with the acne."
Your intentions may be purely innocent, but it's also important to individualize the situation and wonder how the person you are describing would feel about the way you are describing him or her. Right? |
jasper
Citizen
Username: Jasper
Post Number: 393
Registered: 7-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 6:33 pm: |
|
My son also referred to 'black' people as brown, which makes perfect sense, as nobody truly has black skin. For that matter, neither is 'caucasian' skin 'white'. I find both terms to be somewhat divisive and inaccurate.
The thing about describing people by their skin color is that there are just so many variations and shades and we can't always be sure that we know the heritage from which that skin color was derived. Even saying that someone is Indian could be taken the wrong way if they are Pakistani. We simply don't have the language to finely differentiate skin by color names in any way that would be universally understood. Perhaps Pantone could (or does) make a skin color chart, and you could say 'the person with Pantone 927 skin', but obviously that's not very practical for conversational use.
As for the pool incident, I think what makes it uncomfortable is that it points up the fact that he was the only brown-skinned person there.
Anyway, I agree with cowgirl that in general, we need to be careful about how we describe people so as not to offend them, and we need to teach our children to speak discreetly when inquiring about other people in public. |
Joan
Supporter
Username: Joancrystal
Post Number: 7418
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 8:00 pm: |
|
Jersey Boy:
When my son was that age, he would identify everybody he knew by the make and model of car they drove. He couldn't have cared less about what they were wearing. It sounds to me as if your child has found a legitimate way of distinguishing one person from another based upon an aspect of their appearance. There is no value judgment being attached to this and those hearing your son's pronouncements should be well aware of this and act accordingly.
I would be more concerned about how you are reacting to your son's statements. If you project to him that he is doing something wrong or attach a negative meaning to calling someone with dark skin wearing a black shirt black, for instance, your child is likely to pick up on this and start mirroring your attitudes and reactions. |
Lydia
Supporter
Username: Lydial
Post Number: 1844
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 8:38 pm: |
|
Joan -
Quote:I would be more concerned about how you are reacting to your son's statements. If you project to him that he is doing something wrong or attach a negative meaning to calling someone with dark skin wearing a black shirt black, for instance, your child is likely to pick up on this and start mirroring your attitudes and reactions.
exactly!
We teach our children to observe differences ("Go! Dog! Go!") and then we're uncomfortable when they observe differences that tap into centuries-old sore spots and racism.
When kids say that people are brown or long-haired or whatever, it's not a value judgement, but they pick up on the discomfort the parents pass down.
Common sense says to teach your children to keep the personal remarks quiet, but while they're still learning, a wise parent teaches the difference between "personal remarkables" and intended unkindness.
|
CageyD
Citizen
Username: Cageyd
Post Number: 687
Registered: 6-2003
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 9:15 pm: |
|
Again I have to ask, if african americans refer to themselves as "black" and commentators on TV and radio refer to african americans as black - as well as refering to white colored people as "white" (the perpetrator was a white male of average build....) what is the issue? |
bklyntonj
Citizen
Username: Bklyntonj
Post Number: 707
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 9:53 pm: |
|
Ok Tom, I'll tackle this for you. Blacks (AAs) are still sensitive from the history and background they've gone through in America. This has made blacks (I'll use this word for the sake of arguement) defensive towards anyway they're referred to by whites. Not knowing if its said in respect or with some negative connotation behind it. Based on this and the level of respect perceived to be given by whites to blacks, anything that can be taken offensive most times will be taken offensive. When blacks sense that you feel uncomfortable around them, they take that to mean you feel uncomfortable around all of them. Just be yourself, don't view your actions as being offensive and you'll be surprised by what you see... Nothing. |
Debby
Citizen
Username: Debby
Post Number: 2296
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 10:51 pm: |
|
bklyn - wouldn't being afraid to even mention somebody's race be construed as discomfort? It seems to me Tom is himself, and doesn't think he's being offensive, but wonders about others' hang-ups.
I've also always been puzzled by the phenomenon of white people who actually whisper the word 'black' mid-sentence. |
Mtam
Citizen
Username: Mtam
Post Number: 111
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, May 13, 2006 - 9:30 am: |
|
What bothers me is when white people feel the need always to distinguish a person by being black, in their description, when they wouldn't note that in describing a person otherwise. That assumes that white is the assumed majority, and being black is what should be noted, exceptional, or that it's somehow connected to who that person is. Having grown up in a racially mixed community this just didn't happen very often, as it made no sense. It was only when I found myself in more all-white environments did I encounter what I found to be an irritating assumption.
|
bklyntonj
Citizen
Username: Bklyntonj
Post Number: 709
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, May 13, 2006 - 10:02 am: |
|
I agree Debby. That sends out the signal that person is uncomfortable. Whether fact or fiction. IMO, politically correct speech has made matters worse. It makes people more uncomfortable on what is considered acceptable.
For example, if someone in their 60's called me colored or negro, I wouldn't be offended. That was the term of their day. I would correct them but wouldn't be offended.
FWIW, I heard a white guy say one time, "look, I can't keep up with you guys. One minute you're colored, then negro, then black. Now its African American. I wish you'd make up your minds".
I had to laugh. |
mantram
Citizen
Username: Mantram
Post Number: 238
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, May 13, 2006 - 4:21 pm: |
|
Jasper -- Indians, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Nepalis, Sri Lankans, and anyone from the Asian Subcontinent can safely be referred to as "Desi".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desi |
jasper
Citizen
Username: Jasper
Post Number: 394
Registered: 7-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, May 13, 2006 - 7:37 pm: |
|
Thanks, mantram. I never heard that before. Obviously we all still have much to learn about each other. |
Joan
Supporter
Username: Joancrystal
Post Number: 7425
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 7:10 am: |
|
Jersey boy:
I realize that I never answered your question and I am not sure most of the other posters to this thread have either. Let me try and answer your question now:
Since the child is reacting to clothing color rather than skin color, I would say something like, "Yes I see the black lady and she is shopping just like us." Do you see a blue lady here? Can you tell me what the blue lady is doing? How about a green man? What is the green man doing, etc. In this manner, you are reacting to your child has said and meant not to what you perceive others may think you child meant. |
Jersey_Boy
Citizen
Username: Jersey_boy
Post Number: 816
Registered: 1-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 10:04 pm: |
|
I have adopted the term African American, because I believe it is the prefered term. I wish only to call people what they wish to be called.
In fact, I grew up in a very diverse school where it was commonplace to refer to someone, for the sake of identification, as the light skinned Black guy.
I have subsequently stopped saying, "Black" and stopped saying, "girl," to describe woman older than 18, and I bristle a little when I hear others saying these things, along with saying things are, "retarded" or "gay."
So, when my son, unknowingly says "Black Lady" when he is describing clothing, I bristle. I started this thread in earnest. I wasn't sure how to handle it. I guess, because I try not to use terms that may offend, I don't want people to hear this and think I'm teaching him to use "Black" instead of A.A.
But, I also don't want to carry around apology cards to hand to people elucidating my understanding of our complex national history of Racism and its linguistics.
Thanks to all for your thoughtful insights.
J.B. |
jasper
Citizen
Username: Jasper
Post Number: 395
Registered: 7-2001
| | Posted on Monday, May 15, 2006 - 8:49 am: |
|
This is a slightly different issue, but alas a sad commentary on the whole situation:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/05/14/world/asia/14thailand.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
I find it somewhat abhorrent that cosmetics companies play into this whole skewed notion of beauty. While they're promoting self-tanning chemicals in one market, they're pushing whitening chemicals in another. So which one is beautiful? The only beautiful color seems to be green. |
The Soulful Mr T
Citizen
Username: Howardt
Post Number: 1931
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Monday, May 15, 2006 - 11:13 am: |
|
when my son was about 3.5 we were in a supermarket and he looked at a woman working at the service counter and yelled to me, LOUD, "Look, Daddy, that lady has a moustache!" |
irl
Citizen
Username: Irl
Post Number: 238
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 10:05 am: |
|
I was reading this thread and recalling a few weeks ago during bulk refuse when my 3-yo daughter saw an elderly woman with white hair perusing our pile of "up-for-grabs". My daughter never refers to anyone by their skin color, so I thought I was in the clear. But she actually pointed and said, "Mommy, there's a wicked witch taking our stuff! Should we stop that old witch?" I don't think she was heard by the woman (or maybe I'm just in denial), and I explained that her comment was inappropriate and why.
My grandmother always refered to people by skin color. It was mortifying when she would say, "Look at that old white woman." Loud enough for a bus-load of people to hear her, but she was 88 and not about to learn new ways. I loved her anyway. |
Andrea Weisbard
Citizen
Username: Njnetsfan
Post Number: 449
Registered: 6-2004
| | Posted on Saturday, May 20, 2006 - 9:32 am: |
|
I pick my friends, not by the color of their skin but by what they can teach me and what I can teach them and what they have in their heart, skin color doesn't matter to me. There are a lot of black staff members at JESPY and for the most part I get along with most of them. I am not a racist by any means, but some of the staff can be very rude, and not just because of their skin color. |
Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 2778
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, May 20, 2006 - 9:56 am: |
|
mantram, that's interesting (Desi) because where I work there are a lot of staff who are Desi (by which they mean living in the U.S. permanently but of Indian heritage) and there are staff who live permanently in India or Pakistan who rotate in for several months at a time. The Indian or Pakistani residents refer to their U.S. counterparts as Desi in a somewhat disparaging tone. I don't think the term is always as neutral as the wiki portrays. Sometimes, it seems to have an "oreo" like accusatory quality to it. Sometimes, a certain degree of tension between the two groups, and certainly subgroups with respect to behavior and cultural mores. Gets compounded when the rest of us (non-Indian/Pakistani) address them as if they are all one cultural entity. |
ina
Citizen
Username: Ina
Post Number: 360
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, May 20, 2006 - 10:02 am: |
|
My 4 year old saw an adult little person - formerly referred to as a dwarf - on a street in Manhattan and backed away saying loudly "He's creepy!" Thank god he was too far away to hear us, but she seems really unnerved by obvious physical differences. Said essentially the same thing about a person with one arm. |
Psychomom
Citizen
Username: Psychomom
Post Number: 131
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 23, 2006 - 11:16 pm: |
|
I agree that reacting calmly to these embarrassing moments our darling children can create is the key... but somewhere along the line we have to practice appropriate conversation with them.
I think the guideline should be something like would you want someone to say that about you or your loved ones? Then don't you go saying it either.
|
Jersey_Boy
Citizen
Username: Jersey_boy
Post Number: 886
Registered: 1-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 23, 2006 - 11:50 pm: |
|
Psychomom,
My son was talking about the color of the clothes. The racial angle was purely mine. Adult people of all races, shapes and sizes get into these situations with their children, as this thread proves.
My issue is with the other adult. "Hi, I'm new to the area, and my son is yelling 'Black Lady' at you. See you at the neighborhood block party."
I just don't want anyone to refer to my son as, "the kid who I told you about." Or to me as, "He's the guy with that kid."
I assume I will have to talk to my son about race, but to do it now would be to ruin him.
J.B. |
Closed: New threads not accepted on this page