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mammabear
Citizen
Username: Mammabear
Post Number: 319
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 23, 2006 - 9:16 am: | 
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I have a close friend who is going through some huge infertility issues...she has been told she has a 1% chance to conceiving on her own due to the poor quality of her eggs. They recommended an egg donor, which both she and her husband are uncomfortable with. She is only 35 and just got married last year!
Long story short, she has done all her testing at RMA (where she got the news) and really wants a 2nd opinion. I've heard Cornell in NYC is great. Anyone have any experience with Cornell and their program? Any advice or help would be appreciated...she is just devastated...
Thanks! |
peteglider
Citizen
Username: Peteglider
Post Number: 1965
Registered: 8-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 23, 2006 - 11:51 am: |
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Went through this a few years ago -- it was hellish, quite frankly. Not only the physical/medical aspects, but difficult emotionally. (and, exhorbitantly costly)
We researched a number of places, and now, years later, what sticks out is the "success wall" we saw in every office -- babies, more babies.
The reality is that overall success rate, is no more than 20 - 25% *at best*. Depending on the medical issues, can be much much lower. I was recently googling on a related issue, came across the stats from the clinic we had used -- and it brought back all the memories of what we went through.
I know that wall of pictures is there to give people hope, and for marketing purposes, too -- it does push your hopes, no matter what the situation is.
In the end we were not able to conceive. But that brought us to the child who was destined to be our son (though adoption).
I wish your friend and her husband well on the journey they choose. (there is, btw, a *great* infertility support network in NJ part of Resolve (resolve.org))
Best, Pete |
Shannon OReilly
Citizen
Username: Soreilly
Post Number: 19
Registered: 9-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 23, 2006 - 1:08 pm: |
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Pete-
If you don't mind me asking, where did you adopt from (domestic/international)?
Mammabear- I am currently using the fertility clinic affiliated with Columbia. I have to say that I am somewhat disillusioned with the process. They are professional and knowledgeable but not the most - it's hard to find the right words- lets' just say that they are very clinical, not necessarily open to the emotions that we are experiencing. I am only 33 and we've been trying for #2 for almost 2 years. The rollercoaster of emotions is so exhausting that I am about ready to call it a day and go forward with adopting. On the other hand, my sister-in-law used the clinic at Cornell and has good things to say about her experience(s) - she now has two healthy little girls. Not exactly a direct answer to your question, but I hope it helps.
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bmpsab
Citizen
Username: Bmpsab
Post Number: 228
Registered: 3-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 23, 2006 - 1:56 pm: |
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We have had very positive experiences with Cornell and their success rate is MUCH higher than 20-25%. If you look at the CDC's report you can find the different statistics for the different clinics. I personally think Cornell is one of the best ivf clinics in the country (that's why we went there). They are on the pioneering end of so many different areas of research. Of course, very sadly, not everyone can achieve success through fertility treatment, and if even you are lucky enough to fall on the positive side of the statistics (as we eventually were), it can still be very hard to get past the pain caused by infertility and the whole process.
If your friend is interested in Cornell, I highly recommend Dr. Owen Davis. He is the Assistant Director of the Program and frankly he is one of the best doctors I have ever come across. Although he deals with so many patients, the depth of his knowledge about your own particular case during appointments, his willingness to think creatively, and the respect with which he treats his patients really puts him in a different category from most of the other doctors I have come across.
The website for Cornell is www.ivf.org
The CDC's most recent report can be found at: http://www.cdc.gov/ART/ART2003/index.htm
Feel free to private line me if you want more info. |
mammabear
Citizen
Username: Mammabear
Post Number: 320
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 23, 2006 - 2:26 pm: |
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Thanks everyone! I totally apreciate all your help! I have many friends who have gone through IVF, etc, but everyone has had different issues...only one friend ended up not conceiving and she adopted. Although they do not make up such a valid test group, I'd say - based on my friend circle - the odds of conception are pretty good. Yes, they will vary greatly depending on what your issue is...but I also know that many times clinics do not want a riskier case becasue it affects their overall statistics.
Thanks again...i have passed on the info and she will be contacting both programs very soon. |
Joanne G
Citizen
Username: Joanne
Post Number: 141
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 23, 2006 - 3:09 pm: |
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Some of us aren't meant to have kids.
I've had 14 miscarriages, not a lot of support from the medical profession and not a lot of support from other women who seem to believe that because we couldn't afford to go the IVF/supported conception/supported pregnancy route we weren't serious about becoming parents.
We couldn't afford adoption by the time that an option - we started the whole thing late, not meeting or marrying until into our 30s, not being aware there was a problem until almost 40.
I could conceive, just can't carry beyond 8 and half weeks. Now I'm smack into menopause stuff and still the doctors don't want to talk to me about any of it. I also work with a woman having childbearing problems. A SIL lost a babe in the birth process, babe's heart just stopped for no reason. There's a huge industry that works to make you feel miniscule if you can't bear children, if you can't parent. It seems the whole world conspires to keep the not-so-successful stories away from you, and there SO MANY not-so-successful stories, you wonder how they can do so.
I'm so proud that you're supporting your friend - please let her know that no matter what she tries, nothing may work but you will still be there. If she wants to cry out, some of us who are also bereft and empty will hear - I'll answer if she cries (offlist) this way, any time. |
mammabear
Citizen
Username: Mammabear
Post Number: 321
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 24, 2006 - 12:10 pm: |
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Joanne- your story breaks my heart..I am so sorry to hear of all your trouble. I can't believe everything you have gone through. Please don't give up...there are many options for filling that void if you want to...from being a foster parent or adopting a child or even getting a baby that might be of the four-legged furrier variety. 
Best of luck to you...and thanks for pointing out the other side of things. |
Joanne G
Citizen
Username: Joanne
Post Number: 144
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 24, 2006 - 11:36 pm: |
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Thanks, mammabear. Spoke with my colleague, too, who said that sometimes acceptance is the way to move forward - you give it a decent shot, you work out what you can afford emotionally and for your loving relationship together as well as financially AND THEN YOU PLAN YOUR LIVES without children. There's a lot of subtle brainwashing out there, that makes mdoern families not feel good enough if we are not parents yet we still nurture and care for community in other ways. Having made the plans, you live them. And sometimes the opportunity to parent comes along, and as you've said it even comes in ways we couldn't dream up in the first place: the ability to parent an older person reliving their younger days; the ability to volunteer with young people who miss out nurturing relationships; the ability to plan and build caring and sustainable diverse communities (that's my strength, I think). And sometimes even your own kids come along too!! Blessings from downunder (I'm feeling mellow - we've run a successful workplace fundraiser for cancer research today) |
Carol Anne
Citizen
Username: Carol_anne
Post Number: 8
Registered: 5-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 26, 2006 - 12:33 am: |
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MamaBear,
I found success at RMA several years ago, but have less confidence in them these days. I think they jump pretty quickly to IVF and to Donor egg possibly because it increases their success rates? Not knowing all your friends info, they could be right. She could be in perimenopause and donor egg might be the right choice. If I were here and had the money though, I would certainly got for 2nd and third opinions. Cornell has a great program and she should probably check out St. Barnabas as well. She should also check out a site called IVF connections. I found so much support and so many resources on line when I was struggling. Hopefully your friend can too. Unfortunately, the site I went to has really gone down hill over the years, but a friend just recently did IVF and found IVF connections really helpful.
Good Luck to her.
She may or may not want to hear this, you will have to be the judge, but during my struggle I met a woman who was doing IVF with her own eggs while waiting on a donor to become available. Her results were poor and she had to really work to convince the doc not to cancel her cycle. Luckily he agreed. She got pg with her own eggs. She has since gotten pg naturally at least once. I know she did some alternative tx in addition to the straight medical protocol. Be warned though. I hated these stories when struggling with IF myself.
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Hamandeggs
Citizen
Username: Hamandeggs
Post Number: 303
Registered: 8-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 26, 2006 - 6:03 am: |
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I would also suggest the chat board urbanbaby.com. There's a NYC based part of the board called "TTC" Trying to conceive, where mnay labs, doctors, etc are discussed specifically and in great depth. Very useful anecdotal info. |
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