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Sherri De Rose
Citizen
Username: Honeydo
Post Number: 266
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 8:12 am: | 
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Maplewood/South Orange/Millburn used to be that place. When we moved here in 1984 we likened this area to "Willoughby" for those of you who remember the Twilight Zone series. A distraught, overworked man on his commute fell into a dream sequence where he came home to Willoughby. A bucolic town in the 1800's with kids going fishing, riding bicycles and being respectful. Today, noone even stops at stop signs. They go through red lights and speed like they had a fire to go to. If you stop to let a pedestrian cross (THE LAW) the guy behind you honks, curses and cuts around you and tries to run over the guy you're letting cross.
If all MOLer's would adopt a "pass it along" policy and do one nice thing each day, maybe we could bring back a little bit of civilization to this area. It starts with one person doing one thing. Give it a try today!
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Nancy - LibraryLady
Supporter
Username: Librarylady
Post Number: 3553
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 8:17 am: |
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Sometimes it feels more like the cornfield that Anthony would blink you to if you displeased him.
Sherri is right, do a good deed and "Pass It On". |
peteglider
Citizen
Username: Peteglider
Post Number: 2006
Registered: 8-2002
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 9:07 am: |
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Great thread Sherri!
I'm amazed how many people DO hold doors for eachother -- going into the station, elevator, work, etc. Its a nice polite thing to do.
(but...as I was driving to the station this morning, behind me was a very anxious black Audi -- once on SO Ave -- they sped up over 50 - 60 mph -by the school! of course once in the village, they were side by side with my car. so unnecessary, so unsafe. but I withheld rolling down my window and shouting obscenities about driving dangerously on a road where kids walk to school...)
Pete |
Sherri De Rose
Citizen
Username: Honeydo
Post Number: 267
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 11:47 am: |
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You notice how many people are interested in "poor" Bob Hume. But only we three about this matter? |
Camnol
Citizen
Username: Camnol
Post Number: 367
Registered: 3-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 11:49 am: |
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Sherri,
This has been my impression of NJ as whole. I moved here when I got married, and every town I've lived in has been the same. In the months after 9/11, civility seemed to return, but sadly it didn't stay.
Of all the NJ towns I've lived in though, I've found the people in Maplewood/SO to be the most friendly and welcoming--outside of their cars, anyway. 
About 4 years ago I visited a friend who moved to the midwest. On the flight back I was sitting next to a young man who just graduated from college. When he found out that I live in NJ, he paused for a moment and then said, "I have to ask you something. Why are NJ drivers so mean?" I couldn't help but laugh, as I've been wondering the same thing ever since I moved here!  |
Shanabana
Citizen
Username: Shanabana
Post Number: 535
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 12:42 pm: |
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Sherri, the Bob Hume thred has been up for several days...you just stated this one! It'll get more takers...
When I lived in Oregon (college), I was shocked (coming from California) that everyone was sooooo nice. Then I realized it was just a kind of lobotomized nice, or perhaps they're all just really stoned.
When I went back to visit California afte living in NY, I was shocked at how nice everyone seemed. HOwever, there it's hard to get anyone to say what they REALLLY think.
When I went to France, I loved how EVERYONE holds the door. On the other hand, they let their dogs •••• all over the streetl.
When I went to South Carolina recently, I noticed how all the (white) teenagers in the shops seemed polite but so distant as to be almost contemptuous.
Now here in M/SO, I find that many people are very very nice. People ARE total jerks in cars, however, not as bad as NYC. People are not as nice in Millburn, in my experience (you excepted, of course, Sherri).
Here, I find that the youth are generally obviously raised by loving people. I like it here--nice, but not too nice.
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doulamomma
Citizen
Username: Doulamomma
Post Number: 1505
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 1:13 pm: |
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Pete - I think I've seen the same black Audi on SO Ave., driving just that way near the school & a;so the intersection at Ridgewood. argh. |
Hank Zona
Supporter
Username: Hankzona
Post Number: 5687
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 1:16 pm: |
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I prefer people to be good and fair rather than nice...nice seems lacking in depth in some of its displays. I do agree with Camnol..the months after 9/11 were a unique time, I suppose because it was the right reaction to the truly unique tragedy of our generation, especially in this area. Most behavior that I think bothers folks is usually someone behaving unconsciously...when they are made aware, they tend to understand and at least temporarily, amend the behavior. Of course, then there is the smaller percentage of offenders who just are selfish bastards who do not understand or care that their actions have an effect on the people around them. Its all about them. I think if more people were aware, no easy task when we're rushing around trying to squeeze everything in, a lot of the issues would be alleviated...and then that would just leave us with that handful of ••••••••. |
wnb
Citizen
Username: Wnb
Post Number: 404
Registered: 8-2001
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 1:56 pm: |
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Gotta agree with Shanabana about the Oregon / northwest drivers. I have yet to find a more annoying place to drive.
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Zoesky1
Citizen
Username: Zoesky1
Post Number: 1550
Registered: 6-2003
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 2:02 pm: |
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I agree that Maplewoodians are really nice. But I have to say, since moving to Livingston last August, that they are superfriendly out here. Livingstonians will chat you up just about anywhere: in the car wash line, at the diner awaiting a table, in the line for pool passes...you name it. It starts with "where in town do you live," then goes on to schools -- which elementary your kids are in, etc -- then goes on to things like, "Did you check out the new library yet?" or "have you got your pool passes yet?" or "hey, how about the new Town Center?" (Town Center is a brand-new array of nice stores, townhouses and "New Urbanist"-style homes right here in the midst of Liv). I mean, I have to say, these are among the chattiest people I've ever met. Man, do they like to talk. It's nice! |
Jersey_Boy
Citizen
Username: Jersey_boy
Post Number: 1019
Registered: 1-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 2:09 pm: |
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All of you can just go to hell. Now let me by God Dammit.
J.B.
Just kidding. |
Blue Heeler
Citizen
Username: Blueheeler
Post Number: 51
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 2:15 pm: |
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What a timely thread, Sherri! I'm currently bummed out about the same thing... I grew up in Brooklyn, have lived in NJ for many years and my family and I are moving back to NJ (Livingston), after several years in Chicago (work relo).
I guess my thick Brooklyn skin really softened up in Chicago, since most everyone I met are the nicest, sweetest, most caring, decent, and rational people that I've met in a long time. As Hank says above, they are good and fair, rather just being nice, in a saccharine sort of way, or naive in any way. New neighbors genuinely inquired about helping us settle in, same went for co-workers and school parents, and we've made some good friends, which really eased the homesickness.
Well, my firm is growing in NYC and is relocating me back. It was a happy event, as both my wife's and my families are here, all of our old friends, etc. Happy, that is, until we met our new neighbors :-) Sadly, this was way after we closed on the house, as we had to do most things long-distance.
Neighbor on one side actually called us in Chicago and went on and on complaining how horribly hurt and dissapointed she was that we cleaned up the garbage in our backyard (old couple lived there for many years and the neighbors were dumping their leaves, grass cuttings, even garbage/old rusted pipes/chairs/etc. back there), cut down the dead trees covered with poison ivy, etc., and now she has less privacy and can see through our backyard to the street.
She went on to say that she built a huge pool and pushed out her fence all the way to the edge of her property, so she doesn't want to plant anything there, so she is relying on us for her privacy! She was going to plant trees on our property without asking us, while we are away, but here real-estate agent told her it's probably a good idea to ask us first :-) My wife and I were just stunned.
The neighbor behind us literally jumped out of the bushes when, we came to visit recently, and his first-ever phrase to my wife and I was "I'm going to sue you" as he thinks our landscaper damaged one of his trees; the other two neighborhs would not even return our smiles, waves or hellos as we tried to introduce ourselves.
The few interactions with township officials and other locals didn't add anything positive to the experience.
I truly forgot how self-absorbed, cold and nasty people can be, combined with a horrifying and totally undeserved sense of entitlement. Blech! I'm so NOT looking forward to being surrounded by a-holes on all sides :-(
I was just sharing some of this with a new friend in Chicago -- a native Midwesterner -- and she immediately came back with a "typical" Midwestern response: Just be nicer and kinder to these people and I'm sure it will motivate them to be the same way. How sweet and refreshing... Somehow, I doubt it, but, I'll try.
Anyway, I'm signed on to passing along a bit of good will and kindness. Here's hoping for much more good karma :-)
BlueHeeler |
Bob K
Supporter
Username: Bobk
Post Number: 11776
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 2:37 pm: |
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Blue, I know the feeling.
My introduction to one of our neighbors was her pulling me away from some lawn work to complain about a tree stump that was on her property and how we had to remove it. The little flags the surveyors use were still up and this was three feet on her property btw.
Next she stops my wife and sister in law and asks Mrs. K, "Is she a member of your family?" while pointing at SIK and then runs off. Over Memorial day our 20 year old son had a barabcue for his friends. She stopped a couple of the guests to ask who they were, why they were there and what was going on.
She and her husband fight almost everyday. The best one was when she returned from church last Sunday, she says to her husband, " I am going to put you on the sick list at church". This was followed by five minutes of screaming. |
C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 2656
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 2:53 pm: |
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Bob, that "sick list" thing is pretty funny! You could probably put together a stand-up routine just from her material! |
LilLB
Citizen
Username: Lillb
Post Number: 1755
Registered: 10-2002
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 2:54 pm: |
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I was thinking about this thread and realized that my perception of being surrounded by "nicer" or "friendlier" people has more to do with me than them. What I mean by that is, if I'm open to talking to other people, I find that the people around me are chattier. It probably just means that they picked up on my mood, felt I was approachable and started to chat. If I walk around in a rush and don't make eye contact with people - I don't look approachable and they won't talk to me. So, in both circumstances, I was surrounded by friendly, nice people who are open to a friendly chat, but whatever signals I was giving off determined what would happen next.
I'm not sure if any of that makes sense, but I think that people's disposition varies everywhere. I have the friendliest, nicest neighbors, but people in the same town could be surrounded by people whose disposition is on the confrontational/nasty side. Same town, just a variety of people throughout.
I would agree that different regions of the country/world have a certain "vibe" if you will....people who live in metropolitan areas, for example, may have different expectations and pace of living than in more rural areas. |
Hoops
Citizen
Username: Hoops
Post Number: 1447
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 3:59 pm: |
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just remember that Twilight Zone episode was a nightmare. Every stop was Willoughby.
"Next Stop Is Willoughby"
Really it doesnt take much to be courteous and nice to people. I think that most people really are this way. The more we pass around kindness the more there is to pass around.
I dont go around noticing who is and who isnt nice, thats the job for Santa Claus. I just live my life as best I can and treat people like I would like to be treated. |
Pippi
Supporter
Username: Pippi
Post Number: 2332
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 4:11 pm: |
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hoops - you don't notice when people aren't nice to you? I sure do.
sadly, most people rarely recognize or acknowledge when people are kind, it's when they're not kind it gets noticed!
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ess
Citizen
Username: Ess
Post Number: 2199
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 4:41 pm: |
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As I remember it, that Twilight Zone episode was not a nightmare, but an escapist dream. Who can forget what happened to the dreamer, though!?!
These days, it seems that everyone everywhere is in a hurry. What may appear to be rudeness or brusqueness may be a function of people concentrating on getting where they need to be rather than on those around them. Not condoning it, but it is a by-product of our overscheduled lives.
That being said, I have been in other parts of the country (Atlanta, St. Louis, etc.) where the vibe is a lot calmer and friendlier.
And Blue - what a nasty experience! I hope your neighbors relax and I hope you enjoy the NYC area again. |
doulamomma
Citizen
Username: Doulamomma
Post Number: 1512
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 5:08 pm: |
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what the heck is a "sick list"? |
LilLB
Citizen
Username: Lillb
Post Number: 1757
Registered: 10-2002
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 5:18 pm: |
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doula - I think that refers to the list of names of the sick/deceased that the priest asks the congregation to keep in their prayers. You can ask that someone be added to the list so their name will be read to the congregation during mass. |
cody
Citizen
Username: Cody
Post Number: 1015
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 5:19 pm: |
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It's a list published in the church bulletin, doulamomma, that gives the names of the members of the congregation who are ill and have asked for prayers.
If I remember "Willoughby", in the last scene the man died and was put into a van with the words "Willoughby Funeral Home" on it (or something like that - it's a long time ago, but I always remembered this episode).
I think one of the problems here in the northeast is that there are too many people, too close together and too little time - everyone always feels frazzled. Some of it might be due to the 24/7 communicating we seem to think is necessary - cell phones always on, IM, text messaging, beepers, pagers, people reading their e-mail on their cell phones while driving 70 miles an hour on the parkway. I think if we all slowed down a bit we'd have time to be nicer people to each other.
I think the "me first" attitude has to go, though, if we're going to make any progress in this area. |
LilLB
Citizen
Username: Lillb
Post Number: 1758
Registered: 10-2002
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 5:22 pm: |
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Did you ever see one of the newer Twilight Zones where the family with two teenage daughters moves into a gated community where if the kids act out and break the rules, they get turned into fertilizer? Can't remember the name of the episode, but basically, they get carted away and turned into fertilizer and it's used to plant a new tree in the yard of the family whose kid was "removed".
Guess that's one way to keep people in line... |
Sherri De Rose
Citizen
Username: Honeydo
Post Number: 268
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 5:56 pm: |
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I am glad I started this thread. I think we all have gotten a bit introspective with it and maybe next time someone needs to turn or cross, we think of this thread and take the 10 seconds to be courteous. |
Shanabana
Citizen
Username: Shanabana
Post Number: 537
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 8:46 pm: |
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Lil B: you may be onto something. As I was told once upon a time, when everyone around you is an arse hole, it is probably YOU who's the arse. |
Shanabana
Citizen
Username: Shanabana
Post Number: 538
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, June 9, 2006 - 8:48 pm: |
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Yeah, Blue, that is awful. Do what you want--it's your property! Jerks.
And, psssst, Hoops: there's no such thing as Santa Claus. |
Blue Heeler
Citizen
Username: Blueheeler
Post Number: 52
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 9:04 am: |
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Bob K, you neighbor sounds like a treat I guess none of us will be bored  Thanks everyone for the kind words and the opportunity to vent a little. We are going to try and raise the niceness quotient of our neighborhood, at least a little bit.
BTW, Cody, great point. I recall commenting to my wife, when we visited last over Memorial Day weekend, and took a stroll through our new neighborhood, that I didn't see one driver without a cell phone plastered to their ear. And, this is a set of 20MPH residential streets...
Cheers All,
BlueHeeler |
Amateur Night
Citizen
Username: Deborahg
Post Number: 1863
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, June 10, 2006 - 9:15 am: |
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Hey Blue,
Please feel free to invite me and the noisy little Amateurs and our big Amateur dog over for a barbecue any time. We'll blast our boombox and throw our garbage onto your neighbor's lawn, then rip down some shrubs on their property and take out their fence as we leave.
In fact, I am going to Livingston today, and will be happy to throw a bag f trash out of my window onto their lawn as I drive by. Oh, and welcome to the neighborhood! |
Bob K
Supporter
Username: Bobk
Post Number: 11785
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 9:59 am: |
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Oh, and the saga continues....
Yesterday we were outside doing a little gardening and the neighbor comes out and starts talking to Mrs. K. I hid in the garage, coward that I am.
She asked if we had three sons, one "white boy" (actually our son is Korean American) and two "black boys" (I kid you not). From her spying on the barbacue mentioned above apparently she was curious about the two young African American guys at the party, who have also been around a couple of times since then.
Since the street we live on is pretty well integrated, you have to wonder where her mind is.....
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Richard Kessler
Citizen
Username: Richiekess
Post Number: 141
Registered: 11-2004
| | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 10:11 am: |
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a quick little welcome to Maplewood story: my wife and I moved here in late 2004 after having lived for many years in Manhattan. Okay, a day or two in the house and the door bell rings and a woman and her daughter are at the door. "Hi, we're your neighbors on the other side of your backyard." Okay, I thought, how nice, they're welcoming us to the neighborhood. Woohoo! "We cut through your backyard to get to the Tuscan school, the previous owners let us do that and just want to make sure that you're okay with that." Not a word of welcome or anything else. It was a very disappointing moment. To be fair, our immediate next door neighbors are very nice and one even plows out our driveway in the snow. So, like everywhere else, there are all kinds. But still, all that woman had to do was say something like "welcome to the neighborhood." I decided to put a lock on the fence. Let them find some other way to avoid the pain of walking around the corner to get to the Tuscan School. And as I have posted many times before, the driving thing around here is totally insane. MUCH, MUCH WORSE than NYC. |
Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 2855
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 10:22 am: |
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My neighbors seemed happy to see us arrive and be relatively normal. The last owners were apparently a little odd, and didn't keep the yard up. Guy was into the occult or something (noticed lots Ann Rice some strange books and what not when we previewed the house). Last year, the hollering, Great Santini father and famiy next door moved out, to be replaced by a nice young couple from NYC. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
Not a bad street -- pretty live and let live unless your noise level gets outta whack (a yard party last evening -- graduates? -- with blaring rap music with unfamily-friendly lyrics comes to mind). Some ultra house/yard proud, some regular folks. Houses $325-450 or so (just read gsmls). Mixed races and childedness. The new couple from NYC is the closest thing to yuppies that we have. |
Blue Heeler
Citizen
Username: Blueheeler
Post Number: 53
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 6:15 pm: |
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Thanks, Amateur night, I love it!   Got the perfect Eminem songs for the boombox, too! 
Cheers,
BlueHeeler |
Soparents
Citizen
Username: Soparents
Post Number: 954
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 6:24 pm: |
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We moved in in November 2002, we were unpacking our cases/boxes etc throughout the day, my parents were here, and we had a 2 year old and a 6 month old requiring attention.... and during the course of our mammoth unpacking, 4 neighbours stopped by, 1 to introduce themselves, 1 to bring sodas, 1 to bring brownies that she had made (they were still warm, I remember them to this day!), and 1 to bring us pizza and salad she had bought from Roman Gourmet "as it was late and I can't see any sign of you stopping to eat..."
That showed me in the space of some 8 hours that we live in a town of kind hearted and caring people.
I know there will always be someone to burst my imagined bubble of "good people" I know that there are always going to be people who I wished lived in another place, but they are few and far between. For the most part, the people I have come across in Maplewood and South Orange are wonderful, and I hope this never changes.
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doulamomma
Citizen
Username: Doulamomma
Post Number: 1524
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 6:49 pm: |
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Soparents,
I had a similar story last year when we were moving - a neighbor saw that we had kids & that one was the same age as one of hers - she invited him to her son's bday party before we even moved in so that he could start to meet kids from his new school. Another neighbor brought wine. Another (MOL person who saw that we were moving close by) offered dinner (we were renovating the kitchen) & a playdate so that we could unpack & the same son could meet someone else from his new school...this from a woman who was fighting cancer, a battle she lost months later. At our old house we regularly swapped snow shoveling with a neigbor. It's nice to know that folks care enough to have your back, even when you barely know them.
I continue to be touched by the many kind people in our towns (just through MOL I have found homes for many things I no longer needed, offered basil & been given a wonderful basil-rich dinner in return, loaned and been loaned many items...the list goes on.
Maybe because so many are wonderful it makes the not-wonderful ones stand out.
Seems that many problems come when people are driving - they forget to be kind...I do wish people would slow down & think.
But on the whole, I find people much kinder than not |
Jersey_Boy
Citizen
Username: Jersey_boy
Post Number: 1028
Registered: 1-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, June 11, 2006 - 8:10 pm: |
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When we moved in a group of neighbors kept asking if we would be home on a certain night. They had a surprise. My wife and I were imagining some kind of neighborhood hazing ritual where we get blindfolded and dropped off at Floods hill in our underwear.
But, no, it was a group of happy people with a big gift bag that they had each put something into: a bottle of wine, some cheese, some crackers, a wind chime, etc. We invited them all in and we had an impromptu cocktail wine and cheese hour and shared stories of neighborhood history, who owned and build the houses back in the 1920s.
Another neighbor brought over homemade bread. Another brought a pie. When my wife was unloading some stuff, our toddler wiped out on the driveway while our new next door neighbor was introducting herself. They got some peroxide and a bandaid (ours were deeply packed.) There was a tender moment in the kitchen with my wife and our new neighbor bandaging his wound.
We were thrilled and were definately waiting for the AMWAY pitch, but it never came. Just REALLY nice people.
J.B.
For what it's worth, we're a White heterosexual family and only one of the people in those stories was in that same demographic. South Orange: it's a freakin' utopia!
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