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doctoralissa
Citizen
Username: Doctoralissa
Post Number: 218
Registered: 1-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 14, 2006 - 3:55 pm: | 
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Hey all you mothering experts out there (you're a mom, you're an expert!), let's give all those new moms some tips on taking care of themselves post-partum. I know I felt lost in the first months after giving birth...it is quite a shock to go from weekly doctor appointments and lots of care and attention (ok, spoiling) to almost none (you're the carer now).
I think new moms can use advice about:
Emotions
Physical body
Sleeplessness/Exhaustion
Going back to work
And much more.
My first issue after having my son, was crazy skin. After "glowing" for 10 months suddenly I broke out like crazy. 8 months later (now) my skin is back to normal, but I tortured it for a while with creams and salves, when I should have just left it alone, but I didn't know any better. So my tip is, if your skin goes crazy after having the baby, don't abuse it/make it worse, by putting all sorts of harsh creams on it. Just stick to your normal routine and wait a while. It may be annoying, but it will go back to normal eventually. Be patient and focus on CARING for yourself.
My other thing is weightloss after birth. Looking at Katie Holmes and other celebriots will not make you feel good about yourself and you should feel good about yourself...you just created human life...hello!?!?! Don't waste time fretting about this for at least the first 6 months. Enjoy your baby. Bond with your baby. Don't waste (what little--speaking for myself) mental energy worrying about your butt, thighs or tummy for the time being. Get a little excercize, sure...go for a walk or whatever fitness you feel like, but enjoy eating. If you're nursing you're nurturing you and the baby by continuing to eat well in those early months.
Overall know how great you are new mom because you are!
Anyone else got tips for the new mom? |
marian
Citizen
Username: Marian
Post Number: 805
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 14, 2006 - 9:36 pm: |
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SLEEP WHEN YOUR BABY SLEEPS--NO MATTER WHAT TIME IT IS!!!!
I give this advice to all new moms.
Let somebody else do the cooking, the cleaning and the thank-you notes or just put it off and eat healthy take-out or frozen foods off paper plates.
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MeAndTheBoys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 3993
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 14, 2006 - 10:06 pm: |
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And I'll say it again:
SLEEP WHEN YOUR BABY SLEEPS!!!!
I was told this with my first and just didn't absorb it. I was too stressed out at first. Then when #2 and #3 came along, it became harder to do this, but I really would have loved to.
Not only that, sleep WITH them (although I didn't do it at night, just naps). There was nothing I liked better than napping with #2 and #3 (again, with #1 I was too stressed) when they were bitty, sweet, lovely smelling munchkins making all those wonderful baby noises.
Also, in addition to the skin thing, there's the hair and nails thing. My nails have never been lovelier than when I was pregnant. Afterwards, they just start breaking again. And your hair may start to fall out at an alarming rate for a bit, but it will stop and you will not go bald.
Last but not least, I wish that someone had told me that breast feeding doesn't come naturally and easy to every woman and every baby. I went through hell and back with my first. He wouldn't latch on, and I had no idea how to get him to. Had my first crying jag over it while I was still in the hospital and the lactation consultants there were trying to help me. Persisted after leaving. Spent a lot of time with lactation consultants, and breast pumps and forcing my hysterical newborn to latch on when he couldn't or wouldn't or whatever. I was extremely stressed, and I'm sure he sensed the stress. Finally, when he was around two weeks old, at our umpteenth visit to the pediatrician because I couldn't get him to eat and I wasn't sure he was getting enough and he was crying all the time, I had a breakdown in the exam room with the doctor. He just looked at me and said "He'll be just fine on formula from a bottle." And he was and is. What a weight was lifted off my shoulders that day. Took another kid or two (gave it the old "college try" each time) before I managed to get over the guilt and stop worrying about what all those breastfeeding mom's were thinking about me.
Which leads to more "advice:" Do not hestitate to give them the bottle or breast whenever they cry. Screw worrying about a schedule. On demand feeding in the first few months is absolutely the way to go. The schedule will come later.
And: always do what you feel is right for you and your baby and your family, and don't waste a minute worrying about what other mother's and their babies are doing, or what they might be thinking of you. |
CJH
Citizen
Username: Christel
Post Number: 44
Registered: 1-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 14, 2006 - 10:29 pm: |
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I'll start by seconding everything that everyone else has already said, and I'm going to expand on MeAndTheBoys advice that you do what's right for you by saying you shouldn't be afraid to be selfish with your time.
It's very hard, especially with the first baby, not to let people come over all the time to visit. You tell yourself it is their grandchild/nephew/cousin/neighbor/whatever after all, and it's even worse if the people have come from out of town, but you our your partner has to get comfortable with saying "We'd like to have some time by ourselves as a new family".
I have an easy going family and didn't feel like I had to "hostess" them after my daughter was born, but they were around a lot in the first few weeks. Finally when my daughter was two weeks old I realized that we had not had a single day that had been only the three of us hanging out together, getting to know each other. Not only was it exhausting having people around, but it also got in the way of our really being able to settle into our new situation.
Luckily her two week birthday was also my birthday, so when people asked what I wanted to do it gave me a good opening to say "I'd like to stay home and spend some time alone with my new daughter". It was great and it was overdue, and I know people who went even longer than I did without having a single visitor-free day with a new baby in the house, mostly because they thought it was so nice that people would want to come see the baby that they felt selfish not letting them in all the time. I will definitely be taking more me time with my next kid! |
mjc
Citizen
Username: Mjc
Post Number: 1192
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 10:32 am: |
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Adding on to meand's recommendation about on-demand feeding: It doesn't hurt anything to offer a feeding right before you want to go to bed for the night (or whatever part of the night you're going to get). If the baby's not willing, oh well, but if you can "top off his/her tank" at that point it may give you a little longer rest.
Also, as a favor to yourself postnatal self, when you're doing your prenatal exercise thing, remember to keep your arms built up. It's amazing how heavy 8-12 pounds can seem when you're exhausted. |
anotherkittie
Citizen
Username: Anotherkittie
Post Number: 54
Registered: 4-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 11:56 am: |
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Never wake a sleeping baby. Trust your instincts. Have a sense of humor. Sleep if you can. The weight will come off. It's ok to formula feed (despite what the New York Times says). Remember that your little baby is not a robot, and is a human. Sometimes he will be tired, sometimes he won't. Sometimes he will be more hungry, sometimes he will eat less.
That's it for now. I'm too tired to think of anymore. My baby is sleeping and I am going to take a nap!!!  |
babymakes3
Citizen
Username: Babymakes3
Post Number: 16
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 5:33 pm: |
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Thank you all for chiming in. I am a new Mom and had a hard time adjusting. It is nice to hear you all - and you all come across so calmly. It makes me feel that I will make it through this. |
Soparents
Citizen
Username: Soparents
Post Number: 1042
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 5:38 pm: |
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Never be afraid to ask for help. ALL Mums know what it's like ....
As for Katie Holmes et al..... sorry, but I don't have the money, time, full time nanny etc etc etc that celebs have! My hubby will just have to put up with me a few pounds heavier than pre kids!
You will do just fine, and some years down the line you will be one of the Mums offering tips to New Mummies...
SOP
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anotherkittie
Citizen
Username: Anotherkittie
Post Number: 55
Registered: 4-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 7:26 pm: |
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babymakes3---it can be very hard at the beginning. Hang in there. It gets better and better and you WILL eventually sleep (although never like pre-baby) and you WILL stop fighting with your husband or SO and you will feel normal again. And you will have a fun little baby!
Definitely try and reach out to other moms if you can. I find it has helped me.
Anotherkittie (mom of 14 month old) |
calypso
Citizen
Username: Calypso
Post Number: 25
Registered: 1-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 9:28 pm: |
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And don't feel embarassed about hiring someone to help in the first few weeks or months. Knowing that someone is going to come and look after the baby for one hour while you sleep, or that someone is going to make your house clean once a week, or do the laundry, or whatever, can be a real lifesaver. I soldiered through with my first, on the principle that "I'm so on top of things I can be a mom and still keep on top of everything in the house." With my second pregnancy (twins) I planned ahead and hired a wonderful person to help out. It's really not that expensive for intermittent help, and you can ask people to contribute as a shower gift.
Also, try to remember that lots of people go through tears, massive mood swings, etc, and it's perfectly normal. You've just gone through a hormonal change that would make the Incredible Hulk cringe. Let the tears flow (and the smiles too!) |
Lou
Citizen
Username: Flf
Post Number: 184
Registered: 8-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 9:30 pm: |
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This is a great thread. I am not a mom yet, however I'm on my way there (just started 2nd trimester). I would love that this type of posts would come often at MOL. Actually, I wish there would be a section dedicated for Moms and Soon-to-be-Moms (or Parents and Soon-to-be-parents), so we could share advice, stories, experience, etc. about pregnancy, post partum, and parenthood. |
CJH
Citizen
Username: Christel
Post Number: 48
Registered: 1-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 10:15 pm: |
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Thanks calypso, your timing couldn't have been better. I was waffling this week on whether to take on help with the housecleaning and reluctantly decided to do so (my daughter is 13 months and I'm pregnant with #2). I know I've gone out of my way in the past to soldier through as well, sometimes to the point of pushing myself too far, all in the name of trying to keep things together (don't even get me started on moving to a new home when I was 8 months pregnant). Finally I figured that cutting corners somewhere else in order to afford some help around the house was going to be worth it, and you've definitely made me feel better about going for it. |
Soparents
Citizen
Username: Soparents
Post Number: 1062
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 10:19 pm: |
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Lou,
Just post, you will ALWAYS find people offering advice, understanding and encouragement.
Congrats too
SOP |
Lizziecat
Citizen
Username: Lizziecat
Post Number: 1277
Registered: 5-2003
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 12:13 am: |
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When you need help, it's better to hire someone if you can afford it, rather than have a relative help you. Hired help will do what you tell them to do, and, if necessary, can be fired. Relatives cannot be fired and will try to tell you what to do. |
Jersey girl
Citizen
Username: Critterlover
Post Number: 49
Registered: 2-2004
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 8:59 am: |
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Absolutely hire help, as much as you can afford!
Sleep when Baby sleeps, or at least lie flat with your feet up and a tall glass of water or juice.
Drink plenty of fluids and eat well to nourish your body, which is now recovering from having created a new person!
Tell your hubby or s/o you need, want ____. Learn early on to Say the words. He won't get it if you don't. S/He doesn't read minds.
Listen to soothing music, lullabyes, classical goodies, whatever you enjoy. Music helps our minds relax and be calm.
ASK for HELP for everything and anything. You are in a special phase of your life right now. Honor it by caring for yourself and by asking for assistance.
Get help with the Little Things you may not need assistance with under normal circumstances; errands such as food shopping and carrying grocery bags in from the car.a little help goes a long way when you are overtired and feeling swamped.
If you are feeling overwhelemed, immediately take some nourishment and a nap. You are probably sleep deprived and hungry. However, if feelings of depression increase or persist please seek medical help, as this could be a true medical (including hormonal) situation requiring a doctor's attention. when in doubt, see your doctor! She is there to help you ALL THE WAY THOUGH the birth, including post-delivery.
Don't try to go it alone. We are all in this world together, and believe me, it takes a village. Keeping in contact some will quell feelings of isolation too, which often accompany the new life phase you are entering.
Do shower in a leisurely fashion if you can manage it but in any case, shower yourself with deliciously scented bath soaps and shampoos, even if it is at 3 am! Hire a sitter if you must,because a new mom needs that Shampoo and she needs to spoil herself with the good stuff re: bath items.
Hugs and kisses to all you new moms out there! and all my heart's love to my own beloved Mother. To the ones who went before me, our Experienced Moms: you are our mentors and you carried the heritage of all peoples this far,that which we carry now forth, and I adore you! Thank you for all you have done for me and for our world. You have nurtured our world. Thank you for shouldering so courageously and so unselfishly this unspeakably beautiful and terrifying burden of love.
Jersey girl
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doulamomma
Citizen
Username: Doulamomma
Post Number: 1567
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 9:24 am: |
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I'd add that our culture makes it seem like we have to be back to normal very quickly...and we have post parum issues to show for it - some estimate as much as 80% experience something. In places where the mom & baby stay in bed for a chunk of time after the birth PPD is almost unheard of. Certainly the 30 or 40 days won't work for most families, but I do think that most of us can pull off a week or so (with our partner & others help managing the household & other kids if we have them). This is sometimes referred to as a "babymoon" & in my personal expereince with baby #3 (didn't do it with first two) I emerged from the time feeling like I was many weeks beyond where I was - just much more rested, calm & connected. It was really great.
When family & freinds came to visit I did not hop up & squeeze myself into old jeans & put on makeup - they visited us in bed in our comfy PJs & didn't overstay so we didn't get over-tired. I had lots of waters & healthy snacks at my bedside. We changed the sheets often (did anyone mention that you often sweat a lot at night in the early days after giving birth?) & emptied the trash everyday so that it would feel nice to be in the bedroom. We put all the flowers that people sent in the room too.
Also (is this TMI?), I suggest "Depends" for the first few days after for lochia, as they are much easier & leak-free than giant pads.
Cabbage (raw) for breast engorgement. Sounds wierd, but it works.
I third what others said about hiring as much help as you can afford - we got a cleaning person when we went from 1 to 2 & it's a big help.
As Meand said, breastfeeding is natural but also a skill - get help when you need it, before there is a big problem if possible. It won't be a challenge for all, but can be for many. Learning how to nurse laying down is so helpful.
Best,
DoulaMomma
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juju's petals
Citizen
Username: Jujus_petals
Post Number: 270
Registered: 5-2003
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 9:57 am: |
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All of the above is great advice. What more? Eat healthy! Think of it as the 4th trimester and stick to all your good eating habits from pregnancy. Lots of fiber-rich stuff like leafy greens will help move things along . . . I always bring food to my postpartum friends -- something enormous that keeps well and is super healthy like vegetable soup (pasta fajioli) or whole wheat pasta salad. If no one brings it to you, make it yourself. Really easy -- even your partner or mom or random visitor could pull off a big salad. You'll need those veggies for your physical recovery and milk production -- oh, and it can help you combat the exhaustion and blues, too.
Oh, and when people ask what they can do to help, give them something specific to do. Make a salad. Buy more toilet paper. Do the dishes. Make my bed. Your real friends will gladly make your bed for you. The really good ones will clean up after themselves when they visit.
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Petal
Citizen
Username: Petal
Post Number: 13
Registered: 4-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 10:19 am: |
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something i found wondeful that i would do again is have a massage therapist come to your house after you and baby get home. i was not prepared for the pain/discomfort after birth. massage really helped me loosen up. it helped me to be calm, take my mind off the milk coming in (no one tells you how uncomforable this really is) thus creating a calmer environment for the baby.
it is so true that after baby arrives all the focus is on the new life and the mom can be left by the wayside. i also agree that finding 5 minutes to take a shower becomes a luxury or even brushing your teeth. i was amazed at the number of days i didn't do either!!!
bottom line - stay in the moment- don't sweat the small stuff! i spent so much time holding my daughter, gazing at her, taking photos of her, smelling her, taking walks with her, napping with her, telling her much i loved her. i smoothered her to no end. if i get the chance to have another i will do exactly the same. i believe that the love and touch you give in the beginning is invaluable.
just the other day we were in line at the grocery store and out of the blue she exclaimed "mommy, i love you!" i melted, along with everyone else who was in an earshot.
it's moments like those that keep me in the present. |
Seagull
Citizen
Username: Seagull
Post Number: 117
Registered: 9-2002
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 1:54 pm: |
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1- I found it helpful to join the new parents group offered by the hospital. I think it started 4 weeks after the baby was born. It was great to get out for a little bit with the baby and talk to other first-time moms... Sometimes you just need to hear that you're not the only one going through these things!
It was run by a nurse, and I picked up a lot of tips. It also gave me the chance to get a little more comfortable with nursing in front of other people (not something I did often, but sometimes is necessary!)
2- In your 2nd or 3rd trimester, go out and stock up on items for your "personal" care post delivery... Dermoplast spray, sanitary napkins, a nice pajama set or two, 2 gel-type icepacks, nursing pads. I'm sure others can contribute more necessities!
Nothing is worse than needing these items but not feeling up to going out to get them (especially if someone isn't around to go for you!)
3- I never got the swaddling thing down. The hospital nurses made it seem so easy! We bought the "Miracle Blanket" online and it was a lifesaver in getting the baby to sleep for longer stretches. (I didn't know that babies startle in their sleep. The swaddling- or Miracle Blanket- keeps them from waking up when they startle)
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calypso
Citizen
Username: Calypso
Post Number: 27
Registered: 1-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 9:36 pm: |
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Right after the birth I kept a box of Fig Newtons and a large bottle of water next to the bed--whenever the baby woke up at night I'd have a bit of both. Yeah, Fig Newtons aren't the healthiest, but they sure help with blood sugar issues.
Also, get a multipack of extra large T-shirts to keep by the bed--after the twins were born, what with spit up, tons of sweat and milk leakage (sorry if that's too much info!) I'd go through three a night. |
red
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 5826
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Friday, June 16, 2006 - 10:51 pm: |
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I agree about the massage. I had to wait a little longer, but OMG best thing I could have done for myself. You will be exhausted emotionally and physically and it is just an amazing release.
Going with your insticts is best; one reason I disagree about feeding on demand. I did this with my son, and it kept me up for hours. He wanted to eat a minimum of every two hours, so at night I was up with him, than have to change his diaper, rock him to sleep, make sure he was REALLY asleep which would take an hour. By the time I fell asleep he would wake up again. It took over three months to get him out of this habit so I could actually get some sleep.
With my daughter I put her on a schedule right away, she slept through the night from the moment I brought her home from the hospital, I resisted feeding her every time she cried, only sticking to her schedule. It turned out she would cry when she was tired, or she wanted to be put down by a toy etc. I learned to understand much quicker why she was crying. It isn't always for eating. |
Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 2868
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 6:06 am: |
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Agree big time with what Meand says about breastfeeding. For whatever reason, it doesn't always work readily, and it may or may not be the best approach for particular mother and a particular kid. One of my regrets is that the first several weeks of my daughter's life were hellish over struggles in this regard -- yes, despite lactation consultant, etc. The day I decided -- with the support of my husband and my best friend (mother of 6) -- to just get off that train was the best day of my life.
In the meantime, cold tea bags are strangely soothing on sore nipples!
Also, and it may be that younger mothers will feel differently, let go of the need to get back to some pre-pregnancy body standard quickly. It may be possible with a mess of effort, but why ruin the first few months with your baby by putting yourself through that particular wringer. First get the new mother thing down, then worry about the whole return to being babe yourself.
Hang out a bit with sympathetic "old hands" at the baby thing. Sometimes peer new mothers can get you caught up in the competitive stuff, thus making you anxious and/or boring (even to yourself). I had a first kid at 39, so a number of my friends had done it quite awhile ago, several times over. They were much more supportive and realistic about my questions and worries, and had many fewer shoulds and musts than did the more recent moms.
Lastly, get out! Without your baby! Sometimes, you just need to go to the grocery, or Target by yourself for a little bit. Or, with your husband/partner. Don't drown in your new role (easy to do) -- very alluring and compelling, but it's OK to still need some time by yourself, out in the world, without a snugli or carriage attached to you. |
sowalk
Citizen
Username: Sowalk
Post Number: 4
Registered: 7-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 7:23 am: |
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I also tell my first time mom friends to have at least one good cry after the baby comes and don't feel guilty about it. Having a baby is such a wonderful thing(I just had my 3rd), but it is also a monumental life altering event. There is no way to be prepared for just how much your life changes. It is overwhelming being responsible for this little life and part of you will mourn the life you once had. It is okay to feel this way. You will love your child like you have never loved anyone else and feeling a little sad that you can't do all the things you used to is completely normal.
Also, if it gets to the point that you are crying all the time or you feel like you are walking through jello for more than a few weeks, talk to your doctor!! I had post partum depression with my second child and it took me a long time to get help. I went through it for 5 months before I finally went to the doctor about it. I didn't want to admit that this was what was happening. It took my older son saying "Mommy, are you happy? You don't smile anymore" for me to get help. Don't wait that long and don't feel ashamed if this happens to you.
Good luck! Motherhood really is such a wonderful thing! |
Tinkrock
Supporter
Username: Tinkrock
Post Number: 129
Registered: 3-2004
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 11:30 am: |
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Seagull is dead right about the miracle blanket. It looks awful, like a baby straitjacket, but it is bloody brilliant. That is going to be my baby shower gift for everyone from now on. |
doctoralissa
Citizen
Username: Doctoralissa
Post Number: 220
Registered: 1-2004
| | Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 4:51 pm: |
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Cool! Keep it going! |
Sarah McNamara
Citizen
Username: Smcnamara
Post Number: 134
Registered: 6-2003
| | Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 5:20 pm: |
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Everyone will have advice for you (including MOLers), but the person you should listen to the most is the baby.
You know your baby best, and what's best for your baby. This includes your mother, your pediatrician, and your neighbors.
As far as getting back in shape, this was some of the best advice I heard when I was a new mom:
"If you were a baby, what would you rather hug, a teddy bear or a barbie?"
Good luck to all the new and soon-to-be new moms. So much good advice here, wish I had it when my first was born. |
anotherkittie
Citizen
Username: Anotherkittie
Post Number: 57
Registered: 4-2006
| | Posted on Monday, June 19, 2006 - 9:38 pm: |
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I think all of this advice (including that which I gave, of course) is great. Except for one thing.
When I was pregnant with my first (and only) baby, I found it completely overwhelming to read or hear any advice about feeding, sleeping, etc. It was like hearing advice about living on Jupiter. So far out of my frame of reference.
Once my baby arrived and spent a few days home with us, it all started to fall into place. Things I read or heard MADE SENSE because--finally--it was all real.
My advice would be this: if advice is overwhelming you, don't listen to it. You'll figure it out. Everyone else does. |
Carol Anne
Citizen
Username: Carol_anne
Post Number: 26
Registered: 5-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 20, 2006 - 1:27 pm: |
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My advice is along the lines with anotherkittie's. Go with your gut and trust your instincts. There is so much parenting info/advice in the world and so much of it is contradicting, that it can get so confusing/overwhelming and stressful trying to figure out the right thing to do. Even the nurses in the hospital may give you conflicting advice.
Every baby is different and every parent is different, so what works great for your best friend and her child may be the exact opposite of what you should be doing. By the time #2 came along I knew this and would often just smile and say thank you and go on about my life.
Also follow your instincts if you think something is amiss. YOU are the expert on your baby child. Find a pediatrician who treats you like a partner and values your opinions/insights into your child. If you have a concern and the pedi doesn't take the time to listen, look elsewhere.
Also know that being the mother of a newborn is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do. The sleep deprivation alone is a killer along with all the changes your body is going through. Everyone else will be happy and joyful etc and sometimes you may feel very disconnected from that joy. It doesn't mean you are a bad person it just means you are adjusting to being a new mom which is hard work. (Of course if these feelings merge into thoughts of hurting yourself or your child, get help ASAP) That said, I'm pg with #3 and can't wait to do it all again.
Finally, if you plan to breastfeed, find a La Leche League group near you and go before baby arrives. You might also look for a lactation consultant. That way, you will know which leader you connect with and won't have to try to strike up a new acquaintance after baby is born. I was so overwhelmed with #1 that I had a very hard time reaching out for help. Knowing who to call and where to go ahead of time really can make it easier to reach out for assistance.
Good Luck! |
mimi
Citizen
Username: Mimi
Post Number: 241
Registered: 2-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 21, 2006 - 3:40 pm: |
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lots of great suggestions. with 3 months under my belt now, the things that helped me most were:
1. having friends bring meals
2. realizing that the transition to motherhood is emotionally charged and the loss of my formerly independent self was a real challenge (at times, even filled with a sense of grief and loss)
3. learning that #2 was normal and didn't mean i had made the worst mistake of my life
4. getting that first smile at just the moment when i thought my son was sucking the life out of me
5. going to and calling the chatham lactation consultants with every question about nursing. they are the best and continue to be an amazing resource whenever breastfeeding speedbumps arise. i went to a breastfeeding class beforehand, had a number of lactation consults in the hospital, was committed to breastfeeding, and was even blessed with a great latcher. still, i had questions, concerns, etc. i went about one week postpartum with my son and it got me off to a solid start. without the great women at chatham, it would have been easy to give up/think i didn't have enough milk. 800-801-6455
6. chilling around the house and getting used to being a family. we didn't let people come over too much or for too long. there was plenty of time for that later and real friends understood. family? maybe not so much. but they got over it.
7. sleeping with my son for the first weeks when he was nursing every couple of hours at night. despite what some people say, it didn't mean he'd be in there forever. in fact, he happily moved to his crib when he started sleeping through the night. but in the beginning, it meant we all got much more sleep. i never looked at the clock when he stirred, so i wasn't as aware of how my sleep was being disturbed. i didn't turn on a light. or even sit up. just latched him on and fell back to sleep. until the next time he stirred. that worked great for us.
8. exercising really helped me. i'm a pretty physical person and need the release. i started with walking and yoga the day after he was born and went back to the gym with a modified routine until my 6 week. i'm sure this isn't for everyone, but i know i relished those 45 minutes by myself 3 or 4 times a week. helped me keep my head screwed on straight.
9. using my girlfriends for questions, concerns, doubts, fears, when i wanted to kill my husband for sitting in front of the tv watching ultimate fighting with my son, etc. they kept me feeling normal and gave me lots of good suggestions.
10. realizing that babies cry sometimes. and it was okay when i didn't know why (as long as he'd been fed, changed, was safe, and warm)
11. feeding on demand and not trying to follow a schedule
12. learning that newborns should never be awake for more than 2 hours (biologically)
i'm sure there's more, but the little one wants to nurse. and i am happy to oblige. |
Pippi
Supporter
Username: Pippi
Post Number: 2407
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 21, 2006 - 3:52 pm: |
|
mimi - great advice. this may be my biggest fear:
"2. realizing that the transition to motherhood is emotionally charged and the loss of my formerly independent self was a real challenge (at times, even filled with a sense of grief and loss)
3. learning that #2 was normal and didn't mean i had made the worst mistake of my life "
This thread has been filled with great pearls. I plan to come back and read this over and over again!
Thanks to DoctorAlissa for starting this conversation, and thanks to all for the input. Keep it moving! |
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