| Author | Message | ||
     greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6579 Registered: 5-2001  |
Bets- I tried to do that with GMF (get the oral family history). I finally gave up and asked lots of questions, scribbling on every scrap of paper I could find, getting writer's cramp, etc. I have that stack of notes on a shelf, wiating for I don't know what. But at least I have them! I hope you are doing better. Are you still automatically glancing into favorite hang-out spots, expecting to see him? That's always so hard. I wanted to name The Monster "Ollie" but someone vetoed it, since the first thing that came to mind was Oliver North. At any rate, I've never gotten to name a cat; I'm always overruled by TS. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22669 Registered: 6-2001  |
Yeah - mostly when I get home at night I go to automatically block his escape (I wouldn't let him out for the last month). He used to lay on the top of the couch back right under the light, his own private "tanning" spot. It's getting easier. I just tell myself how lucky I was for the 5+ years he had me. I don't know if GDIAN! could've been an Ollie, though he's certainly roly-poly enough (that's what I think of with that name). | ||
| monster Supporter Username: Monster Post Number: 1891 Registered: 7-2002  |
BETS!!! Cool story, I'm still holding on to that item for you, whenever you want it back let me know. I just asked if you would like this little toy back, and it's reply was, "Outlook Good". | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22670 Registered: 6-2001 |
Thanks, Monster! Maybe I'll see you tomorrow? This has been the work-week from he11 and I am ready for Friday! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6585 Registered: 5-2001 |
Hey! Didn't you notice him when you were over last week? He's lost weight! OK - I guess he's still roly-poly.  But, before, he was more roly than poly. BTW - I've been bugging TS to call you about helping with our PC issue...... Perhaps we will see folks tomorrow. What time dost thou gather? | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22671 Registered: 6-2001 |
Both G and A were snoozing upstairs when we were over, so I didn't get to scratch his ears. TS did bug me and I promise I'll come over an evening next week. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22672 Registered: 6-2001 |
Geez*, how'd I forget this: ...and I plan to gather after work, 6-6:30ish. It's been a January work-week of epic proportion, and it would be great to celebrate Friday with you and TS. And anyone else who's free for a barpie and brew and camaraderie. Please forgive the "geez;" my students are still torturing me with Fargo accents. | ||
| monster Supporter Username: Monster Post Number: 1895 Registered: 7-2002 |
jumpin yo jiminy, we don't mind no geez* in theeze here neck o' the woods.... | ||
| LazyDog Citizen Username: Lazydog Post Number: 130 Registered: 6-2005  |
where art thine crackberry ? http://today.reuters.com/news/newsArticle.aspx?type=technologyNews&storyID=2006- 01-25T000944Z_01_N24200605_RTRUKOC_0_US-LIFE-BLACKBERRY.xml | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22693 Registered: 6-2001 |
I've no fear that I'll have my personal digital assistant for many happy years to come. It does come in handy occasionally, as you bloody well know!  | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22841 Registered: 6-2001 |
Today is the 10th anniversary of the last time I spoke to my Mother. It was her 69th birthday, and 6 of her 11 kids had gathered in her lake house in Sussex County for what we called "sister weekend" (though we did allow brothers + spouses + kids, and one was there with his brood). Mom and Dad were ecstatic in their new condo on the beach in Ft. Lauderdale (I visited in Feb., making me the last child born and the last to see my Mom alive). I remember the phone passing around to children and grandchildren, and the smiles that would wreathe the speaker's face upon reception. She had gone for her daily ocean swim (she's a beach believer, as am I), gotten flowers from a few kids, and was just tickled that her offspring were together at her NJ house for her birthday. It meant so much to her that we stay close. Before we hung up she asked me to make sure the house was okay My mother was an amazing person: not just according to me. Born March 23, 1927, she was in college at St. Aquinas when she asked to dedicate her life to G*d and become a nun. Luckily, she met my Dad, and the Mother Superior helped her acknowledge that attraction, and they courted and then married in 1950. Mom had 11 kids of which I'm the youngest. She went to Rutgers Law when I started first grade in 1972 and graduated with honors 3 years later. She breeZed through the Bar exam and was hired by Clapp & Eisenberg, where she made partner in the 80s. Her name is on the New Jersey Practice Volumes 6, 7, 7A, and 9: Wills and Administration as co-author. She had a way about her: she radiated kindness. She made everyone love her, deservedly. She treated each and every person she met with respect and kindness. She raised her kids to be honest, hard-working, and non-judgemental, and she was successful. I miss her more than I could ever express. March 27, 1996 - just four days after her birthday - she suffered a massive brain aneurism. March 28, she was declared brain dead. Eight of us went to Florida to support my Dad and each other Collectively, we blessed her wish that her organs would be donated. Four of us (4 sisters) went to a hotel that night, and asked that we be notified of my Mother's time of (physical) Death. It was 3:14 a.m. on March 29. My Mother's death lasted for 3 unforgettable days. I, personally, did not sleep at all that night and went to the ocean to watch the sun rise. My mother was my sun. Interesting-ish fact about me: I'm the only child that shares an astrological sign with Mom. We're Aries (rock!). Did I say I miss her? It's still unbelievable that she's not a phone call away. F**k. I try to be clinical. I try for dispassion. None of that works. It's like I relive the event, from the phone call my father made to the weather at the burial service. It was gorgeous, 4/2, and they buried my mother 50 miles away from home. Carp again Carp, I thought I was prepared this year. Wrong again. Readers: If you are still so lucky as to have a Mom, please call her today and tell her how much you love her. You are so lucky. Mom: Happy Birthday! I love you. I miss you. | ||
| Lucy Supporter Username: Lucy Post Number: 3219 Registered: 5-2005  |
Bets your mom lives on in you and your brothers and sisters. The memories good & bad will keep her alive in your heart & mind everyday. On this sunny day her love will warm your heart and you are making her very proud. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1357 Registered: 10-2003 |
Anniversaries are tough. March is tough. Your mom was a beautiful person, Bets. As are you. And for all of us who were not fortunate enough to know her, we do get pieces and glimmers through you, your kindness, your soul. Keep her with you as long as you need her, even if it lasts forever. She will always be there for you, and someday, it might not hurt as much to not be able to touch her. Someday, the dates won't mean as much as the memories. And someday, March might simply be the month before your birthday. Keep writing. Lynn | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1967 Registered: 8-2003  |
bets - she sounds like an an incredible lady. You are lucky to have had her. You still have her, just not the physical. thank you for sharing her with us. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7028 Registered: 5-2001 |
Knowing you, I can see how special your mom was. | ||
| wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 2138 Registered: 5-2001 |
What greenetree said. | ||
| WendyP Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 3385 Registered: 12-2004  |
Bets, how lucky you were to have such a wonderful woman for a mother. I'm sad for you that you still hurt so much that she is not here. It would be so great if we all had mothers like her. But not everyone can be wonderful. My fondest wish is that some day my children will talk about me the way you talk about your mother. You are a tribute to her, and I thank you for sharing. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22846 Registered: 6-2001 |
My sister, my niece, and I went to visit her gravesite. We met for breakfast at Park Wood, stopped at Whole Foods for flowers (we couldn't agree on which were her favorites so bought 3 bunches - I know I'm right about lilies), and drove up Route 23 to 94. My father designed a beautiful gravestone that incorporates their unique relationship, and it really is quite stunning. It was weird to be there and brought back some sad memories. But happy memories were there as well. Mom's speeding ticket on Rt. 517; her overall joyful outlook. I think by celebrating her birthday the other anniversaries won't hit so hard. When we got back, my brother-in-law and I worked in tangent to set up sister's long-awaited DSL service (hi Sis!), and it was a wonderful day. I do carry my Mom and try to comport myself as I imagine she would have. Thank you all for listening and saying such nice things. Mom would've loved this MOL thing. | ||
| Buzzsaw Citizen Username: Buzzsaw Post Number: 4215 Registered: 5-2001  |
Your mom sounds like an amazing person. Happy memories are good things to reflect on. I hate to quote Dr. McCoy, but.... "as long as you keep a person in your heart, they are never gone" or something along those lines. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22848 Registered: 6-2001 |
With permission, I am sharing some emails from the fam: No 10 (one up from me, Babs!): dearest em & all; what a great e-mail em, and thanks for taking the time to write it....it's just after 6 am on mom's birthday, and like you Em, this was the last day I spoke with her....I actually shared with her that Steve and I had been pre-approved to buy our first house and she was so thrilled! How I miss her excitement, her laugh, her encouragement....she really was an amazing, amazing woman! I've already shed a few tears while having my tea this morning and I'm sure over this next week, like this week each year - I will be thinking of Mom more than usual and envisioning her warm and loving grin, the hearty laugh, and one of my favorite of her features, her hands. I can still picture them as clear as ever and almost feel them wrap around mine.... I think that you're e-mail is really thoughful Emmie, and I know what you mean - mom was sort of the glue that kept us all bonded. I know with my own kids, at the ages they're at just now, our lives are pretty absorbed in all the comings and goings and ups and downs that adolescence has brought with it. I do love all of you guys and think that it would be a great idea to try and plan maybe a summer picnic thing or something? What does everyone have going on the weekend prior to July 4th???? I think it's the weekend of June 30/July 1???? Is anyone up for some party planning? Perhaps at the lake or maybe Nan could check out the Y thing that we used to do??? Even though Mom died in March, I sadly saw her for the last time at one of the Y bashes that we did a few times... Anyway, let's get some jab going, and again, I love you all always, and I am grateful for each and every one of you in my life - xoxoxo, From No. 4: emmie and all my precious sibs~ just reading emmie's first sentence brought me close to tears as i have been thinking about mom a lot lately as well. even though it's ten years since she died, it still hardly seems real in some ways. josh and i have been playing a lot of ping pong lately. the other day we were playing and somehow it came up about it being mom's birthday in a few days. as he and i talked about grandma and then moved on to different topics, i noticed my playing had become unfocused and my heart was heavy. i still miss her so much, and like em, i have a lot to discuss with her. thank you, emmie, for putting yourself out there and saying what you did. we need to make room for each other in our lives, and room too for each others differences. mom had this wonderful way of being around so many different kinds of people and not being judgmental. i used to think about this and wonder how she could be this way. part of it i think was that she had been through SO MUCH and had faced some very tough decisions. did she see that people are usually doing the best they can in life, and often it just doesn't seem like enough, even to themselves? i think another way of saying "thick skin" would be to just try and be a little easier with each other. our mom had such a generous heart and loved so unconditionally. she could always find so many things she loved about denny when i couldn't see very many. denny once said, and he didn't mean this as an insult to his mom, but he once said he felt closer to our mom than he did to his own. i think what he was saying was that mom could talk about so many things of the heart and help him to talk too and to feel good about himself. boy, i could go on and on, i still have so much to learn. last night i was lying in bed thinking about those dozens of things that jump into my mind sometimes at night. one of them was sobering. mom died ten years ago. in ten more years denny will be 69 years old, the same age mom was when she died. it really makes me think, what's important? family. getting to know the God who loves and created us. doing what we can to help make other peoples lives better, eating as much chocolate as we can find, and all of you. thank you for the many many ways you make my life better. love, Janie | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22849 Registered: 6-2001 |
I love my Dad and brothers and sisters and friends. Life is good. Thanks Mom. | ||
| tototoo Citizen Username: Tototoo Post Number: 168 Registered: 1-2002 |
Amen. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22850 Registered: 6-2001 |
I've been smoking cigarettes since age 11. I know how bad it is for me, I know how gross it makes me smell, I know it's offensive to others. But, I was addicted and the process of quitting just seemed insurmountable. But I decided I had to quit in 2006, and the New Year came and went and I was still puffing away. Blamed it on my cat's illbess. But as I got closer to a milestone birthday, I decided to celebrate it smoke-free. So my doctor prescribed Wellbutrin and explained the step-down method to me. As a 2-pack a day smoker, the first step seemed pretty difficult to me. Only 20 cigarettes a day! But, it wasn't so bad, and by the end of that first week I was leaving several ciggies in the pack. The next week was 15 per day. Surprisingly, it was fairly easy! Last weeks 10-per-day wasn't even that difficult. I was able to go to B's and not smoke! Yay! Today starts the 5 per day step down. It's very scary! But so far I've only had one, and it can only get easier as the week progresses. Next week: 0 per day. I can tell already next Monday is going to suck!!! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7073 Registered: 5-2001 |
Bets- hang in there! Think of how good you'll feel meeting your goal. Besides, this is just the last step on ridding your life of all the malignancies.  Next thing you know, you'll be saying, "••••, it's been 19 years since I quit. Boy, am I old"!* *this is not at all based on personal experience | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22851 Registered: 6-2001 |
True, Greenie. But I will actually miss smoking!  | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3147 Registered: 9-2003 |
Yea, you will... 2 years, 3 months and 27 days later I still wish I could just have ONE on occasion, preferably with a beer... but I know better.. been down that road before - and I wouldn't stop at one. Good luck to you bets... I CAN tell you is that it IS worth it. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1405 Registered: 10-2003 |
I only kiss non-smokers. Not that you care. Not that I'm going to kiss you. I'm just saying.  | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1985 Registered: 8-2003 |
bets - I did the wellbutrin thing and it was a godsend. you made a difficult but wise choice. It's not easy, but the Wellbutrin will help smooth out the rough edges and make it bearable. It doesn't make you miss it less, it just makes quitting hurt less. I wish you boundless strength and determination. good luck! | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 1526 Registered: 11-2001 |
Dear Bets - what beautiful things you said about your mother. She does sound like a wonderful, amazing person, and I echo the sentiments of others when I say her spirit lives on in her 11 children. Keep up the stepping down! Good for you! You are doing the right thing, and you know you have tons of support here. See you soon...... | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22852 Registered: 6-2001 |
Wow. I feel like the luckiest person on Earth right now. I have made some wonderful friends from Maplewood Online. Thank you so much; you have made late March much more breathable (pun intended) for me. And another BIG THANK YOU to the Ross Brothers. You've really made something special. | ||
| Lucy Supporter Username: Lucy Post Number: 3270 Registered: 5-2005 |
Bets we are all cheering you on! I don't hear the cough as much and I know how hard it is. Bets your real close to the finish line we are standing there with flowers & champagne! We know you will be successful and pride is what we feel for you. Keep up the fight your a jersey girl you can do it! Love Ya | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22872 Registered: 6-2001 |
Today marks 10 years. It was very hard to keep it together today. I did not tell anyone at work save a friend who is also a have-not. She (and a sister) told me it was okay to slip on my smoking cessation program. I told them both that it was imperative today, of all days, to stick with it. I've had 3 cigarettes today (and I stuck to only 5 yesterday). I wish I didn't get so sad when March arrives, but it seems inevitable. I don't show it at work (except for being slightly more distracted and irritable), so thank you for letting me get it out here. A co-worker came into my office to tell me that Casper Weinberg died today and he said he was 89. I'm thinking "God, I'm so jealous. If my Mom lived to 89 I would have 10 more years." Meanwhile, I'm shaking my head and pretending interest. I hung on until I got home, had a bit of a cry, and have talked to 3 sisters. Good, hour-plus conversations. My Mom did communicate to me: on the walk to lunch today with my colleagues, I noticed some people standing in groups looking up. So, I looked up, and looked, until I finally found the turkey that was perched way high up in a tree. It was making the googly sound that turkeys make. That's the thing Mom taught me: observation. Plus, she loved watching birds as well and appreciated the fine humor of a turkey in flight. Unfortunately, the turkey did not de-tree while I was watching. I think watching a turkey (try to) fly is one of life's funniest moments. I'm sticking to my step-down, even though two people advised me that I could cheat today. The only one I would cheat by smoking more than 5 cigarettes would be myself, and that's pretty self-defeating. Thanks again MOL for listening to my babbling. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1425 Registered: 10-2003 |
Betsy, I'm still not going to kiss you. But I am so, so proud of you. March is the toughest month. But you got through another anniversary. Two more days and you'll be done with the month. April is always easier. I'm glad you're writing. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22873 Registered: 6-2001 |
Las, haven't you figured this out yet? YOU saved me! I was so scared and frightened, and then you posted. I watched MOL help you and it made me strong enough to ask for help. And I helped you, and you helped me. Thank you, my friend. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1426 Registered: 10-2003 |
No I love YOU more!... One year ago dear Bets. As long as I live I will never forget talking to you on the phone at all hours. That strange realization that I could talk to you on the phone while in bed, not having to use my quiet voice, not having to step out of the room. Just talking and laughing and crying. And the day would be over and we made it through. And now it's a year. And you are beautiful. And I am so proud to have you as a friend. You will never know what you have done for me. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22881 Registered: 6-2001 |
I remember. I hope your birthday wasn't too awful. Shithead doesn't get to call the shots. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22882 Registered: 6-2001 |
For some reason, I'm having a really hard time today with the smoking thing. I feel ready to jump out of my skin. This is going to be tougher than I thought. | ||
| Lucy Supporter Username: Lucy Post Number: 3317 Registered: 5-2005 |
Hang in there it only lasts for 10 minutes and then you can shake it! Think good thoughts about this evening and the company you will share. Maybe look of some photos of your vacation in Canada. | ||
| BGS Citizen Username: Bgs Post Number: 837 Registered: 10-2003 |
Bets---please hang in there...suck on a pencil or straw...chew the straw to pieces...do not have a cigarette....you have come so far!!!!! I am sending good wishes your way!!!!!!!!!!! | ||
| Mayor McCheese Supporter Username: Mayor_mccheese Post Number: 1111 Registered: 7-2004  |
Bets, it gets easier with time. If you ignor the craving it will go away. You won't notice it leaving, but it will. Just try to keep yourself occupied. |
