| Author | Message | ||
     Greeneyes |
I am comfortably in my thirties. I have one child and am engaged to be married. I met my fiance in high school. He was one of my best friends and I am so lucky to have him in my life. I grew up in South Orange and have wonderful memories of my childhood there. Posters to this section tell a bit about themselves. I will share with you my experience of September 11. My words may be hard to read. I had an interview.. I had interviewed with this company several times in the last four months and wasn't particularly excited about this interview. It was scheduled for 8am and I am not a morning person. I woke up cranky and was not pleasant to my family that morning. I didn't even wish them a good day as I normally do, I didn't kiss them goodbye. I arrived at the WTC and reported to the 92nd floor as I was instructed to do. There was no receptionist present. I just figured she needed her coffee. So I sat and waited for a minute. A very nice gentleman named Larry greeted me and asked me who I was there to see. I gave the woman's name and he was not familiar with it, but he was kind enough to escort me to the department he believed I should report to. I was taken to the office of a young man, probably in his early 30s. He greeted me and looked on his computer list of people his department was to interview that day. My name was not on his list. I told him that was OK, I know where to go to fix the situation, I will see you soon. Two women introduced themselves to me and appologized for the error. I told them that no appology was necessary, I will go to the 105th floor and will be back soon. I went to the 105th floor. A young woman was on her cell phone speaking to an employment recruiter, it seems that her interview was scheduled for the following day. She turned to me and said, DOH! I can't believe I was so stupid, my interview is tomorrow. Oh well, I have the day off anyway, think I'll do some shopping. She wished me luck on my interview. The woman who arranged the interview for me was waiting for me and was trying to retrieve my file from my previous visits. Just as she found my file and called me in, we saw the plane hit the first building. It was surreal. People in that office immediately left and we all headed for the stairwell. There were about 10 people, men and women. Many were crying because they worked in that building in 1993 and they thought we were under attack again. They cried all the way down the stairs. Others were trying to console them by saying that this was an accident, just a pilot with a really poor sense of lift and drag, not to worry, not to worry. We arrived at the 78th floor. Winded, cramped leg muscles, nervous. An announcement came of the Pa system that said a plane hit tower one, our building is secure, please remain in the building for your safety, it is safe to return to your offices. I stayed on the 78th floor for about two minutes. I caught my breathe. I watched as people got back on the elevators and went back to their offices. I watched as people consoled each other. I watched as people sighed deeply, believing that we were not in danger. I believed it too. I thought the small amount of smoke that I saw on 78 was due to the smoke from the other building and was not afraid. I kept trying to use my cell phone as I had been in the stairwell, but it was useless. My memory plays tricks on me here. I remember being in a stairway and feeling the most intense heat imaginable. The building rocked hard throwing me to my right, I remember being tossed around, I remember falling. I remember the voice that kept telling me to KEEP MOVING, NO MATTER WHAT KEEP MOVING. I arrived in the lobby. People were running and screaming and it was just a crazy scene. Security guards were bravely directing people down corridors. I saw firefighters without gear, just tee-shirts and blue pants. There was no fear on the faces of the firefighters. No fear at all. I can remember the faces of some of the firefighters that I saw that day. They were young, they were fearless and they were determined to do their jobs. I started running with the group of people that I fell in with. We followed the direction of the security guards. I went down a short corridor with a group of people and there was a door at the end. I was about 3 feet from the door when there was a huge explosion, intense heat and I saw the bodies of about 4 people and much debris fall in front of the door, blocking us in the corridor. People were getting really panicky now. I know that panic can kill as quickly as any disaster can. So I started yelling to people not to panic, to turn around to move. There was a man standing in front of me, once I turned around, who was blocking my path. He was screaming. I told him to scream or move, you can't do both, CHOOSE, MOVE NOW! There was a wave of heat and debris that engulfed that corridor. I kept moving and trying to find other exits. I was more afraid of the crowd, the panic reactions than I was of what was going on around me. I tried several exits and they were either blocked with debris or fire of both. I needed to catch my breath and think. I saw a corridor that was smokey, but quiet. I went there. I saw an exit for the subway, a door that was blocked from debris and some telephones. I tried to think, where am I? Where have I been? Can I take the subway tunnel to the next stop? Will I be hit by a train if I do? I saw men running from the subway entrance door, so that idea stopped right there. I wanted to call home. I went to the pay phone and dialed the operator and asked to make a person to person call, the operator asked how I was going to pay for the call. I told her that I was in the WTC and I wasn't thinking about that right now. She apologized and told me to stay on the line while she tried to place the call. The phones were down at this point. She asked me what I wanted to say. I told her. I spoke to her as if I was speaking to me family. I told them I was fine. The point of my call was to let them know that I was not suffering and that I was ok with whatever was going to happen next ( I later learned that this operator had recorded my call and delivered it to my home voice mail number, several times. I hung up the phone. There was a woman of about 50 in the phone pod across the hall trying to make a call and a man with dark hair and glasses on his knees, praying and shaking his head. I looked towards the woman and smiled at her, she smiled back and hung up the phone. I placed my body against the back of the phone pod as tightly as I could and she did the same. The building was shaking like a mild earhtquake and there was this tremendous rumbling sound that was building in intensity. It was smokey and dark. I prayed that my death be quick and as painless as possible. I prayed that my body not be found until tomorrow because 9/11 was my brother's birthday. I prayed that my daughter would be strong and not grieve too much. I prayed that my fiance would be strong for my daughter and my family.I prayed that I would remain brave until the end. I felt a sense of peace. I was no longer afraid. I was accepting of my fate. I prayed for those I was leaving behind. I had my eyes closed and felt that someone was standing in front of me. I opened my eyes and a police officer in a formal, dress-blue uniform was standing in front of me. His uniform had brass buttons on the jacket and two brass buttons on the hat. He put out his hand and said, " Come" I said no, I am ok, there is no way out of here and I know it. Try to save someone else, I am fine, please go. He took my hand and said, " Come". He held my hand and pulled me out of the phone pod. I hesitated for a moment and looked for the woman on the phone and the crying man. They were not there. I ran with this police officer, through the darkness, through the smoke and through my fear. He took me to a stairway that had two escalators on either side and a stairway in the middle. I turned to thank the police officer and he was gone. There were firefighters and EMTs at the top of the stairway screaming at me and the people on the stairs to RUN, RUN LIKE HELL! I ran to the top of the stairs and the rescue workers were pushing us out of the door in between pieces of falling debris. I was yelling at all the people I passed to keep moving,the building is coming down. No one listened or moved. The building came down a short time later. I remained in NYC for a few more hours. Until the ferry started running from Pier 11. I have such mixed feelings about alot of what happened that day. Among the things that bothers me is the announcement to stay in the building. Perhaps more people would have made it out if that announcement was not made, but would I still have been one of them? The police officer in the formal, dress blue uniform...formal dress blue uniform ? The people that I know left with me and are among the missing. I have nightmares and flashbacks and really bad anxiety sometimes. Lots of guilt feelings. I have not sought help because I feel like, Girl, you're alive, so what if you don't sleep well, so what if everytime you hear anything louder than a cricket your heart races? You are so much better off than so many other people right now. Buck it up. But on days like today, I just want to stay in bed, not go out, not talk to anyone.I know that what I am feeling will get better and I should not complain at all. I still get up every day. I still can get up everyday, go to work, love my family and deal with the same issues I dealt with before Sept 11. I also know that there will come a day and I hope it's soon when I will get angry and demand my life back. I don't really know how to end this. I guess thank you all for your support and thank you to the webmasters for providing this place for us all. This website is priceless to us all. | ||
| Jem |
Greeneyes, I started crying in the middle of your third paragraph and am still feeling shaky. Thank you for sharing your very sad, very powerful story. I really, really hope that you do seek a caring professional to help you work through this. There is no reason on earth that you should have to deal with it on your own. I'm glad that you are still here with the people you love and who love you. | ||
| Njjoseph |
Thank you, Greeneyes, for telling us your story. Words cannot express how I felt reading it, except that I can express some strange feeling of gladness and joy that you and many others had the courage, stamina and ability to make it out alive. I hope that you continue to bring your life together. Actually, just reading your postings the last few weeks assures me that you will. It may take time, but you will make it. You won't ever forget your experiences, but you can and will learn to rejoice in your new life with your child and soon-to-be husband. My best wishes are with you. | ||
| Shh |
Greeneyes, thank you for sharing that. I am speechless. Please give your daughter and your fiance a big hug from all of us. Please find someone to talk to. You have so many things to be grateful for, you need to let this grief and sadness make it's journey through you. I can't begin to try and understand this pain--I know I was nowhere near there and am still deeply saddened and scared, but you certainly deserve to move on (when the time is right) and be happy again. Good luck. | ||
| Wendy |
Amen. | ||
| Greeneyes |
Thanks everybody. I have been really anxious about going outside. So I decided to take a road trip. I had some business to attend to that I had been putting off for some time. It felt so good to be away from the area for a couple of days. My fiance and I packed up some road trip music and laughed for most of the 500 mile drive. I felt like I was 15 again and I needed to feel that way. I feel a lot less anxious and I feel more connected to the things around me. | ||
| Joancrystal |
Greeneyes: I admire your courage. It took a great deal of courage on your part to survive being on such a high floor in the WTC when the plane hit but I suspect it took far more courage to relive that experience through your profile post here on this message board. I know that you will make it past the fear and terror of the past several weeks. You are already making an excellent start. Best of luck to you. | ||
| Greeneyes |
Thanks Joan. | ||
| Lisat |
What a wonderful birthday present for your brother that you survived. I'm glad you listened to the voice inside that told you to keep moving. I'm glad that voice was so very strong. I hope that every day you feel more joy than sadness. And that the voice inside you continues to speak to you with such fortitude. You'll never know, but it's possible that your calmness during the emergency and your voice, telling others to keep moving, actually saved someone else's life. I wish you and your family the best life has to offer, each other. | ||
| Justmelaura |
Dear Greeneyes Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I can't imagine it was easy doing so. I've had the priviledge and honor to be able to work at the Respite Centers set up at the WTC area by the Red Cross and wanted to pass on the name and number of a wonderful woman I met there. The Respite Centers function is to meet the immediate need of the workers down at ground zero (food, supplies, rest, etc.). Her name is Cindy Hansen and her cell number is 503 805-8839 (email - cindyh@teleport.com). She is a Clinical Psychologist volunteering with the Red Cross and she is wonderful to talk with, very compassionate and kind, with a great ear. I know she would speak to you at anytime, if you felt you were ready to talk about what is going on. I've watched her interact with the men and women down there and she is great. She has helped me very much, also. She has been working the overnight shift, so if you need to speak to her late at night, I know she would be available. May peace by yours, laura | ||
| Greeneyes |
Thanks Lisa and Laura I feel so much better today than I have in a long time. The road trip was just what the doctor ordered. I will probably seek professional assistance, but I still feel like what I am going througn is so trivial in comparison to what the families of the missing and injured are going through. This board has been tremendously helpful and I have read about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, so I know that my reactions are within normal range. Thanks everyone for your help and support. It really means alot to me. | ||
| Dave |
Greeneyes, Jeff Gates is an acquaintence of mine from another online community. He runs the New Media Initiative Dept. at the Smithsonian American Art museum and has just finished (today) a project called "Dichotomy" to record experiences of 9-11 (those who watched it happen, and those who were there when it happened). He's looking for some stories to get it going, and I remembered what you posted here. Perhaps you could share it on "Dichotomy" as well? http://outtacontext.com/dichotomy Anyone can contribute to the site, of course. | ||
| Barleyrooty |
Greeneyes, I don't know you, but you are now a hero. You said (I think) that you sometimes feel like you don't deserve help. This is a normal feeling. Please, please analyse that statement carefully and think about what a wonderful person you are and how your actions that day are giving hope daily to others who are hearing your story. | ||
| Greeneyes |
Dave- I visted Jeff's site. He is doing a great job there. I will probably post my experience some time in the future. Barleyrooty- You are sweet. I don't feel like I don't deserve help. I guess I feel that I am in pretty good shape under the circumstances. My fiance has really been wonderful during the bad times. And I have started guitar lessons. When things are just too much to handle I handle the guitar. Today I played "Aura Lee". Do I rock or what? | ||
| Dave |
I think if you just copy/paste the story here it would be just fine. I wouldn't change a word. | ||
| Blh |
Greeneyes- I just read your initial posting. From other postings on the board,I knew you were in the WTC. It's nearly two months later, and your words hit like a hard punch in the stomach -- it's still so hard to accept all that's happened. I know the result for me has been a firmer commitment to do work I think is important for my family and community. I don't let my husband or children leave without saying goodbye (I even went to my kids' school the other day - they had run out to catch their bus and I didn't get to say GB -- they thought I was crazy!) I hope that the passage of time has helped bring peace and perspective to the events. I wish you, your fiance, and your daughter much joy. | ||
| Greeneyes |
Thank you Blh. I have a thing about "goodbye" too. If my fiance leaves the house without saying goodbye I go a little bit crazy. I will dial his cell phone and ask him. " Didn't you forget something?" He immediately knows what I mean. I do feel better now. I'm not as anxious as I once was. | ||
| Melidere |
greeneyes, i don't wander in this topic too often, and i just read your post for the first time. thank you so much for sharing that with us. It must have been terribly hard to write it, but have no doubt, it's enormously inspirational. your life is a gift to all of us. pamper yourself. (heh, for our sake) | ||
| Greeneyes |
Thank you Melidere. | ||
| Ainsworth Hunt Citizen Username: Ainsworth Post Number: 1 Registered: 1-2003 |
Hi Greeneyes, I am new to MOL. I have been reading some of the threads and bios, your story moved me to respond. I used to live in Manhattan's financial district (3 Hanover Sq, South of Wall Street), and as a part of a job was outside of the 110th floor of Two World Trade Center surveying a microwave link. The attack on the Trade Center was a tragedy unparalled in American history, and the effect that it has had on our lives has been felt by many, but I am sure that only those who were there can relate to what it is to be a direct survivor of the attack. I pray that you find peace of mind. Ainsworth | ||
| greeneyes Citizen Username: Greeneyes Post Number: 323 Registered: 8-2001 |
Thank you Ainsworth. |
