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Message |
    
joy
Citizen
Username: Joy
Post Number: 586
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 8:56 am: | 
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GT - GMF sounds just like my dad.
I feel for ya.
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greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 9310
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 9:14 am: |
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Me - some may dissapprove (TS does), but it's GrandMotherF----er.
She earned that one based on her reaction to learning that her only child had cancer. She lives up to it. E V E R Y D A Y. |
MeAndTheBoys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 4471
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 9:19 am: |
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I like it. Sounds like she deserves it, really. |
Soparents
Supporter
Username: Soparents
Post Number: 2850
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 9:40 am: |
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MATB - I wondered this morning what GMF stood for and then realised it was grandmother and on reading greentrees post I totally understood what the F was for.
Yup, she really deserves that one.
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BGS
Supporter
Username: Bgs
Post Number: 1282
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 10:30 am: |
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G- Good for you...too bad that this woman cannot help herself obviously, and let go of something that happened about 30 years ago...how sad for her that she has been letting something eat away at her for all these years....she is the loser on this one...that you all have picked up and moved on is probably too much for her...
Take a deep breath and hopefully feel cleansed that you have let it out...she does not deserve the respect that you have given her for all these years....
and I am glad to finally know what GMF means....I had an idea but was not sure.
Peace to you....
B |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 9311
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 10:59 am: |
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Thanks, guys.
When I hear that some of you have these feelings about your mother or father, I feel bad for you. My mother is definitely a nutcase and we've had our ups & downs, but at the end of the day, I know where I stand with her and how important I am to her.
I see the struggle she has with that fact that, no matter how hard she tries, it hurts her that her own mother treats her so badly. I suspect that, no matter how much peace you try to make with it, you never get over something like that.
I have this very strong idea of what parenting should be about. The children are the #1 priority. I don't mean in a "give-them-anything-they-want" sort of way. But in a "nurturing-supporting-encouraging-making-them-feel-1000%-loved-and-safe" kind of way. Teaching them manners and the great responsibility of being a citizen of the world; letting them know when their behavior is unacceptable, but reinforcing they are still good, valuable people. Other than those gawd-awful tween/teen years, no child should ever wonder whether their parent actually likes them as a person.
I learned this from watching my mom, her mom and what to do/not do. This is why I don't have kids; I wasn't willing to commit to working that hard, non-stop, 24/7 for 20+ years.
Sorry to be so soap-boxy about it; I can't get past how this woman treats her only child. |
AES
Citizen
Username: Room_to_move
Post Number: 54
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 11:38 am: |
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Greenetree - your GMF sounds so similar to mine. She was divorced from my grandfather 35 years ago. She treats my mother like total crap. It's all about her, all the time. She has real talent in making things about her.
For example....she was mad at her newest great grandchild for "not paying any attention to her"...he's 13 months old. She was pissed off because he wouldn't stay on her lap while she read him a book.
Another one....when my son has 18 months old, I had to take him to the ER for a gash above his eye. He needed stitches so they had to put him in the baby straightjacket. It was an awful eperience, especially for a anxious new mother like me. I get home and send an email out to a few family members and friends about the whole ordeal. No reply from Grandma. I ask my Mom, WTF? She explains: Grandma is angry, she said she didn't get an email directly from you, it was forwarded to her from another family member. Not true, I said, the other person did not forward it to her, she hit "reply to all" when she sent me her reply, so she was on the original email list. My Mom asks me to call Grandma to patch things up. No freakin' way, I said. The bottom line is Grandma knows what happened to her only great grandson and she should call or email me. Grandma never mentioned it and neither did I.
What makes me most crazy is that my Mom constantly accomodates her crazy behavior, never stands up to her. I could write a book about all of the things Grandma ruined for my Mom. And Mom pays for it dearly, in so many ways. It's very painful to see my Mom, a wonderful mother, wonderful wife, professionally successful person be brought to tears because her mother basically does not like her.
Thanks for letting me vent. |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 9321
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 11:57 am: |
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AES - my long-lost sister!
I have to tell you that my mom spent years talking about how she'd "like to move to Boston, but can't" because she promised her father that she'd take care of her mother when he died.
At the time, Mom was 37, divorced one year with 4 kids (7-16) at home. GMF was 60. She'd do things like schedule a hair appointment (2 miles from her house) at 3p and demand that my mother drive her (she drove herself for years). Mom would say "No, that's when the kids get home from school. Reschedule it." Then, GMF would pull out the old "I'm a poor widow, how dare you, why do you have to be there right when they get home" crap.
I used to tell mom that Grandpa would not have wanted her to become a doormat. When she was first diagnosed, she lamented the fact that she has wasted all these years taking care of this nasty, ingrate. I told mom that it was her own fault for putting up with it. I think that, as mom got older, she got scared of uprooting and starting over; taking care of GMF became a convenient excuse.
I don't know that it would have changed anything (probably not) but I wish I'd been more vocal about encouraging mom to do what she truly wanted to do instead of hanging around the old bat and being •••• on constantly.
I don't know how old your mom is, but there is something about that generation (she has two other friends in the same position) that makes them feel that they are obligated no matter how badly they are treated.
I once said to mom, when we were in a particularly brutal treatment phase and I was in OH more than I was home, "If you treated me like that, I wouldn't be here right now."
She said, "Yes you would."
I told her "Trust me, I wouldn't be. I'd call and talk to the doctors and make sure that you were getting the appropriate care and come in every so often. But that would be it."
She said "No, you'd do the right thing. It's family."
I said, "That's where we are different. Being 'family' does not mean that anyone has to put up with abuse." |
Eats Shoots & Leaves
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 3602
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 12:39 pm: |
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GT--you said the right word, "abuse". Your going steely cold in the heart is a very normal (and in limited ways, healthy) reaction to what has been a lifetime of mental abuse by your GMF. You have to protect your heart and psyche from a whack-job who is bent on destroying them, and withdrawal is a classic strategy. I would say that I am amazed that you continue to be able to care for her as much as you still do, but (a) you are an amazing person, as we all know by now, and (b) you were raised that way my your mom, who had less ability to put the distance between her and GMF than you did, and (c) it is unfortunately true that people often gravitate to our abusers in strange ways (Stockholm syndrome? Need to try to fix even unfixable situations? Who knows.).
Keep on caring as much as you dare, and keep as much distance as you can at the same time. Maslow would rank you pretty high on his hierarchy. |
AES
Citizen
Username: Room_to_move
Post Number: 55
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 12:43 pm: |
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I think you're right, Greenetree!
My Grandma has had some health problems lately which have only further complicated my Mom's relationshiop with grandma. Mom is a nurse, in fact president of a VNA, so needless to say she has experience with health issues of the elderly. So the constant push away/pull in BS game that my Grandma plays is only getting worse because she can't stand to see my Mom take charge. So Grandma won't tell her when her appointments are, is vague about what the doctors tell her, etc. But she is so angry about her health and the rest of her life that she takes it out on mother and seems to only need her when my Mom can't be there due to work/life/family commitments. Mom says things like you did, about taking a step back and making sure she was getting good care, but that's it etc.....but she can't/won't. The guilt she feels is overpowering, even though she is the one is dealing with the emotional abuse.
Did I mention I have an aunt who lives 20 minutes from my Grandma but has checked out entirely because she has her own "issues"? So it's all on my Mom, who lives 2 1/2 hours away.
This about sums it up...When my Dad's Mom died last year my Mom told me "What makes me most sad is that when Grandma dies, I will grieve but more than anything, I think mostly what I'll feel is relief."
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SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 3506
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 1:07 pm: |
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You're right, GT - what is it about your generation (which, by the way is only about 10 years from mine) that gives you more clarity or is it just a stronger instinct for self-preservation?
Our family is really getting slammed. After my brother-in-law died in May, our 23 year old nephew was diagnosed with a brain tumor - he's had a CAT, PET, two kinds of MRIs, and bloodwork - we're playing the waiting game for results. Our 21 month old grandchild will soon have an MRI, EEG & bloodwork to determine, for one thing, if his brain has stopped growing. My MIL was diagnosed with spinal stenosis, and a bunch of other ostis's, her dementia has progressed considerably, and, her house was burglarized - so she's staying with me. We're trying to convinve her that she would be better and safter in an assisted living environment - she needs some daily interaction with people and some things to do other than Drs. We're gone all day - so she doesn't get much from us. However, my mom is coming on Sunday for her yearly visit. She lives in AZ and is staying a month. Timing couldn't be worse. I am SO tempted to drive to Cyn's and bum one. Two years & nine months and still I think that a few drags will solve the stress. Don't worry... I'll refrain...for now. |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 9325
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 1:55 pm: |
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SOL - wow. I am so sorry that you are getting slammed like this. And worrying about the youngsters is probably tearing you apart.
Don't go bum one, tho. And don't feel bad about thinking about it. It will be 20 years in February for me, and I still get cravings. But they go away. Ironically, there was a point last year, with mom in the hospital where I was out in the hospital parking lot, on a conference call that, if I had one, I would have lit it.
You worked too hard to get where you are.
I think that the so-called "clarity" comes from being the mobile generation. Starting with yours, most of us who grew up in small towns left and went elsewhere. It can be a blessing and a burden. The burden is during times like these, when it is difficult to look after an aging or ill relative.
Many, like you, end up taking the relative in. Since that person has moved far from their home, they are now isolated. Back in the day when a parent might go live with a child in their own town, at least they still had their friends and usual activities. It was easier on everyone.
How many people are like me & my sibs in that no one is closer than 400 miles from our parents? Probably a lot. Maybe some of the "perspective and clarity" is actually selfishness. If we didn't distance ourselves, we could not truly make happy, guilt-free lives for ourselves. When the relative left behind is a nasty, nasty person, it's easier to set the limits.
If you need to drive anywhere and bum a glass of wine, you know where we live.
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Soparents
Supporter
Username: Soparents
Post Number: 2853
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 1:59 pm: |
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SOL - I have cookies, coffee, wine etc but no ciggies. If you want to bum anything my door is always open to you. |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 9327
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 2:01 pm: |
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Except ciggies - no enabling!
If you want one of those, you'll have to go buy them yourself.
SOP -what kind of cookies? |
MeAndTheBoys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 4477
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 2:21 pm: |
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Greenetree, I would say you pretty much hit the nail on the head and, apparently, we have pretty much the same parenting philosphy.
Specifically:
"in a "nurturing-supporting-encouraging-making-them-feel-1000%-loved-and-safe" kind of way"
"letting them know when their behavior is unacceptable, but reinforcing they are still good, valuable people"
These are exactly the things I did not get from my parents, and what I am making sure my kids DO get from me.
And I have vowed that I will NEVER, EVER, call my kids names--no matter how much they drive me crazy.
Seems as if your mom learned the same lessons I did. So at least there's that.
Ultimately, and after many years of struggling, I'm at peace with who they are and what our relationship is about. The good news is, because of the horrible way they treated me MOST of the time, I've come to realize how NOT to treat my own kids.
SOL, so sorry to hear of all your troubles. I hope things improve for you and your entire family soon. Will keep you in my thoughts. |
AES
Citizen
Username: Room_to_move
Post Number: 57
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 2:24 pm: |
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MATB...good for you for not repeating the mistakes your parents made. Too often, people repeat the past.
I always tell my Mom that it is amazing to me how she is such a great Mother when she did not have the benefit of example.
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Soparents
Supporter
Username: Soparents
Post Number: 2854
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 2:27 pm: |
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greenetree - right now is oohey gooey homemade oatmeal raisin.
Why, what type do you like?
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greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 9331
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 2:55 pm: |
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Homemade??????!!!!!!!! 
I'm a chocolate chip w/ pecan girl.
AES & Me: sounds like you two and AES's mom are amazing women. I often remind my brothers that, even when she does channel GMF more than we like (which is at all), it's a miracle and a testament to her spirit that she managed to parent the way she did with no example to follow. |
MeAndTheBoys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 4481
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 3:16 pm: |
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Hope my kids feel the same way about me as you do about your mom some day, Greenetree.  |
Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 3147
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 3:23 pm: |
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Sometimes a negative example is good example. I just think what my mother did and try to do the opposite. Greenetree, perhaps that's what your mother did. Too bad she didn't move further, geographically, though. I would never have had her live with me, never, never, never, never.
I learned more positives about mothering from my father, who was a good mother in a lot of ways. Hearing you guys almost makes me glad my mother was a fairly horrific, certifiable shizophrenic. It's easier, I've come to think, to distance yourself from someone really awful than someone awful within the normal realm.
I have a friend who also had a crappy mother. We both felt faintly shocked when our kids actually wanted/want to spend time with us because we always tried to get away from our own. Now we know why I'm such a rebel girrl (at 52) I guess and not too good with more traditional girly-women. |
Lizziecat
Citizen
Username: Lizziecat
Post Number: 1402
Registered: 5-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 3:48 pm: |
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Cynical, you are right on the money! My mother and Greenetree's grandmother could have been twins. As a parent--and a grandparent--I often try to imagine what my mother would have done in a particular situation. Then I do the opposite. So far, it's worked out well. My children seem to like to be around their father and me, and our grandchildren always want to come here and nver want to leave. |
MeAndTheBoys
Citizen
Username: Meandtheboys
Post Number: 4484
Registered: 12-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 4:00 pm: |
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My kids love my parents (well maybe my dad more than my mom). I think grandchildren and grandparents have completely different realationships than the grandparents had with their own kids.
My father is completely different with my boys than he ever was with me. Laid-back, accepting, happy to tromp through the woods doing nothing with them. Than again, my father has a completely different relationship with my neice than he does with my boys. At this late date I think I've figured out it's entirely possible that he hasn't a clue what "to do" with a girl. Particularly once that girl is old enough to talk back. |
Soparents
Supporter
Username: Soparents
Post Number: 2855
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 4:47 pm: |
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greentree,
Maybe i'll tackle choccie pecan one day and test them out on you.
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AES
Citizen
Username: Room_to_move
Post Number: 59
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 9:05 pm: |
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Thanks Greenetree...mother/daughter realtionships are nothing if not interesting. For example, as I mentioned, I think it's simply amazing how well my Mom turned out, particularly as a mother. Yet, when she comees to visit, she always tells me what a great mother I am...that I am so much more patient, consistent, etc. than she was. I don't feel that way at all about myself, but more importatntly what I remember about my childhood was how present and available my Mom was. Not in a I bake cookies for the bake sale, volunteer for Girl Scounts, do car pool kind of way, but really PRESENT in those small quiet moments that, in my opinion, make all the difference. I hope that is the way my kids remember their childhood....cause God knows I'm not the baking and carpooling type! |
SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 3507
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 9:47 pm: |
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Ah yes, what moms can do to their kids. Mine was not what one would call supportive. Strangers used to approach her and tell her what a pretty daughter she had, I was probably about 13 when she turned to me and said, "people tell me that all the time, but I just don't see it, you're nothing special". So, instead of believeing a bunch of strangers, I believed my mom. She also didn't think my voice was anything special and was surprised when I made all-state. Her only abition for me was that I get married and have her grandchildren... so I did. Thank God I got a prince of a guy.
I tried to be better than she was and I am absolutely in awe of my daughter's parenting skills - particularly in light of the challenges she's faced.
And, at 90, my mom and I have reached a common ground. She visits once a year, she has mellowed in the last few years and realizes that she's not the center of the universe and other people matter. So, I am actually kinda looking forward to her visit. However, GT, I may be ready for that glass of wine long about Wednesday.
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doulamomma
Citizen
Username: Doulamomma
Post Number: 1807
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Friday, September 1, 2006 - 9:47 am: |
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I'll think good thoughts for your family, SoOrLady |
BGS
Supporter
Username: Bgs
Post Number: 1285
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Friday, September 1, 2006 - 10:11 am: |
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SoOrLady---for as many times as we have been together- I find out things on this board that I did not know...I had not a clue that your Mom was the way you have described.
I am here to tell you that you ARE BEAUTIFUL...VISUALLY AND SPIRITIUALLY AND EVERY OTHER WAY THERE IS....
and...YOU HAVE THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL....Your husband is a great guy but he did pretty well too!!!!!
Blessings for all the SoOrLady family, related and extended.
Love,
BGS |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 9337
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, September 1, 2006 - 10:46 am: |
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I feel better reading about all the "nightmare mom" stories. Not that it's good to have been raised like that, but to know that it pretty common to learn from negative examples.
GMF called back last night. TS didn't see the caller ID, so she picked up.
Tell her to call me! I just have a question. I promise not to keep her long.
So, I called this morning. She had some dumb question to ask me, but was fishing to see how I sounded. She told me a joke that I did not immediately laugh at, so she got a little pissy. I am sure that in the last 1 & 1/2 days, she has figured out how I abused her.
I told TS the joke. She laughed and said it was funny. Accused me of not laughing only because GMF told me the joke. I disagreed. THe debate has lasted thru breakfast.
I just spoke to Normal; he's there with Mom, who is in rare form. Better him than me. |
SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 3509
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Friday, September 1, 2006 - 3:46 pm: |
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Thanks for the good thoughts everyone ... SoParents - would that I could take you up on your offer.. definately feeling a little claustrophobic these days. Maybe October will be better.
Will check in again when I have news of Nephew's tumor - reports should be back soon. We won't get our grandchild's brain report until the end of Sept. In the meantime, he's coming for an overnight visit tonight... it may be gloomy outside, but this kid's smile lights up the room (and my heart)! |
Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 3154
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Friday, September 1, 2006 - 3:58 pm: |
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SoL -- JEEZUS CHRIST!!! What a lot of horrible, hard stuff. No freakin' cigarettes though, much as I get it. Too awful to get free of. You may freely come by but I really can't give you the damned things. You may need to drink, though. Wine does more than Milton can/To justify God's ways to man (and all that).
I feel comparatively blessed or somesuch. Good luck. |
Scully
Citizen
Username: Scully
Post Number: 1011
Registered: 8-2005
| | Posted on Friday, September 1, 2006 - 4:59 pm: |
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Cynicalgirl:
'It's easier, I've come to think, to distance yourself from someone really awful than someone awful within the normal realm. '
I so totally agree with you. My father was beyond the pale eight ways to Sunday. He was also a flaming racist. Since I rejected him totally I rejected that too. I always wondered what would have happened if he was a warm loving father. Would I have had the character to still reject the bad parts, or...
I'd LIKE to think that I would have taken the high road. What if, what if what if! |
Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 3158
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Friday, September 1, 2006 - 5:01 pm: |
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I spent decades wondering that, Scully (the warm loving father thing). Fantasizing, etc. Dreams. Only thing that stopped it was having my daughter! |
Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 3171
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Monday, September 4, 2006 - 7:38 pm: |
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Well, shyt on a stick. Long story (mostly in Home Fixit) but our fridge decided to cool to about 60 and the freezer a bit lower. On Saturday. Philosophical use of ice chest etc. as Sears will come TUESDAY.
Also son Tuesday -- maybe -- we'll get the bodywork estimate on fixing Curt's car from the accident last Wednesday. Not his fault, someone else, but don't need this. Especially if they decline to pay the appropriate amount. Please, no comments as I'm worried enough. 1955 Chevy daily driver. Probably around $7K. Guy is good, well recommended.
On Wednesday restart of chemo. It's working but right now Curt is really feeling it badly. Sleeping about 12 hr a day, mouth sore-ish. Weary, weary, weary. I have a feeling I will have to take him Wednesday.
Just having a time this evening. Got to get up early to replenish the ice situation, then go to work. Keep checking in on the Sears guy etc. I hate leaving this stuff to Curt in his present state: the fridge, the car thing.
Just sucky. Mostly I want him to feel well enough to do chem as it is working. Coming up on 2 years, kids.... |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 9358
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, September 4, 2006 - 7:53 pm: |
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Not that company is any comfort, but our basement toilet exploded on Saturday. Long story short and $500 later, we still have a really disgusting toilet sitting in the basement, covered in plastic, a temporary cap on the drain and a new toilet to buy to replace the one that has only been used (in 9 years) by the contractors who redid the kitchen.
Shyt on a stick sounds like a better option, frankly.
Oh, and for some inexplicable reason, I was compelled to watch My Life this afternoon. Good movie. I'm an idiot. |
SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 3518
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Monday, September 4, 2006 - 9:51 pm: |
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Mother-in-law is in the hospital. She had some sort of episode yesterday (nausea, pressure in her chest, feeling like her arms weren't attached to her body, lightheaded and at one point, was unable to communicate). I called the rescue squad who transported her to Barnabas. I thought she was having a heart attack or stroke. Apparently it was neither, but after a CAT & MRI they're still looking for what it was. Odd thing is that she has no memory of it at all.
This happened at the exact time my mom's plane was landing at Newark airport. Mom had just mentioned this new huge suitcase she bought because she wasn't going to have a carry-on, so SoOrLord went to pick up my mom and heft the suitcase while I followed the ambulance. Then he came to the hospital and I went home to see mom.
I'm at my daughters - going with them tomorrow for her child's tests. Feeling a twinge of guilt for being here and not home, but I guess sometimes ya still need your mom... so I'm here. Had some wine.... going to bed now. Those of you who are praying sorts, please offer up one for us. Thanks. |
Lucy
Supporter
Username: Lucy
Post Number: 5413
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Monday, September 4, 2006 - 10:30 pm: |
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SOL your family and you are in my prayers stay strong everyone needs you right now. I am sorry you are going through this now. You are not alone your MOL family will be pulling for you and don't hesitate if you need anything ask. |
Soparents
Supporter
Username: Soparents
Post Number: 2912
Registered: 5-2005
| | Posted on Monday, September 4, 2006 - 10:33 pm: |
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SOL and your loved ones are in my thoughts.
Keep strong.
Lucy said it so well.
SOP
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Calliope
Citizen
Username: Calliope
Post Number: 1193
Registered: 3-2006
| | Posted on Monday, September 4, 2006 - 10:47 pm: |
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SOL
I will bombard Heaven for you and your family.
Calli
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Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 3172
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 5, 2006 - 5:12 am: |
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Looks like everyone was laboring on labor day. Big good wishes at SoOrLady, Lord and family. It sounds horribly exhausting and to say "stressful" is obviously an understatement. Was it a TIAA (can't ever remember the proper spelling -- Transient Intermitten...mini stroke, basically. Caryotid artery???)
Allowed my guard to drop yesterday and overhead the various neighbor's barbecues and ordinary fun -- with envy. Mustn't go there. I try not, but sometimes I do. Certainly the kid does.
I'm up early cuz I had to use the bathroom and then my eyelids went up rolled up quickly like a Warner Bros' cartoon character. Too much allegedly will come together today: fridge, car estimates, etc. After an initial cup of coffee, read oncolink and elsewhere on the subject of "blood platelets" and other componenents that are low in Curt.
Slightly humorous: Curt has a Viet Nam Vet friend he met via his web site and Yahoo group. Guy goes by "Mike Haole." I gather the "Haole" means mainlander in Hawaiian. Anyway, he'd talk the hind leg off a donkey, and he's a Maytag repairman. After Viet Nam, he decided to settle in Hawaii. I forget where he's from -- sounds sort of midwestern. Mike and I had quite the diagnostic chat about the fridge, with him pretty much confirming my thoughts about a relay switch. He has the secret book that tells you who really made your Kenmore (Whirlpool in this case) and was reassuring about parts, etc. If the repairman starts to pull a line of shyt I can get Mike on the case.
On men: they often get better with age and/or experience. I must say that the 12 or so guys Curt has met through the Viet Nam thing, all well seasoned and over 50, have been an incredible force and lifeline through all of this. They have, at key points, self organized to send plants, cards, steaks and good wishes. I've never been good/good at the battle of the sexes if only because I so liked my own dad and have been so routinely annoyed by about 50% of women my own age (at any age), and I've always liked men, being a sort of tomboy or similar. But, even on the so-called sensitivity front, wanted to give that update. Guess it's the "poles" that are annoying...
Onward to drain the ice chest...
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greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 9367
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 5, 2006 - 10:05 am: |
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SOL - good thoughts can still come from the godless.
You have all mine.
Try not to feel too much guilt about the pull between your mom & daughter. My theory is that it is a whole circle of life thing and those scary but normal-aging-illness things are trumped by scary and not-normal-in-the-least-childhood things. Your child and grandchild do need you more right now. Your mom is fine and your m-i-l is being cared for. |
SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 3520
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 5, 2006 - 3:30 pm: |
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Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts... we did get one small favor - no intibation. They gave him an oral seditive instead. He's home - a little shakey, but not too worse for wear. Now the waiting game begins.
They're keeping MIL in the hospital for at least one more night. Awaiting the results of an untrasound.
Mom is hanging out, reading, covering up with blankets since our weather seems downright arctic to her. |
Virtual It Girl
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 5014
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 5, 2006 - 3:43 pm: |
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Just reading this latest here...
Cyn, I know it's not convenient but we have an empty extra basment fridge...if you are concerned about frozen meats, etc, getting spoiled I can plug it in and you can store stuff here until yours is back in service.
SOL, I'm not normally a prayer kind of person but I'm digging deep for your family. Don't know what else to say except I'm hoping things are ok. |
BGS
Supporter
Username: Bgs
Post Number: 1292
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 5, 2006 - 4:44 pm: |
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VIG- what a nice thing to offer...
SOL- you know that the prayers warriors are storming the heavens...read the info that I sent to you at your home email address.
Cyn...hope that Curt's numbers continue to be what they are supposed to be and that he weathers this mess- 2 years is a good thing....
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Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 3181
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 5, 2006 - 8:33 pm: |
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SoL, I got no clue what intibation means but it sounds like its good that it didn't have to happen. Is it like intubation? I hope you have a glass of wine. Poor old you and your family. My heart is with you.
Fridge working. Was the fan in the freezer. Guy came and ad actually fixed by 11 a.m. Thank you, VIG, for your kind offer. The damned fridge was like the straw. Not big in and of itself.
No word on car matters.
Husband sleeping (again). Depending on the morning situation I may take him. I know it's the freakin' platelets. Or the white cells. Or the red cells. He's exhausted.
Played Madonna's "Like a Prayer" really loud in the car to/from chiropractor, who I needed like a junkie needs junk today. Left work early for it cuz HEY! didn't look to be any percentage in being a good girl compared to the bad boys.
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Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 3183
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 6, 2006 - 7:15 am: |
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The song in my head is "Take it to the Limit (One More Time)."
Taking Curt to the doc. He is so sleepy. He'll be up for like an hour or so, then need to sleep. Based on what onco is saying this seems to be related to blood -- not enough of one type of cell, too much of another. I don't mind saying I'm a bit scared. The delicate balance of how much of the chemo against affect on body systems. I get afraid of his not being able to handle the chemo as without that, well, cancer advances and results in death. If the doc decides today to withhold chemo, then cancer is static or increases. For 2 weeks, then reevaluate. The chemo is cumulative in effect so here we are and here we are and here we are.
On the stupid work front: The boss is out today. His golden boy/my peer is piscing everyone off, not because he's mean but because he's getting away with murder. The rest of his peers barely know his in office schedule, as unlike the rest of us, he doesn't actively inform. So the boss makes these "punish the whole class" speeches as if we all have misbehaved regarding notification of schedule, etc. It bugs all of us. I am widely regarded as an over-informer, always have a back up mgt plan in my absence. Work from Blackberry etc. when sitting in doctor waiting rooms.
It doesn't help -- and we all guard our emotions against this -- that golden boy's wife is a big exec with a Major Financial institution and makes major bucks. Plus they have 3 kids, live in West Chester. It's like family-friendly gone amok. We're always hearing about how he has to leave at 4 2 days a week to pick up his kids from aftercare. In fact, we all know more than we ever wanted to about his family's schedule. Thus far, they've declined to hire someone to to take kids to before and after care, etc. Their delicate family schedule usually requires that he take the schedule hit. The boss largely stays oblivious as he hates dealing with such things -- and this is his golden boy. No way would a woman get away with this. No way. GB is a great presenter, and a lot like the Fed Ex man in the commerical -- tho looks like a cross between Michael J Fox and Greg Kinnear. Boss sees him as his right hand Image Man, and he (being a former salesman) values that. The rest of us are very, very cranky as are GB's direct reports. Tough stuff.
I don't touch it with a ten foot pole as boss doesn't like facts much. I'm more reliable, despite my family circumstances. I like the rest of us have some jealousy of GB's money and latitude, and it can be hard to keep your brain on straight about this. Mostly I tend my own garden and count on karma to sort it all out. Add to all of this that we make many jokes about the "Irish Mafia" aspect as boss is and so it GB. Whereas, I am a woman and not Irish. One peer is Jewish, one Gay, one who knows what but not Irish. At least we're bonding on something.
I like GB as a person, and historically we've been close, yin-yang in our roles. But he is screwing the rest of us. And his wife is an arch bytch, clearly disregarding his job, his colleagues as she's busy being a Captinette of Industry. Think Madonna married to a loquacious Guy Richie.
So much for Feminism. Equal opportunity to be a selfish asc-hole, which is good I think, but let's not candy coat it! Time to go read Rupert Everett (what a treat!). |
SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 3521
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 6, 2006 - 1:27 pm: |
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Cyn - yea - intubation.. Dave really needs spell check on this thing - although if you google, intibation comes up too. Anyway... when he had surgery last Sept. he did not do well with it... stopped eating for four weeks, had to have a NG tube. Daughter was greatly releived when she heard he would not need it. Still a stressful day - very hard to see your 21 month old knocked out and in an MRI tube, etc. He's back to his old sweet self today.
My office has been amazingly understanding with my taking time to do family stuff.. guess I'm lucky in that respect. Sorry you're dealing with a GB. Used to have a boss that did the "punish the whole class" when everyone (including said boss) knew who the offender was. Odd thing was that the offender never thought it was aobut her. Just picsed eveyone off.
On a brighter note: Arsehole who burgled MIL's house was apprehended and admitted doing the deed (as well as 7 others) - he had just gotten out of jail - so it looks like he'll be going back. No recovery of items - but at least she doesn't have to worry about him coming back (even if she's not there anymore) |
BGS
Supporter
Username: Bgs
Post Number: 1294
Registered: 10-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 6, 2006 - 4:00 pm: |
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SoOrLady- Do you think that this burglery was connected to the ones that I emailed you about? I am sure those folks would be thrilled to know that the joik is gone....
Prayers continue... |
Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 3184
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 6, 2006 - 4:01 pm: |
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Well, glad he did not need intubation, then. That would be hell watching your little child/grandchild suffer thusly. What a trooper!
Took Curt to the onco and actually the onco says his blood is okey-doke this week. Incredible fatigue due to chemo. So, we'll keep on keeping on. This is a good thing, believe it or don't. Talked to the onco on my own while getting prescriptions. He thinks all is going well, and while he can't see when, he foresees being able to stop the treatment this Fall when Curt's CEA is in an acceptable place. I'm sure when it gets to like 2 it'll be CAT/PET time. Be nice if it was before end of November/Thanksgiving.
Only fly in the ointment was that I got word from work that I HAD to get there and do some crappy HR paperwork to convert a consultant to FTE. Had to do it today, by 4:00 or else. So, I arranged a cab to pick Curt up from SMG. Have the mother of my kid's friend on deck to take him tomorrow etc. and hopefully Friday. |
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