| Author | Message | ||
     Zoesky1 Citizen Username: Zoesky1 Post Number: 1319 Registered: 6-2003  |
OK, I am new to the whole blog thing, but I thought I might give it a shot. One reason I've been so squirrelly about it is because I am leery of posting too much about myself on line in a blog, but then it occurred to me I do it all over the rest of MOL anyway. Plus, MOL has become such a "real" virtual community to me that it seemed time to take it to the next level. Some people who read MOL know who I am off line, others only know me as "Zoesky1." So allow me to introduce myself in more detail. I am 38, a single mom. I got divorced almost three years ago in a sudden strange marital crisis. I have two girls, ages 4 and 6, and a dog and cat. I work in Manhattan in editorial/web content consulting now, but for the past 17 years have been a financial journalist. I was a stay-at-home mom for the last two years of my marriage, however, and I could have my choice, I would work just part time so I could really parent my kids in a more hands-on way....but we just don't always get things to pan out the way we want them to (sigh). Interestingly, I do not live in Maplewood or South Orange. However, I was a citizen of Maplewood for many years and consider it my home in many ways. I owned three houses in Maplewood, two while I was married and one after my divorce. I reluctantly moved to Livingston in August, but I still commute to the city from Maplewood, and my youngest daughter still attends preschool at Open Door, which is just over the town line in Millburn. Obviously I still have many friends in Maplewood. We bought our first Maplewood house in 1998. It was on the "east" side of town on Madison Ave. just off Prospect St. We renovated it, discovering that we each loved renovations and remodeling. We sold it two years later when we got a once-in-a-lifetime shot at an amazing house just a few blocks away: one of those huge brick houses on Prospect. It was 629 Prospect, a mammoth 7-bedroom house with .75 acres and an inground pool. The house had fallen into disrepair, and although it was occupied, its owners couldn't really afford to put enough into it in terms of maintenance. We bought for a relative bargain at the time, and proceeded to do a major renovation that included restoring its bedroom configuration to the original plans. It was a challenge, but we made it into a true family home. However, things were not perfect. The taxes on the house were nearly $20K at the time, and it was reval time. We faced a huge increase in taxes due to the renovations we had performed. My ex-husband underwent a bizarre "conversion" from Democrat to Republican (there's a reason we're not married anymore!),and along with it he became very anti-tax. We pulled up stakes and sold that house -- for a nice profit, I might add -- and moved in 2002 to Warren, NJ. It was an immediate mistake. We were in a beautiful house with 1.7 acres and a glorious country look, but it was isolated, lonely and cold. My marriage was ending, and I missed my Maplewood friends. I wasn't working but my ex-husband worked in Manhattan, and he had a 50-minute train ride from Gillette through Summit into the city. Utter disaster. Long story short, six months later we were split up, and four months after that we were divorced. The Warren house went on the market a scant year after we bought it. I knew immediately where to go: Maplewood. I bought a cute little 1930s Colonial on Carleton Court, just off Ridgewood, and within a 10-minute walk to the village. I moved to it in June 2003. We holed up, me and my kids, and energized ourselves. I got a job. My nanny came on full time. And things fell into place. We joined the pool again, saw friends, enjoyed our neighbors, walked the dog around town, etc. Well, two years after buying that house, things got complicated again. I wasn't making the money I really needed to support myself and my kids (despite child support) in a house in Maplewood, given the taxes (yes, that again). Plus, in 2003, I had bought almost at the peak of the market, and because I had needed to buy a move-in-ready house, being a single woman without any fix-up skills or lots of $$ for renovations, I had paid a top price. My mortgage was big but my house was not. It started to make more and more sense for me to downsize, cash in on my gains while the market was still high, and lower my tax bill. I was reluctant, but it was a basic economic fact. I had to make more money and spend less. I embarked on a job hunt to make more money. But more quickly I had to sell my house and find a new place. I looked west toward Livingston, drawn by a lower tax burden (due to all the commerce) but still not far from Maplewood so I wouldn't make the Warren mistake again. I have to admit I was also attracted by top-rated school system -- I am a big fan of public schools but was troubled by the infighting and political battles in the M-SO system (this will probably get me flamed, but for all my affection toward Maplewood, the fighting about the school curriculum is troublesome). So that was an attraction. I had to make a move FAST because school was starting soon and my daughter would be entering kindergarten. Found a place in Auguust and moved in. It's no Maplewood. I like it fine, I guess, and I'm hardly here, since I work full time. I was able to keep the same nanny, so that's a big plus, and we do playdates with Maplewood families. But it's not neighborly like Maplewood, and I live on a street of look-alike ranch houses. But I lowered my monthly nut by about $1000 just by buying a slightly less expensive house and putting down a lot more (from the proceeds of my Maplewood sale, which was an over-asking, multiple-bid situation), and my taxes went from around $12K to $6100. So that saves me $500 a month. Not chump change to a single mom. I also got a new job in October that pays more, so things are improving financially. And as some of you know, I started dating a great new boyfriend in October. I had dated two other guys since the divorce, but with varying degrees of success and some missteps. This relationship is new, but seems to have tons of potential. He's 49, also divorced, Montclair, a Wall Street trader with two kids. Great guy. We'll call him "G" here on the board. I am tied to MOL because I have been a steady user of it since 1997 when we started looking for houses here. I just can't kick the MOL habit. And so much of my posts here have less to do with actually still being a Maplewood resident than with getting community, advice, camaraderie, even companionship (it gets lonely as a single parent in the suburbs). So I am a proud non-Maplewood MOLer. I hope no one minds. So that's my blog entry. Not too thrilling. But that's the story. | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 3712 Registered: 5-2001 |
Welcome to blogging. I enjoyed reading your "story." I admire your ability to pick up and move...maybe because my parents have been in the same house for 36 years I find it hard to do. Even now we go back and forth about continuing to renovate our just-slightly-too-small-for-us house or move on to bigger and better. Sorry you're not in love with Livingston, but it sounds like you made a good choice for yourself. Enjoy your weekend sans kids and with your new honey. | ||
| Duncan Supporter Username: Duncanrogers Post Number: 5411 Registered: 12-2001  |
HAPPY NEW YEAR | ||
| Zoesky1 Citizen Username: Zoesky1 Post Number: 1320 Registered: 6-2003 |
VIG, thanks! It's not that I don't like Livingston, but it's just that I miss Maplewood, and my first choice, in a perfect world, would have been to stay. But then again, in a perfect world, I would not have gotten divorced. I think I will like it more once I meet some other people here (most of my NJ friends are back in Maplewood), and my 6-year-old loves school so far. Thanks, too, Duncan! | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 770 Registered: 10-2003 |
Z, what famous person does your cat look like? | ||
| BGS Citizen Username: Bgs Post Number: 456 Registered: 10-2003 |
Z-What an interesting story....am sorry that things did not work out with number one...but given what appears to be an amazing ability to bounce back, I think that the future is going to be just fine for you and the little Z's. Have an incredible weekend with G and know that I wish you the very best in 2006!!! | ||
| Zoesky1 Citizen Username: Zoesky1 Post Number: 1323 Registered: 6-2003 |
Hmmm. Interesting question, Las. I'd have to say he sort of resembles Richard Gere, although the very concept of likening Winston to Richard Gere makes me crack up. How about yours? (And please have the best of new years, Las...by the way, I have a different work email....do you still have my Yahoo one?) Thanks, BGS. You're sweet. Sometimes I don't think of it as an "amazing ability to bounce back," and I get really bummed out, so it's nice to get affirmation! Have a happy new year, too! | ||
| Cleve Dark Citizen Username: Clevedark Post Number: 186 Registered: 2-2005 |
Happy new year, Zoesky. Thanks for sharing your history so far. There's a lot more to come, too! Your story is far from over. | ||
| Zoesky1 Citizen Username: Zoesky1 Post Number: 1325 Registered: 6-2003 |
OK, time to update the blog, right? What's new? I am awash in New Year's resolutions -- seven of them, to be exact. They range from mundane (make bed every morning) to lofty (give more to charity). The one I'm enjoying best so far is "cook more." I have never been much of a cook. Those who love me know I don't cook. I bring new meaning to the notion of "order in." After my divorce and after I went back to work, it got even worse, because my nanny cooks dinner for the kids, but when I get home at 6:30 I don't cook. By the time I eat dinner at 9, it's usually a bowl of cereal or some crackers and hummus. But as a mom, I really don't want my kids to grow up never eating their mother's own food. So I am starting to cook more. I got a crockpot for Christmas from my mom, who has never quite given up on getting me to cook. So this gift meshed nicely with my resolution. Plus G. is inspiring me to cook, because he loves to do it, and has been bringing food over and cooking it at my house. On New Year's Eve we had marinaded Black Angus strip steak with rice and a glorious salad that yours truly made. Then Monday I grilled some chicken (OK, "grilled" may not accurate, but I did it in my grill pan so it has sear marks) and then tossed it in a salad that I am now eating for lunch. For me, who spends $8 a day on lunch in the city, this is big. Big stuff. I could even fulfill two resolutions at once: cook more and save money! Now, on to this weekend, when I plan to break out the new crockpot and treat my kids to some actual cooking. We'll see what they think. | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 3733 Registered: 5-2001 |
Zoesky, please participate on my thread in the recipe section, "prepare ahead meals." I do like to cook but it's tough trying to get the kids to do their HW, get them to activities and make a decent dinner, so I am going to try and prepare some things over the weekend and use them during the week. I cooked a lot this weekend, so we've had a few nice meals out of it and it's been less stressful for me. Also, I had my husband help me chop some ingredients for stuffed mushrooms and we had fun together. If I cooked more on the weekend everyone could pitch in a little bit more. Good luck with it! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6501 Registered: 5-2001  |
Z- as a recently reformed non-cook (I was embarrassed at my take-out bill), I can relate. Without kids, it's even easier to just pick something up. I bring frozen entrees for lunch, so I save that money and consider anything brought from home as an effort to for which I should be patted on the back. Don't worry about the grilled chicken not really being grilled. If it generates dishes, it's cooking. Funny story: when TS and I started dating, she used to love for us to cook together on Sundays. Her passion is cooking and she can't think of a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon. I had fun for a few months. It was so romantic and wonderful, even if it never did manifest itself into any kitchen scenes from "9 1/2 Weeks". But, I digress.... Anyway, approaching our one year anniversary, I realized that the old "hate to cook" feelings were festering deep down inside me. A couple more months and I was resenting being summoned from the couch and the newspaper to chop something. But, I kept quiet. After all, it had become Our Thing. Finally, at almost two years, I sat her gently down one Sunday, looked into her eyes and said "Honey, I have something to tell you. I hate to cook and really hate it on Sunday afternoons when the last of the weekend is slipping away". Sure, she was shocked and grew a little teary-eyed. But, she accepted it. It made our relationship stronger. So, should the cooking together thing wear off, don't worry. It will actually bring you closer. BTW - sometimes when I think about all the crap I have to deal with in my life, I remember that my mother had to do it alone at the age of 35 with 4 young kids. I'm not sure I could have handled it. Kudos and awe to you and anyone else who does it alone. | ||
| campbell29 Citizen Username: Campbell29 Post Number: 306 Registered: 4-2002 |
I love to cook, partly because it allows me some private time, while I am doing something constructive and useful. I also use the time to have a nice glass of wine. Now that my daughter is getting bigger (8), I usually ask her if she wants to help. She enjoys it and it lets us have some interesting conversations. I was hoping that if she was involved in making the food, she would expand her palate, but so far she continues to eat fewer and fewer foods. Sometimes I will make a giant soup, or a lasagna or enchilada, or something casseroly, that I can freeze and then take out of the freezer when I know I don;t feel like being bothered. | ||
| Sue S Citizen Username: Suzyc Post Number: 6 Registered: 3-2004 |
Zoesky1 - Hello from your old Carleton Court neighbors. We miss you ! Glad to hear that things are going well for you. | ||
| Zoesky1 Citizen Username: Zoesky1 Post Number: 1335 Registered: 6-2003 |
Hey, thanks, Sue! I miss you all too! How is the new baby? Congratulations! |
