| Author | Message | ||
     VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 87 Registered: 3-2002 |
I am a 37 year old gay man. I have worked for the same brokerage firm for the last ten years and have worked in San Francisco, Chicago and New York. I have been with my partner for six years and have lived in Maplewood for three. We have two mini schnauzers who are almost a year old. I thought I had everything I could possibly want, but then I realized there was something that was missing. I talked to my partner and we decided that it was time to have a child. We have many friends who have children and decided that now was the time to join them in our next phase of life. We have our first meeting with the agency on May 14. I know we have a long road ahead of us, but I can't wait. I'm very excited. Just thought I would share our new adventure | ||
| mjc Citizen Username: Mjc Post Number: 499 Registered: 10-2004 |
Vinny, blessings on you and your partner as you start this new part of life. Actually, the road ahead turns out to be a lifelong road with child(ren), so enjoy it all as it goes by. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. and welcome to MOL MC (soooo ready to be a grandma, but my guys are just 18 and 20; want someone to come by and say awww when your child arrives?) | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 88 Registered: 3-2002 |
mjc--thank you for the good wishes. The baby probably won't arrive until 2007, but you will be more than welcome to come by and say awwww | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 132 Registered: 10-2003 |
Vinny, may I please sign up for the backup awww list in case mjc is busy one day? Congratulations on your decision to start your family - I am sure you are just bursting with excitement. Would you mind sharing the type of agency you are going with (ie, foreign, boarder baby, etc.)? Just curious, is all. Best of luck - las | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 89 Registered: 3-2002 |
My partner, Rob, and I talked about several different options. We decided that we are going to use an egg donor and a seperate surrogate to carry the baby. The agency we are using is called Growing Generations and they are based out of California, but they have a New York office. The cool thing about California is that both Rob and I will be listed as parents on the birth certificate. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2113 Registered: 9-2003 |
Vinny - I know most couples want a baby, but if you don't want to wait until 2007 to start your family, you could consider adopting an older child. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4284 Registered: 5-2001  |
I was thinking just this morning how amazing it is to live in a time when anyone who wants to be a parent can choose to become one. And how people no longer assume I'm childless just because I'm gay. Congrats to you & Rob! | ||
| Betsy Black Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 1300 Registered: 6-2001  |
VinnyM, I always just assumed I'd have children, and am kind of shocked to find myself here at age 39 and childless. You sound like you'll make a wonderful parent and I wish you much success in your endeavor! And both of you being listed on the birth certificate is indeed very cool. | ||
| Laura_facc Citizen Username: Laura_facc Post Number: 106 Registered: 4-2004 |
I know it is not until 2007 but catch up on your sleep now. When they are very little they have very little sleep at night!!!!! Besides the lack of sleep I wish you well. I have two and the are the greatest things! | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 91 Registered: 3-2002 |
SoOr- we discussed the possibility of adopting an older child and we have not yet ruled that out, but for right now we have decided that we want to go the baby route. We both feel it will be worth the wait and after we survive that we will revisit the adoption plans. Green and bets- thank you for the good wishes Laura--I already started getting ready. I quit smoking and I am trying to get in shape so that I can chase my kids around and not be out of breath. Hopefully getting in shape will also help me rest better so I will be able to survive on little sleep. | ||
| DeborahG Citizen Username: Deborahg Post Number: 1356 Registered: 5-2001  |
Good for you! The baby-to-be is lucky to have such caring dads! My daughter attends school here in Maplewood, and I'll never forget the definition of "family" they gave her: "A bunch of people who love each other." Sounds like your bunch will be a good one! | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 6611 Registered: 1-2003  |
Since adoptive parents and gay parents go through extra effort, it's more of a family by choice, which makes it all the sweeter. | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 92 Registered: 3-2002 |
This isn't really baby related, but I thought I would share anyway. We got a message from our next door neighbor yesterday. She told us that she received a call from the daughter of the man we bought our house from. It seems that their father has finally told them where their mother is laid to rest. Guess whose backyard they want to dig up? I'm just hoping she was cremated. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4291 Registered: 5-2001 |
 You've got to keep us posted on this one. How long ago did she die? I have this vision of someone digging a 6 foot deep grave in the back yard in the middle of the night. Not to be mean, but I'd get some ground rules in place. What if they hit a water pipe or electrical conduit while digging? Take pics & get a contract that states that they will pay to have the yard put back exactly as is, including sod. I suppose digging her up is better than them wanting to put a gravestone in your yard. Althoug, your child would then have the most unique sliding board in town.... | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2123 Registered: 9-2003 |
ok, Vinny? The man who owned your house buried his wife in the back yard? Do we need to call CSI first? I mean, I just don't believe that's DONE in these parts.. really. Get more info before they bring in the backhoe. (oh look I rhymed!) | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 93 Registered: 3-2002 |
Greenetree--We just got the backyard landscaped--Major work. You can believe that we will have everything in writing before we start anything. By the way---did you make a decision on your landscaper? | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4292 Registered: 5-2001 |
Yes! I want to take you up on your offer. Thanks for the reminder.... | ||
| CLK Supporter Username: Clkelley Post Number: 967 Registered: 6-2002  |
Um, Vinny, did the former owner look like Raymond Burr by any chance? | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 887 Registered: 8-2003  |
Vinny - not to detract from the dead lady in your yard...but I just wanted to say that I wish you and Rob the best of luck and the very best of experiences on your journey to become parents. I hope that if it isn't easy, it will at least be one of the most worthwhile and special endeavors of your lifetime. keep us posted! oh, yeah -- and do keep us posted on the corpse too! | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 97 Registered: 3-2002 |
Rob just called me from home. The daughter of the man whose home we purchased called again. Apparently, the daughters knew that Mom was buried in the backyard. It was raining the day that the father moved, so they didn't want to dig her up then. Now with mothers day coming up---sidenote, we have lived in the house for 3 years--she is feeling guilty for leaving her mother behind and now wants to come find her. Anybody have a metal detector I can borrow? | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 1836 Registered: 5-2001 |
I hope they're talking about ashes  ?? | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4306 Registered: 5-2001 |
Good lord. Isn't the idea of choosing a burial place to put the remains in a place that was meaningful to the deceased? If she were buried in a cemetary and the daughter moved to the left coast, would they dig her up & move her there, too? Seems to me if it were that important, they would have put on some raingear & dug the day dad moved. Maybe they found out that she was buried with money or jewelry? Did Rob find out whether she's bone or ashes? | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 6623 Registered: 1-2003 |
Yo Vinny, don't you find this a bit uncomfortable? You're being an awfully good sport about it. | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 98 Registered: 3-2002 |
I found out that we are definitely talking ashes. I look at it this way. •••• happens. What can I do about it? As long as they don't do damage to my property, how could I refuse someone their relatives ashes? It is their mother and if they want her back then they can have her. If it was a body, things might be a little different. | ||
| CLK Supporter Username: Clkelley Post Number: 977 Registered: 6-2002 |
You're a nice man, Vinny, and I think you're going to make a great dad. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4313 Registered: 5-2001 |
I watch waaaaay too much Law & Order, CSI, etc. I'm thinking someone is going after a 20 carat diamond ring..... | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2129 Registered: 9-2003 |
Hope she's not in a cardboard box... | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 99 Registered: 3-2002 |
The daughter told Rob that the ashes are in an urn which was placed in a steel box. I was thinking the same thing as greenetree---money or jewels. | ||
| Duncan Supporter Username: Duncanrogers Post Number: 4317 Registered: 12-2001  |
I feel a screenplay coming on. SOMEBODY STOP ME NOW.  | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 101 Registered: 3-2002 |
Mothers day has come and gone and we have not heard from the girls wanting to reclaim their mother. I guess the moment has passed us by. Tomorrow is our first meeting with the baby people and I am so excited I can barely contain myself. I want this day to end, so I can probably lie awake in bed and toss and turn in anticipation. Tonight we are going with some good friends of ours, B & K, to go see the Baker's Wife at Papermill. I am hoping that it is good. One of my all-time favorite songs is from this show and I hope they do it justice. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 910 Registered: 8-2003 |
good luck! I hope that the show brings you just the right amount of distraction to tame the anticipation for just a few hours! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4375 Registered: 5-2001 |
Enjoy all the nights out while you can! | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 1869 Registered: 5-2001 |
Just don't let the baby dig in the yard. | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 105 Registered: 3-2002 |
We had our first meeting with Growing Generations on Saturday. It was very informative and we have decided to go ahead with the process. It is very exciting. Each step seems like a reason to celebrate. I never thought that I would have a child. | ||
| DeborahG Citizen Username: Deborahg Post Number: 1395 Registered: 5-2001 |
Vinny: Congrats!  Debby: You KILL me! | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 109 Registered: 3-2002 |
I know it has been awhile since I last posted, but it has been a long process. There were essay questions, multiple choice questions and a photo spread. We need to convince someone that they want to carry our baby. The essay questions were really hard. I mean how do you thank someone enough for making your dream become a reality. We have also had meetings with insurance specialists, high-risk pregnancy specialists, lawyers and gone for a semen analysis. Rob had a very amusing experience. Just imagine knocking over a specimen cup and having it roll across the floor under the TV at the most inopportune of moments. It was straight out of a sitcom. It is all worth it though. We can't wait to be daddies. | ||
| redY67 Citizen Username: Redy67 Post Number: 2447 Registered: 2-2003  |
Congrats and best wishes Vinny. I hope everything goes smoothly!! So, have to ask, what's the update on the mother? And isn't that illegal to bury someone in your backyard even if it's just the ashes? | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 110 Registered: 3-2002 |
redY--We never heard back from them. We had told them that we had major work done to the yard and it was a possibility that their mother may have been moved without our knowing it. Maybe they decided it was best to keep believing that she was buried in the yard that she loved and not thinking that she was in a land fill somewhere. I'm not sure what the law is about ashes. I am not pushing it because I do not want to dig up my yard. | ||
| redY67 Citizen Username: Redy67 Post Number: 2450 Registered: 2-2003 |
Good idea  You must be very excited for the baby. It is an exciting time, I really wish you and Rob the best. | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 111 Registered: 3-2002 |
We had an unexpected guest this weekend. One of the woman whose mother's ashes are buried in our yard stopped by. She wanted to see the work that we have done on the house and let us know that she would try to keep her sister at bay. It is her sister that wants to look for the ashes. And on the baby front, our application was approved and we are in queue to match with a surrogate. I'm reading all kinds of baby books and I am getting a little nervous about being a father. If anybody has any baby book suggestions, please let me know. |
