| Author |
Message |
    
vor
Citizen
Username: Vor
Post Number: 139
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 6:19 pm: |     |
Kathy
Actually, while I do think everyone is capable of indiscretions now and then, my real concern on that front was not that my daughter would be mean, but rather that she would be on the receiving end. This has already happened to her on IM (lost a friend because of it). However, given the temptations of teenagers (peer pressure,etc) I'm concerned about what other issues may present themselves. Don't know that they would, but as the saying goes (I think) an ounce of prevention... |
jfburch
Citizen
Username: Jfburch
Post Number: 1250
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 6:41 pm: | |
Again, the speaker last night addressed this a bit. Interestingly, one of the "protective factors" his research points to is NOT having a phone in the kid's room (the research was a bit before the teen cell phone explosion).
He didn't argue that it was the phone per se, but that greater access, and unsupervised access to peer influences probably increased the risk of kids behaving badly or taking risks that could lead to trouble. Cell phones raise the same issues.
|
les
Citizen
Username: Les
Post Number: 43
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 8:45 pm: | |
I think that you need to decide at what age you want to allow your children to have a cell phone, and take into consideration his/her activity schedule. For a kid who is very busy with sports, school activities, etc., a cell phone would make sense. In our situation, we had decided that our children would get their cell phone at age 16. My daughter asked for one for several years before she got hers last year. I have agreed to pay the monthly charge, but she's responsible for any costs over her limit (it happened just once) as well as any text-message charges. When my son turns 16 in 2 years, he'll get his as well. |
sac
Citizen
Username: Sac
Post Number: 881
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 10:19 pm: | |
Re IM control, I recently did a google search (on something like "IM logging") and found a product with a free trial download. In addition to logging, it also claimed to limit time by a username/password of some sort. However, a lot of things seemed to get messed up on my computer once I installed it and I never could get the IM Logging to work on it, so I uninstalled it and removed all traces of it. (Which is why I can't tell you the name of it now.) |
jacman
Citizen
Username: Jacman
Post Number: 170
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 10:28 pm: | |
Cell phones are a big problem at the high school. They are allowed, but have to be turned off and stowed out of sight. These rules are mostly ignored, and one can see any numbers of kids taking on their phones inbetween classes. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "But it's my mother (or father)!" Parents: Kids are NOT suposed to have the phones on in school. Please do not call them during the school day!!!!!
In classes, kids sometimes get calls, which is very disruptive (again, "But it's my mother!"). Also, they are text messaging in class, and this can be a problem in terms of potential cheating. But then again, kids have been putting cheat-sheets inside the plastic cases of their IDs, too, so where there's a will, there's a way.
Cell phones are a great convenience and a godsend in an emergency, but unfortunately kids are kids... |
sac
Citizen
Username: Sac
Post Number: 882
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 10:30 pm: | |
Re cell phones for preteens, I haven't yet given in to my 12-year-old on this issue either. I think the first step may be to obtain an additional family cell phone but not just give it to her outright, because we are starting to run into situations where it would be helpful to us for her to have it. Sometimes we just hand her one of ours to use when needed, but that isn't always possible. If and when she has a cell phone in her possession, we will probably also require her to call from the landline wherever she is or at least provide us a phone number other than the cell where we can reach her and then test it on occasion, to help keep her honest.
My daughter can't yet claim that all of her friends have them. Some do have their own and others have a family one "sometimes". The fact that at least one of the crowd usually has one has actually taken some pressure off, since she is able to use her friend's phones to make "necessary" calls and mostly doesn't pull the "but none of the pay phones work" line in her quest to convince us to get her own phone. At one point, we did tell her that if she could demonstrate the ability to pay the monthly fee (by doing some advance saving), we would get her a phone, but that hasn't happened yet either. |
Tom Reingold
Citizen
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 1834
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 10:29 am: | |
Veering off on a tangent here, I've thought about the safe society we're trying to build. We have taken away monkey bars and seesaws and sandboxes and tall slides. Some of us forbid our kids to play on the remaining playground equipment. Some are drawing the conclusion that by forbidding them these risks, they don't learn about risks and cite this as the reason young drivers are worse today than we were when we were their age. We've pulled them out of the school of hard knocks.
Cell phones and IM do make it possible for kids to hurt each other. Should we be protecting them from potential harm? It depends on the costs and benefits, of course. Often, the better thing to provide them is the strength to deal with the injuries they receive.
Tom Reingold the prissy-pants
There is nothing
|
tom
Citizen
Username: Tom
Post Number: 1836
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 10:55 am: | |
That's one of the important points the speaker at SB made. We feel all protective about our kids, but they've got to develop some protection of their own. Being hurt, disappointed, frustrated, angry, and feeling the-world-just-isn't-fair is all part of growing up, and what you face as an adult makes the kids' stuff look like, well, kids stuff.
Phones in rooms are one of what he called "correlative factors," that is, no idea of cause-and-effect, just that these things and kids who do well seem to go together. Let me see how many I can remember:
1) Parents not divorced
2) Family eats together at least 3-4 times a week
3) No phone in room
4) No TV in room
5) Kids keep their rooms clean
I think there were a few more. We've decided to make a full frontal assault on number 5 in our household. |
vor
Citizen
Username: Vor
Post Number: 140
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 11:10 am: | |
Of course I would like to add, "No cell phones". We score 5 out of 6 (including the cell phone item). I'm the reason we don't pass the second item (I was going to say "pass #2", but thought better). Unfortunately, my job situation doesn't allow for it. I believe (hope) I make up for it in other ways such as reading bed time stories, planning "family game nights", etc.
How's that for rationalizing (word check?) away the guilt?
|
Tom Reingold
Citizen
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 1838
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 11:37 am: | |
In fact, I've read that the eating together thing is a huge correlative factor in success, far above economic and ethnic ones. I think it should be possible to make up for it if the time you spend together is reliable and if it allows for all topics of discussion to come up.
Tom Reingold the prissy-pants
There is nothing
|
ReallyTrying
Citizen
Username: Reallytrying
Post Number: 253
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 11:46 am: | |
Regarding monitoring IM usage:
There's great little program called DeadAim that installs quickly and easily into AIM, and allows you to monitor and log IM use. It's cheap, too - about $5 at http://www.jdennis.net/. |
xavier67
Citizen
Username: Xavier67
Post Number: 330
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 11:48 am: | |
Tom R. What's the benefit of giving your 11 year old a cellphone? How is it "handy"? For you or for her or both? I'm just curious because my current belief is that my daughter shouldn't have a cellphone till she really "needs" it (however that's determined), which could be when she's 13, 16 or 20!. Maybe I'm being too traditional in my thinking. |
Brett
Citizen
Username: Bmalibashksa
Post Number: 619
Registered: 7-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 11:48 am: | |
If you want to spy on your kid.
http://www.softcities.com/Message-Spy-for-AOL-IM/download/5156.htm |
Waldo
Citizen
Username: Discowaldo
Post Number: 26
Registered: 12-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 11:50 am: | |
I dont think a phone in the room is as big a deal these days considering the abundance of cordless phones.They can just take the phone into their room anyway. Maybe you can use having a phone in your child's room as a starting point. For example "No you're too young to have a cell phone, but first maybe we will let you have a phone in your room, and if you are responsible with that maybe in the future you can have a cell phone". I'm not a parent so this might be an extremely bad idea, so tear this post apart if I'm wrong I wont take any offence . |
Tom Reingold
Citizen
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 1839
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 11:54 am: | |
xavier67, it has several uses. She (who turned 12 a week ago) goes to MMS and stops at the library and then it turns dark. She calls me to ask for a ride home on my way home from work.
She visits her mother on the weekend whose phones are unreliable. I can call her. So can her friends and grandparents, without having to talk to my ex-wife.
It saves on toll charges, since cell-to-cell is free and unlimited.
Tom Reingold the prissy-pants
There is nothing
|
ReallyTrying
Citizen
Username: Reallytrying
Post Number: 254
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 11:54 am: | |
I used to be opposed to phones in kids' rooms, but I recently bought three basic, cheapo phones and put one in each room as a security/safety matter. No, I don't mean in case of terrorist attack - not that kind of safety! I just want to be able to reach them at any time, and they don't always hear the phone if bedroom doors are closed. |
wendy
Citizen
Username: Wendy
Post Number: 463
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 12:40 pm: | |
Tom, pretty good memory. However I don't think that "no TV in their room" was a factor (although I happen to agree with that). I think the missing factor was community service. |
tom
Citizen
Username: Tom
Post Number: 1840
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 1:02 pm: | |
That's it, you're right, thanks. |
ffof
Citizen
Username: Ffof
Post Number: 1837
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 4:00 pm: | |
re: clean rooms - I don't let them out on Friiday or sat night without a "picked up" and "put away" room.
and, I am the meanest mom!!! (you can even ask my kids |
akb
Citizen
Username: Akb
Post Number: 152
Registered: 12-2001
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 10:10 pm: | |
I read something recently, and I wish I could remember where, about eating together. Weekend breakfasts and brunches were considered as relevant as weekday dinners. So even if you come home too late for dinner most nights (and let's hope it isn't every night for the sake of you and your family!), if you really prioritize mealtime at the weekend, and the weekday nights you can manage, then it helps.
One of the biggest differences to me between US and UK family life is mealtime. The norm in the UK remains eating a (mostly if not completely)homecooked meal, at home, at the table. We have tried very hard to keep this in our own lives, but seem to be unusual in this regard. We also taught our children table manners, which again seems to be a dying art. |
ffof
Citizen
Username: Ffof
Post Number: 1842
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 11:32 pm: | |
that's all we talk about. except for the other day, we all actually had a conversation....perhaps the tide is turning...thank god |
Closed: New threads not accepted on this page