| Author | Message | ||
     imacgrandma Citizen Username: Imacgrandma Post Number: 220 Registered: 5-2001 |
My grandson, 9, and his sister, 6, have times when they get along together real well, and times when they don't. Last week was a good one. One night boy slept on a futon in girl's bedroom. The next night they insisted on taking a shower together, something they have not done in quite a while. Mom is "passing by" bathroom door and hears daughter say to son "Put your p***** next to my v*******." Son yells "No way! Mom, I'm gettin' out a here." Mom cracks up. | ||
| kathy Citizen Username: Kathy Post Number: 721 Registered: 5-2001 |
My husband is a vegetarian and when my son was younger and more malleable, he was also. When he was two my husband taught him the big word 'vegetarian'. Then, showing off for the grandparents, he asked our son, "Now, if we don't eat meat, what does that make us?" Son looked at his father and said "Sad!" Once in a restaurant I took my daughter, then two, to the ladies' room. An older woman saw her and said to her, "What a big girl! Are you having dinner here?" Daughter, horrified, replied "No! I am having dinner in the restaurant!" On the advice of a former veterinarian of ours, we have since our older child was small been keeping a journal of funny remarks. The kids call it "The Funny Book" and when they think that they have said something amusing they will sometimes suggest that it be recorded. They also periodically reread the Funny Book to remind themselves how hilarious they are. The veterinarian had told us that when he asked his children (4 or 5 of them) what family mementos each was interested in having, tops on everybody's list was their Funny Book, and he had to have photocopies made for all of them. | ||
| compsy Citizen Username: Compsy Post Number: 104 Registered: 1-2002 |
"Where's your wee-wee?" asked our 3 year-old daughter's 3 year-old male friend one day when they were comparing their urinary equipment in the bathroom while she was on the potty. (This was 20 years ago, when we were new parents and still drove a Volvo). "I don't HAVE a wee-wee, Pa-Pa (her name for him)" she clarified, sounding almost surprised that he didn't know...."I have a VULVA!" she declared, maybe even proudly, we like to recall. "Oh," said Patrick, pensively. Then, after a brief hesitation that obviously was accompanied by his brain gears working hard to keep up with her: "We have a Pugeot and a Rabbit." | ||
| Deb G Citizen Username: Deborahg Post Number: 766 Registered: 5-2001 |
these are so great!!  | ||
| happyman Citizen Username: Happyman Post Number: 98 Registered: 6-2001 |
There was a slight pause in the family dinner conversation, my 10 year old son matter of factly asked, “When am I going to have my Testicles removed.” My oldest son sat mortified. My husband with mouth wide open was speechless. I broke the silence by asking, “ _____ did you mean Tonsils.” We are still laughing about it today! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 1969 Registered: 5-2001 |
A few years ago, I took my friend's 3-year old to the grocery store with me. In front of us in the check-out line was a very tall woman, wearing a full length fur coat and a very long ponytail. Ian (the child) seemed to be amusing himself by looking at her; up & down, up & down. Finally, he tugged on her coat and asked "Lady, are you a dog"? Fast forward 3 years: I took Ian (now 6) and his 3-year old sister into Manhattan. It was a weekend break for the parents, who spent the time home alone, in Highland Park, NJ. My office was near Chinatown & I had to pick something up, so we walked down Canal St. The kids loved looking at all the construction, noise & trucks. On F train back to Brooklyn, Ian looked around at all the people. Eyes settling on one man in particular, he asked me if we were still in Chinatown. "No, why"? "Because", said he, pointing to the man, "there is a China man on the train". I explained to him that people could travel and live anywhere they wanted, no matter who they were, and that the world is full of all kinds of people who are from all kinds of places and look all kinds of ways. When I took the kids home, I told their mother that she clearly needed to broaden their horizens. She was mortified and decided then and there that she needed to find some program or activity where the kids would meet all kinds of other kids, not just the ones in the neighborhood. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 1970 Registered: 5-2001 |
OK- this is gross, but a typical dad-pleaser. My sis-in-law constantly reminds my brother that the kids (5, 4 & 2) are little voice recorders with impeccable memories. Her other battle is with manners. Dad understands things like table manners & not interrupting, but has problems reinforcing that some things, like bathroom humor and finger-pulling, may seem cute now, but will become unacceptable as the kids get older. One day, my then-3 y/o niece was in the bathroom, using the potty. "Mommy, come here"! Now, mommy was reluctant, because she is trying to teach that the bathroom is a place for privacy. "Do you need help"? "Yes! Come here". Sis-in-law, standing in the bathroom doorway, "what is it"? "Come closer, mommy. No, closer". "Yes, dear"? "Bend over so I can whisper in your ear, mommy". Niece, whispering in that loud way that 3-year olds do "Mommy, I just pinched a log and it's a really stinky poopy". My brother, within earshot, collapsed on the floor laughing. Which is a good thing, because after shooting eye-laser darts at him, my sis-in-law wouldn't speak to him the rest of the night. | ||
| Wendyn Citizen Username: Wendyn Post Number: 101 Registered: 9-2002 |
Friends of mine in bed on a Sat with their 6 year old and 3 year old. The 3 year old starts jumping up and down on the bed saying "Those f#cking kids!" over and over. Dad realized he needs to watch his language. | ||
| JGTierney Citizen Username: Jtg7448 Post Number: 138 Registered: 6-2003 |
We recently babysat for our friends two children: The 4 year old on the toilet with my husband in the room, husband asks "are you ok?" 4 year old replies, "yep, i just have to slide back on the seat to make room for my penis" he left LOTS of room  Me - I'm in the bedroom with the two year old. She asks if I wear I bra - I replied that I did. She then says the she will wear a bra too, "when I'm a big girl, when I'm 4 1/2!!!!" We're expecting our first now - and I think the Funny Book is excellent. I can't wait to start ours! | ||
| shoshannah Citizen Username: Shoshannah Post Number: 354 Registered: 7-2002 |
My daughter's seven-year-old friend, just yesterday: "I'm really eager to be a mom. I want three or four kids. But if it's four boys, I hope to God they're mature and I hope God answers me." | ||
| ffof Citizen Username: Ffof Post Number: 1867 Registered: 5-2001  |
A friend's 6 year old had been told repeatedly that when walking home from school, he is by no means to play near the stream. One day a neighbor saw the boy playing by the stream after school and told his mother. His mother then said, "Tommy, is there something you think that you should tell me?" He said, "Uh, no." Mother, "Are you sure?" He said "No." Mother said, "NOw Tommy, are you sure you haven't done something that you should be telling me about." TOmmy replies "You mean when I taught the kids how to say "f*** you?" | ||
| mim Citizen Username: Mim Post Number: 313 Registered: 5-2001 |
I know a little boy who announced an exciting new discovery to his mother while they were riding in a crowded elevator: "when I feels my p - - - s, it makes me happy!" | ||
| Lizziecat Citizen Username: Lizziecat Post Number: 146 Registered: 5-2003 |
Coming out of the women's room in a restaurant, my newly toilet-trained granddaughter announced loudly "I made peepee AND poopoo." | ||
| suzanneng Citizen Username: Suzanneng Post Number: 76 Registered: 3-2002 |
A former colleague (now retired) just had a book published based on the humorous things she heard from her kids and her students. A biased review: http://www.brothersjudd.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/reviews.detail/book_id/1336/Kid dle-Y-Win.htm Info about the book: http://www.kiddleywinks.com/ | ||
| Ukealalio Citizen Username: Ukealalio Post Number: 397 Registered: 6-2003 |
My nephew at 5 found an old copy of Playboy and found the contents very interesting. The next week at school during free drawing, he made a drawing of a centerfold, all anatomically correct. When the teacher saw what he was drawing, she said, "What is that?'. My nephew proudly picked up his drawing pointed to the spot between the womans legs and said, "It's a bagina". | ||
| Morrisa da Silva Citizen Username: Mod Post Number: 16 Registered: 12-2003 |
This morning in fact: My 21 month old in bed with us as we watched the news. When George Bush came on he said "Bye Bye George". So young to declare a party! | ||
| Morrisa da Silva Citizen Username: Mod Post Number: 17 Registered: 12-2003 |
Also, when my older child was 2-1/2(hes now 12) he was playing on the playground when a much older kid 4-1/2? started ordering him around. My little tough guy didn't miss a beat and in his most menacing Edward G Robinson voice said, "you wanna go bye-bye"? | ||
| jro Citizen Username: Jro Post Number: 55 Registered: 8-2002 |
A friend of mine was reading to her 3 year old son from one of his favorite books and she decided to leave out some of the important words to see if he could remember them. After shouting out the correct words at the right times, my friend paused at yet another word. Her now exasperated son shook his head and said "This time I can't help you out Mom." | ||
| Ukealalio Citizen Username: Ukealalio Post Number: 398 Registered: 6-2003 |
Morrisa-I sincerely hope yer young un's a prophet. | ||
| Seagull Citizen Username: Seagull Post Number: 36 Registered: 9-2002 |
My sister-in-law is expecting her 3rd baby. She was explaining to my oldest neice (3 1/2) that she'll have another little brother or sister. My neice exclaimed that she wants a bigger sister, not another little one! Then she burst out crying when my sister-in-law told her that SHE'll always be the big sister. |
