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marken
Citizen
Username: Marken
Post Number: 103
Registered: 4-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 4, 2004 - 9:33 pm: | 
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tomorrow i go to a wake for the late father of a very good friend.
and, i have no idea what to do. the man was irish catholic and there are three 2-hour 'services' tomorrow and friday before the mass at the church on saturday.
does it matter which of the 3 i attend?
do i bring flowers? a card?
what happens at a wake?
what should i do / not do?
any advice you can provide is helpful.
.... the only other funerals i've attended have been a service, followed by a burial, followed by a party (of sorts)
thanks. |
monster
Citizen
Username: Monster
Post Number: 106
Registered: 7-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 4, 2004 - 9:43 pm: |
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I would send flowers, not bring them. Include a small condolence note with the flowers.
Unless you are really close to the family, you shouldn't be expected to attend more than one wake, there are several of them for those that can not attend one or the other, giving appropiate chances to attend and pay respect. |
shh
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 916
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 4, 2004 - 11:51 pm: |
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I would bring or send a nice Mass Card, not flowers.
Or, wait until you go to the wake and often there will be a request like "in lieu of flowers, donations to ... would be appreciated."
The only way I WOULD send flowers is if it's a very small family (meaning no extended family or close friends) because otherwise they really do get overwhelmed by flowers.
A wake is a viewing, and usually at the end of the session there will be some prayers. Generally, you would walk in, and if it's crowded follow the procession to the casket, and then extend condolences to the family. If it's not crowded and your friend isn't occupied, you could extend condolences first.
It's not as bad as it seems. You're there to help make your friend feel better, and being there will do just that.
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naborly
Citizen
Username: Naborly
Post Number: 289
Registered: 7-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, February 5, 2004 - 12:03 am: |
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Upon arriving, express your condolences to your friend. You may then be introduced to other relatives and you can again give your condolences and perhaps explain your relationship to the deceased. You may then approach the coffin and kneel or stand to say a prayer if you wish. Near the door is a book to sign so the family can remember the people who were so kind to attend. You may then mingle with the others or simply sit with or be near your friend. You may stay for the entire two hours or leave at any time. But if you are very close to your friend, it would be good to stay as long as you are able.
You can call the funeral home to inquire if the family has suggested a charity to receive your donation in lieu of flowers. |
finnegan
Citizen
Username: Finnegan
Post Number: 59
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, February 5, 2004 - 2:28 pm: |
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This may be too late, here's my advice anyway. Don't be afraid to talk about the person who died. Wakes are good places for sharing stories (I have learned plenty of things I never knew about my relatives only at their wakes.) If you ever met the deceased, and you can remember just one kind/funny/interesting thing he said to you or did for you, be sure to share it with the family. We are too often afraid to speak of the dead, but the family want and needs to know they will be remembered.
Also, go to one of the wakes AND ALSO go to the funeral mass. My father died when I was in college (+20 years ago) and I can still tell you which of my high-school friends came to his funeral mass - and not one of them was Catholic. You really don't need to bring anything - it is so much more important that you are there. |
marken
Citizen
Username: Marken
Post Number: 104
Registered: 4-2003
| | Posted on Friday, February 6, 2004 - 9:35 am: |
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Thanks all for the advice ....
You all were right on, and I felt much more relaxed and able to just be there for my friend.
He has a large (by my standards) extended family, and many of them were there.
They had dozens of pictures posted, and my buddy took time to share a few stories with me. It was a good experience, and next time, I'll know what to do. |
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