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greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 2002
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, February 19, 2004 - 3:31 pm: |     |
The Spouse just called to tell me that she's thinking of things to make for dinner tonight. Among the candidates are chicken & dumplings, beef tenderloin w/ oven roasted potatos, some random fish dish (which would be delicious and quite gourmet).
Now, I am not a big meat eater. My favorite cuisine tends to be any Asian cooking, since most dishes are heavy on the veggies & spices & lower on the fat. I just loooove veggies. But, when TS cooks something, I will eat it, even if I'm not particularly hungry.
Which got me to thinking.....
Growing up, I was taught that you always eat something that someone has cooked for you, because they went to so much trouble & it would hurt their feelings, etc. etc.
The Spouse, OTOH, was raised to eat only when she was hungry. In fact, once she was a teen, it was acceptable not to eat dinner if she had had a big snack after sports practice.
To this day, I eat whatever she cooks. If I cook & she's not hungry, she won't eat (she often has a big, late lunch, so this is not an uncommon occurence). After 14 years, my instinct to have hurt feelings has lessened, but still pops up every once in awhile.
I think this may be a clue as to why I'm 20 pounds overweight & she's not (I don't eat the wrong foods, just too much of the "right" ones). 
So, here is the frivolous question(s): what role does food play in your family? Does it hurt your feelings if you cook & no one is hungry? Do you follow the habits you were raised with, or have you broken free of the unhealthy ones?
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Unhinged
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 2760
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, February 19, 2004 - 3:41 pm: | |
My family was raised with complete freedom to eat whenever and whatever we wanted. I would have icecream with chocolate syrup for breakfast and have cupcakes for lunch, then eat so much candy I couldn't eat dinner. None of us ever got fat, and as a result, I don't like sweets as an adult because I had my fill of them when I was little. Most of our friends had food restrictions, which we thought was crazy, so they were always over my house eating our food. Some of them are now indulging themselves as adults and focus too much on food as a result. |
luv2cruise
Citizen
Username: Luv2cruise
Post Number: 156
Registered: 12-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, February 19, 2004 - 4:18 pm: | |
How are your teeth? 
There's nothing like being on the ocean! |
Unhinged
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 2762
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, February 19, 2004 - 4:23 pm: | |
Luv,
My teeth are OK, I never needed braces and most of them are still there. Well worth it, considering I am surrounded here at work by chocolate junkies and sugar obsessed bingers, poor things. |
gretchen
Citizen
Username: Gretchen
Post Number: 96
Registered: 8-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, February 19, 2004 - 5:31 pm: | |
It annoys me if my husband pushes his food around his plate because he had a big lunch at 3:30. He knows that we eat as a family at 6pm (I know, it's obscenely early, but our kids are 2 and 5 and we have family dinner). Mostly it's because I cook for an hour so that the kids can say "there's nothing here I like". I at least like to think he and I are enjoying it!
As for the kids, I never do that "one more bite" stuff. If figure they'll eat if they're hungry. Sometimes they eat 2 bites, sometimes they eat 2 platefuls. I think that what they eat should be their decision--they should learn to follow their appetites and not eat out of guilt or from pressure from me.
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SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 386
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, February 19, 2004 - 5:45 pm: | |
Greentree - to answer your questions, my mom was an average cook - actully maybe a bit below average. Food was meant for nourishment - nothing else. While most meals were basic.. she actually didn't see the difference between eating a piece of cake for breakfast as opposed to pancakes since they both contain flour & eggs. Enter Italian mother-in-law... food is an adventure, a show of love, every meal should be an event. Every kitchen-based skill I have I owe to her. And, when I put my after 9-5 energy into cooking dinner I do feel hurt if the spouse has had a big lunch and doesn't eat it. He's learned to give me a heads up so I can alter my plans if I'm just making something for me (those nights I can treat myself to something I love, but he hates). |
phyllis
Citizen
Username: Phyllis
Post Number: 197
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 7:44 am: | |
My folks definitely used the "there are starving children in Cambodia who would be grateful for this food - I want to see a clean plate." My guess is this is a hand-me-down from their folks who actually were worried about getting food on the table every night.
Now that I'm a good 50-75lbs overweight, its important to me not to teach my kids the same messages about food. I take responsibility for my weight, but know that my food/emotion connection started back then. My husband still has a hard time sitting at dinner while our daughter ignores her food, but I know she eats well and healthy stuff.
We always tease my Mom that she had these food combos that were just crazy! She wasn't a big cook - and we never had a veggie that wasn't out of a freezer pack or tin can. (Now she's a health nut.) One example - hot dogs, kraft mac n cheese and canned beets. What was THAT about? |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 2004
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 8:06 am: | |
Phyllis-
I always thought that hot dogs & mac/cheese were things that divorced dads cooked on visitation weekends.
Don't know about the beets, tho....
Mem/unhinged. That's funny about the sweets. It worked the same way in my family with alcohol. When my parents entertained, I was allowed to have a little bit of scotch in my gingerale, or a half a glass of wine with dinner. I never drank much until I was in my 20s, since it wasn't a big deal to me. Or was it that, in the 1970s, I found other things to alter my mind....? |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 2005
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 8:09 am: | |
BTW-
last night's dinner was grilled Tilapia with string beans & tomato/cuke salad. I was hungry, it was delicious & I ate it all! Capped off with a Weight Watchers ice cream cone a couple hours later |
luv2cruise
Citizen
Username: Luv2cruise
Post Number: 157
Registered: 12-2002
| | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 8:28 am: | |
Thanks for sharing.
There's nothing like being on the ocean! |
thegoodsgt
Citizen
Username: Thegoodsgt
Post Number: 389
Registered: 2-2002
| | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 8:56 am: | |
My childhood was similar to Soorlady's. Mother is a below average cook. Food as nourishment, nothing more.
I was raised to always eat my dinner, although ironically I was generally skinny and underweight through my childhood. Snacks and sweets were only for clearly defined "snack time," usually in the evening after dinner. I grew up I guess on the "That'll ruin your appetite" theory of snacking. Today, I always eat a light breakfast, lunch, and dinner, even if I'm not hungry. |
Gene Z
Citizen
Username: Genez
Post Number: 5
Registered: 2-2002
| | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 11:46 am: | |
Phyllis,
Your story reminds me of my family philosophy towards food, and also an old Allen Sherman routine: "My mother told me to clean my plate, because children were starving in Europe. So I cleaned my plate; 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 times a day. Well, they kept starving, and I got fat."
My philosophy at home has now changed. Mostly, the Mrs. cooks (tho I do a share) then lets me serve myself, so that the portion size is "right."
Has anyone noticed that the portion sizes at restaurants are designed for NFL linebackers? Or, is it just my declining metabolism? We are no longer shy about asking for a "doggie" bag. We can get second, and sometimes even third meals out of one restaurant-sized serving.
An added advantage to not finishing everything on your plate, is that you have more room for dessert. But then, you knew that as a kid, didn't you?
Gene Z
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SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 387
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 12:24 pm: | |
GeneZ - Americans tend to "super-size" - and not just at fast food places. Comes from the depression era mentality of needing to get qantity for your dollar. One of the things I love about dining at Jocelyne's is that we can have an appetizer, salad, main course & dessert - and not leave feeling overstuffed. Something to be said for quality vs quantity! |
sportsnut
Citizen
Username: Sportsnut
Post Number: 930
Registered: 10-2001
| | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 1:22 pm: | |
My recollection was that as kids we (three boys) were on our own for breakfast. My dad was out of the house at 5:30 am. Mom worked nights and we left for school at around 7. Most breakfasts consisted of breakfast bars or some such thing. Lunches were school meals and dinner was always adequate nothing spectacular but always good. We always had to eat what we put on our plates, which is why when you look at my brothers and I we look nothing alike at all. I'm 5'11" and weigh 165, my brothers are 5'9", 200 and 6'1" 215. My parents weren't big sticklers for nutrition and I'm kind of the same way now. I've been blessed with the Filipino genes (not the Italian ones) in that I'll never be overweight.
Fast forward to now and I do 99% of the cooking. I try to make sure that dinner is on the table or close to it by the time my wife gets home. If she's going to be late I try to feed our son first. He eats a lot of foods that most people would cringe at. It served me well and I'm sure it will him as well. He hasn't eaten a whole vegatable or fruit in about two years. Every time he tastes one in his mouth he wretches until he vomits. It used to be a sore point but now we let it go. My wife is much more strict about eating everything on your plate (a product of growing up in the Philippines with six brothers and sisters and not much food to go around). Amazing difference in attitudes about food (between my wife and me), Filipinos are like Italians they eat all the time and will use any occassion as an excuse to eat. I eat when I'm hungry. Go figure.
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gemini
Citizen
Username: Gemini
Post Number: 281
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 1:33 pm: | |
Greentree you are so lucky to have meals cooked for you!! I'm the resident waitress around here, and just like when I used to get paid to do it, I nibble in-between courses on the leftovers in the pan. Kiss your spouse tonight and say "thanks, you're the best cook!!" |
Tom Reingold
Citizen
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 2167
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 2:34 pm: | |
Let me tell you something. SoOrLady can definitely cook. Fantastic.
greenetree, isn't it possible to accept the food TS makes and still not eat too much? I lean towards the side of eating what is offered. Meals are a communion to me. There is a big correlation between student success and time spent at family meals, far more than any other factor. Some families are too busy to eat together. It's a big priority for me. We're not perfect, but we have family meals several times a week. In fact, I have given up higher paying jobs just so I could be home with my kids for dinner.
With that said, I don't think courtesy requires you to overeat. But when you cook, would it be too much to ask TS to sit down with you, take a bite of each thing and say how delicious it is and thank you for making it? And she can further compliment you by asking if she can bring the rest to work for lunch.
Tom Reingold the prissy-pants
There is nothing
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Gene Z
Citizen
Username: Genez
Post Number: 7
Registered: 2-2002
| | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 5:05 pm: | |
SoOrLady.
You're so right about the tendency to "supersize." The "Bigger = Better" mentality is no better exemplified than in the majority of the types of vehicles seen on our roads & streets. Hmmmmmm, er.
But, I digress. That is fodder for another thread.
Z |
kathy
Citizen
Username: Kathy
Post Number: 759
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, February 22, 2004 - 7:07 pm: | |
I grew up with a mother who was definitely of the food-as-sustenance school. Frozen vegetables rather than canned, and broiled hamburgers or chicken quarters were about the height of her cuisine. My dad liked to cook and always cooked Sunday dinner. But the food was definitely doled out in defined portions, at defined times, and eaten sitting down at the dining room table. (My family never had a kitchen table and my mother still doesn't.) Wasting food by not cleaning one's plate was frowned upon.
My husband comes from the Jewish tradition of lots of food available all the time, and the focus of all socializing. (In my family that was alcohol.)
Short term results: My husband had a weight problem as a child, and I and my siblings were really skinny. Long term results: My husband decided to control his eating, ultimately becoming a vegetarian. Meanwhile I rebelled against the structure and tend to eat whatever I feel like whenever I feel like it (which is unfortunately too often).
Our first child, who started life as a vegetarian, isn't one any more, while the one who wasn't in the beginning now is.
I guess that we're just a contrary bunch.
Needless to say, this isn't an easy bunch to cook for and I mostly let my husband cook when he's around. But (to return to the original topic) if I cooked a meal with others in mind, I would not be happy if they decided that they weren't hungry after all. If a meal is social/family time, everyone should sit down and have at least a bite or two. |
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