| Author | Message | ||
     Spry Citizen Username: Spry Post Number: 40 Registered: 7-2003 |
After yet another wrenching morning with one of my pre-schoolers (separating before running to the train), I would like to form a "support group" of working parents (preferably parents who work full-time) who can exchange e-mails, and maybe meet occasionally, to talk about both the challenges, and the solutions found to the challenges, of being a parent with both partners working full-time (single parents working full-time also are included in this mix). My almost 4-1/2 year old seems to be having particularly acute separation issues right now, and her moods, needs, anguish and anger are weighing heavily on me and my ability to function both as a mother and a (as my CT mother in law would say) "Career Gal"). Two postscripts: I am not minimizing the struggles of parents who do not work full-time outside the home, or who have decided not to work for money (i.e., full-time parents.) But: I love my work and must work for financial reasons, and seek mainly to share experiences with other mothers and fathers committed, in the long haul, to continuing the juggle ... and trying to stay sane! | ||
| Jackie Day Citizen Username: Zoesky1 Post Number: 242 Registered: 6-2003 |
Spry, count me in. I am a fulltime single working mom in Maplewood (divorced), with two kids ages 4 and 2 1/2. I would love to hook up and do this. I'm coming from the perspective of someone who worked full time before kids, then part time after my first child, then stayed at home full time after my second, then returned to work fulltime in October after the divorce dust settled - so I've had every variation. Staying sane -- between commute to NYC, nanny, preschool, homeownership, ex-spouse, etc -- is a daily struggle, yet I will be a full time working parent for the long haul - or at least foreseeable future. How do you want to do this? For me, it would have to be evenings or weekends. By the way, I think it would be great to have men in with women. Dads are not immune to the pressures. I have frequent train conversations with a male coworker who lives in Summit and rides the same train (obviously), who is the parent of three young kids, and he is going through the same kind pressures. Last night he and I had to book out of our offices - me to rush home for the nanny, he so he could make it to get to some kind of father-son event - and talked about the juggling act the whole way home. Let me know how it progresses and feel free to privateline me. So few of my mom friends work that it would be nice to meet a few other working mothers. | ||
| doulamomma Citizen Username: Doulamomma Post Number: 165 Registered: 3-2002 |
I'm not sure, but this sounds like something Mothers & More might (& if not, should, [including fathers, as they sometimes do]) address -perhaps as a subset group with an e-loop etc...this is not my situation right now, but I have been there...Also, I know that the Lactation Resource Center has a support group for working moms - I think it meets one Saturday/mo (& isn't just about lactation - 800-801-milk; everythingmom.com) & The Holistic Mom's (dads welcome) network has weekend groups sometimes. If starting one's own group, perhaps advertising at the Y? Approaching The Maplewood Family Resorce Center for ideas? | ||
| Jackie Day Citizen Username: Zoesky1 Post Number: 243 Registered: 6-2003 |
Problem is with Mothers & More, you have to go to meetings in person, on weeknights, without kids -- which in my case adds up to a babysitter, and I'm sorry...I like support, but not enough to pay $10 an hour for it every time. Plus I believe Mothers & More is geared more to mothers who left the workforce, not still working, esp. full time. I think it's more fun to try something less formal anyway...I'd be more inclined to pay a sitter on a Tuesday night to meet over coffee at Starbucks than to sit in a big room at a meeting. | ||
| Musetta Citizen Username: Musetta Post Number: 31 Registered: 6-2003 |
Jackie, I just joined Mothers & More(if you're interested) online - never been to an evening meeting (and probably never will). I do believe they have online groups and e-loops for support, as well as evening activities with your children. ('course, I'm probably not the best to talk about the org. since I did just join!) good luck! | ||
| hismom Citizen Username: Hismom Post Number: 89 Registered: 5-2001 |
A working parent's support group is a great idea! You can check out the Mothers & More website (maplesoorangemothers.org) too. I never go to evening meetings but do make some of the weekend stuff (like an open playgroup for the whole family w/breakfast). This sure isn't easy! | ||
| phyllis Citizen Username: Phyllis Post Number: 195 Registered: 6-2001 |
Hi all- Mothers & More does have 2 different groups for moms in the workforce. One is called just that - "moms in the workforce" and the other is for Moms who own their own business. We don't have evening activities for moms and kids - most of the evening stuff is for moms only. But we do have family activities once a month on the weekends. This is in addition to all of our activities during the week. If you are intersted, privateline me, or contact Mothers & More directly at 877 907-2232, or maplesoorangemothers@ureach.com. The website is maplesoorangemothers.org Info on the working moms groups hasn't made it to the public part of the website yet, but if you are interested, we can get you the info! | ||
| Tom Reingold Citizen Username: Noglider Post Number: 2139 Registered: 1-2003  |
Spry, are you looking to join (or form) a group that meets in person? Or would an email group do the trick for you? There are already thousands of online parents groups of every imaginable flavor. Let me know if you need help finding one. I'm a member of two and I've been in others. Are you particularly interested in sharing with parents in our area? In that case, perhaps one doesn't exist, of the type you're thinking of. Tom Reingold the prissy-pants There is nothing | ||
| Spry Citizen Username: Spry Post Number: 41 Registered: 7-2003 |
I am primarily interested in sharing with parents in our two very special communities (SOM) via e-mail, and maybe, as Jackie suggested, once in a while meeting up at a coffee house or the Pub .... I don't want to join a facilitated group, as I don't have time to meet in person on a regular basis. When I was in Manhattan, first pregnant, then a new mother, I joined a Mothers of Twins group called "Downtown Mothers of Twins." We met a few times, then ended up communicating very successfully via e-mail for the next two years, occasionally coming together in small sub-sets of the entire group. At this point, there are NO other full-time working mothers on my block, and I have found that most of the mothers at my kids' pre-school (Prospect -- which I love -- ) work part-time or are full-time mothers. Although I have formed great friendships with women and men who do not work outside the home, as well as with women who are self-employed and part-time employed in SOM, I would like to vent, kvetch, share coping strategies, etc. with others in my same boat. Maybe I will grow out of this wanting, but there are specific parenting issues that I don't want to keep posting in the MOL "Please Help" section, which I think may pertain to my being a full-time working mama. There are also some non-parenting, relationship issues, that may be most germane (sp?) to my being in a partnership with two, full-time working parents. Thanks, everyone, for contributing to this thread! | ||
| aneighbor Citizen Username: Aneighbor Post Number: 36 Registered: 8-2001 |
This sounds like a great idea to me. I went to a few meetings at Mothers and More and while it seems like a great group found that most of the moms were stay at home Mom's. I've really been looking for something were the main goal was to share ideas, frustrations and guilt with other Moms who are working full time. The other day I came across a Website from Millburn/Short Hills with a group with the same idea... http://www.cliffmama.com/workmom/index.html It seems to be only for that area. Developing a group similiar to that in maplewood/S.O. would be great. I'd also be interested in helping to organize anything we need to do to start it up (in my spare time of course  | ||
| Jackie Day Citizen Username: Zoesky1 Post Number: 244 Registered: 6-2003 |
I agree with you both, Aneighbor and Spry. I love my mommy friends but almost all of them are stay-at-home moms. Like Spry, almost all of the moms of the kids in my daughter's preschool (Open Door) are stay-at-home. I feel like not that many Maplewood moms do actually work - unfortunately due to my divorce, I have to (I too was a stay at home mom before then). I also am not interested in a formal group because of the time constraints. But meeting for an occasional coffee or conferring online might be great. Like Aneighbor, I would be interested in seeing what we could do like the Millburn group. The needs of working mothers are quite specific and -- with all due respect to stay-at-home moms, which includes most of my best friends -- many others just don't get it. | ||
| peteglider Citizen Username: Peteglider Post Number: 469 Registered: 8-2002 |
I wonder -- could Dave put up a private board for this kind of group? Could be another "stop" when MOl browsing! Pete (and as a single Dad, with primary custody, I'd likely join, too) | ||
| algebra2 Citizen Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 1621 Registered: 5-2001  |
So, are there more stay at home moms or working moms in Maplewood? Being the mom of a child in daycare I have met many other working parents. The train is also a great place to meet other working moms -- I have made some great friends on the train. Maybe it's a weird quirk, cause I am rather weird, but I don't really want to meet up with other woman and talk about kids -- I love my childless friends the most! Spry -- I can't believe that you are the only working mom on your street, that's crazy! From what I see we have 4 FT working moms, 3 newlywed/no kids yet couples, 2 PT working moms, and a handful of empty nesters. We're a mixed bag. | ||
| Spry Citizen Username: Spry Post Number: 43 Registered: 7-2003 |
Jackie and aneighbor: Tom Reingold has offered to set up an e-group for those of us who would like the safety of more private communication. Earlier this year, I asked Dave to set up a section for parenting issues, and he declined, saying, in essence, that he could not accomodate every group's request for private space on MOL (but, that if he saw enough posts on parenting topics, he might reconsider setting up such a section). I just don't want -- on a regular basis -- to expose myself and my family's experiences to everyone who reads and posts on MOL. algebra2, I love my childless friends too (that's part of the reason I love still working in NYC - I get to see my old friends, most of whom are childless), but I need support from people who are going through similar life passages. And, I reiterate, there are currently NO families on my block (alg, you know where I live!) with two, full-time, working parents. I used to think it was just that I lived on the "wrong" ("rich") side of Maplewood, but after two years at Prospect Co-Op, realize that many families in SOM have just one working parent (some have lower expenses, others are willing to live with less, etc.) I don't want to go on about this here ... but this is a taste of what I would want to explore with others. | ||
| aneighbor Citizen Username: Aneighbor Post Number: 37 Registered: 8-2001 |
I too know other full time working moms and dads with kids. Yet, feel that a more organized group with the goals mentioned above would be very beneficial. When I get together with my friends (in the infrequent times we have a chance) we don't normally focus our topic of conversation on this subject. As others have said, having a forum, be it via the internet or quick meetings for coffee/dessert, would be extrememly helpful (for our personal lives, professional lives and marriage ). I also like the idea of including both men and women. There could be separate outings/meetings and joint ones (with and without kids) While my daughter goes to daycare/preschool I'd still love to be able to have a playgroup with her after work sometime. (most of the playgroups at Mother's and More take place during the day). Again, if anyone is seriously interested in this please privateline me. I'm thinking of contacting someone at the Millburn/Shorthills group to get some ideas on setting something up. | ||
| algebra2 Citizen Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 1622 Registered: 5-2001 |
Spry, set one up on www.delphiforums.com  | ||
| Jackie Day Citizen Username: Zoesky1 Post Number: 245 Registered: 6-2003 |
Spry, just curous - how do you handle the co-op responsibilities while working? That was one big reason I am at Open Door preschool, which is not a co-op. My nanny takes my daughter to and from school, but I don't need to be involved other than occasional special events or parent conferences. Also, please include me in whatever does get set up, or tell me how to join. I am very interested. | ||
| Spry Citizen Username: Spry Post Number: 44 Registered: 7-2003 |
algebra2: Thanks for sending this link. Will look at it later (going for a walk now ... am not normally at the computer on a Saturday afternoon!). Jackie: I take half or full days off of work to co-op at Prospect. My husband does the same. So far, this has been fine, as I use vacation days. Having my kids at Prospect is worth this sacrifice of vacation, because spending time with my children at school is like a vacation for me. I will private line you, and send information to everyone reading this thread, when I am further along with the technology piece. I'll check out algebra2's site later. Now ... carpe diem and into the sunshine! | ||
| algebra2 Citizen Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 1623 Registered: 5-2001 |
anyone interested in this kind of thing email me at bronjones1@aol.com | ||
| sac Citizen Username: Sac Post Number: 953 Registered: 5-2001 |
RE working full time and having a child in a co-op ... I found that taking time off to do the co-op duty was not difficult and really didn't take up that big a chunk of vacation since I shared it with my spouse. What was more difficult for me was working the transportation and before/after logistics for a non-full-day preschool. We were very lucky to have accommodating caregivers and some generous friends willing to take the lion's share of carpooling duties (in return for some evening babysitting swaps), but every one of the four years (two for each child) we had to re-work this issue in a slightly different way and that was probably my biggest source of working mom stress during those years. When my children were at Prospect it seemed that everyone besides our family had either a stay-at-home parent or a nanny and there were quite a few in the latter situation. Has it really changed such that there aren't very many other parents there with two full-time jobs (and a nanny most likely)? |
