| Author |
Message |
    
Soda
Citizen
Username: Soda
Post Number: 1002
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 9:11 am: |     |
 Soda's employment by the Oracle of MOL has been terminated. His last performance review was only three points above unfavorable, so, in response to a number of factors (growing public pressure for his removal, a rather disappointing flat growth forecast in the Supernatural/Intergalactic Entity Sector, and an exceptionally high Tree Pollen Count), he has been deemed expendable. All future postings under his User Name shall be personally overseen by the Oracle of MOL.
Please refrain from online protests and flaming screeds in response to this news. And please, none of those ridiculous "shrines" of wilted flowers, tear-stained notes, and scented candles outside my cave.
Now, to begin a new chapter of online wisdom with an appropriate entry, I draw your attention to the following link, which will take you to visit an (admittedly lesser, but undeniably viable) Oracle, most appropriate to this Virtual Cafe:
http://www.buttafly.com/starbucks/index.php
Peace to all, and to "Line A": Rock On.
--The Oracle of MOL |
ajc
Citizen
Username: Ajc
Post Number: 1307
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 10:38 am: | |
OK Soda... You got part of it right! Cute, very cute idea. I could use someone like you in my company! BTW folks, I drink regular coffee, milk, no sugar.
And now behold the Oracle's wisdom:
Personality type: High Maintenance
You pride yourself on being assertive and direct; everyone else thinks you're bossy and arrogant. You're constantly running your mouth about topics that only you would find interesting. Your capacity for wasting other people's time is limitless. Your friends find you intolerable, that's why they're plotting to kill you.
Also drinks: Water. Bottled, chilled, with four ice cubes, a twist of lemon, in a crystal glass.
Can also be found at: Trendy martini bars.
Anyone else like to share their report?
|
tom
Citizen
Username: Tom
Post Number: 841
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 11:05 am: | |
You carry around philosophy books you haven't read and wear trendy wire-rimmed glasses even though you have perfect vision. You've probably added an accent to your name or changed the pronunciation to seem sophisticated. You hang out in coffee shops because you don't have a job because you got your degree in French Poetry. People who drink Iced Venti Cafe Americano are notorious for spouting off angry, liberal opinions about issues they don't understand.
Also drinks: Any drink with a foreign name
Can also be found at: The other, locally owned coffee shop you claim to like better.
- - - - -
this contains some elements of half-truth, I must admit. My eyesight is really terrible, but I wear contacts. |
Dave Ross
Supporter
Username: Dave
Post Number: 4668
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 11:10 am: | |
quote:Personality type: Ass-clown
You tell people that you're an executive at your company. You think that your repeated references to being "addicted" to caffeine make you seem intriguing and dangerous. People think you're a sucker because you spend 60% of your annual income at Starbucks. Everyone who drinks venti ends up addicted to crack.
Also drinks: Zima
Can also be found at: Karaoke bars
Zima? |
Joan
Citizen
Username: Joancrystal
Post Number: 1651
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 4:57 pm: | |
The Oracle wrote:
"Either you can't type or you mumble incoherently. If you actually walked into Starbucks and said you wanted a "medium pepsi cola" the employees would point and laugh. A reaction you're probably used to. Try again, this time input something that Starbucks actually serves."
PS: They don't welcome coke drinkers either.
I hate to think what the oracle would say if I tried to enter "earl grey tea".
|
Willis Van Devanter
Citizen
Username: Vandevanter
Post Number: 206
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 5:26 pm: | |
Personality type: Lame
You're a simple person with modest tastes and a reasonable lifestyle. In other words, you're boring. Going to Starbucks makes you feel sophisticated; you'd like to be snooty and order an espresso but aren't sure if you're ready for that level of excitement. People laugh at you because you use fake curse words like "friggin'" and "oh, crumb!" Everyone who thinks America's Funniest Home Videos is a great show drinks Grande Iced Coffee.
Also drinks: V8
Can also be found: On the couch at home
This is pretty accurate, except (1) I hate Starbucks; (2) I don't drink V8; and (3) I can swear with the best of them, except on MOL because I'm terrified of being put in the penalty box by Dave. I have been known to watch America's Funniest Home Videos on rare occasions when I need to put the old brain on automatic pilot. |
mem
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 1770
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 16, 2003 - 9:18 am: | |
"Either you can't type or you mumble incoherently. If you actually walked into Starbucks and said you wanted a "red wine" the employees would point and laugh. A reaction you're probably used to. Try again, this time input something that Starbucks actually serves."
That's why I never have and never will go to a Starbucks. Thanks for the laugh. 
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Ed May
Citizen
Username: Edmay
Post Number: 1488
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 16, 2003 - 9:54 am: | |
If soda has been terminated maybe he / she should go up to PSG to get re-processed?
Ed May |
Hank Zona
Citizen
Username: Hankzona
Post Number: 587
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Friday, May 16, 2003 - 10:02 am: | |
If you buy one of those $5 a cup coffees two or three times a day, does it say your personality type is "sucker" or "addiction-prone"? |
cutter
Citizen
Username: Cutter
Post Number: 172
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 16, 2003 - 5:57 pm: | |
lol! This was a vente mocha ice-creamy coffee with 1 sweet and lo:
Personality type: High Maintenance
You pride yourself on being assertive and direct; everyone else thinks you're bossy and arrogant. You're constantly running your mouth about topics that only you would find interesting. Your capacity for wasting other people's time is limitless. Your friends find you intolerable, that's why they're plotting to kill you.
Also drinks: Water. Bottled, chilled, with four ice cubes, a twist of lemon, in a crystal glass.
Can also be found at: Trendy martini bars
|
ajc
Citizen
Username: Ajc
Post Number: 1316
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Friday, May 16, 2003 - 9:56 pm: | |
Cutter, we've been had! Your report is the same as mine, except I put in Regular coffee, milk, no sugar!!!!
Soda, The Oracle of MOL... BOOOO! |
Soda
Citizen
Username: Soda
Post Number: 1006
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, May 17, 2003 - 12:02 am: | |
Although Starbuck's Oracle does use software loosely based on the Magic 8-Ball, it is a site worth visiting nonetheless.
Leave it to the cosmic party-poopers to try to spoil what is essentially a harmless giggle generator. Art: When you were in grade school and a substitute teacher showed up, weren't you the kid who couldn't wait to raise his hand and inform her that "We Had Homework!"? We've been watching you, young man. You haven't changed much.
--The Oracle of MOL
BTW: Up here, no act of kindness goes unrewarded. Be nice, Mr. C. |
ajc
Citizen
Username: Ajc
Post Number: 1321
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, May 17, 2003 - 12:20 am: | |
Sensitive aren't you!
Now I see why Soda's employment by the Oracle of MOL has been terminated. His last performance review was only three points above unfavorable!
Sorry pal, with that last post you just lost another point... |
Soda
Citizen
Username: Soda
Post Number: 1007
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, May 17, 2003 - 10:45 am: | |
This thread was intended to provide two things:
a)notification and explanation of Soda's termination, and
2)a link to a site presided over by a fellow member of the Union of Benevolent Spirits (completely unafilliated with any entity posting on MOL), which, it was hoped, would prove mildly amusing to any task-deprived lurkers seekering such succor in these rancorous days of post-election aggravation or elation.
If any of you mortals wishes to blow the whistle on the inevitable repetitious fallability of such an innocent bagatelle, not I, nor any of my fellow members will prevent you from doing so.
But have a care, Mr. C., for we who abide in the Great Beyond have set our sights on you and your incessant muck-raking, finger-pointing kind. Foul the well for others and you foul it for yourself.
Peace to all.
--The Oracle of MOL
BTW: I would prefer to be known as sensitive, rather than to be known as insensitive, Arthur. |
bobk
Supporter
Username: Bobk
Post Number: 3048
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, May 17, 2003 - 4:34 pm: | |
I ain't going to post what the Starbuck's Oracle said about me. Let me just say that I have changed my regular drink order.. |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 1634
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, May 19, 2003 - 10:56 am: | |
Personality type: Hippie
In addition to being a hippie, you are a hypochondriac health nut. You secretly think that your insistence on only consuming all-natural products is because you're so intelligent and well-informed; it's actually because you're a sucker. You've dabbled in Wicca or other pseudo-religions that attract morons and have changed your sexual orientation a few times this year. You probably live in California. Everyone who drinks decaf venti soy latte should be forced to eat a McDonald's bacon cheeseburger.
Also drinks: Beverages with lots of marketing that says they're herbal and organic
Can also be found at: Whole Foods, indoor rock climbing facilities
|
ajc
Citizen
Username: Ajc
Post Number: 1326
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Monday, May 19, 2003 - 4:29 pm: | |
"notification and explanation of Soda's termination."
Could you explain what you mean by this Mr. sensitive? I'm sorry but you lost me...
Soda's employment by the Oracle of MOL has been terminated. His last performance review was only three points above unfavorable, so, in response to a number of factors (growing public pressure for his removal, a rather disappointing flat growth forecast in the Supernatural/Intergalactic Entity Sector, and an exceptionally high Tree Pollen Count), he has been deemed expendable. All future postings under his User Name shall be personally overseen by the Oracle of MOL. |
Soda
Citizen
Username: Soda
Post Number: 1010
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, May 19, 2003 - 6:10 pm: | |
 |
woodstock
Citizen
Username: Woodstock
Post Number: 139
Registered: 9-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 21, 2003 - 1:53 pm: | |
I've always heard,
there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.
or,
Questions aren't stupid. People are stupid. |
ajc
Citizen
Username: Ajc
Post Number: 1336
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, May 22, 2003 - 3:19 am: | |
Well, I think you two better get on the same page. I'm talking about stupid comments! |
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