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Ignatius J
Citizen
Username: Ignatius_j
Post Number: 126
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, November 15, 2003 - 8:11 pm: |     |
Talk about total emasculation....I invited a friend of mine out for the weekend with his wife and two kids and not only do I have to sneak beers to him behind his wife's back but when I told him I had to take him down to The Gate tonight he said "If she'll let me go." It's the most demoralizing spectacle I've ever witnessed...
Don't even get me started on the forty minutes it took her at the train station to put the car seat in my car so we could drive less than a mile at twenty-five miles an hour so her three year old could be safe...
It's a miracle my friend hasn't blown his brains out yet. Ooh, I gotta go she's circling....We're off to The Gate now that the kids are in bed..Whew!! That was close...
I should probably give my wife an extra hug or two tonight :-) |
gozerbrown
Citizen
Username: Gozerbrown
Post Number: 250
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Saturday, November 15, 2003 - 9:21 pm: | |
I have felt that way about spouses of my friends...I wonder what frame of mind they were in when they chose them! |
monster
Citizen
Username: Monster
Post Number: 49
Registered: 7-2002
| | Posted on Saturday, November 15, 2003 - 9:56 pm: | |
Sheeze, sounds like he needs to grow some.
Why is he your friend? |
emmie
Citizen
Username: Emmie
Post Number: 156
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Saturday, November 15, 2003 - 10:14 pm: | |
If the women were smart they would have left for The Gate when the kids went to sleep, leaving you guys in charge. "Her" three year old is actually their three year old! (He is the father, right?)
I can understand the frustration with the baby car seat....it does take a lot of time, but even though you are driving 25 miles an hour doesn't mean the car that might hit you isn't doing 50 miles an hour. Car seats are a law in this state, there is a reason for that. Sneaking him beers? This guy needs to get a backbone. |
lseltzer
Citizen
Username: Lseltzer
Post Number: 1907
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, November 15, 2003 - 10:37 pm: | |
Make sure you don't run over the 3 year old when you drive back drunk from The Gate. |
thegoodsgt
Citizen
Username: Thegoodsgt
Post Number: 308
Registered: 2-2002
| | Posted on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 8:50 pm: | |
When I hear about situations like this I always wonder if the woman was always so controlling or whether she became that way AFTER they married. Why aren't people more discerning in their spouse selection? |
shh
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 741
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 11:31 pm: | |
Or maybe she just doesn't like you and is pissed to have to spend the few hours the family has with the husband in your house?
Or she needed to do some things in her house but he really wanted to visit with you?
Or she knows that if he's hanging out with you he'll pretty much ignore the kids and she'll be doing everything for them?
(I don't know, but ya' never know!) |
SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 156
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 11:51 pm: | |
shh.. I was thinking along those line too...
She does the 9-5, has to pack, organize the kids go to Ignatius' house where his good ole buddy wants to kick back and spend time with him while ignoring the kids- she has to make nice, chase the kids, help with whatever the wife is serving/doing, knowing that she has to look forward to packing things up, going home, organizing everyone for another monday-friday.... all the while no doubt sensing that Ignatius thinks she's a bitch. |
Cynicalgirl
Citizen
Username: Cynicalgirl
Post Number: 178
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 17, 2003 - 6:36 am: | |
Can you say "passive-agressive?" Usually when one spouse blames the other to friends for these kinds of restrictions (women do it, too), if you dig deeper, you find that they pretty much have these expections of roles in relationships -- and find it somehow comforting. My sister does the same crap on the subject of money. After decades of hearing about it, I tune out and suggest only that if she doesn't agree with the rules, she discuss with her husband and change them
But no-o-o...that would involve "confrontation" and maybe getting a bit of a backbone. Much easier to look martyred. Keeps your hands clean, too, of being an adult. Equally, I agree with SoOrLady. And don't forget that sometimes, your friend may not really want to do the activity and uses the spouse as an excuse. Seen that one a lot, too. More manly to blame the spouse than to say he just doesn't wanna.
Sorry if I sound crabby but I've seen this one too many times. I've even see people blame their dogs for early departures from parties, etc. |
Catastrophe
Citizen
Username: Cat
Post Number: 10
Registered: 6-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 17, 2003 - 11:29 am: | |
I don't know about anyone else, but if I see a dog, I'm not just offering an excuse when I make an early departure. |
mem
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 2259
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, November 17, 2003 - 3:52 pm: | |
LSeltzer,
My tea shot out of my nose when I read your post - this may help my sinus infection so thanks! 
Anyway, this guy sounds like a doormat to have to "sneak" beers (beersop) - maybe he is a gutless closet alcoholic? Hey, come out of the closet you wimp - there's plenty of us out here!
Seriously, I feel sorry for his wife. |
SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 157
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Monday, November 17, 2003 - 4:44 pm: | |
Maybe his wife was opposed to drunken hyjinks in front of their children (they DID go to The Gate after the kids were in bed). Maybe the guy does have a problem and his good ole buddy played the role of enabler over the wife's objections. Lots of scenarios.... |
curb
Citizen
Username: Curb
Post Number: 346
Registered: 1-2001
| | Posted on Monday, November 17, 2003 - 5:27 pm: | |
Like, maybe his wife is a b*tch. |
lseltzer
Citizen
Username: Lseltzer
Post Number: 1910
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, November 17, 2003 - 7:48 pm: | |
Mem,
Maybe he's taking out aggression against the wife because deep down he hates his Mommy. Yeah, that makes sense to me.
Or how about a compromise solution? He and his wife could go out drinking and leave the baby home alone. Let the little freeloader look after himself. |
vor
Citizen
Username: Vor
Post Number: 108
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 12:01 am: | |
Can someone explain why this thread is on the "non controversial" Virtual Cafe board? |
1-2many
Citizen
Username: Wbg69
Post Number: 612
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 9:30 am: | |
question, ignatius_j: is this the first time the couple has acted this way, or is this just par for the course? |
mas
Citizen
Username: Maplemas
Post Number: 57
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 3:35 am: | |
Hey all you family therapists out there, what's your 2 cents? I agree there's more than meets the eye here. |
lseltzer
Citizen
Username: Lseltzer
Post Number: 1913
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 7:06 am: | |
Actually i think it's all probably a role-playing joke. Ignatius_j's picture and name are from the book "A Confederacy of Dunces" and the character (Ignatius J. Reilly) is perhaps the most dislikable in all of fiction. Our Ignatius J. isn't talking exactly in character though.
An outstanding book, by the way. |
SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 161
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 8:44 am: | |
Go figure.. I thought the picutre was from Nintendo's Mario Brothers. 
|
Tom Reingold the prissy-pants
Citizen
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 1127
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 9:10 am: | |
The marriage doesn't sound healthy for either, and of course, there's enough "blame" to go to both partners. I could say lots of lousy things about my ex-wife AND BE RIGHT, but the truth is that I chose her, so I have to take half the blame for the troubles in the marriage. Maybe this should be in the "things I learned the hard way" thread.
I hope this couple gets marriage counseling. Without changing the dynamics of the marriage drastically, there might not be much chance of a happy and healthy relationship. And it won't be easy, either! There would have to be a big commitment to change, from both sides.
There's my considered opinion of strangers viewed from two miles away. Ha.
Tom Reingold
There is nothing
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shh
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 753
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 9:41 am: | |
Tom, I think you're over analyzing a little. Speaking from the "been there, done that" files, maybe the wife was having a bad day. Like I said above, there are plenty of reasons she might have been acting like a b*tch. I bet after they got home and had a discussion about it, (even if it was a loud one) they made up and the husband forgot all about it. Unofrtunately, Ignatius now thinks she's the DEVIL. |
Tom Reingold the prissy-pants
Citizen
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 1130
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, November 20, 2003 - 10:16 am: | |
True, shh, but it depends on whether this is a pattern or how big. We could be assuming the worst, but the evidence, as very small as it is, is not in the couple's favor.
Of course, we're overanalyzing. We don't have much to go on, and only Ignatius knows the couple at all. And of course, you never really know what goes on inside a familial relationship unless you're in it.
Tom Reingold
There is nothing
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gemini
Citizen
Username: Gemini
Post Number: 226
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 7:07 am: | |
Thread drift alert: Mem i was at the new store on Baker (10th muse?) and saw a necklace with a martini glass as a charm; guess who I thought of? |
mem aka "toots"
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 2315
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 10:32 am: | |
Gemini - Cool - I haven't been to this new store yet - what did you think of it? |
Ignatius J
Citizen
Username: Ignatius_j
Post Number: 127
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 25, 2003 - 7:12 pm: | |
Sorry for not getting back to this thread but after I posted I got so busy, I haven't posted since..Anyway...a better title for the thread probably would have been "My Friends Wife Married An Idiot"
He's a good guy but this was the opposite case of a woman thinking she could change a man. It was he that actually thought she would be good for him and could straighten him out and it worked for a few years but it's just in his nature to drink and smoke and stay out all night and he just can't help himself but now he's stuck and a bit unhappy overall and this self-destructive bahavior is a form of denial or escape.
And just for the record, I never said she was a bitch, that was probably some woman's take on my post. Always taking the defensive and well, you know...
And to tell you the truth, I think in some twisted way he enjoys being Leroy Lockhorn. He's like a child always testing the boundaries and getting in trouble but then he's always joking about her cloven hoofs and pointy tail.
Whatever, I'm just glad I don't have to live with them. |
SoOrLady
Citizen
Username: Soorlady
Post Number: 178
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 26, 2003 - 12:13 am: | |
I stand corrected - you didn't call her a bitch. You said she was the Devil - who was unreasonable in wanting her child to be secure in your vehicle in a car seat (which, by the way, is the law); had emasculated and demoralized your friend and you couldn't understand why he "hadn't blown his brains out yet". Yea - sounds like you really liked her. |
Ignatius J
Citizen
Username: Ignatius_j
Post Number: 128
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 26, 2003 - 10:35 am: | |
I don't like her and this whole thing with car seats being the law is ridiculous. I don't ever remember sitting in a car seat growing up. We played in the very back of our station wagon cruising down the highway and my mom held me in her arms in the front seat on the way home from the hospital. Gasp!! a child in the front seat!!! Kids today are sissies with all these pads and bike helmets, give me a break.
All we needed to do was go less than a mile at twenty-five miles an hour through Maplewood and it wasn't like the car seat wasn't in place, it was, she just had to have it so that it didn't wiggle one millimeter otherwise she considrered it loose and unsafe AND she had to sit in the back next to her kids who were both in car seats so all three of them were pretty snug so the seat wouldn't have been loose anyway so we didn't need to spend a half an hour tightening it to drive eight minutes. She's just a pain. |
redY67
Citizen
Username: Redy67
Post Number: 189
Registered: 2-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 26, 2003 - 10:41 am: | |
Ignatius-- You may think it is rididulous, but as a mother, I don't. I would never allow my child to go twenty feet without being buckled into the car seat. Many children died for no reason back in our day because we didn't have these laws. You expect people to return there shopping carts to Kings, yet you think taking a few extra minutes to put a car seat in, is outrageous. Get your priorities straight.
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Tom Reingold the prissy-pants
Citizen
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 1193
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 26, 2003 - 10:58 am: | |
Often spouses (or is the plural "spice"?) play off each other, and they get more extreme than they otherwise would be. The cautious one gets more cautious than she needs to be, and the carefree one stops taking cautions he used to take.
It took getting divorced for me to realize this. I saw my ex-wife's wisdom in being firm with the kids, because I had been, at times, too lenient. The problem was, my ex was much too tough and at times abusive, so I couldn't see my own fallacies. All I could see was that she was going overboard, so I had to counteract that. The result was that I overcompensated.
This could be going on between your friend and his wife.
Tom Reingold
There is nothing
|
curb
Citizen
Username: Curb
Post Number: 355
Registered: 1-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 26, 2003 - 3:38 pm: | |
I said she`s a bitch. But after your second post I believe your pal is a jackass. |
gemini
Citizen
Username: Gemini
Post Number: 227
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 26, 2003 - 8:13 pm: | |
I've seen this situation in some of my inlaws; I really think the couple I"m speaking of feeds off each other in their own self-imposed misery. I've suggested counseling but nobody wants to go. One is analy (sp?) over-protective while the other is dangerously lax, ie he'll turn his back on the kid outside. There is no happy medium there. I've given up on commenting to them, it's frustrating but not my place.
Mem, the new store is way cool; some things are overpriced (like anywhere else...) but overall a nice little change of pace. THey have great little slippers (cute for a special gift) and great jewelry. |
lumpyhead
Citizen
Username: Lumpyhead
Post Number: 543
Registered: 3-2002
| | Posted on Monday, December 1, 2003 - 6:18 pm: | |
LSeltzer- "let the little freeloader take care of himself". LOL!!!! |
1-2many
Citizen
Username: Wbg69
Post Number: 646
Registered: 6-2002
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 2, 2003 - 1:14 pm: | |
the car seat panic/mania is just one aspect of the FEAR EVERYTHING!! panic/mania being purveyed by people/companies wanting to sell their products, and politicians wanting to sell an image of being Our Hero.
car seats are good, but are only necessary for the very young. |
ml1
Citizen
Username: Ml1
Post Number: 1392
Registered: 5-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 11:14 pm: | |
my car has seats for all the passengers, young and old. I believe seats were standard equipment when I bought it.
Personally, I consider a seat necessary for everyone in my vehicle. |
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