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algebra2
Citizen
Username: Algebra2
Post Number: 1459
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 9:39 am: | 
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My problem with birthday parties is that my son is at the Y too and there are so many kids in the class and so many birthday parties and these kids are together playing all week long and I only have two precious days with my son and I hate to have a party on a Saturday from 12 to 2 every third weekend. I just can't understand why they need to go to a play place on the weekend when they play together all week long. Yes, I am selfish but he's my only child and I want to spend the day with him. Anyway, I post this because I just said yes to another birthday party. |
Wendyn
Citizen
Username: Wendyn
Post Number: 72
Registered: 9-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 9:55 am: |
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I get what you are saying Algebra but to be honest the bday parties for me are a nice way to see my child interact with her friends, catch up on what is going on in the class from other parents' perspectives and just socialize with the other parents (about the only social interaction I get outside of MOL!). It is a relief to have something planned for my daughter to do instead of the "how do we work our weekend errands and chores around doing stuff with the kids?" Usually the kids get the short end of the stick and I have to try to make a trip to the grocery store a fun event (only works if I get her a cookie). Especially now that it is cold out I really like having those types of activities, and so does my daughter.
Unfortunately she and the baby are stuck going with me to the mall on Friday to brave the crowds. But we are going to the Santa breakfast on Saturday to make up for it! |
Wendyn
Citizen
Username: Wendyn
Post Number: 73
Registered: 9-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 9:56 am: |
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p.s. I love the Ikea idea. |
algebra2
Citizen
Username: Algebra2
Post Number: 1461
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 10:31 am: |
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The Ikea play area ROCKS. I have to drag my son out of there kicking and screaming. Unfortunately I am not very close with the parents in his class. He was with the same kids for the first 3 years and then, when they switched to preschool, got put in a class with none of the same kids. At the time I should have made a stink about it b/c he had a difficult time his first year of preschool. Now, in his second preschool year he is doing better. I don't know many of the parents in his class, we just never "clicked".
Also, luckily for my son, my husband and I rarely do any chores and like to do some kind of day trip to PA or somewhere every weekend.
I'm going to a party on Saturday and maybe I'll make some friends (or I'll send my husband to make some friends for me). |
shoshannah
Citizen
Username: Shoshannah
Post Number: 319
Registered: 7-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 10:43 am: |
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Alg:
Rarely do any chores?? I'd like to know how to work that out! Please tell all. |
algebra2
Citizen
Username: Algebra2
Post Number: 1462
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 11:01 am: |
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If I grocery shop it's at 7:30 am when husband and son are still sleeping, a cleaning woman who comes and does laundry once a week, lawn guy, I buy all my kid's clothes at Milk Money -- a place he loves to go, Christmas shopping is done on the internet, and everything else just goes undone or is done while I am at work. |
Duncan
Citizen
Username: Duncanrogers
Post Number: 1241
Registered: 12-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 11:23 am: |
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So your son will have no sense of what it means to take care of a home or himself?
ACK
kidding
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"
Wayne Gretzky
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algebra2
Citizen
Username: Algebra2
Post Number: 1463
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 11:25 am: |
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Just like his mother and father ...  |
Wendyn
Citizen
Username: Wendyn
Post Number: 74
Registered: 9-2002
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 11:52 am: |
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The only one who sleeps past 7:30 in my house is my husband.  |
Duncan
Citizen
Username: Duncanrogers
Post Number: 1242
Registered: 12-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 12:12 pm: |
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lucky guy
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"
Wayne Gretzky
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psychobabbler
Citizen
Username: Psychobabbler
Post Number: 174
Registered: 2-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 12:32 pm: |
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Okay, inexperienced soon-to-be-parent here...are big parties like this the norm around here? I had always heard that the rule of thumb for kids' b-day parties was you keep the number of children the same as their age (i.e. for a 3 year old you invite 3 kids, for a 4 year old you invite 4 kids, etc.) to avoid both the child and the parent feeling overwhelmed. |
algebra2
Citizen
Username: Algebra2
Post Number: 1464
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 12:49 pm: |
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My son's first party was a BIG party, much more for us than him. Since then we've done just 3 or 4 kids. I think the birthday child has a much better time when it's just a handful of kids and we decorate the house and have cake and wear hats. I still like to have big parties with lots of adults and kids and BBQing in the yard and a keg -- just not for a birthday. |
Lydia
Citizen
Username: Lydial
Post Number: 196
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 1:30 pm: |
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Psychobabbler - I think from the variety of b'day ideas on this thread the answer to your question is that big or small, it's a party - if it works for you and your child that's what matters.
Ffof - thanks! We forgot the youngest one's 2nd birthday until the night before! I was putting her to bed and I turned to my husband and said "Why do I keep thinking there's something we have to do tomorrow?. We looked up at the same time and went "Oh NO!!!" We called 2 or 3 children, whipped up a cake and everyone had a great time. She was so young she didn't understand what the commotion was, and we learned that the simple party was a beautiful thing.
Now every January my girls re-tell the tale of How Mom Forgot The Birthday. lol! |
shh
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 785
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 1:42 pm: |
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For the past few years, we've invited all the kids in my daughters' classes so no one felt left out. (Or at least ALL the girls.) I just felt it was easier than having a few kids feel bad. I'm sure lots of parents just invite the entire class for the same reason I did, and in some places (friends have told me this) you either have to invite ALL the kids in the class or NONE.
If we have family plans and it conflicts with a party, (unless it's a really close friend and we make arrangements) my kids won't go. They understand family time is special/limited. An invitation doesn't mean you HAVE to send your kid.
I also enjoy seeing my kids with all their friends. For the past few years we've rented out the rec. center and hired the TeenDJ. (Zach Gruber). It's a lot of work and planning, but seeing all these little girls dancing and giggling makes it all worthwhile. I've done one big party for all my kids (birthdays one month apart in the spring, it's tough to find separate weekends) for the past two years. The worst part is all the gifts and thank you notes. That makes all of us wish we only had a handful of kids!
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sac
Citizen
Username: Sac
Post Number: 807
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 4:55 pm: |
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You only HAVE to invite ALL the kids in the class if you distribute the invitations at school. I don't see how anybody can tell you that otherwise.
We have always limited the number of kids invited to parties ... often by the age rule but even fewer for sleepovers and sometimes just a few more if we were going to a destination with a higher minimum (in which case we invited the number of guests to reach that minimum.) We also have always allowed the sibling to invite one friend in addition to the "age" number of friends for the birthday child. It appears that our kids are now outgrowing that clause, however.
For all of the reasons recommended above, I encourage you to keep it on the small side whenever possible. It has certainly helped us to keep things saner. |
shh
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 786
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 6:29 pm: |
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School policy SAC. My friend decided to have a "class" party for her son at a pizzeria and the rest of his friends elsewhere. (Not that everyone would choose to do this, but she did.) |
Lydia
Citizen
Username: Lydial
Post Number: 197
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 2003 - 8:09 pm: |
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Some parties the kids are invited to, others they aren't. Through umpteen years of of b'day parties, my children have never said they had hurt feelings because they weren't invited to a party (I've had hurt feelings, but that's another topic!)
I don't feel obligated to invite the whole class over, the same way we don't invite every kid over to play. But when a family includes the whole class I think that's cool (and brave!). |
ashear
Citizen
Username: Ashear
Post Number: 815
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 10:39 am: |
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I just posted on this on another thread. With our older son we held off on a big invite the whole class party till he was 4 (though he was in daycare from 3 months). Even that was crazy but it was what he wanted because it was what everyone else did. We may try to see if we can tone it down to just his close friends for the next one. I generally think that, especially for the little ones, the big parties are often too much, especially for the kid whose birthday it is. (I'm also not willing to spend a tub of money taking 15 kids to some gym or whatever so we did the party at home and without professional intervention. We had some activities but the kids were pretty satisified just playing with toys in our basement and eating.) |
Popo
Citizen
Username: Popo
Post Number: 23
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 1:13 pm: |
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If you're hosting a party at home, there is a great website for birthday party ideas, www.birthdaypartyideas.com. |
shoshannah
Citizen
Username: Shoshannah
Post Number: 322
Registered: 7-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 1:38 pm: |
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How can a school dictate who you can invite to a private party? What if there is a particularly disruptive kid in the class who you do not wish to have in your home? Or a bullier? |
bpaandco
Citizen
Username: Bpaandco
Post Number: 64
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 1:55 pm: |
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I've had many b-day parties for kids of all ages. The best ones were always the ones at home. Kids entertain themselves better than we can. Work can be minimized by ordering pizza. Cake can be made or bought. Soda/juice is easy. Depending on the time of year, the back yard is great. Children under 4 or 5 won't remember their birthday parties. Do you? Lydia spoke a truism. What ever works for you. I personally like simplicity, so as to enjoy the day. |
ffof
Citizen
Username: Ffof
Post Number: 1675
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 2:58 pm: |
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shosh-they can't, but if you're going to hand out invites at school (the lazy way), then it makes sense to say all kids must be invited. THere is also such a thing as addressing an envelope and sending it snail mail (the not lazy way) where naturally, you can invite whoever (whomever?) you want. This all comes under the heading of: Common Sense. |
shoshannah
Citizen
Username: Shoshannah
Post Number: 323
Registered: 7-2002
| | Posted on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 3:57 pm: |
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FFOF, understood. I was responding to shh's post saying that a friend held TWO parties for her son: one for the whole class (to satisfy school policy) and one for the rest of his friends (I suppose that one was held in a secret location so that the school wouldn't find out). |
sac
Citizen
Username: Sac
Post Number: 808
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 4:51 pm: |
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SHH's friend's experience makes it sound as if that school has a policy extending to parties that have nothing to do with the school. Personally, I would think twice about joining such a school community, especially since the "age" or "age+1" guideline is a common recommendation made by child development experts (not just stressed-out parents.) I would expect that good schools would support prevailing child development philosophies (i.e have the children's and families' best interests as a priority.) But then, I've always been a bit naive about such things ...
By the way, if that is really the policy, it would seem that the additional party violated it anyway, so why bother with the class party in the first place? (Again, I'm sure my naivete is showing.) |
ffof
Citizen
Username: Ffof
Post Number: 1677
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 5:23 pm: |
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holy criminy, this party stuff for 3 year olds is just getting over the top......why am i posting here......somebody stop me....the overindulgence of it all......my kids don't remember when they were three....not even when i show them the pictures.....stop spoiling these creatures....it's a way bad habit.....they are spoiled anyway....it can be meaningful without all this fuss and worry......Lydia? help me!!!!!! |
shh
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 788
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 8:52 pm: |
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I really don't know all the details, I just remember my friend, who happened to also be a teacher at her kids' preschool/daycare said it was school policy that if they invite one child from the class they had to invite all. So, she had a party for her son and daughter together (b-days 2 weeks apart) then she had her son's preschool class at a pizzeria. It's not a school in Maplewood. She is the type of person who does things a bit over the top, and I guess she felt that doing 2 parties was easier than one gigantic one. It's really not such a big deal, I just mentioned it after hearing about other people inviting the entire class, as I've done so myself. |
shh
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 789
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 8:56 pm: |
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By the way, she did send invitations via mail. (Though we didn't go to the class party, so I'm not sure about that.) And Sac, maybe the school has such a policy so families don't invite anyone. I guess a lot of parents, when presented with the option of inviting 12 kids from the class or none, might avoid it all together. |
Call me G
Citizen
Username: Deborahg
Post Number: 724
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, December 5, 2003 - 4:27 pm: |
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Thanks, ffof...I was starting to feel like Bad Mom of the Year, but the truth is that my nearly-three-year-old has NEVER HAD A BIRTHDAY PARTY. A cupcake after lunch and a chorus of "Happy Birthday," yes. But after throwing various more or less elaborate parties for the older two, I realized that they totally don't care until they are four or five. That's not to say it isn't fun to have a party--I just don't think it's for the kid as much as the adults. This year we may actually have one, but more for the laugh value of watching all those three-year-olds in action. |
sac
Citizen
Username: Sac
Post Number: 814
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, December 5, 2003 - 7:49 pm: |
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Our experience went the other way. We never had a party for the older one until age 3, since we don't really have close family members nearby and just didn't see the point for a one or two year old. That first (three-year-old) party was a very low-key gathering of family friends (adults with and without children.) However, when the younger one was turning two, the older one was mortally offended that we would consider NOT having a party for her. So we did a reprise of the low-key family friends gathering a year earlier for her. The traditional parties with friends from school, etc. started at ages 4 and 3 respectively after that. |
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