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Robert Livingston
Citizen
Username: Rob_livingston
Post Number: 692
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 3:23 pm: | 
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Center for Disease Control Warning
New virulent strain of a socially transmitted disease. Contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. Called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him")
Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past four years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease.
Cognitive consequences in individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include but are not limited to the following:
• Anti-social personality disorder traits
• Delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor
• Chronic mangling of the English language
• Extreme cognitive dissonance
• Inability to incorporate new information
• Pronounced xenophobia
• Inability to accept responsibility for one's own actions
• Exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado
• Uncontrolled facial smirking
• Ignorance of geography and history
• Tendency toward creating evangelical theocracies
• A strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior
This epidemic is out of control. It has already resulted in brain death in more than 59,000,000 Americans. Excessive exposure to trailer parks, country gospel music, and yellow ribbon asphyxiation are thought to be contributing factors.
New CDC Director Archbishop Burke has ordered a halt to research into this disease after determining that it is incurable and is merely God's will. Apparently, however, at least 55,000,000 Americans have a natural immunity to this disorder and are poised to lead a brief but exciting life right after the rapture begins and our afflicted fellow Americans ascend to their eternal reward. Godlessness has its rewards.
Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years ago in a Texas bush.
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Phenixrising
Citizen
Username: Phenixrising
Post Number: 281
Registered: 9-2004
| | Posted on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 3:28 pm: |
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Guy
Supporter
Username: Vandalay
Post Number: 462
Registered: 8-2004
| | Posted on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 3:29 pm: |
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Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him")
Robert, very good. |
Ukealalio
Citizen
Username: Ukealalio
Post Number: 1640
Registered: 6-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 3:30 pm: |
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RL-You're hateful and angry.
P.S.-Keep em comin, good stuff. |
Robert Livingston
Citizen
Username: Rob_livingston
Post Number: 693
Registered: 7-2004
| | Posted on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 3:32 pm: |
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(I can't take credit for the authorship of that, unfortunately. It was sent to me by a friend...) |
shh
Citizen
Username: Shh
Post Number: 2015
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 3:59 pm: |
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funny. |
Strawberry
Supporter
Username: Strawberry
Post Number: 4231
Registered: 10-2001
| | Posted on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 3:59 pm: |
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boring |
Ukealalio
Citizen
Username: Ukealalio
Post Number: 1642
Registered: 6-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 4:03 pm: |
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Can anyone tell me how to spell putz in English ?. |
Mustt_mustt
Citizen
Username: Mustt_mustt
Post Number: 190
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 4:19 pm: |
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Dr. Winston O'Boogie
Citizen
Username: Casey
Post Number: 946
Registered: 8-2003
| | Posted on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 4:24 pm: |
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it's boring because it lacks the wit, creativity, and relevance of a Bill Clinton - Monica Lewinsky cartoon from 1997. |
sportsnut
Citizen
Username: Sportsnut
Post Number: 1692
Registered: 10-2001
| | Posted on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 4:33 pm: |
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Ok, that was funny. |
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