| Author |
Message |
    
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 3714
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, January 22, 2005 - 9:54 am: |     |
I hate to do this, but I've wondered about "Joan" for awhile. I mean, what human being on earth can possibly be so consistently rational, even-tempered, logical and kind. Then, "she" has the nerve to dispense incredibly useful and detailed advice on every subject. Her response to Pete's question on the boy scout camping trip was the last straw for me.
So, off I went on an extensive internet search. It's taken me a couple hours, but I have the answer.
"Joan Crystal" is not a real person!!!!!
"She" is a grassroots coalition of highly intelligent, elite peacemakers, desecended from an obscure sect of Quakers in the mid-1700s. Apparently, these Quakers broke with the main body over a split as to whether or not to welcome peace-loving and community-minded atheists into their midst (there wasn't a nearby Unitarian congregation at the time).
So, off they went, welcoming the atheists and reforming a non-secular group called "Justice Over Agitational Nonsense". This was an activist group, protesting slavery, usery and other injustices of the day. In fact, they were before their time in demanding the rights of women to vote.
By the early 1800's J.O.A.N. had an internal debate over protests against the War of 1812. Some, old-timers from the Quaker days, felt that the group should actively campaign against the war. Others, not sure that they wanted to intervene in issues of national security, felt that the group should go in a different direction. This group wanted to remain neutral, and concentrate on citizen advocacy around quality of life issues. So, the group (amiably, this time) split again.
The advocacy folks went off and formed Citizens' Resource Yearning for STAbility and Logic. The group lived up to it's mission, offering services anywhere from dispensing sensible advice to negotiating treaties between frustrated parents and recalcitrant children who scraped their nails across their chalkboards instead of doing their arithmatic homework.
In the mid 1960s, the groups found themselves wokring on the same side of the great white-lipstick, polka-dotted mini-dress debate. There were conservative groups who thought these fashion trends would lead to immoral behavior and the downfall of civilization. However, J.O.A.N and C.R.Y.S.T.A.L. were of the opinion that they should remain neutral on the question of morality, but work to enlighten society to the fact that these "fashion" trends were unflattering to 99% of those who wore them.
Having successfully eradicated the trends by 1970, the groups agreed that old differences were silly and that they could be much more effective together. Realizing that their respective acronyms could serve as a cloak of anonymity, they decided to let people believe that they were actually one woman, "Joan Crystal". They even have made a bio for her. Has no one else ever wondered why this "woman" in NJ conveniently works for the City of New York?
This is an employer so vast and emeshed in red tape and bureaucracy that people don't even know who works in the cubicle next to them, much less what their job function is. It would be impossible for anyone to verify the "Joan Crystal" works for the City of New York.
The deception goes on, but the final result is that "Joan Crystal" is, in fact, a secret society of utlra even-tempered do-gooders. Who knows who amongst us actually belongs to this group?
My next mission is to "out" the members....
 |
Debby
Citizen
Username: Debby
Post Number: 1598
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, January 22, 2005 - 10:09 am: | |
Excellent work, Agent Greene. Now see what you can find out about that cat ... |
Duncan
Supporter
Username: Duncanrogers
Post Number: 3815
Registered: 12-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, January 22, 2005 - 2:25 pm: | |
Uh.. Greenie.. She is a real person. (though I find the treatise really fun!). I had the great good fortune to meet her, however breifly, at the Dancing Goat film festival when she came and saw The Reader. Sorry :-(
|
Soda
Supporter
Username: Soda
Post Number: 2414
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, January 22, 2005 - 2:43 pm: | |
A fool says what he knows.
A wise man knows what he says.
-s.
BTW: That was meant for you, Duncan. Everyone knows that Greenetree's homage was meant in fun. (Well, maybe not everyone...) |
greenetree
Supporter
Username: Greenetree
Post Number: 3717
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, January 22, 2005 - 2:44 pm: | |
Did you look at her ID? Duncan, you are too smart a man to fall for that trick so easily. Can you not see that occassional Joan Sitings are part of the master plan? You have fallen into their trap by becoming a witness.
BTW - I received a suspicious PL from "Joan" a couple hours ago. In part, it read:
Please be assured that I am a real person. Not only that, I just want to stress the fact that I don't know, nor have I ever had any type of contact with Library Lady, Master Plumber or Shh.
Now, who mentioned them? The "lady" doth protest too much, methinks... |
sac
Supporter
Username: Sac
Post Number: 1785
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, January 22, 2005 - 3:37 pm: | |
I knew the real Joan Crystal years before she became on online persona. (Actually through the Boy Scout troop she mentioned in a post earlier today and, of which, my husband was once a scoutmaster.)
She is assuredly a real person, with that real name. |
Debby
Citizen
Username: Debby
Post Number: 1610
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, January 22, 2005 - 3:59 pm: | |
Looks like the members are outing themselves... |
CFA
Citizen
Username: Cfa
Post Number: 1284
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, January 22, 2005 - 6:17 pm: | |
She's real. I've spoken to her on the train platform, although she didn't know who I was. She's very nice. |
C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 1826
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, January 23, 2005 - 2:54 am: | |
Greentree, you are definitely onto something here. The truly terrifying thing to me is her denial of contact with LibraryLady. I am a true life witness to a meeting of our local version of "JOAN" with you, LL and myself right here in River City! Or was that in Woody Maples? Hmmm. Well, as you can see there have been JOAN sightings in a number of locales. So perhaps the one who PL'd you was JOAN version 3.1? And not our local 1.1? |
Duncan
Supporter
Username: Duncanrogers
Post Number: 3818
Registered: 12-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, January 23, 2005 - 8:10 am: | |
good heavens. What a response Soda..
Dave.. Could we please get a "footnote my sarcasm" smiley?
sheesh |
Joan
Supporter
Username: Joancrystal
Post Number: 4805
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, January 23, 2005 - 4:43 pm: | |
Greenetree:
You almost got it right. Our Rabbi is far too distressed over the ill-fated wrapping paper incident to be hit now with the possibility that long-time members of his congregation are secret Quakers! Other than that, you came pretty close which is remarkable considering the number of google hits you would have needed to wade through in amassing your research.
Cathy:
That M.A.S. meeting was supposted to be kept secret. Remember that pledge we all took not to reveal each other's presence or identity? No wonder LL won't admit to having met us there.
CFA:
If you didn't want us to figure out your MOL identity, you should never have quoted from one of your most recent posts as you and my commuter persona were getting off the train one afternoon.
|
LibraryLady(ncjanow)
Supporter
Username: Librarylady
Post Number: 2132
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, January 23, 2005 - 6:43 pm: | |
Met who? Where? I've never ever even left my little desk at the Library. Don't know nobody,never will and don't wanna!!!! |
Mark Fuhrman
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 1179
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Sunday, January 23, 2005 - 9:52 pm: | |
Oh, I thought this thread was about the lady who flashed me last week on SA. My bad. |
runon
Citizen
Username: Runon
Post Number: 91
Registered: 11-2001
| | Posted on Monday, January 24, 2005 - 6:48 pm: | |
Joan Crystal *is* a real person - I've seen her holding hands with Sponge Bob. LibraryLady, on the other hand, is likely NOT a real name. LL's posts are suspiciously in line with the radical Quaker spin off group described by Greenetree. Think about it. "Library Lady" defends our right to access information freely without being tracked by government databases (remember the all-nighter at the library), loves small children even though she has raised two of her own, frequently contributes but never provokes, doesn't hate Brittany Spears, and so on. Sounds like zealot of peace, love, openness, and critical thinking. Makes my blood boil.
Greenetree, are you planning a major outing event? We must expose these do-gooders.
|
mjc
Citizen
Username: Mjc
Post Number: 178
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Monday, January 24, 2005 - 8:54 pm: | |
Greenetree - Thanks! for saying what needed to be said about Joan. The true parts were so true, and the rest  |
|
Closed: New threads not accepted on this page