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nan
Citizen
Username: Nan
Post Number: 1773
Registered: 2-2001
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 9:42 pm: | 
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Reasons to be chearful--it looks like we got all the nice Canadian parents in our school district!
From the Toronto Star
Raging parents: The new schoolyard bullies
LOUISE BROWN
EDUCATION REPORTER
Whether it's swearing at principals or barging into class to scold the teacher, Canadian schools say they are seeing a rising tide of Parent Rage.
"A growing number of parents seem very comfortable mouthing off at the school secretary, marching in and calling the teacher names — `You f---ing so-and-so' — often in front of the children," said superintendent Rauda Dickinson, who oversees downtown schools for the Toronto District School Board.
"It's a form of parent bullying we're all disgusted to see on the ice rink, but principals and teachers put up with the same thing in schools," said the former principal.
"Probably once a week it happens that a parent can't control their rage over their kids' marks, or a discipline matter, or because they feel their child wasn't played enough during a game.
"Compared to a few years ago, it's everywhere."
While school officials say most parents are civil and co-operative, they note the same family tensions that can lead to road rage and rink rage can also erupt in schools.
There is mounting concern about parents behaving badly:
This month, Ontario teachers' unions will conduct the first major survey at both public and Catholic schools, asking staff whether they have been bullied or harassed by parents or students, verbally or physically.
The union survey was designed by the Ontario Secondary School Teachers' Federation at the request of its members, said federation vice-president Sherry Rosner.
"They told us at last fall's annual meeting that this issue is arising more and more and needs to be studied."
In a nationwide poll of school violence, the Canadian Teachers' Federation found 59 per cent of principals across the country in 2001 had witnessed at least one parent verbally abuse a teacher that year, and about 23 per cent had seen a parent physically assault or intimidate a teacher, said federation president Terry Price. The rate was higher than average in northern and central Canada — including Ontario — and lower in eastern Canada.
"When I was young and the school called our home, my dad would ask me, `What did you do?' Now, there's such a shift that many parents' first reaction is `What did the teacher do?'" said Price. "They seem to want to lay the blame anywhere but with their own children."
The Elementary Teachers' Federation of Ontario's head office gets calls every day from teachers seeking advice on how to deal with aggressive parents. The union has produced a special booklet called "Parent-Teacher Relationships: Putting the Pieces Together," which includes special tips on dealing with "parent harassment."
"It's not just sports parents who get abusive. Everyone thinks they're an expert on education because everyone has been to school," said the federation's Sharon O'Halloran, who offers legal advice to teachers dealing with aggressive parents. "Some parents yell and scream and hand out defamatory press releases against the teacher in the schoolyard — with copies to their MPP and the press.
"A generation ago, teachers and other authority figures were held in high regard. Now the pendulum has shifted and everyone is suspect."
The Ontario Principals' Council is concerned at the frequency with which parents threaten to sue schools over Ontario's new Safe Schools Act — both the parents of victims and the parents of bullies, said president Doug Acton. "Bullying is a real hot-button issue for parents. They can get angry if their child is disciplined, or angry if their child is bullied and the principal doesn't impose the maximum penalty."
Abusive parents are becoming "more of a problem, sadly; not less" across Toronto's 175 Catholic elementary schools, said John Pecsenye, head of the 4,000-member Toronto Elementary Catholic Teachers Association.Principals at two Toronto schools asked parents to shut down Internet chat rooms they had set up to hold daily instant-message bashing sessions about teachers they disliked.
"They were, in effect, cyber-bullying teachers behind their back," said a board official. Most educators insist the majority of parents work well with schools, and the percentage of calls from principals seeking advice on dealing with parents has gone down slightly this year, says Acton, of the Ontario Principal's Council.
Yet everyone has horror stories to share.
"We have parents spitting, swearing and pushing principals from one end of their office to another in an attempt to intimidate them," said veteran principal Helen Evans of the Toronto School Administrators' Association, which represents principals and vice-principals across the city.
"One mother marched into a hall and asked two girls to leave because she said `By the time I'm finished with that a--hole teacher in there, you won't want to be around,'" Evans said.
When Emily Noble was a principal, a drunken father stomped into her office waving a gun because he was angry his daughter had broken her arm on a school skating trip. When Noble, now president of the Elementary Teachers' Federation of Ontario, asked him to leave he replied "If it happens again, I'll come back and shoot you." Noble had police issue a restraining order.
The Star spoke to a Toronto principal this week who has had to issue a "trespass letter" against a parent to keep her off school property because she has been so disruptive to her child's class. With files from David Grossman |
Morrisa da Silva
Citizen
Username: Mod
Post Number: 140
Registered: 12-2003
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 2, 2005 - 10:15 pm: |
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You don't suppose this is what they had in mind when Tuscan School recently ran a program on "How to handle the agressive parent" at their most recent in-service day, do you? |
nan
Citizen
Username: Nan
Post Number: 1774
Registered: 2-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 5:35 am: |
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Could be. I was thinking they were referring to verbally aggressive parents or the kind that show up with lawyers at parent teacher conferences. I never imagined it would be to the degree described in this article. I also never imagined that parents would be physically aggressive.
This article indicates that agressive parents are a growing problem in Canada. But, it is only one article. Can't say if it is really true there or here.
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Strings
Supporter
Username: Blue_eyes
Post Number: 375
Registered: 4-2004
| | Posted on Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 7:52 am: |
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As a teacher (not in SO/M), I think it's true here as well. I have after school rehearsals and all children in my school are bused. Our policy is that if your parent is not here by the time the buses leave, the student must take the bus home. I had a parent tell me she'd "Sue the sh*t out of [me] and the district if [her] son steps foot on that bus!" Her son was standing right there and she had a small child with her as well. I was SHOCKED.
I told the woman she needed to be there earlier then and that if she wanted her son to take a different bus I'm sure we could work it out. I even offered to look at the map with her and decide if the bus he was assigned is the best route for him - I was so stunned by this woman's mouth that I guess I was on survival mode and all the niceness in me kicked in. One of colleagues said he was impressed, he would have told the woman off right there.
This is the most extreme example I can give, though there have been plenty of other "parent rage" cases I've experienced in only a year and a half. I'm not yet a parent, but I don't think I would ever say some of the things I hear to a child's teacher. |
mickey
Citizen
Username: Mickey
Post Number: 220
Registered: 10-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 8:33 am: |
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It's true that sometimes parents have to act as their child's advocate in school. But there's a right and a wrong way to handle things, as with everything in life. How sad and ironic that parents who threaten, accuse, and abuse teachers and administrators under the guise of child advocacy are the worst possible role models for their own children, especially when this behavior takes place in their presence.
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C Bataille
Citizen
Username: Nakaille
Post Number: 1835
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 12:35 pm: |
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I know a principal in another district who recently had to get an order of protection against a parent due to the nature of threats that were made, in front of the child of course. Said child could not return to the school because her prior actions had resulted in a faculty member being injured, apparently on purpose, according to witnesses (adults and students alike.) It happens.
And yes, children take in powerful messages from the way their parents behave. We would all do well to remember that the next time we are tempted to scream and threaten our kids when we're angry.
Cathy |
Ukealalio
Citizen
Username: Ukealalio
Post Number: 1801
Registered: 6-2003
| | Posted on Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 2:28 pm: |
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Strings, I would have told the mom that since she had not picked up her child on time and refused the alternate services offered, she has abandoned her child. I would have told here that while she is contacting her attorney, you would be contacting the Child Welfare Bureau. |
mickey
Citizen
Username: Mickey
Post Number: 221
Registered: 10-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 4:12 pm: |
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That's a good retort, Uke, if Strings were alone with the mom. But remember, her kids were with her. Hearing the word "abandoned" and then witnessing an escalating confrontation might even scare them. Strings....I'm sure you felt like telling her off, but hopefully that student took note of your calm and patient demeanor and maybe even learned something positive about conflict resolution. Lord knows he isn't going to learn it from his mom. |
wharfrat
Citizen
Username: Wharfrat
Post Number: 1549
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Thursday, February 3, 2005 - 6:10 pm: |
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Actually, while Uke's response is the one I'd like to use, I think I'd say something like this-
"Thanks for sharing, I understand you are upset. I was just concerned about the welfare of your child."
Then when this witch left I'd contact my immediate supervisor who would then rip her a new new orifice! |
Strings
Supporter
Username: Blue_eyes
Post Number: 376
Registered: 4-2004
| | Posted on Friday, February 4, 2005 - 7:58 am: |
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Uke - I'll file that for when I'm tenured.  (just kidding, of course!)
mickey - let's hope so, but as they say, the apple doesn't fall too far from the branch. And I also completely agree with the first post you made.
wharfrat - I told one of the vice principals and my immediate supervisor. If I were either one of them, I would have called home to further discuss the incident, but sometimes I feel like my district is so scared of upsetting parents that they just let this kind of thing slide. That's what allows parents who, as mickey said, "threaten, accuse, and abuse teachers and administrators under the guise of child advocacy" to continue to do so and feel like they're not doing anything wrong. Just as a parent needs to stand up for their child, the district should also stand up for the teachers in some situations.
And on a side note - this mother has picked up her son early from then on. |
Ukealalio
Citizen
Username: Ukealalio
Post Number: 1802
Registered: 6-2003
| | Posted on Friday, February 4, 2005 - 12:07 pm: |
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I stand corrected. You are right, I would have not used the term abandonned in front of the child. |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 5355
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Friday, February 4, 2005 - 4:05 pm: |
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Rude people take advantage of polite people, since polite people are trained not to retaliate. |
Montagnard
Citizen
Username: Montagnard
Post Number: 1399
Registered: 6-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, February 5, 2005 - 1:27 pm: |
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Republican thinking in a nutshell. |
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