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vor
Citizen
Username: Vor
Post Number: 403
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, February 19, 2005 - 12:49 am: | 
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I don't know. I don't know. I somehow came upon some pictures of my dear friend and brother-in-law who we lost on 9/11. Brother-in-law sounds so so...wrong. He was my friend. One of the best friends I ever had.
Please bear with me. For some reason I need to talk about him tonight. We have his three daughters staying with us this weekend. My dear sister-in-law thankfully has found comfort and love three years later and is away with him this weekend.
We have the girls this weekend and it's killing me. If you knew them (the girls that is) you would know him. All three of them look just like him. It's been three and 1/2 years. Why is it still so hard. I commute to downtown manhattan every day and think of that day...everyday, but I usually can deal with it. I don't know, maybe because she is away with someone that's not him. She deserves to be happy, but it's hard becasue it's not him.
The girls are beautiful and my god they are so easy. He would be very proud. There are "please's" and "thank yous" all over the place. Tonight the youngest asked "when is my Mommy coming home". No tears, no panic, just wanted to know. Wanted the reassurance. I asked her if she wanted me to lay with her until she fell asleep, she said no, that's OK she had her sisters. I wish she had her Dad.
I'm sorry if this is depressing.
I'm having a hard night, I just needed to talk. |
ajc
Citizen
Username: Ajc
Post Number: 3509
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, February 19, 2005 - 2:30 am: |
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...it's OK Vor. I'm glad you're sharing. It is depressing and you need to talk about it. It's also nice to hear your sister-in-law is getting on with her life. I'm sure that's why the girls sound so well mannered and adjusted. Good luck, good night, and be well. |
wharfrat
Citizen
Username: Wharfrat
Post Number: 1595
Registered: 6-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, February 19, 2005 - 6:42 am: |
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Vor-
I have a fifth grade student who is just beginning to accept that his dad died on 9/11. He acts out, gets in trouble, he and I frequently "hang-out" the last fifteen minutes of lunch.
It's not much, but it's cathartic for all involved. Sounds like you are also experiencing something similar.
I don't know much about you, but I do know you have a big heart! |
mem
Citizen
Username: Mem
Post Number: 4635
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, February 19, 2005 - 12:28 pm: |
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Vor,
 I'm sorry for your sorrow.
I have a dear friend who died on 9/11 - he didn't have his chance to leave children behind, which breaks his parents' hearts.
I'm not sure if this kind of pain fades with time or you just get used to living with it.
Take comfort in the fact that your friend lives on in his children, and god bless. |
Mark Fuhrman
Citizen
Username: Mfpark
Post Number: 1327
Registered: 9-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, February 19, 2005 - 1:17 pm: |
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Vor: Keep on talking. It keeps his memory alive and vital, and continues the process of healing--a process that never ends, but it does get, well, not easier, but more familiar. And your courage to share helps others who are dealing with loss, who perhaps are not into sharing at that moment themselves but who resonate with your loss and pain. |
Joan
Supporter
Username: Joancrystal
Post Number: 4972
Registered: 5-2001
| | Posted on Saturday, February 19, 2005 - 1:30 pm: |
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Vor:
It is wonderful that you were able to have that kind of friend in your life. Far too many of us never do. Think of all the wonderful times the two of you had together and keep his memory fresh in your mind. It will really help.
Have you thought of making a memory book for your friend's daughters? A few tales of some of the great times you had together (by all means include some funny ones too), some snap shots of the two of you together if you have them (scan the images into the book so you can keep your originals). Ask the girls if they want to add some stories of their own, draw some pictures, add a poem or two, a momento of a special trip or event. This will help to ease your pain and will be a wonderful reminder of their father. |
mjc
Citizen
Username: Mjc
Post Number: 265
Registered: 10-2004
| | Posted on Saturday, February 19, 2005 - 1:48 pm: |
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Hope you're feeling better this morning! IMHO, this stuff never really goes away, but it does dim eventually. Sounds like wonderful girls with a lot of loving family (no coincidence there).  |
vor
Citizen
Username: Vor
Post Number: 404
Registered: 9-2003
| | Posted on Saturday, February 19, 2005 - 2:21 pm: |
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Thank you all for your kind words. I do feel better, sometimes it just gets to you. I am somewhat embarrassed (even though most of you don't know who "vor" is) for revealing such personal feelings, and yet I feel better. I wonder if Dave and Jamie should start charging for therapy sessions.
Anyway, thanks again.
Mem, sorry for your loss. While I'm sure our situations are very different we both seem to have very loving memories of our dear friends. And remembering them is good.
Joan, thank you for your suggestion about the scrap book. I've already done something similar, I put together a video. Sort of a life story. It took me a very long time, gathering pictures, videos and stories from all his friends and family. And you're right, it did, and still does, help.
Thank you all, and as my friend would always say "peace". |
Tom Reingold
Supporter
Username: Noglider
Post Number: 5597
Registered: 1-2003
| | Posted on Sunday, February 20, 2005 - 9:40 pm: |
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Your story makes us sad, and I hope that by being sad, we take just a little sadness away from you, making the burden just a little bit lighter for you. |
max
Citizen
Username: Max
Post Number: 100
Registered: 11-2003
| | Posted on Monday, February 21, 2005 - 3:04 am: |
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Please don't ever be embarrassed. Your pain is real and all I can say is while my heart breaks for those wonderful girls, it also is at ease knowing they have someone as wonderful as you in their lives. I never knew your friend but I would like to think that he is watching over you all and at peace knowing that you are now building memories with his children just as you did with him. That alone is an outstanding contribution to their lives on both your and your friends behalf. |
jet
Citizen
Username: Jet
Post Number: 762
Registered: 7-2001
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 22, 2005 - 10:06 am: |
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Hey Vor, I'm with you . My brother -in- law & my cousin were lost that day . My wife & I just got back from taking their kids sking this weekend , they are 17, 15, 11, & 7 & they are wonderfull. The kids are allright, but it just sucks that they will grow up without 2 wonderfull dads. |
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