| Author | Message | ||
     Richard Steele Citizen Username: Brookwood Post Number: 49 Registered: 5-2005 |
I was a the mall where they have an open playground for children.My 2 year old was having a ball.now I know kids will be kids and sometimes there's pushing and shoving,but when you're in a public area you must keep a close eye on your children.my daughter was playing in a car and a little boy jumped in and squeezed her over into the corner,she was pushing to get herself out of the corner.I was just a few feet away and I made my way over to calm the situation down, and the boy slaps my daughter in the face and she started crying.He might have been her age or a year older and just a bit bigger.I was outraged and I yelled at him not to hit girls.His mother ran over from wherever she was and I yelled at her to teach her son not to hit little girls.It really ruined the great time I was having watching her play.She took her son and left.She could have said sorry, but if she did I was to angry to even hear her.I was too angry to let her stay and play.How would you handle that situation? | ||
| CageyD Citizen Username: Cageyd Post Number: 541 Registered: 6-2003 |
My opinion...you overreacted in a BIG way. These are two and three year olds - you need to get used to the fact that they didn't come with a preprogramed understanding of social conduct. Even your daughter will some day hit or bite someone before you can stop her. How should that other parent react to you? I have been at both ends of that situation and every time the reaction on the part of the parents was understanding of 1)kids are kids 2) even attentive involved parents have kids that will sometimes act out 3)we will all be there someday. } | ||
| Ond Citizen Username: Ond Post Number: 54 Registered: 3-2004 |
I've also been on both sides of this situation. I would have also reprimanded the boy although I would have tried to do so in a stern manner and not yelled. In my experience, the parent or caregiver is not always available to see the situation or discipline so I have always taken the liberty of being firm and not regretted it. In regards to the boy's mother. If she "ran over", she was obviously concerned or embarrassed. Congratulations, you probably ruined her day too. It would have been better to try to calmly explain the situation to her and request a sincere apology from her boy. | ||
| Richard Steele Citizen Username: Brookwood Post Number: 50 Registered: 5-2005 |
you may be right,although my daughter has been in daycare since she has been eight weeks old.She doesn't bite and she's not much of an aggressive toddler.But this is the very first time I witnessed a child slapping my child and that was my natural instinct.I did feel a bit bad although I wish it was a father that i yelled at.I'm not much of a women basher..As you can tell...Don't hit girls!....I was taught that as a very little boy. | ||
| The Libertarian Citizen Username: Local_1_crew Post Number: 1345 Registered: 3-2004  |
solve your child problem and societies power woes: http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/1285/sprogop.html | ||
| Lizziecat Citizen Username: Lizziecat Post Number: 1024 Registered: 5-2003 |
Kids should be taught not to hit anyone. At this age, the little boy who hit your daughter was not a bashing a woman. He was a kid hitting another kid. Believe me, my sons were smacked by plenty of little girls at that age, as well as doing some of the smacking. It is possible to teach a kid not to hit other people without over reacting, or going down to the kid's level. | ||
| Richard Steele Citizen Username: Brookwood Post Number: 51 Registered: 5-2005 |
Lizzie I wasn't refering to the kid as woman bashing.I was refering to me yelling at the woman.I did feel bad for yelling at her after I left the mall and calmed down.I have an 11 year old daughter and She has never been struck by another child.Especially not in my presence.This is my little baby girl.I saw her get hurt.That's how I reacted. | ||
| Richard Steele Citizen Username: Brookwood Post Number: 52 Registered: 5-2005 |
I have experienced my childs first assault.Now I have some idea of handling this type of situation.You know the saying, there's a first time for everything. | ||
| Gordon Agress Citizen Username: Odd Post Number: 320 Registered: 8-2004 |
[deleted] Richard, I hope I would be calmer, and of course this little boy had no idea he was doing something so serious, but at least you've shown your daughter that this is truly despicable behavior that she must never, ever tolerate. | ||
| mwsilva Citizen Username: Mwsilva Post Number: 476 Registered: 5-2002 |
Sorry, I have read the thread. I would have smaked the both of them. Over reaction, yes, I will take that. | ||
| Richard Steele Citizen Username: Brookwood Post Number: 53 Registered: 5-2005 |
Wow! I m human. for a minute I thought I was the only person in town with barbaric thoughts.This is not a perfect place afterall. | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 887 Registered: 11-2001 |
Richard....what you showed your daughter is that you are there to protect her. That you will fight for her, and that you will not tolerate anyone hurting her. To me, that is not barbaric. Yes, kids will be kids. When it comes to hitting, however, I don't buy that. I do not have aggressive children, but if one of them had ever been physical with another child, I reprimanded them for it. And if another child became physical with them, I was right in there as well. I believe that having no tolerance for aggression is a lesson that should begin young. Richard, you are more than human. | ||
| Richard Steele Citizen Username: Brookwood Post Number: 54 Registered: 5-2005 |
Why thank you very much ess.that was very kind. | ||
| mickey Citizen Username: Mickey Post Number: 380 Registered: 10-2001 |
I hope your daughter is ok and will have a better day tomorrow. One thing that stuck in my mind as I read your posts was you seem to feel it's necessary to treat boys/girls and men/women differently. Boys should not hit girls, but it's no better if they hit another little boy. Children should not hit children. But they do sometimes and it's better to calmly deal with it. (other posters have elaborated more on this). Also, I wonder why you felt you would have handled the situation differently had a parent of another gender been there. You don't want to be a "woman basher" but it would have been ok to go off on another dad???? I think it's great you turned to other parents on MOL for advice and sympathy...sign of a good parent to check the barometer. But I'd lay off the gender-specific behavior/reactions. Just my humble opinion, and again, I hope you and your daughter have many fun days of play in the future. | ||
| llama Citizen Username: Llama Post Number: 719 Registered: 5-2001  |
There is absolutely no excuse for children to attack each other. It violates every principal we try to instill in them as parents and it is just wrong. This not acceptable until they become adults!  | ||
| Hamandeggs Citizen Username: Hamandeggs Post Number: 162 Registered: 8-2005 |
Hmm...I would try not to yell next time (and there will be a next time). Doing so probably scared the kid, the mother and, quite likely, your child. It also makes you seem the unreasonable one, at least to anyone who started paying attn when the shouting began. It also ruined your day, which is your concern. And it may have made your daughter feel that she did something wrong; 2yo's don't necessarily get it when the reprimand is for them vs about them. I'm not going for right or wrong here, just looking at the end result. It's unlikely that this is the first time your daughter was ever pushed/hit/etc, and it's also likely that she has pushed/hit etc. That's what toddlers do. I'm not suggesting that you get used to it, just try hard to sort out the situation before you react. And keep the rule of parenting karma in mind: whatever you publicly abhor will be the habit your child has trouble breaking. If your daughter has a sibling someday, you may find that you're still appalled by hitting etc, but the road rage kind of evaporates. You're just too busy refereeing the "he breathed on me" battles to work up that kind of steam. Good luck next time. Another golden rule of playdates/outings, etc is leave on a good note. So try to make the situation good even for a minute so you can exit successfully and happily. With luck, that's what your child will remember. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2209 Registered: 9-2003  |
I agree with ess. Especially, kids need to learn never to hit someone in the face. On the "don't hit girls thing (as if it's ok to hit boys): I'm going to guess that however hip and non-sexist we all are, something slightly different goes on emotionally for fathers of daughters. I see it with my husband and our daughter. The protective thing, for good and for ill, kicks in and the lessons of youth (don't hit girls, ever) take over. It probably seemed the more heinous because it was a little boy hitting his little girl. I've seen my mildmannered husband have that reaction. And, yeah, our daughter appreciated it. Seen the same crap in "ball rooms" and play tunnels at McD, Ikea and similar. Always a challenge as we don't seem to have any agreed-upon public mores on this stuff. Sure, let yer great big 10 year olds fall all over the toddlers for whom the play space was intended... | ||
| Duncan Supporter Username: Duncanrogers Post Number: 5575 Registered: 12-2001  |
ok we agree about no hitting. Kids are gonna hit kids. specially at 2 yrs old. Running over and screaming showed that you are not in control of your anger (to the daughter)...playing devils advocate for a moment) and that when confronted with aggression the thing to do is return it. Now trust me, when I was a kid I had a wooden spoon taken to my butt if I spoke or did some of the things my son does, and there are times I reach for it, but in the end it teaches that the reaction to violence is violence. But Richard, you, just like me and thousands of other parents, responded biologically. Someone (albeit a 2 year old) attacked your daughter and good for you for getting in there. Seriously. One of the biggest schisms in my brain as a parent is the one between what worked on me as a kid and what works on my kid as a kid. They are not the same. Hypothetical.. if my sons first grade teacher hit him on the knuckles with a ruler I can just imagine the rucus at the school. But to quote Big Russ..."If father (teacher at catholic school) says you done wrong...you done wrong" Good luck going forward Richard, it is soooooooo hard to curb the biological protective instincts and still remain sane. | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 2632 Registered: 12-2004  |
Little ones hit each other. It's what they do. They are pre-verbal and in most cases only know how to react physically. I'm afraid I think you reacted badly towards a 2-year-old boy (in fact, when I first read your post I kind of skimmed over the mention of age, and initially thought you were talking about much older children--based on your reaction). He really doesn't understand right from wrong when it comes to hitting, and my not understand it for many years to come. You may as well have screamed at him for breathing, for as much control as he has over himself at this point. This is not to say I don't understand why you reacted that way. I've seem my children hit and punched and pushed and sometimes even bitten. I always do my level best (and usually succeed) in maintaining calm with my children and with the child that has hit them. I always make it abundantly clear to the offender the hitting is not O.K., but I do so without screaming, yelling, shaming or intimidating. I can only imagine the mother of this 2-year-old boy was as mortified by the whole thing as you were. I'm sure it didn't make her day to have you screaming at her as if she had told the child to hit your daughter. Generally, I try to cut the other parent some slack in these kinds of situations because I'm pretty sure most parents are not O.K. with their kid hitting other kids. I also have a problem with this "boys hitting girls" thing. Hitting is never O.K. be it boy on boy, girl on boy, or girl on girl. | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 2633 Registered: 12-2004 |
I should probably add that when I see one of my boys get hit or pushed or whatever, my immediate reaction is to go smack the other child upside the head and knock them on their bratty little asses! | ||
| Gordon Agress Citizen Username: Odd Post Number: 321 Registered: 8-2004 |
I think boys hitting girls is much worse than hitting boys. Kids should never hit, but let's face it, as they get older there are exceptions. But there are many fewer exceptions to the rule that men don't hit women. Men are tempted to do so when they are drunk, angry, or, uh, frustrated. In such moments, a gut level revulsion is the best guard against doing something they'll regret. Boys should be taught it's not right to hit, it's especially wrong to hit someone smaller than you, and that it is always downright cowardly and despicable to hit girls. | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 2635 Registered: 12-2004 |
Good for you Gorden. I think anybody hitting anybody for any reason is heinous. I believe the term is "assualt" and I believe there is a law against that. I'm also not very big on this whole "boys will be boys" philosophy, and that it's O.K. if boys hit boys, but it's not O.K. if anybody else hits anybody else. But perhaps that just a "girl" thing on my part. | ||
| FCF Citizen Username: Fcf Post Number: 14 Registered: N/A |
How dare you treat the mom (and the son for that matter) that way? Of course the hitting was inappropriate, you want to protect your daughter, etc. but I completely disagree with how you handled it. | ||
| doulamomma Citizen Username: Doulamomma Post Number: 797 Registered: 3-2002 |
well said, Dr. O'Boogie | ||
| Dr. Winston O'Boogie Citizen Username: Casey Post Number: 1869 Registered: 8-2003  |
really? I thought it was redundant and maybe a little harsh so I deleted it. here's what doulamama was responding to:
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| Richard Steele Citizen Username: Brookwood Post Number: 55 Registered: 5-2005 |
Dr. boogie I would love to say you are right about having reports in daycare, but hnestly she has had NONE.No biting or hitting form other children.A fall or two but no reports of any physical altercation with the other children.I definately wasn't looking to be congradulated by my actions.I just wanted to know how others would have responded.like I said earlier.this was my very 1st incident.I teach my daughter how to play without hitting.So far it's working.I would just hope others would do the same.Especially if their children are going to be around other children, and not the ones that they may be familiar with in daycare either. | ||
| Rastro Citizen Username: Rastro Post Number: 2213 Registered: 5-2004  |
Actually, FCF, I'm more inclined to appreciate the way he treated the parent (the reaction should be no different for a man or a woman) than the son. Kids don't always understand that what they are doing is wrong. And even when they do, at that age, they are testing their limits. While I wouldn't have yelled at the kid, I certainly would have said something sternly to him. The parent, on the other hand, either was not watching her son, or was not close enough to stop the behavior. Now, granted, we don't know if there are other factors here (e.g. another kid to watch, etc.), but once her son started to push around another kid, she should have been on him. And why was it that Richard was able to get over to the kids before she did? Because he was watching his daughter. | ||
| Richard Steele Citizen Username: Brookwood Post Number: 56 Registered: 5-2005 |
FCF, although you fealt what I did was inappropriate, the only thing that was hurt with the child and the mother were their feelings.My daughter got slapped in the face.she was physically hurt.I think they got off way easier than my daughter did.Maybe, just maybe she could explain why I reacted like that.I think my daughter smart enough to understand some of the things I teach her.Now she gets a chance to teach him what's wrong and what's right. | ||
| Carrie Avery Citizen Username: Carrie33 Post Number: 1277 Registered: 1-2005  |
Richard: I would have been just as irate as you. I would have reacted the same way. I would, however, not feel guilty for yelling at that mother, I would have told her to have her child apologize to mine. If she did not agree, I would be happy when they went away. Such disregard for others, no matter what age, is inappropriate. People can be rude at any age, they should smarten up.( yes, I am tough, but it will pay off) | ||
| Dr. Winston O'Boogie Citizen Username: Casey Post Number: 1871 Registered: 8-2003 |
maybe the woman would have handled this very well if she had been given the chance. once Richard started yelling at her son and then her, what is she supposed to do, besides leave? being angry or irate is understandable as just about everyone has agreed. but it isn't the best way to handle the situation. did anyone here learn anything worthwhile? does anyone think the son learned a lesson? he learned that his aggressive behavior was met by an adult's aggressive response. the mother now feels like a victim. and Richard's daughter may have learned her dad would stick up for her, but I'm sure she knew that already. and afterwards Richard felt terrible. it was lose-lose all the way around. understandable given the circumstances, but nothing to feel good about. | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 2636 Registered: 12-2004 |
I'm sorry, we are talking about 2-year-olds here, right? I would say Richard's reaction would have been appropriate had the children been 7 or 12 or 15. But a 2-year-old? For God's sake the child was only reacting in a way that comes naturally for a 2-year-old! And no matter how many times his mother may have told him "no hitting," it makes no never mind in the heat of the moment. THE CHILD IS ONLY 2 YEARS OLD! I don't understand anyone who can condone an adult intimidating a baby--regardless of the circumstances! Had I been that mother, I would have told Richard exactly where to go for screaming at my 2-year-old child. And I would have shown my child that even bullying adults are wrong and they have no right to yell at a child. I also would have made it clear to my child that hitting was not O.K.--again! | ||
| Dr. Winston O'Boogie Citizen Username: Casey Post Number: 1872 Registered: 8-2003 |
you said it better than I did. | ||
| themp Supporter Username: Themp Post Number: 2462 Registered: 12-2001  |
You overreacted. | ||
| Bob K Supporter Username: Bobk Post Number: 10289 Registered: 5-2001 |
When our daughter was that age she and a neighbor boy, also a classmate in nursery school, used to hit on each other virtually everytime they met. They still hate each other, although the physical expression of their feelings ceased by kindergarten. LOL | ||
| Carrie Avery Citizen Username: Carrie33 Post Number: 1278 Registered: 1-2005 |
Perhaps you are right, on one hand, it was an over-reaction, but when are we ever so rational when it comes to our children and their safety? We can definately learn from our own actions, though, whatever age the child is, we don't like to see them hit upon by anyone.It might be, next time, Richard ( or I) might act differantly, but who knows. | ||
| Hamandeggs Citizen Username: Hamandeggs Post Number: 164 Registered: 8-2005 |
There seem to be two sets of reactions on this board, and I wonder how that connects to where we are on the parenting spectrum. Those of us with younger kids seem inclined to give the 2yo a break. The end result though is important, and this man's reaction ruined playtime for two sets of kids and parents. I think he is asking how to avoid this next time. I also wonder if his anger terrified his child; mine would be far more upset by that than by another's kid's slap on the face. Carrie, I think you are willing to give the adult a pass for acting irrationally, but not willing to give the other two-year-old a break for acting in a way that is (for toddlers) rational. This is what toddlers do (whether you see it or not -- it's there!). | ||
| Richard Steele Citizen Username: Brookwood Post Number: 57 Registered: 5-2005 |
Yes Ham&eggs every 2 year old in the world act like this...NOT!You are right about asking as to seeing how i might be able to avoid this if it happens again.But all toddlers reaction to things are not to hit.I'm no child phsychologist but my my 11 year old never had a hitting problem and I expect the same from my two year old who is doing exceptionally well with keeping her hands to herself.And no I did not scare my child I dried her tears and let her know that everything was gonna be fine.I didn't care at that particular time if I scared the other child but I do understand where some people are coming from.I think acting irrational is actually touching somone else's child in that kind of situation.Which I did not.We could of stayed, but I chose to leave. | ||
| Brett Weir Citizen Username: Brett_weir Post Number: 1193 Registered: 4-2004  |
Richard- Last fall I watched my 2 year-old son walk over to 2 boys 7-8 years old and sit to watch them play catch with a baseball. The boys then decided they wanted to pitch into the cage where he was sitting and told him to move. When he didn't, one boy walked behind the cage and started throwing the baseball against the cage at his head. I ran over and grabbed my kid and was in a full blood-rage, but breathed deeply and scolded the two boys coolly but definitively. I'm sure it had little effect. I didn't cool down so much for the sake of the two bullies as for my own son; flying off the handle would have made him more upset and set a bad example. Getting into a heated argument or fight would have gotten me arrested, which is also a poor outcome. Kids will do stupid things, especially kids whose parents don't watch and correct them when they act poorly. It's exasperating but increasingly more commonplace. Trust me, I'm not a complete saint either. My fallback plan had my 9 year-old daughter on deck if anything happened after I scolded the little bastards; she was ready to kick some *ss! | ||
| Hamandeggs Citizen Username: Hamandeggs Post Number: 165 Registered: 8-2005 |
Richard, You asked for feedback. Now you seem very, very angry about what you are reading here. Perhaps you should (this time) take that deep breath and consider how lucky you are to have such gifted, precocious and emotionally-mature children. You are indeed blessed to have children who have never ever hit, pushed, struck, pinched, grabbed, snatched, shoved, or otherwise failed to keep hands to themselves. I am a mother of three and a teacher for some fifteen years (and Scout leader, Sunday School teacher, etc. I've never, ever before known of a child -- let alone two -- who demonstrated such self control for an entire lifetime. You are very fortunate, indeed. | ||
| Richard Steele Citizen Username: Brookwood Post Number: 58 Registered: 5-2005 |
Not angry at all. It just bugs me when people do the grouping thing.like all todlers hit.I just disagree with statements like that. And thank you H&E. i'm sure I have plenty of time to find out how much self control they will have. I had two fights in my time and one of them the air got the worst of it.The second one 2 licks and done.I've voided plenty after.Hopefully my children will pick that gene up from me. trust me I do appreciate all of the feedback. |
