| Author | Message | ||
     MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 4290 Registered: 12-2004  |
Do you think three weeks is enough notice to give friends and--more specifically--relatives for a child's birthday party? It ain't a wedding for goodness sake. Come or don't come. Whatever! | ||
| Soparents Supporter Username: Soparents Post Number: 2463 Registered: 5-2005  |
PLENTY!! I've even known people phone out invitations a week ahead and had a great turnout.. | ||
| red Citizen Username: Redy67 Post Number: 6636 Registered: 2-2003  |
Definitely more than enough. | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 2849 Registered: 11-2001  |
I would agree. However, my children have received invitations for birthday parties as many as six weeks before the event. It's really out of control. | ||
| composerjohn Citizen Username: Composerjohn  Post Number: 930 Registered: 8-2004  |
Three weeks is perfectly fine. I've received invites three months in advance. Insane. | ||
| MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 4291 Registered: 12-2004 |
My SIL is a general PIA anyway. I send her the e-mail and get almost an immediate response "I'll try, but it's kinda short notice." So I write back "Three weeks is short notice. Jeez!" I think it seems pretty clear I'm busting chops, yes? Her response "Yes...I do work!" Not married, no kids. Like I said, come or don't. Whatever. I don't need no stinkin' lip. Three weeks (from tomorrow, to be exact) is about as far ahead as I'm capable of planning this anyway! Hubby's threatening to tell her not to bother to come. Oh yeah, one more thing, she's the birthday boy's godmother! | ||
| Joanne G Citizen Username: Joanne Post Number: 416 Registered: 10-2004 |
she must be related to my brother....  | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 15159 Registered: 1-2003  |
Let this one go. | ||
| red Citizen Username: Redy67 Post Number: 6640 Registered: 2-2003 |
Unbelievable and rude. | ||
| MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 4294 Registered: 12-2004 |
Oh, I have let it go. Just venting a little! Confirming that my perspective isn't just completely skewed. Generally, there's a whole lot less stress involved all the way around, at any family function, when SIL isn't there! | ||
| Soparents Supporter Username: Soparents Post Number: 2465 Registered: 5-2005 |
You could have sadistic fun with this. Tell everyone else that the party is in two weeks. When it gets to the day before, tell her that you are all looking forward to her coming tomorrow, when she questions it, say that everyone else is coming tomorrow, she must have misheard. Maybe she has too much going on a work right now and she got confused. Let her know you'll save her some cake... | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3461 Registered: 9-2003 |
Odd... one would think that those adults who would be invited to a child's birthday would have some idea when said birthday is and would expect an invitation would be forthcoming. Perhaps next year for the holidays you could get her one of those lovely perpetual calendars at The Museum Store and write in all the birthday/anniversary information for her. But... back to topic. Three weeks notice is more than adequate. | ||
| MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 4298 Registered: 12-2004 |
Um, yeah, well, his birthday is actually next Friday, August 4, the day we're leaving for a week at the shore. So the party is actually 2 weeks after his actual birthday. Poor planning (to a degree) on my part, as far as scheduling the beach rental. Although, last year was pretty much the same story. And I don't think she'd forget because hers is August 1, just 3 days before. No worries after this year. Once we're done paying for the addition, we won't be going anywhere on vacation for a long, long time! But we'll have a nice big, brand new kitchen in which to throw the party! | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 7866 Registered: 5-2001 |
If you really want her to come to the birthday party, ask her when she will be available and then set the date/time accordingly. Otherwise, don't be upset if she has other plans, regardless of the amount of advanced notice you give her. Since she is the child's godmother, if she can't make the party, you can always plan a special event, just her and your immediate family and do something together that the birthday boy will especially enjoy. | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1186 Registered: 10-2003 |
MATB-I always call my sister-in-law and the parents of our other Godchidren in advance to find out when the celebration is so that we do not book anything. I think that she is short on Godmother etiquette. Ciao! BGS | ||
| combustion Citizen Username: Spontaneous Post Number: 299 Registered: 4-2006  |
I actually like advance notice for parties, even little kid parties. Nothing crazy like a couple of months notice, but please try to remember, some people do work and have to schedule these things. I work a rotating shift, both my hours and the days of the week I'm working are constantly changing. When my sister recently sent me notice of my nephew's birthday party 10 days before the event, I had to struggle to arrange time off. Maybe she figured that since it was a Saturday everyone would be off anyway and it wouldn't be a hassle. | ||
| lizzyr Citizen Username: Lizzyr Post Number: 284 Registered: 5-2001 |
parties in the summer are hard. People have vacations and weekend plans. I don't know the "guest", but maybe she has a legitimate conflict. When planning anything in the summer, I try to give people as much notice as possible and then (try to) be understanding if they say they have a conflict. on the other hand, since she is the godmother & it sounds like you often have family birthday parties, she might have politely asked you earlier in the summer when the party was going to be. (I generally do this with my unorganized SIL - she may have the date set in her mind, but her practice of invites 2 weeks in advance doesn't usually work with our family's crazy schedule). | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 15166 Registered: 1-2003 |
What day of the week is the party, and what time of day is it? If it's in the evening or on the weekend, why might work conflict with the party? If it conflicts, doesn't that really indicate that her priority is her job and not your son? I'm not saying it should be otherwise. I'm saying that if taking time off work for the party is hard for her, there's not much point in making an effort to catering to her schedule. | ||
| combustion Citizen Username: Spontaneous Post Number: 304 Registered: 4-2006 |
"If it's in the evening or on the weekend, why might work conflict with the party?" Work might conflict because not everyone works Monday through Friday, 9am to 5pm. Some of us have different schedules. I don't have a "normal" schedule, neither does hubby, nor my mother. People forget this and automatically make plans for Saturday or Sunday, thinking everyone will be off. That's not always the case, and taking off work last minute isn't always easy. Doctors, nurses, EMT's, paramedics, police officers, firefighters, and many, many others often work shifts that are unconventional. It isn't that we don't care about showing up to these events, but if we're told last minute, and we happen to be working that day, it can be difficult to get off. Give us a few weeks notice, and that gives us more time to talk to the boss and find coverage. If asking for some advance notice for events makes me self centered, then so be it. | ||
| Just The Aunt Supporter Username: Auntof13 Post Number: 5787 Registered: 1-2004  |
Meand- As someone Godmommie to four of my thirteen nieces and nephews, I make sure I know when their birthdays are. Luckily all but one is out of the Chuckie Cheese stage; so I look forward to their parties! As BGS posted, sounds like someone is lacking in Godmother etiquette. You gave plenty of notice. I doubt it will do you any good this year, for next year maybe you could call said SL and ever so sweetly tell her I know you have a very busy schedule, so I was hoping maybe you could let me know what a good day would be for you to plan Little Godson's Party. You know how much he loves you and he would be oh so hurt if you couldn't make it. (I'm being somewhat sarcastic, but she doesn't have to know that.) Is she's a nurse; I could maybe understand a 'Schedule conflict?' Not everyone can easily get time off without two weeks notice. With one of the agencies I, worked for due to my responsibilities, unless I had a very good reason, it would be hard for me to get off without a couple weeks notice. | ||
| doulamomma Citizen Username: Doulamomma Post Number: 1629 Registered: 3-2002 |
Three weeks - I'm impressed! That's more than enough notice. I'm with you - come or don't come - just let me know already. My friend, who is godmother to 2 of my three (but really all), actually checks with me to ask about any party plans so she can try to make it & even help out...if she can't be there because of long out of town jobs, she makes a special time to do something with them...she takes the honor pretty seriously. My husband's freind is godfather to our oldest - he has ever missed a birthday either. My childrens' only aunt, on the other hand, doesn't seem to know the birthdays of the only children in the family and has certainly never even sent a card...her name is Me** (that's less rude than spelling the whole thing out, right?) and we say "It's Me** with the accent on ME"... | ||
| lamojo Citizen Username: Lamojo Post Number: 190 Registered: 7-2002 |
I think 3 weeks is enough notice in general and agree w/ many of the posters, but with close family members (especially grandparents & godparents) I try to check to see if they're OK with a party date before I select it. Her response "I do work" would really bug me, as a mom who works around the clock albeit w/o pay (my fortunate choice, I know). I hate pain in the arse family members!! We have our share too. | ||
| bella Citizen Username: Bella Post Number: 617 Registered: 7-2001  |
Meandtheboys, You so had me until this comment : "Not married, no kids." Umm, so single people don't have friends, events, vacations, plans? You have entered the smug married zone. Please pull out your road map, get off your high horse, and walk back to the real world where everything does not revolve around your children. Maybe your SIL has a full social life, maybe she has a stressful job and looks forward to her weekends, maybe she was planning on going down the shore. For crying out loud, cut her some slack. Maybe, just maybe, she finds children's parties to be tedious. For instance,I love my nephews to pieces, but a room full of kids, not my own, not raised the way I was (ie, to be polite guests)? No thanks. | ||
| MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 4299 Registered: 12-2004 |
Hey bella, if you were right, I'd agree with you. But just so happens you're wrong on all counts. Perhaps a bit "sensitive" about your single status, but absolutely off the mark in that none of the possible hypothetical scenarios you mention even come close to applying in this situation. But thanks so much for your valuable input. Certainly makes quite a "statement" about you, and in only 617 posts! You go girl! | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 15168 Registered: 1-2003 |
I didn't take herandtheboys' comment to mean single people have lots of free time. I just took it to mean that people who work don't necessarily need more advance notice than people who, uh, what?, don't pull down a salary for their work? The question is how much advance notice is reasonable. For most of us, three weeks is more than ample for a little kid's party. It wouldn't hurt to ask SIL how much notice she'd like next year. If she wants two months, you'll have to say you don't think you can swing that. If she wants four weeks, you can hope, but you probably wouldn't promise that either, right? | ||
| Royce Citizen Username: Royce Post Number: 18 Registered: 1-2004 |
I agree with Bella, and I'm not single, so save your snide remarks about being "sensitive" about my status. Your "not married, no kids" comment suggests that you think your SIL has nothing better to do than attend your kid's birthday party -- why else would you have thrown those facts in there? People have a lot going on during the summer, 3 weeks isn't enough notice if you really want someone to show up. And your "she's the birthday boy's godmother" remark suggests you'd be bitching about her even if she had simply responded she's not coming. | ||
| Joe Citizen Username: Gonets Post Number: 1315 Registered: 2-2004 |
It's enough notice, and it sounds like she's trying to think up an excuse to not come or to leave early. She's probably being standoffish for the obvious reasons that Bella cited and the fact that you and she have a bad relationship. Expect more of the same for years to come. There's not much you can do about her behavior, but you can definitely refrain from bad mouthing her. | ||
| Nashira Citizen Username: Nashira Post Number: 46 Registered: 7-2006 |
I think three weeks is ample time to give for a child's birthday party. I used to get all worried and bent out of shape with my family, because there is never a time that is convenient for everyone and everyone made me feel like I had to accommodate them. I think with children, especially if they are involved in community activities; i.e., swim team, baseball, soccer, theater, etc., it is hard to know their schedule sooner than that. If your sister-in-law cannot make it, I would just gratiously accept it and leave it at that and try not to feel guilty that this was planned at a time she could not make it. I do work some weekends and had to learn that it was okay to say "no" to my family for certain events or just explain to them that I would be coming late. If your sister-in-law does work weekends, maybe she has already taken too much of her personal time to attend events that are planned on weekends. Since I am usually the one who usually plans and hosts holiday dinners, I have learned to give a general time and make food that can be reheated when everyone gets there. | ||
| KRNL Citizen Username: Krnl Post Number: 106 Registered: 9-2005 |
Three weeks can be cutting it close in the summertime. We just faced a similar situation--the invitation arrived while we were on vacation out west and a christening party was the day after we arrived back home on a red-eye. 1. We missed the deadline to RSVP (the party was at a restaurant) and 2. We were still quite out of time-sync. If the invitation had been sent out 4 weeks in advance it would have arrived in time for us to RSVP--and, psych up to join in the merriment! | ||
| combustion Citizen Username: Spontaneous Post Number: 320 Registered: 4-2006 |
"Not married, no kids." I am married, but I don't have kids. Okay, I'll let you in on a little secret. My husband and I only pretend that we have responsibilities and scheduling conflicts, but the truth is, it's all B.S. When we're at home, my husband and I just sit around doing nothing. He sits in his smoking jacket, with a cigar and a glass of Courvoisier, while I lounge around in my silk negligee and kitten heels, eating bon-bons. Aren't all people without children that way? I hear unmarried people have it even better. Not only do they not have children, they don't even have a spouse to answer to, they spend all their free time jet-setting all over Europe. That's why they pretend to be busy too, so you won't cut into their Swedish Spa time. | ||
| Scully Citizen Username: Scully Post Number: 843 Registered: 8-2005 |
I always suspected that... | ||
| bella Citizen Username: Bella Post Number: 619 Registered: 7-2001 |
meandtheboys - Not sensitive about being single, just annoyed with people who think that it translates into being something less than they. Especially caustic housefraus who have nothing better to do than post 4299 times in 2 years. Yes, I have less posts than you, but I've been posting longer than you. I simply pointed out how your uncalled for remark about her marital/parental status lost the argument for you in my view. You decided to attack me. As for the "you go girl"- does anyone still say that? Oh yeah, it must be the housewives who watch reruns of A Different World while the kids are napping to keep abreast of the newest lingo. | ||
| Illuminated Radish Citizen Username: Umoja Post Number: 48 Registered: 6-2006 |
People will complain either way, so I'd say it's better to have more time to complain. | ||
| crabby Citizen Username: Crabbyappleton Post Number: 746 Registered: 1-2004 |
3 weeks is way too much time. I'd forget by the time the party came around. (Unless it was a cocktail party  The less notice the better. | ||
| Nancy - LibraryLady Supporter Username: Librarylady Post Number: 3738 Registered: 5-2001  |
the being single, no kids quote makes sense when you think that intead of three or four people's scheedules to deal with, most singles have only one, themselves. ItiIS harder to juggle multiple peoples schedules. It doesn';t mean that single people are less busy, just that there are less of them in a unit to coordinate with. | ||
| Joanne G Citizen Username: Joanne Post Number: 421 Registered: 10-2004 |
Hey Nancy, speaking of birthday parties - you missed a great lunch on Saturday!!!! Well, apparently the food wasn't all that great (some people complained about their orders being undercooked), but company was wonderful except for one glaring omission - you! Have some pics of me and my sister if you want me to PL them... FWIW, I married late, have no kids and am aunt to several (we don't do godparents in my family). I don't remember dates. My work used to be when others weren't. So I check when family plans are scheduled especially if I haven't heard anything by at least 6 weeks before. Not that I expect anything firm at that time - it lets the organiser know what I think I'm doing. It reminds them I need to know in writing becuase I will forget and triple-book. It reminds them I need to organise travel plans, cat-sitters, finances, etc. It reminds them to organise. Sometimes three weeks is too short notice, sometimes it's heaps.If you're close emotionally and geographically, missing one birthday party doesn't really matter anyway...how you communicate regret at missing it does. IMHO. | ||
| MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 4300 Registered: 12-2004 |
Thank you Nancy. Good to know there are some people who "get" what I meant when I said, "not married, no children," rather than taking it as a personal affront and deciding they know everything about me, and what I think, and what my motivations are. But then again, you'd actually have to have kids to understand what it means to juggle all those schedules. I was single for a long time. Now I'm married and have three kids. There is a huge difference in the amount of coordination required to schedule just about anything. 1 person, one schedule. 5 people, 5 schedules. I'm sure even Bella must understand that simple math. I only hope when Bella decides to get married and have kids, that people automatically jump to the conclusion that she is a "hausfrau" who has nothing better to do than sit home and watch "reruns of A Different World"--whatever that is. I simply stated that the SIL wasn't married and didn't have kids, darling. You were the one who made the assumption that I was somehow implying that she was "less" than me. Thus the comment about your apparent sensitivity about your single status. Seems to me that if you were entirely comfortable with being single, you would not have interpreted a simple statement of fact as a condemnation of a particular lifestyle and an illustration of my personal beliefs. But I understand, sweet pea, denial is a powerful thing. So you just go ahead and keep telling yourself it doesn't bother you that your single. Maybe someday you'll believe it. And, actually, the original question was "is three weeks enough notice for a party?" Regardless, if it's a kids party, a cocktail party, a dinner party, a sexy lingerie party, a tupperware party, or any other damn type of party, three weeks ought to be more than enough notice for any normal person (be they married, single, divorced, widowed, working, unemployed, heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, transexual, young, old or anywhere in between) to make whatever arrangements are necessary (or not) to come! Generally, I find when I am not able to make a party that I've been invited to three weeks in advance, I simply say "I'm sorry, I won't be able to make it." I'm generally not in the habit of making snotty remarks like "that's kind of not enough notice" because "I have five schedules to juggle." | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 2134 Registered: 10-2003  |
Me, I hear you! Last week when my cat, Ernie, sent out invitations to his party all the feral cats were making snyde remarks that had no relevance. As if!  You stated your sister-in-law is a general PIA anyway, so I'm sure her comment isn't completely out of character. You made the offer, you can ask your husband to follow up with his sister or wait for the rsvp. The truth is, during this truly chaotic summer you are probably better off not having her around. | ||
| bella Citizen Username: Bella Post Number: 620 Registered: 7-2001 |
I am bowing out of this because you obviously aren't going to understand my opinion about what you said and are going to continue to relegate my views to that of someone who is just overly sensitive about their marital status. There are other things that I would like to say, but I am going to remember that I was brought up to be a lady and thus, since I have nothing nice to say to you, I will cease to say anything to you at all. | ||
| combustion Citizen Username: Spontaneous Post Number: 326 Registered: 4-2006 |
Three weeks is okay. But some were posting that is was MORE than enough, they seem to imply that one or two would be sufficient. I disagree. I have to agree with Bella as far as the "not married, no kids" remark is concerned. I also took that to be snide remark. Maybe the person in question is a jerk and doesn't deserve the time of day, but if that's true, it isn't because she's not married and doesn't have children. The remark also seemed to imply that because she was alone, she had tons of time and would be willing/able to drop everything at your convenience. Unmarried and/or childless couples do also have obligations that they need to attend to. Or maybe I'm just sensitive about my childless status. Figured I'd label myself before you had a chance. |
