| Author | Message | ||
     Morrisa da Silva Citizen Username: Mod Post Number: 408 Registered: 12-2003 |
My husband and I were invited to his boss's daughter's wedding. We don't know the couple's tastes and they are apparently not registered anywhere. They are in their 20's so probably need things. I'm at a loss as to what to get for a gift. Any suggestions? | ||
| LibraryLady(ncjanow) Supporter Username: Librarylady Post Number: 3208 Registered: 5-2001  |
Toaster?? | ||
| Wendyn Supporter Username: Wendyn Post Number: 2877 Registered: 9-2002  |
Money. | ||
| Brett Citizen Username: Bmalibashksa Post Number: 2238 Registered: 7-2003 |
CASH | ||
| LilLB Citizen Username: Lillb Post Number: 1457 Registered: 10-2002  |
Unfortunately, it's a little dicey giving money to a boss' relation, I think. There's always the "Is it too much or too little?" question.... It's perfectly acceptable to give money as a gift, but when it's for a boss or his daughter, there's a slight risk there. Does your husband have the kind of relationship with his boss that he could find out a little more about what their interests are or what they might like? | ||
| Project 37 Citizen Username: Project37 Post Number: 36 Registered: 3-2006  |
It wasn't clear from your original post - did you directly ask if they were registered anywhere? Are any of your husband's colleagues also invited? Maybe consult with them? | ||
| wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 2219 Registered: 5-2001 |
While I sort of agree about the money/boss dilemma, the truth of the matter is that everyone has a sense of the price tag of non-cash presents. My suggestion is to have your husband double check the lack of a registry perhaps with the boss' secretary (they often know more) and if not registered either get a gift where it's clearly returnable - gift receipt etc. and mail it before the wedding - or bring a card and check with you. (There's the old Jewish joke, that you don't write out the amount in the check until you've tried the food first.) | ||
| susan1014 Supporter Username: Susan1014 Post Number: 1449 Registered: 3-2002 |
Something lovely and unique from a local arts and crafts shops -- Orange Tree, Kokoro, or the one on Baker St. (I'm drawing a blank on the name). Make it a semi-practical serving dish or vase. Unlikely to be returned, so the how much to spend on the boss's kid issue is done. Gives the implication that the boss's kid is well enough off to not need practical gifts/money. Hopefully sets you apart as someone with interesting taste (can backfire if your tastes are too interesting!) | ||
| Wendyn Supporter Username: Wendyn Post Number: 2879 Registered: 9-2002 |
Please don't get something lovely and unique from a local store. You have no idea what their taste is. I can't tell you how much cr*p I got for my wedding that I couldn't return. Most of it was dumped after the garage sale last year. If you have to buy something get a vase or something from Tiffany. They can return it and it is impressive to get that turquoise box. Or just give them $300. Oh and bosses are not always CEO's making 20 mil a year. My boss' family income (he has a SAH wife) is lower than mine. | ||
| IShep Citizen Username: Twinsmom Post Number: 169 Registered: 1-2003 |
$300! I think that is way too much. That's what I might give to a close relative. But I agree, don't get anything that's not "returnable." I've always disliked giving cash/gift cards because I think they're not personal, but for someone I don't know (and who's taste I don't know), I think it's appropriate--and always appreciated. In this case I would give a $150 pre-paid Visa card, I guess. | ||
| Brett Citizen Username: Bmalibashksa Post Number: 2239 Registered: 7-2003 |
CASH! | ||
| algebra2 Supporter Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 4027 Registered: 5-2001  |
Go to Abode in Maplewood Village -- they have lots of neat gift items. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 2003 Registered: 8-2003  |
I agree with Wendyn....nothing that is not returnable. The serving platter you think is gorgeous may simply not be their taste. Stick with gifts from major department stores | ||
| Josh Holtz Citizen Username: Jholtz Post Number: 366 Registered: 4-2004 |
Don't give gifts for a wedding - they're probably still spending every weekend since their engagement making returns. Give money. I guess you could look at it one way - how much is it going to cost them to have you at the wedding? $100 a head - then give $200. | ||
| Brett Citizen Username: Bmalibashksa Post Number: 2240 Registered: 7-2003 |
You have been invited to your husband’s boss’ daughters wedding. They have no idea who you are, probably have never met you. If you want to get someone a serving platter get one for the boss, the kids want money. Give cash, $100 per person will pay for your dinner / drinks etc. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3165 Registered: 9-2003 |
I think "things" will be covered by showers. You can't go wrong choosing something from any of the wonderful shops available, Abode, 10th Muse, even Classic Design Framing. A gift my son and his wife received was a wedding invitation framed above a mirror... bad description on my part.. but it's really nice. Krista could probably come up with something grand. | ||
| Josh Holtz Citizen Username: Jholtz Post Number: 369 Registered: 4-2004 |
If you get a custom made gift for someone you don't know and have no idea of what their tastes are - you'll be seeing it at their garage sale a year later. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 2005 Registered: 8-2003 |
must disagree with SoOrLady - I think you can go wrong with a lovely gift from those local shops. I happen to love all our local shops, but I don't love everything they sell. I can't tell you how many gifts we received we were unable to return. Some very well-intentioned, thoughtful guest thought they were lovely, but they simply weren't our taste. We received a thoughtful gift of our invitation in a shadowbox. The giver obviously thougbt it was lovely and that I would lovee it. Well, I HATED it. It;s sitting in my attic, along with the personalized ceramic mailbox I received as a shower gift. (hated that, too) Go with money. | ||
| Joe Citizen Username: Gonets Post Number: 1196 Registered: 2-2004 |
Agree with the money folks. Money is the only sure fire gift that everyone is happy to have. Use the formula that Brett provided $100/person and your fine. In fact if you go with $100 for your wife and yourself that's ok too. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3167 Registered: 9-2003 |
There are times I would go with money - but this is not one of them. It's the boss's kid. If you're worried about local stores, go with Wendn's advice and seek out the turquoise box. | ||
| algebra2 Supporter Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 4028 Registered: 5-2001 |
Hmmm, I think giving money to someone you don't know is tacky. The whole giving money to defray the cost of the wedding? Ick. I think it's a regional/culteral thing, I'm a WASP from Massachusetts at heart and feel funny when my husband insists on giving a cash gift. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 2006 Registered: 8-2003 |
Then I reiterate that a gift should be from a major department store, not a boutique. If they are not from around here, get a gift from a department store where they live. | ||
| susan1014 Supporter Username: Susan1014 Post Number: 1450 Registered: 3-2002 |
If a goal of the wedding is to hit the guests up for the cost of their dinner in cash or returnable items, then invitees should feel free to have conflicting special events that weekend, unless they are close to the couple, or simply looking for a paid party! If the happy couple is spending more than they can afford to throw the wedding, that is their personal issue. Yep, you get a few crappy gifts when you get married, when you celebrate a holiday, for a birthday. But when the **** did it become a societal norm that every gift had to either be cash or extremely returnable? Sometimes we give money, sometimes registry items, sometimes boutique arts/crafts items (especially if there is no registry) -- our taste is usually pretty good, so if the recipients don't like it, they can regift it when we aren't looking...but I refuse to feel bad about not giving cash equivalents. | ||
| Morrisa da Silva Citizen Username: Mod Post Number: 410 Registered: 12-2003 |
Thanks for all the responses. I asked my husband to inquire about a registry but no one seems to know. I'll ask him if he's asked the boss or his secy. He has asked some colleagues. I checked a few registries i.e Macy's, Bloomies,BBB,Pottery Barn,C & B, even Tiffanys but to no avail. I usually give money gifts for weddings but the boss's daughter thing is a little dicey. Just browsing through bloomies and macy's I saw some nice Villeroy and Boche Crystal Stemware and a Combo Coffe/Espresso maker caught my eye as well. Keep the comments and suggestions coming. I need them. Morrisa | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3168 Registered: 9-2003 |
Bosses kid - Tiffany's. Something plain in crystal - vase maybe or an engraved (or not) sterling silver picture frame. | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 13304 Registered: 1-2003  |
First, I agree with Algebra2 heartily. Money is tacky, especially since you don't know them. Second, I wouldn't worry much about this. As long as the gesture shows you're happy for the couple, it hardly matters what you give them. Try to get something you think they'll like. If you fail at that, I hope they won't tell you. So what if you don't know their taste? Give something you'd like, like a nice water pitcher. | ||
| Handygirl Citizen Username: Handygirl Post Number: 646 Registered: 2-2004 |
I don't think that money is tacky in this area of the country. It is more the norm than gifts (in my experience). I think of it as helping with the downpayment for a house or the cost of the honeymoon. Standard for weddings that you attend in this general area is at least $250-$300 per couple. I agree that people know, generally, what things cost (i.e. a toaster), but if you can't afford to give an appropriate cash gift and instead buy a less expensive give people will understand. Please don't buy something unique and funky that cannot be returned. Bad idea for all of the reasons mentioned. If you want to go with a gift, buy something nice and classic from Tiffanys or a big, well-known store. A beautiful bowl or something - you generally can't go wrong with Nambe http://search.bloomingdales.com/exec/?cartItems=0&PseudoCat=b.comSearch&q=nambe | ||
| Spare_o Supporter Username: Spare_o Post Number: 389 Registered: 9-2003 |
I really dislike giving money although have done it upon occasion. How about a nice picnic basket outfitted with plates, utensils, blanket, frisbee and napkins? If you wanted to spend more, you could also include a gift certificate to a local (for them) gourmet place that sells wines or cheeses or other picnic type food items. Generic enough that taste isn't a huge factor and out of the norm in terms of standard wedding gifts. If they are a relatively young couple, they probably won't have anything like this already and it's fun. I have also given an ice cream themed gift that included an ice cream maker, sundae bowls and banana split boats, all the toppings and other accessories but that is when I have known the couple and that they didn't already have something like this. | ||
| Seagull Citizen Username: Seagull Post Number: 72 Registered: 9-2002 |
For our wedding we got a crystal champaign bucket with a bottle of Dom Perignon in it. I thought that was a nice/classy gift for someone that you don't know. | ||
| Brett Citizen Username: Bmalibashksa Post Number: 2243 Registered: 7-2003 |
I don’t understand how money is considered tacky. We have a house full of crap right now that’ we’re trying to deal with from the engagement. Sure, the serving platter from my Aunt is neat, and we really enjoy it. But what am I supposed to do with the Platter that was given to me by the employee of my dads? Not that we didn’t appreciate it, but I’ve never met this person, he was invited by us because my dad wanted him there and my dad was also invited to one of his kids weddings. It’s not a memorable gift, but I guess I would call it trendy. In 2 years I wouldn’t be able to tell you this guys name. And it’s not that we can’t afford the wedding, or that the $150 that we’re spending to feed these people is going to break us, but a check for $100 would be much more appreciated. Think about it. The couple is receiving upwards of $10,000 in gifts; do you have any idea how hard that is to manage? Make the smart move and give money, there is a reason that they didn’t register. | ||
| LilLB Citizen Username: Lillb Post Number: 1458 Registered: 10-2002 |
Brett - I think it's a regional thing. It's done all the time here (and believe me I was glad to get $ as wedding gifts), but in other areas of the country it is considered tacky because it represents that you didn't put any thought into the gift and just threw some bills into an envelope (at least I think that's why it's considered tacky)... I still remember the tale from a friend after giving money as a gift to someone at a wedding in Maine. Not only was giving money considered tacky in that region, but it seems to be the tradition there (or at least by this particular bride) to open gifts in front of everyone the next day at brunch. When the bride got to opening her envelope of money from my friend, the way people reacted, you would think she had just given her herpes as a wedding gift. It just wasn't considered the "right" thing to do. | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 1561 Registered: 11-2001 |
I would agree with a cash gift or a crystal gift from a major store (for easy returns). Crystal goes with everything, and again, if they don't like it or need it, they can return it. Since you don't know them well, and do not know their tastes, something relatively plain will do. Or, of course, cash. By the way, Wendy, your comment above is just the sort of thing that fuels anti-Semitism, even if you are Jewish. Do we really need more of that? | ||
| BGS Citizen Username: Bgs Post Number: 825 Registered: 10-2003 |
A gift coin from Tiffanys in the amount that you would have given if you were giving cash. You want to show the boss that you took the time to do something for his child besides write a check. Tiffanys boxes the coin and makes a very nice presentation and you can have it sent... | ||
| Strings Supporter Username: Blue_eyes Post Number: 840 Registered: 4-2004  |
If you're still looking for registries, try theknot.com. A lot of couples getting married actually have their own wedding websites through there (many of my friends and old classmates do/did) and they also search almost every imaginable registry for the name you type in. Good luck! | ||
| CLK Supporter Username: Clkelley Post Number: 2090 Registered: 6-2002  |
This is why money is tacky, in my opinion. Bear in mind I only had 9 people at my wedding, representing four households, and only a few other gifts in addition to that. I remember every gift I got and who gave it to me. When I use the silver dessert forks that my husband's cousin sent from Ireland, I think of Noel & Angela. When I use the Tipperary Crystal glasses, I think of Auntie Mai and Uncle Austin. Neither of these things are in a pattern I would have chosen myself - but I honestly don't care. My sister gave me a clock that never worked and I couldn't return - but it sat faithfully on my mantle for years until I finally decided to get rid of it last year. It reminded me of my sister. I guess I use my KitchenAid mixer so often that I don't necessearily think about mom & dad when I use it, but it is still one of my most treasured possessions. I think we got money from a few people, but I couldn't swear to that and I don't remember who they are. The money is long gone, and I can't even tell you what we spent it on. We went to a wedding last year, and for some reason nobody ever told us that the bride & groom wanted cash only. We tried in vain to find out where they were registered, so we scratched our heads and came up with a neutral but nice gift of some Waterford crystal, which they weren't too gracious about receiving. We found out at the wedding that the deal was that they'd overspent on this huge splash-out wedding that they couldn't afford; they wanted enough cash to break even. i.e. literally "pay for your plate." Blech. What a way to start a marriage. Well they could return our crystal to any Macy's and get cash for it if that's what they really wanted - we put the gift receipt into the box. Our Irish relatives were shocked by all of this - also, the wedding was during Lent which caused some tongues to wag. The couple was forgiven by the Irish people when she gave birth precisely 9 months after the wedding. As for me - I see this as further evidence that this couple is lost. These are just my opinions only, but hopefully will clarify why some people find money gifts to be tacky. | ||
| CLK Supporter Username: Clkelley Post Number: 2091 Registered: 6-2002 |
I just re-read what I posted and realized it sounded as if I got rid of my clock because it reminded me of my sister! ooops. No, I kept it a long time because it reminded me of my sister, but got tired of explaining to too many people why I had a stopped clock sitting on my mantle. And one more thing - sure, you get presents you don't like. C'est la vie - and part of getting married. It gives you things to talk about with your girlfriends. My sister got some really weird things for her first wedding to a guy from PA Hillbilly Country, such as ceramic turkey platter painted in luminous primary colors - monster would love it, it really hurt your eyes to look at - but even she doesn't like the concept of cash presents. In some branches of my family people refuse to even look at the registries, as they seem like instructions to the guest. "Don't bother coming unless you get me one of these." Again, ymmv. I'm just explaining my own reaction, so that others will understand it. | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 13306 Registered: 1-2003 |
I think it's more important that a gift reflect a sentiment than be useful. If the usefulness reflects a sentiment, that's fine, but it's incidental. When you decide what message you want to send, you can choose the gift easily. | ||
| Brett Citizen Username: Bmalibashksa Post Number: 2244 Registered: 7-2003 |
CLK Absolutely, there are plenty of things that we will keep and remember who gave it to us. The Employee of my father is not one of those people. | ||
| CLK Supporter Username: Clkelley Post Number: 2092 Registered: 6-2002 |
I guess you're right, Brett. And given stuff you've written before I assume you'll have people like that at your wedding whether you want them there or not. Personally, I wanted my wedding to be close family only, and I don't like going to weddings of people I don't know. No judgments made here - just how I see it. | ||
| Morrisa da Silva Citizen Username: Mod Post Number: 411 Registered: 12-2003 |
Wow, maybe I should have put this in soapbox? Anyway, thanks all for your comments. They are enlightening. I'll discuss all with my hubby. Since it's his boss I'll let him make the final decision. I have scoped out a few nice things on Tiffany's website. Thanks for the Theknot.com website - I'll try that. Morrisa |
