| Author | Message | ||
     mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 5949 Registered: 5-2001  |
My friend Linda is coming to Maplewood from NYC Friday night to meet me for drinks. The situation with Linda is she is a he, or transvestite. She is a retired NYC fireman who came out soon after 9/11. We met through mutual friends and have been very close since. We are planning to start out at C'entanni's, and then head to Here's to the Arts. My question: Do you think Maplewood can handle this? I do not want Linda to be offended. Thanks for any input. | ||
| FlyingSpaghettiMonst Citizen Username: Noodlyappendage Post Number: 54 Registered: 11-2005 |
If Maplewood/So. Orange can't, nowhere can. Come on Mem, this isn't even a question here, thankfully! | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 5950 Registered: 5-2001 |
C'mon flying spaghettimonster, her and I have had problems in the West Village even! I would like to get people's opinions if you don't mind...I have had other friends have problems here. | ||
| Buzzsaw Citizen Username: Buzzsaw Post Number: 4376 Registered: 5-2001  |
Mem. Maplewood is way more hip than the w. village. I think you two will be fine. Where in the w. village? You might get people who take a double take, but they might just be checking you out. No worries. Have fun. | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 149 Registered: 3-2002 |
It's a tough question---what do you mean by problems? You may get some stares, but I doubt anybody would get in your face. | ||
| LilLB Citizen Username: Lillb Post Number: 1483 Registered: 10-2002  |
I don't think Linda is any more likely to face anything in Maplewood that she hasn't seen already in other places. Yes, people sometimes put their idiocy before their manners, but there's nothing you can do to prevent that, and I don't think the probability of that occurring increases by going out in Maplewood as opposed to other places in the Metro area. At the very least, I would go out with the expectation that people will notice. No matter how accepting someone may be of it - they still notice, but I don't think you'll get any kind of hassle about it or run into a situation where other people make her feel uncomfortable. It's nice that you want to protect your friend - that's what friends do - but I think you'll be able to go out, have a good time and make some fun memories without hassle. | ||
| The Libertarian Citizen Username: Local_1_crew Post Number: 1907 Registered: 3-2004  |
Maplewood is way more hip than the w. village. ROFLMFBO!! | ||
| FlyingSpaghettiMonst Citizen Username: Noodlyappendage Post Number: 55 Registered: 11-2005 |
Mem...it is she and I, not her and I. All I meant is I suspect Maplewood/So. Orange would be one of the best places to socialize cause most of us here are more accepting than any other place locally. No one her is going to be in your faces. A few stares, maybe,especially if Linda isn't well along in her transformation. And I just realized that you said tranvestite and not transsexual. But I still don't think it will make much of a difference. Good luck. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7145 Registered: 5-2001  |
Let's be blunt: how well does she dress? Anyone who wears stillettos, fishnets, navel-plunge backless top and mini-skirt is going to get looked at around here. Evenmore so if she's 6' tall and has chest hair. I'm not stereotyping here. I've known many trans in my life and the ones who seem to get the most stares and hassles are very poor dressers. Tell her to make sure that her clothes fit properly, that she waxes and her skirt (should she choose to wear one) should be long enough to cover her huevos. | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 5951 Registered: 5-2001 |
Buzz - thanks for the laugh! Her and I will most likely put up with the odd stare, laugh and/or snide remark, which was what we have received at a few places in the Village and on the sidewalks, but her and I are tough cookies and can handle it - just would hate for her and I to have to walk out of anywhere. I want to be proud of Maplewood. I was curious to see if anyone would predict anything more confrontational. | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 5952 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greenetree - She is a terrible dresser - reminds me of my grandmother (sorry grandma!) Very conservative, similar to Mrs. Doubtfire, and has no clue, but that's who she is. | ||
| wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 2281 Registered: 5-2001 |
You might get a few more weird stares if you keep saying her and I but that's Maplewood for you (or rather that's MOL for you). Make sure you introduce me if I see you both. I often meet my husband for a drink at C'entanni's after work on Friday. Cheers. | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 5953 Registered: 5-2001 |
Her and I her and I her and I her and I her and I omigod everyone is staring at me!  | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7148 Registered: 5-2001 |
Sounds like you are safe. Although, it could make for quite the interesting What Not to Wear episode. | ||
| Mayor McCheese Supporter Username: Mayor_mccheese Post Number: 1128 Registered: 7-2004  |
mem, maybe you could hire someone to hand around you ladies that night. Keep them a small distance away and have that person cause a scene. No one will care about you two if there is some crazy person in a spedo drinking goat blood 10 feet behind you. | ||
| ffof Citizen Username: Ffof Post Number: 4647 Registered: 5-2001  |
ehem- in this instance..."just would hate for her and I to have to walk out of anywhere" it should be me and her On Friday, I'll be sure to be on the lookout, mem, for you and her (or thee and thou?)! | ||
| BGS Citizen Username: Bgs Post Number: 884 Registered: 10-2003 |
Now are we all going to go to Centanni's for a drink to make sure that Mem and her are okay????? | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 5954 Registered: 5-2001 |
Mayor - The job is yours, however, can you please email me a picture of you in a speedo so I can ensure that this package deal you are offering to I and she is sufficiently enough to cause a scene. I promise I won't post it here. Thanks a bunch. | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 7214 Registered: 5-2001 |
Mem: I'm certain you and your friend will be noticed on Friday evening since you have so many friends who frequent both C'entanni's and Here's to the Arts. You and your friend may be a lot more comfortable if you introduce your friend to those you know at both places. The key here is to be relaxed and comfortable yourselves. If you can do this (and you certainly should be able to) nobody is apt to consider you strange for being on out on the town with a conservative dresser. | ||
| Spare_o Supporter Username: Spare_o Post Number: 393 Registered: 9-2003 |
Mem--I hope that, aside from the expected glances, your evening out goes well. I want to live in a town where people can come and feel comfortable. | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 1630 Registered: 11-2001 |
Ffof - if you really want to split hairs, it would be "I would hate for her and me to have to walk out of anywhere". The other person always goes first. Better yet, use "us". | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7152 Registered: 5-2001 |
Growing up, I'd say "her and I are going" and my mom would always correct me "she and I". I'd say, "yeah, the three of us are going...". Drove her nuts. But I always use my pronouns correctly because of it. | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 5958 Registered: 5-2001 |
Aside from my awful grammar, she's a lovely person and a dear friend who has been through a lot. Like many of us. Cheers. | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 61 Registered: 3-2006  |
<<she's>> And there's your answer, mem. She must count herself very lucky to have a friend in you. So, whatever glances or remarks you may catch out of the corner of your eye, chalk it up to two beautiful,terrific women having a great time,enjoying each others' company,who are envied by the masses. Raise your glass to those envious people,smile brightly, and say: "Cheers" I hope you both have a lovely evening filled with laughter. (was my grammar ok? I'm a little self conscious now) Slainte, Calli | ||
| toad Citizen Username: Toad Post Number: 137 Registered: 6-2001 |
Maplewood's fine with it. Just steer clear of Chatham. | ||
| Bob K Supporter Username: Bobk Post Number: 11147 Registered: 5-2001 |
Mem, by announcing where you are going for drinks, you probably made this more of a problem than it would have been otherwise.  Years ago when I first started working we hired a young woman who was a little on the masculine side, especially her voice. She got along with everyone and was a very good worker. Her "secret" came out when she asked if sex reassignment surgery was covered by our medical plan. At the time it wasn't. A few years later that changed because of a change in New York law. She moved on and I hope things worked out for her. | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 5959 Registered: 5-2001 |
Bobk, One reason for "announcing" where we were going was to give fair warning. Cali, Slainte. Your grammar is perfect. Thank you for the kind words! | ||
| Phenixrising Citizen Username: Phenixrising Post Number: 1521 Registered: 9-2004  |
She is a retired NYC fireman Is she/he built? A thick & built transexual will surely draw attention in female clothing no matter how they are dressed. So EXPECT some stares, and the usual gossip surrounding you. If you can survive this, then you'll be OK. BTW… perhaps you BOTH can wave to the Village cam for us.  | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 5961 Registered: 5-2001 |
Phenixrising - She is stocky, about 6' and wears heels, knee length skirt and jacket suits, awful jewelry - carries terrible purses and wears a brown wig with gray streaks in it. Once we were crossing Hudson St and she tripped and fell over the curb and all these guys rushed up and reached down to help and when they rolled her over her boobs and wig were sideways and the looks on the crowd were priceless. We had a good laugh over that, except she did end up with a black eye. We will definitely wave at the webcam on our way to HTTA. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1496 Registered: 10-2003 |
Mem, I'm meeting some friends at HTTA Friday night (Walk the Dog is performing). We'll be gathering about 8. Why don't we save you seats? | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7160 Registered: 5-2001 |
Mem- perhaps you should take her shopping instead of to dinner? She sounds desperately in need of an intervention. Anyone who shows up at the restaurants just to gawk isn't worth worrying about. How tacky would that be? | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 5963 Registered: 5-2001 |
Las, Please do - thank you - we may not get there til 10 or so. Greene - I just don't know how to tell her how awful I think her taste is. Not to offend anyone, but it's very "old ladyish". How do I approach this with her? We won't mind if people come by to say hello (she loves to meet new people), as Joan said they will, but yes, the gawkers aren't worth worrying about. | ||
| kmk Supporter Username: Kmk Post Number: 1141 Registered: 5-2001  |
She has probably never had any help shopping. Think about it...if this is all new since 9/11 she has the experience of a 5 year old in women's clothing and they always end up looking like little old ladies (or fairies). Maybe some time spent looking at a Talbot's catalog would be a jumping off point! | ||
| Parkbench87 Citizen Username: Parkbench87 Post Number: 3972 Registered: 7-2001  |
Mem, Forget about people staring at Linda. I want to know the important stuff. Who is she supporting for the BOE race and what does she think about the Billy Wagner/Mariano Rivera "Enter Sandman" Theme Song controversy? | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7161 Registered: 5-2001 |
KMK has a great idea. Get ahold of a conservative but classic catalogue (i.e. the afore-mentioned Talbots) and say "I saw some things that would look so great on you. And there is a great purse that matches the xxxx you like to wear to dinner". She may actually welcome the help. I agree that she probably doesn't have anyone to show her how to put a woman's outfit together. Which may be why she dresses so conservatively; she doesn't want to look like a tacky drag queen. Perhaps invite her on a shopping trip with ESS? You can say that you guys were going anyway. Make a date. | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 1638 Registered: 11-2001 |
I was just about to jump in here and say that I would volunteer to go shopping with Linda. It seems as though the issue is not the transvestite one, but rather one of questionable taste in clothing. Nothing that a trip to Bloomingdale's/Nordstrom and Sephora couldn't fix. | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 13452 Registered: 1-2003  |
Some more comments about words: If you're talking about a transvestite, then it's a man who would be called "he," not "she." Or are you talking about a transsexual? I understand the new term for that is transgendered, though I think that's less accurate. I learned that gender is for inanimate objects and sex is for beings. But I think that distinction is now discarded. | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 5966 Registered: 5-2001 |
Tom, Who says? Linda wants to be called she and gets upset if I slip. | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 13456 Registered: 1-2003 |
Oh. OK then. Come to think of it, I knew a transvestite who would dress as a man sometimes and a woman other times. He was Mark or Mary, depending on his/her dress. Interestingly, he had a wife and kids. What do I know? | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 63 Registered: 3-2006 |
If Linda is going through so many interior transitions, forgive me for saying so, but maybe the time is not yet ripe for an exterior makeover. I suspect the reason she dresses so conservatively is because she is stocky and 6 feet tall--not exactly the body type Talbot's designs for--and it may be that more stylish clothes are not available in her size and budget. Certainly, handbags and jewelry can be found in a suitable scale for her. It might be thoughtful, mem, for you to give her a gift of a purse,or earrings or some other accessory, and guage her reaction to your gifts,before you suggest a shopping spree. I can only imagine that a shopping spree might overwhelm her, or she might feel that you don't accept her the way she is, and you need to change her, which seems very far from the truth (but don't forget, she lived a long time in a "macho" world). Just my 2 cents. Calli |
