| Author | Message | ||
     Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2531 Registered: 9-2003  |
Good luck to you, your mom and yours, greenetree. I'll be thinking of you. | ||
| BGS Citizen Username: Bgs Post Number: 807 Registered: 10-2003 |
Green-prayers continue....B | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7041 Registered: 5-2001  |
Thanks guys. I think, tho, that my mom will not die from her illness. Someone is going to kill her in an incident of Road Rage. I think that I mentioned a few weeks back that she has decided not to hold back her feelings anymore. Which, in theory, is fine. She is very nervous about tomorrow, so she called me on the way home from the office (!) to chat. Chatchatchatchat. ....we went to lunch and the funniest thing happened you stupid mother*&%#er, watch where you're going this woman was on her cell phone in the restaurant and we said to her get off my tail you goddamned $%#hole... Mom, where are you? On the road where I've gotten 3 tickets. I'm going the speed limit. These &^*holes need to stay off my tail. Do you think I should slam on my brakes? No, I think that if you got 3 tickets and are now going the speed limit, most people expect to go faster on that road. Don't worry about it; just ignore them and get home. That $#*&ng idiot! No one ever goes down this road. He's blocking the view of my front step Now I'm worried that she's lost her mind because I have no idea what the hell she's talking about. Mom, where are you? In front of my condo. There's a package on the step so I drove in the front of the building but this guy in the other direction is blocking my view. I'm going to turn my brights on and blind him. Mom, don't do that. Background noise, chit-chatting, oh, I'm not well and I was just trying to see. Oh, no thank you. I'll be fine. Who are you talking to? The man got out of his car and came over to ask me if I needed help. That was nice of him. But he also asked me to turn off my brights. I'm telling ya.... | ||
| doulamomma Citizen Username: Doulamomma Post Number: 1278 Registered: 3-2002 |
Well - I guess she's gotten in touch with her dark side! | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3123 Registered: 9-2003 |
Sending good thoughts your way this day Greenie.. let us know when you hear anything. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7050 Registered: 5-2001 |
I spoke with the doctor awhile ago. Given the situation, it's not as bad as I'd feared. Mom hasn't seen him yet and I haven't talked to her, so it doesn't seem right to post the details yet. Suffice it to say that we could be looking at months instead of weeks. yip-friggin-ee. | ||
| Bob K Supporter Username: Bobk Post Number: 11050 Registered: 5-2001 |
.....unless there is a very bad auto accident.  Hang in there. Obviously your Mom is enjoying herself. Releasing the Inner Tiger can be good for you. Growlllllllllllll | ||
| BGS Citizen Username: Bgs Post Number: 810 Registered: 10-2003 |
Greenie--yea!!! keep us posted...I also applaud you for respecting her privacy even though she probably would not even know that you posted here about her.... You are a good daughter! ;-) BGS | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2533 Registered: 9-2003 |
Hopin' she's on the plane to Chicago, to see the family there. And has a righteously good time. | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 7163 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greenetree: Wishing your Mom a wonderful time in Chicago. Please let us know how she is doing. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7052 Registered: 5-2001 |
I'll make this quick. At 1:00p, doc told me that there are two new spots on her liver and she may have some pnuemonia, but the lung tumor is a bit smaller. Yadda, yadda, months. However, based on her scans, it is likely that her extreme fatigue is just the effect of chemo. I said to him "Boy, she's really going, going, going. Her functional status doesn't seem to match her medical tests at all". (In literature, I believe that this is called "foreshadowing"). At 3:30p, Baby Bro (who truly rose to the occassion) called to ask me if the following conversation made sense: After hearing news, Baby asks Doc: so, how many liver spots? Are they the same ones or different? Doc flips thru chart and says "huh". Goes and calls radiologist. Turns out that one spot was mostly likely there before and that the CAT didn't take a complete picture back in January. And the second one is one from before which has shrunk. Baby Bro is quite proud of himself for pursuing this and wonders why I didn't. Poptart Guy wants to know if we should get a new doctor (no, we just know to question him more thoroughly. Perhaps a new radiologist). Mom will not be going to Chicago, but that's OK. She will be completely wiped out and unable to go watch the kids at ballet, hockey, etc. She doesn't want to sit around in a chair all week while they are out doing their activities. All is good. | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 7165 Registered: 5-2001 |
Good news about the tests but I am sure she is disappointed that she won't be going to Chicago just yet. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3126 Registered: 9-2003 |
Sorry she won't be able to go to Chicago just yet.. then again, maybe it's better to wait until the weather's warmer. Still, good news with the tests. Sounds like she will still be around to swear at bad drivers come summer. All good things to Greenefam... | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2534 Registered: 9-2003 |
Lordy, I hate when that happens (the radiologist thing). Sometimes you wanna just rip their throat out. I guess they don't realize what's hanging on their careless report. Good that Baby Bro felt "empowered." | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7055 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn - more than "empowered"; his style has always been to take a year to adjust to any drastic new situation and then get completely OCD about it. Not only did he question the doctor, he is currently working on his plan to fix the US healthcare system. I am not at all unhappy with his newly-found religion, but I do plan on calling the doctor on Monday and finding out exactly where the communications broke down. Mom is now going to Chicago. She is OK with not doing everything every day. I won the Battle of the Wheel Chair. She is too proud to take a chair from the gate to baggage claim ("I don't need it"). So, I threw her frustration with GMF back at her: Sure, so you will be too tired to go watch ballet or hockey and you won't get out of bed until Wednesday and you are leaving Thursday. Do you know who you sound like? GMF, when she stopped going to symphony because she couldn't walk all the way to her seat and refused the electric cart. But I can walk. Sure you can. And when you have to stop and rest for 20 minutes halfway to security and have to call Pop Tart Guy and tell him what's taking you so long, that will make a lot of sense. TS took a wheel chair when we came in at Xmas. But everyone could see her leg in the cast. Pull your hat over your head and pull your collar up. Who the hell do you know in Chicago? You are going to miss spending time with your grandkids because you don't want anyone to see you in a wheel chair? OK. I'll do it. But I don't know how to arrange it. This from the woman who bitches every time her mother calls and says "I don't understand" because she doesn't want to do something. Jesus Christ. OK, GMF. giggle from the other end But, I don't. That's amazing. The woman who has traveled all over the world, is the first woman in her business to win all these awards, raised 4 kids and prides herself on being self-sufficient, can't call the airline and arrange a wheel chair. I don't want to. Fine. I'll tell Poptart to do it. You are a pain in the •••. Good night. | ||
| wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 2165 Registered: 5-2001 |
I stand in amazement at everything you do, write, think and say. My bestest thoughts stay with you greenetree. Wendy | ||
| sac Supporter Username: Sac Post Number: 3278 Registered: 5-2001 |
I hear you on the wheelchair thing, loud and clear. My mother has given up all of the activities she used to love - including the symphony, museums, etc. because she can't walk well enough and refuses a wheelchair. No matter how hard we try, we can't convince her that it would be liberating for her rather than the opposite. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2541 Registered: 9-2003 |
OW! Greenetree, you hit her where she lives! Good for you that you found a motivational soft spot. I'm taking it that little electric scooter things are no better? sac and greenetree, is it what it means, or the "making a spectacle of one's self" angle? In any case, unfortunate if it causes them to miss some formerly pleasurable activities. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7057 Registered: 5-2001 |
It's the age-old story: telling a daughter that she is acting like her mother is the ultimate insult/motivator. Much to TS's dismay, however, it doesn't work as well on me. I have taken to saying "Oh well, you met my mother early enough to run for the hills". I don't know why I didn't think of it years ago. But now I only hear it on truly egregious occasions.  Cyn - I think that in Mom's case, it is a bit of both and in GMF's case, it is that latter. BTW - I think that there will be guac today. I'll call ya if there is. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2546 Registered: 9-2003 |
Coolness! I'm going out this a.m. to buy a new DVD player, pick up prescriptions and a few groceries. Curt's home, and might blank on who you are, but he will happily receive tasty food from strangers! Dig this. Took him to the doc (labs OK, scheduling next CAT/PET). Then the dentist (not been since we moved given one thing and another) due to recently broken off/fallen out tooth. In the last year and change, the dentist was the last thing on his mind. Anyway, the nearest appointment to have the rest of the tooth out was at a time I couldn't make. So, Dr. Fried's office person offered to PICK HIM UP AND TAKE HIM HOME!!! Can you believe that? I adore Fried anyway, but I was blown away. Curt now weights 115 at the doc, which is 2 lb up from a month ago. Many good jokes there, with Dr. Wax calling him "a little fatty." Yeah, it may all change later (hope not) but now I'm happy. We actually went out to dinner Fri night, all by ourselves as kid was at the movies. Ran into Wendy and her cute husband, had a stiff scotch and dinner. Just like normal people do. What a freakin' thrill. Don't you know that it seem to go/That you don't know what you've got till it's gone... | ||
| BGS Citizen Username: Bgs Post Number: 817 Registered: 10-2003 |
Cyn-good to hear good news from you...glad that he is packing on the weight! ;-). Good thoughts and wishes for you all. B | ||
| sac Supporter Username: Sac Post Number: 3282 Registered: 5-2001 |
My husband lives in fear that I will turn into my mother. And, unfortunately, his fear is probably quite well-founded at least on some fronts. However, I'm trying now to lay groundwork for myself not to adopt that attitude about the wheelchair when the time comes! | ||
| kmk Supporter Username: Kmk Post Number: 1100 Registered: 5-2001  |
Hey...I used a wheelchair in Santa Fe at The Geogia O'Keefe Museum. I had a sleeping 18 month old child and strollers were not allowed! I decided on the perfect "workaround". I grabbed a wheelchair, put the baby on my chest and had my husband and other two daughters push me around. It was the best! I have also used the electric shopping cart/wheelchair at the big Kings when I was on bed rest during my pregnancies. I didn't show at all and I am sure folks were wondering why I needed to use it, but I had a grand time tooling around in the scooter. | ||
| doulamomma Citizen Username: Doulamomma Post Number: 1289 Registered: 3-2002 |
I have a family friend with MS & she needs a scooter to get around - she has been through several over the years & has named them even!...she, I think, hated the idea at first but has come to be thankful for storing up her energy for other stuff besides walking...like traveling and enjoying her family | ||
| sac Supporter Username: Sac Post Number: 3284 Registered: 5-2001 |
I've heard that it is great to be in a wheelchair (or in the company of one) when you go to Disney and similar ... Is it true that you can go to the front of the line at the rides in that case? My mom has no interest in Disney even if we could get her into a wheelchair, but I hope that I would still appreciate it at that stage and wangle a trip with my future grandchildren. (I loved it five years ago, much to my surprise, when we made a trip there "for the kids".) | ||
| Lizziecat Citizen Username: Lizziecat Post Number: 1126 Registered: 5-2003 |
My mother refused to use a wheel chair for reasons of vanity. She could barely walk, even with a walker, but she didn't want anyone to see her in a wheel chair. As a result, she was more or less house bound in her last years. She complained bitterly that she couldn't go anywhere, but when she was offered the solution of a wheel chair or a scooter, she was vehement in her refusal. Towards the very end of her life, I bought a folding wheelchair and sneaked it into her apartment so that her home aide could use it if she had an emergency. The only time it was used was to get my mother to the car for her trip to the hospital where she died. I donated it to the Salvation Army. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7070 Registered: 5-2001 |
She's on the plane; keep your fingers crossed that the O'Hare adventure is uneventful. Oh - I have a call into the doc to hear it straight from the horses ...whatever.. about the radiology report. If it turns out that they did not compare the new report to the old one, I will file JCOHA complaint. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22854 Registered: 6-2001  |
Greenetree, you've been in my thoughts all day. I hope GreeneMom made it to Chicago with as little health impact as possible and that she's enjoying the hell out of her GreeneGrandkids. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7084 Registered: 5-2001 |
Thanks, Bets. I spoke with her last night and she sounds good. BTW - off-topic here, but what the hell..... I had to fill out a personality profile for work. It seems that I am "disengaged" from my job. Huh. Conversation with GMF when we were in OH a couple weeks ago: GMF: I went to the audiologist about a hearing aide. I am 60% deaf, so I am going to get a hearing aide. Do you realize how expensive those are? Mom: Mother, you should go to XYZ Audiology. Bob (family friend) went there. He had a terrible time finding a hearing aide that he liked, but he said that it was the best exam he's ever had and the prices were better. GMF: No, John (close family friend who is the World's Finest Physician) recommended Dr. Blah's office and the audiologist there was very good. If XYZ Audiology were any good, John would have recommended them. Me: GMF, you don't have to buy the hearing aide from Dr. Blah's office. It may be less expensive for the same one at XYZ Audiology. GMF: Bob does not have good judgement; he's cheap. And he's not a doctor. BTW - Bob doesn't "have good judgement" because his wife once told GMF off for saying something really nasty to my mom in front of her Mom: Fine, Mother. Do what you want. . . . . Conversation with Mom last night: Mom: Has Dr. Marvel (her oncologist) called you yet? Me: No, but it usually takes him a couple days. I imagine that he's not anxious to talk to me. Mom: What exactly are you going to say to him? Me: I am going to be nice and ask him where the communuication broke down with your CAT results. If it's true that they didn't compare the January results to the recent results, I'm filing a complaint. Mom: No you're not! Me: Mom, it won't be against Dr. Marvel. It's against the hospital radiology department. It was a very serious mistake. Dr. Marvel was going to stop doing a chemo that is working based on the report. And Dr. Marvel should have caught the inconsistencies himself. Mom: Well, I am going to ask John (remember the close family friend who is the World's Finest Physician?) for the name of a specific radiologist at the hospital for next time. Me: I am going to ask Dr. Marvel about you going to Hospital X (the other one in town) for the next one. It's just a test, and it's in network, so it will be cheaper. Mom: Well, Hospital X doesn't have a very good reputation. John hates them. Me: Jesus, Mom. They didn't read your CAT right which could have had deadly repercussions. How much worse could Hospital X screw it up? Oh - the irony. pleasedon'tletmeturnintothempleasedon'tletmeturnintothempleasedon'tletme.... | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2558 Registered: 9-2003 |
Not a chance in hell, greenetree. (though it seems highly probable that I am channeling my dad...!) | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7091 Registered: 5-2001 |
Thanks, Cyn. I sure hope you're right.... The doc called me back yesterday. I gotta say, he admitted that it was a mistake by the radiologist and that he should have caught it before Baby Bro asked him any questions. He said that it does happen from time to time. I said "That's a pretty drastic 'bad day at the office'". He agreed. I won't bore you with the entire 20 minutes conversation, but I'm satisfied. In a nutshell, a CAT of the chest and abdomen were ordered in November. The January CAT was chest only, but happened to catch the upper lobe of the liver. In that one, a spot was seen on the liver. Based on that, the March CAT was for the chest and abdomen. The radiologist compared the March CAT to the November CAT (abdomen to abdomen). Which is why the liver was reported as "new". Since the liver spot identified in January shrunk, it is quite likely that the other liver spot (out of range in the January CAT) was there at the time, is not new growth and probably also responded to this chemo. Just goes to show ya, you can't let your guard down for a second. Last night, GMF kept harping on how she worried about mom not working a lot and having very much income (yes, the same woman who announced that she couldn't help financially upon hearing of her daughter's illness a year ago). I kept telling her not to worry, that we aren't going to let mom go without. I didn't give her details (nobody's business how much and when, frankly). She kept going and going and finally blurted out that she's worried we'll spend all our money helping mom and she may need us to support her some day. The words "self-centered" and "la-la land" don't begin to suffice here..... | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3150 Registered: 9-2003 |
 oh. my. god. there are no words.... | ||
| Lucy Supporter Username: Lucy Post Number: 3295 Registered: 5-2005  |
Greenie hang in there stay strong and just focus on your mom who needs you. The time your sharing with her is precious. Thank god she has you by her side to ask the hard questions for her. A virtual hug to you both. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2560 Registered: 9-2003 |
I agree with SoOrLady. I'm shocked the woman is still breathing. You have more patience than I... | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1444 Registered: 10-2003 |
I find GMF fascinating. I can't help myself. | ||
| Bob K Supporter Username: Bobk Post Number: 11104 Registered: 5-2001 |
How out is GMF? Doing the math I think she must be at least 85. Not to defend her, but at that age, well, people sometimes have some issues. I know that was the case with my paternal Grandmother, who lived to be 96 and for the last ten years of her life made her children crazy. | ||
| mjh Supporter Username: Mjh Post Number: 435 Registered: 5-2001 |
You know, this is good to hear. I was a bit ashamed of how shockingly self-centered my mom could be in her last few years. But I am getting more sensitized to the fact that alone and old is scary. Alone, old, and not much money is even more scary. Alone and sick is really bad........ My mom hid money all over the place (in accounts, not under the mattress). Always, always saving for the day "it" happened. When "it" happened, she still couldn't spend it willingly. Waiting for it to rain harder in the middle of a friggin' hurricane I guess. I doubt that even reassurance that you'll be there will be enough for GMF. She's really stuck. Greenie, you deserve a medal. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7103 Registered: 5-2001 |
GMF will be 89 in May. Mom and I both agree that there are age-related behaviors here. I continue to deal with her for both my mom's sake and recognition of the fact that she is 89. But, honestly, her age has finally caught up with her behavior. I can't remember a time in my life when she wasn't nasty to my mother or treated her like a doormat. Poptart Guy was 14 when my grandfather died. My parents had been divorced for one year. GMF hated Poptart Guy because he was dad's son, yet expected him to come over every day after school and do the chores that her husband used to do. And then berated him for doing them like a young teen and not a man. Called him selfish because he wanted to be on the baseball team. Poptart finally broke down in tears one day and asked mom why GMF hated him. That's when mom told GMF off and wouldn't let Poptart do after-school chores for her anymore. My grandfather left an irrevocable trust for my grandmother, which could only be passed to my mother. Since Day 1, GMF has not only taken out her living expenses, but has also taken a nice tidy sum which she's been putting into a separate investment account. So, the trust gets drained, her personal stash grows and she has been threatening my mother with changing her will and leaving it to a charity for the past 30 years. I am only sorry that mom didn't tell her to go ahead and put her money up her ••• a long time ago. The only reason I may deserve a medal is for not slapping the •••• out of her. | ||
| mjh Supporter Username: Mjh Post Number: 437 Registered: 5-2001 |
I'm impressed with the depth of her depraved indifference to anyone else in the world. | ||
| kmk Supporter Username: Kmk Post Number: 1117 Registered: 5-2001 |
I have created an complete picture of GMF through an author I have read. Someone else has mentioned the Anne Perry, victorian murder mystery series before. There have been probably 12 books written with the characters Thomas and Charlotte Pitt. There is a GMF-clone in these books! So many similiar details between the fiction and your reality. The 80ish woman makes life hell for her daughter and grand-daughters. Only recently did one book focus on the elderly woman's youth and marriage. Of course it is all very "Oh My God!" and dramatic....the funny thing is that once the other characters learn about the GMF-clone's tough past, they can just shake their heads, shrug their shoulders and deal with the old gal a little more easily. |
