| Author | Message | ||
     las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1412 Registered: 10-2003 |
First off, Calli, when I wake up two out of three furbabies give me the finger then roll over. But it's a nice sentiment. ;-) I'm not healed and I'm not ready to date but but I am not stuck and I always go forward I am always ready to meet people. I have to keep meeting people. I do wake up and I do get through my day and sometimes I enjoy my day. I really do take things moment by moment because anything more is way too much. And Pippi, I won't ever know if he is gay, will I? It makes a great joke, but I just don't know. Except for the fact that I asked and he said yes. Then no. And being gay isn't a reason to be so mean. You are right, you can't treat some things. I'm sorry I bullied you into entertaining me Thursday night. My Decorator wants to stop by later, but I think that will be too intimate considering the importance of the day. Oh. My. G-d. I am choosing not to have sex. Freaky. | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 18 Registered: 3-2006  |
Ohhhhh,THAT kind of decorator (slapping my forehead!)The kind who knows when the drapes and carpet match  Calli(the dense) | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1987 Registered: 8-2003  |
you did NOT bully me. I offered. | ||
| WendyP Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 3448 Registered: 12-2004  |
"I'm not healed and I'm not ready to date but but I am not stuck and I always go forward I am always ready to meet people. I have to keep meeting people. I do wake up and I do get through my day and sometimes I enjoy my day. I really do take things moment by moment because anything more is way too much." Las, I could be wrong here, but I'm not sure you fully realize how strong a person this makes you. The "easy" thing would be to shutdown, withdraw, feel sorry for yourself 100% of the time. But you don't do that, which is what is most impressive about you through this whole ordeal. I'll be thinking happy, positive thoughts for you on Thursday. I hope you'll try to do the same. If you can get through this day with grace, you win again. | ||
| LilLB Citizen Username: Lillb Post Number: 1448 Registered: 10-2002  |
Las - I've been trying to think of something to say to make you feel better, but I'm coming up short. In fact, just thinking about the fact that the a-hole left you on your birthday is making me really PO'd. Time to start the "Take back your birthday" campaign. He doesn't have permission from you to deprive you of celebrating your birthday. He just doesn't have permission, so it's not going to happen. He also doesn't have permission to ruin any day of your life because it's your life. He needs to face the consequences of walking out on your life....and that means he doesn't have a say in how you're going to feel on Thursday, or any day for that matter. F him. OK - I now wish I knew him so I could yell at him. Sorry....is this too angry of a post?? | ||
| BGS Citizen Username: Bgs Post Number: 821 Registered: 10-2003 |
las...there are no words to say to you right now to make you feel better...please know that I care.... b | ||
| LilLB Citizen Username: Lillb Post Number: 1449 Registered: 10-2002 |
And now, for a less angry post... You are incredibly courageous, whether you know it or not. From putting how you feel "out there" while moving on. It's more than most could do. I know it's more than I could ever do. You should be really proud of how far you've come and how much you've done. I'm looking forward to meeting you on Friday and raising a glass with you in celebration of your birthday. | ||
| Diastole Citizen Username: Diastole Post Number: 14 Registered: 7-2005  |
Me too! And I had an idea: when we meet at your party, give me some contact info on your ex, and I'll pass it around to a couple of my galpals who would just love to break his heart. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1432 Registered: 10-2003 |
I played hookie from school last night. I stayed home, read your kind words, emailed, watched tv. I feigned a migraine, which I know will come back to haunt me. I am fine this morning. It is only a year it is only a day. I got to here I will get to tomorrow I will get to Friday. I need to book myself up for Saturday so I don't crash after my party. People think I am strong and able, but I am neither and I don't like to hear it. I only know that if I don't move I get stuck and if I get stuck I will die. I have three cats in my charge and they are why I go to work to earn the money to have a flat with gardens in the front and gardens in the back for them. It is good that I have all the cats. I am just as lost as I was one year ago. I still have confusions about school. I still don't know where I will live. The one thing I know today that I did not know last year is that he is not coming home. And that evil can hide even under your beloved's visage. And that sleeping with three cats is great when your husband is out of town, but awaking with your feet tangled with your lover's is much, much better. Right now, for this one moment I accept. Maybe not in an hour, can't even think about tomorrow, but for the moment. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1433 Registered: 10-2003 |
And I met with my former neighbor the other day. There is no connection there. But I'm glad I made the effort so now I know. I need to define people so that I feel like I have order - friend, really close friend, person I nod to in passing. Without realizing it I've been tying up loose ends. That stuff happens when you are ready. I guess I am ready. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3154 Registered: 9-2003 |
Oh las, dear, dear, las. You had the strength to pour the pain of last year onto the keyborad and into MOL. You accepted solace and advice from strangers who have become your dearest friends. In turn, you have supported them on their dark days. Your words have touched the hearts and souls of more people then you can imagine. You entered a virtual world of anonimity but burst through into the real world and many of us are blessed to know you. Clarity will come in its own time, as will all the things your heart desires. For now, know that there are many who stand in awe of the woman you are. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1996 Registered: 8-2003 |
beautifully said, SoOrLady | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 1550 Registered: 11-2001 |
My sentiments as well. That was poetic and lovely (and accurate). | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1435 Registered: 10-2003 |
SoOrLady always makes me cry with her words. Is it okay if I say 'ditto'? | ||
| BGS Citizen Username: Bgs Post Number: 822 Registered: 10-2003 |
SoORLady always knows what to say to make others feel good even when she herself is in pain...A person is lucky if they can call her friend. That being said, las, ditto what SOL said.... Heart, B | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1446 Registered: 10-2003 |
Just as he did the day before and the day before that and the day before that he gently kissed her forehead and tucked the blankets around her before heading out to the gym. The. End. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3161 Registered: 9-2003 |
No sweetie, The Beginning. This e-mailed poem arrived in 2002 - now I know why I saved it. Happy Birthday! During my life journey on this planet I shall start each day with these affirmations: I am capable. I am worthwhile. I am beautiful. I am lovable. I shall accept both my strengths and my weaknesses for they are me. I shall never again believe the "lie" that if I make a mistake, I am a mistake. My mistakes are the learning tools that I shall encounter on my life journey. When I learn from my mistakes, I give them meaning. When I give my mistakes meaning, I can begin to forgive myself, I can begin to heal. I shall not use my mistakes as excuses to give up on me - my mistakes are not me. I shall seek the wisdom to nurture my heart, mind, body, and soul so that I may feel more centered - providing an energy reserve that allows me to climb the mountains in my own life - providing an energy reserve that allows me to love and support others who are climbing a different mountain - providing an energy reserve that allows time for friends, play, and celebration of life. I shall allow myself to feel capable - so that I may seek excellence. I shall allow myself to feel sadness - so that joy may return. I shall allow myself to feel joy - so that I may be revitalized. I shall allow myself to feel afraid - so that I may find courage. I shall allow myself to feel alone - so that I may know me. I shall allow myself to feel beautiful - so that I may feel free. I shall allow myself to feel lovable - so that the loving may seek me. I shall allow myself to feel pain - so that I may heal. I shall allow myself to feel worthy - so that I may fulfill my purpose. When I am centered, I see the perfection in the world, myself and others. When I find the world to be imperfect, I will take responsibility for painting it that way. I will look into the heart of a rose, or the eyes of a newborn baby and again know perfection. I take responsibility for creating my own life story through the choices I have made; to blame others is to give away my personal power. Who will I allow to write the next chapter of my life? I shall seek the courage to believe in a God or Higher Power who will laugh with me in the sunlight or cry with me in the darkness. I shall make a small difference on this planet through the work I do - when I leave I will have done my share. I shall live, love, laugh, and learn on my journey. Author Unknown | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 2001 Registered: 8-2003 |
Las! SoOrLady is right. This day marks the beginning of the your new-and-improved life. Everything that came before was practice. Appropriately enough, I feel spring in the air - renewal and rebirth. That's what this day means. hugs to you | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 1557 Registered: 11-2001 |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! It is a milestone in your new life. You have come soooooo far since that last birthday. | ||
| MARK CLAYTON Citizen Username: Bob_barker Post Number: 13 Registered: 8-2005 |
happy b-day i'll see you today i got good stuff for you | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1452 Registered: 10-2003 |
Thank you all. Thank you all so very much. It was a day. It was a Thursday. It marked a year. The Year My Husband Left Me On My Thirty-Seventh Birthday is the past. The Year of Firsts is history. The day came and it went and nothing happened, nothing crashed. Shockingly, I did not receive a birthday card or apology from my beloved (more shockingly, I secretely hoped for either or both). One year ago this morning I posted on this Board my husband left, what do I do? I remember waking up, the bedside lamp was still on, the front door still unlocked, the outside light still on. No note, no message, no email. I knew. I just knew. I didn't know what to do. I posted on this forum because I had no one to call, no one to ask. What do you do when your husband doesn't come home? He chose him. He chose his eating disorder over treatment. He chose his confusion over our marriage. I'm not quite ready to believe it's the beginning or the best is yet to come. But here I am one year later and in general, I'm doing better than just trying to make it through today. Plus, I know the most beautiful people anyone could ever hope to know. I've got really great friends. ps: For those who don't know him, Mark is the chef at H2TA. He's feeding us all tonight! | ||
| kmk Supporter Username: Kmk Post Number: 1125 Registered: 5-2001  |
las, Time to change the blog title... Now it should be "The year that las kicks •••!" Happy Birthday! K FWIW: You were one of four people that I "know" whose marriages dissolved during this week last year. One of the other two has thrown themselves into work so much that they have not healed, one is just getting the hang of raising kids in two households and the third is pretty sure life is better for the both of them. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3175 Registered: 9-2003 |
oh. and  I was hoping that Mark was attending the party, Lint Brush in hand. | ||
| Lucy Supporter Username: Lucy Post Number: 3316 Registered: 5-2005  |
Las Mark is just so Hot that's a single guy that will be there! What a Chef  he rocks! | ||
| doulamomma Citizen Username: Doulamomma Post Number: 1313 Registered: 3-2002 |
Have a great party, Las...Happy, happy birthday and congrats on throwing a party one year later - that's pretty amazing! | ||
| doulamomma Citizen Username: Doulamomma Post Number: 1314 Registered: 3-2002 |
Las - thanks for letting me crash even tho. I had not RSVP'd...glad plans changed & I was able to meet some MOL folks - great party (& shoes!)! | ||
| Monster© Supporter Username: Monster Post Number: 2695 Registered: 7-2002  |
WOOHOO, I HAD FUN, and I don't think I pissed too many people off, though mem did get me all wet, and somebody claiming they were The Libertarian kept.... oh well never mind about that, it was a . | ||
| Jay Citizen Username: Jaymon Post Number: 1107 Registered: 10-2004  |
Tell me more Monster, you are cracking me up! Did you really hit on Mem? C'est vrais? | ||
| algebra2 Supporter Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 4032 Registered: 5-2001  |
Sorry I had to bolt so early LAS. I had a great time. My abilities to drink and drive are pretty poor and I knew if I stayed to long I'd be making that long stumble home and abandoning my car on Baker ... then having to make the walk of shame in the morning back to retrieve it. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You threw a great party! | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1459 Registered: 10-2003 |
I thought about it for a day. And I did it. -----Original Message----- From: Lynn Sent: Fri 3/31/2006 5:57 PM To: sam Subject: Posted on Thursday, March 30, 2006 - 6:56 am: Just as he did the day before and the day before that and the day before that he gently kissed her forehead and tucked the blankets around her before heading out to the gym. The. End. For the rest of my life I will always remember you left me on my birthday. That is your legacy. -------------------------- | ||
| kmk Supporter Username: Kmk Post Number: 1130 Registered: 5-2001 |
BRAVO! | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22892 Registered: 6-2001  |
And your legacy is that you posted to MOL on that glorious day that is your birthday, I called you, and you saved my life. Never forget that, and thank you. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1478 Registered: 10-2003 |
It wasn't quite true what I said recently that the Year of Firsts was over as last night was the next year and I did something new: I bought my very first cd. It might sound dumb and it might seem lame but the music was him's job he got the cds from work or bought them somewhere and he'd come into a room and play music. And he'd make me cds that he mixed himself so I always had melodies and tunes from his heart and he'd mix me a new one for birthdays and such and always kept me current. And last night I went out with a friend and the music I found just so lovely and on a whim I pulled out my cash to purchase the cd at the show. Not only that but my dear friend Laura made me a two-disc birthday collection of music so in just two days I obtained my first three very own cds. Now I must purchase a stereo. | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 1585 Registered: 11-2001 |
Ooh, ooh, can I help? | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1479 Registered: 10-2003 |
Sure. Want to buy a Bose wave radio cd? Fifty dollars off and free shipping when you buy two. Let me know what color and I'll order them. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1493 Registered: 10-2003 |
-----Original Message----- From: Sam Sent: Wednesday, April 06, 2005 1:01 PM To: lynn Subject: Bills and Paymenet Proposal April 6, 2005 Lynn, As per your request, I am writing to ask the following regarding payment of bills and the collection of my personal belongings. I would like to deposit our 2004 tax refund, totaling approximately $XXXX into my checking account. This money would be used solely for the purpose of covering our April, May and June mortgage payments and May quarterly taxes. Please see chart below [omitted]. I will also assume responsibility for paying the following monthly household expenses through June: [list omitted] In addition, your name will remain on my health insurance plan [it did not]. I would like to have my Citibank card returned, and in exchange I will relinquish your Discover Card. Regarding my personal belongings, I would like to collect the following items between now and Saturday, April 9th: All my clothes and shoes in the bedroom, guest room and office closets Gym bag hanging on the dining room chair Eye medication, including my Elidil for eczema Hockey equipment Mac laptop computer All checks in my filing cabinet Passport Toiletries (charger for razor, scissors, nail clipper) Black folder file box sitting on the office floor Bose iPod stereo sitting on my bedside table Spare car key sitting in my office by the CD player Sam L: There is a typo in the re line. -------------------------- I do recall my attorney saying I should be sure to give him his eczema cream. He left the house without clothes, without his toothbrush, without the eye medication that keeps him from going blind. He neglected to ask after the cats. Or me for that matter. Despite his having promised in writing he would pay all the bills I had to pay half. I kept the manicure scissors he requested. He used them to cut up his pot to fit in his pipe (the pipe of course, he had on him when he left). I now use those scissors to slice open boxes of kitty litter. One year was a millenium ago. I sat alone in that great big house with one tiny lamp on. I didn't know how much electricity cost, all I know is he was always complaining about the bill. In front of the shrink he told me to turn on as many lights as I needed. He would pay the bill. Of course, I eventually paid half. The closer I get to the end of my semester the more I want to talk to him to ask him his thoughts on my not being able to graduate. Is he proud of himself for being solely responsible for so much destruction? I want to know if he has any opinion that for five years I have been heading up to campus after work, sacrificing my weekends and holidays to study, foregoing trips and vacations to stay on top of my readings, and now, thanks to his unilateral idiocracy, I can't get my degree. I want him to know that. I want to know he is aware that is a direct result of his actions. I don't cry about him. I don't miss him or want him and I can barely remember who he was before he became such an assshole. But I always cry about school. -----Original Message----- From: Lynn Sent: Wednesday, April 06, 2005 1:05 PM To: Sam Subject: Bills and Paymenet Proposal Funny thing. I had an idea before and started to email you. Then I remembered. I hope this is going fast enough for you. I know you are eager to start the next phase of your life. -------------------------- | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7158 Registered: 5-2001  |
I love your response to the first e-mail. It's a glimpse of that sassy, confident woman who has emerged. You could ask him about school. Do you really think he'd get it? Or care? I still believe that somehow, somewhere, you will find a way to make it happen at some point. For the past year, pulling your life together and making a new community of trusted friends has been your priroity. Soon, this will be as comfortable and natural as an old shoe and your new priority will be school. You are doing everything quite well, IMHO. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1495 Registered: 10-2003 |
Thanks, G. Actually, I can't ask him about anything. Remember: he won't have anything to do with me. HA! HE won't have anything to do with ME. Oh, the irony. | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 1635 Registered: 11-2001 |
When you "finish" school this May, you will always have it with you. When the time is right, you can pick it up and do the field work. I love, love, love how you pointed out the typo. Delicious. Upon reading the list of things he wanted, it is so clear that he is a sick person. Anal retentive. Obsessive compulsive. Too bad you didn't keep the iPod stereo. That a-h0le. You are SO much better as a person without him. He took away the material things, and he chipped away at your ego, but you can replace stuff, and your ego, I hope, is being taken care of by all the people you have met since A-h0le's departure who really care about you. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 2054 Registered: 8-2003 |
yeah! what they said! |
