| Author | Message | ||
     Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 2204 Registered: 8-2003  |
I think all your dear readers are crying now, too <sniff> | ||
| mjh Supporter Username: Mjh Post Number: 526 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greenetree; You're bringing up a lot of issues we just went through as my mother died of cancer this year. You've said it very well, and have great instincts about what your mom needs/wants. Dignity and comfort = #1 ....."I very much want to live, but am not afraid of death in the least"......exactly what my mom said. And she meant it sincerely to the very end.......It was never about fear of death itself, but more about disappointment that she couldn't "stay" longer. The only fear was all about loss of independence, dignity, or suffering. We did our best with those things, and I think she was satisfied in that respect. Cynical Girl; You describe the disengagement of a lot of MDs very well. They get a sniff of "failure" or a sense of running out of options, and it becomes uncomfortable for them. It's disappointing but unfortunately all too common. I'd be tempted to look the oncologist in the eye and tell him how you feel about the "pursed lip" look. An open discussion about feeling a sense that the oncology team is pessimistic and therefore uninterested in being aggressive about Curt's symptoms (like weight loss and fatigue) could clear the air. The decision to back off aggressive efforts belongs to you and Curt......but it should be in the context of collaboration with your medical team. In any case, I think you are (as usual) doing a great job of asking very intelligent questions about what you see are seeing and what you feel Curt needs. This is one way of saying that you want the best that can be offered to try to make him better and extend his life. But I still think it might help you and the team to make this very explicit, direct and openly discussed in the context of the perceived pessimism you are sensing from the medical folks. Unfortunately, the impetus for this type of discussion often has to come from the patient/family, as too many docs don't have the skills and comfort level to talk about the hard stuff. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1736 Registered: 10-2003 |
Watching mom get ready. You're right, you never outgrow it. | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 999 Registered: 10-2003 |
Greenetree- Tears are rolling down my face as I sit here and try to imagine what you must be going thru. I am so sorry for you and your Mom and family.... Bless you all, B | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2769 Registered: 9-2003  |
greenie, greenie, greenie. What a weekend you had. I'm sorry I'm so self-obsessed right now and didn't write sooner. Gutters, the ring. My God. Being the strong one is not all it's cracked up to be. mjh, appreciate the good words. Yesterday was Round 1 Day 2 and I hung out for it. Got next round of appointments set, got my Family Medical Leave paperwork completed (so I can take time here and there without threat of losing my job!). Got the nutrionist's name/card. Greenetree pointed out that Overlook is affiliated with NJ Cancer Institute, a specialty in cancer nutrition so that will be next. Sports Med GP called back but phone tag. Everyone was a bit brighter there yesterday, including his onco. Didn't have quite the Bataan Death March feel. So much is day to day, week to week now -- how well he tolerates to folfox w/Avastin. They're doing same cocktail, lighter dose. So, we keep on. Our friend sac here is picking him up today to take him and wait while they take the pump off. Friday, GI series. Monday, doc follow up. The following week, Round 1 week 2 of chemo. But today, I get washed up to go to work. Thrills! Have to talk to my boss (yech). Have to keep the kid under control. Roaring great fight last night, no doubt due to stress of it all and her wish things be normal, and I be concerned with the littler stuff of life. Her life. Particulars don't matter, but suffice it to say I (eventually) calmed down, held my ground and made her clean up the mess she made in the bathroom. With help. After she'd gone in there and kicked the door for a long time. Me, I'd have used a sledge hammer. | ||
| Bob K Supporter Username: Bobk Post Number: 11539 Registered: 5-2001 |
Bittersweet is the word that comes to mind. And, yah, I could feel tears as well. But then Greenie is the only person who would be out cleaning condo gutters on a Sunday morning and that mind picture cheered me up.  | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7702 Registered: 5-2001  |
Bob - Gutter Day was Monday, not Sunday. Does that still count? BTW - I'm stuck on a conference call, so I can't get into it now, but I have a great GMF story. Cyn - wish there was something I could help with. Your kid doesn't know me from a hole in the wall, but in the past, my friends' teenagers have found me a very non-judgemental and confidential ear for them to unload what jerks their parents are. I doubt she'd want to talk to me, but the option is there if she ever wants to unload. | ||
| Bob K Supporter Username: Bobk Post Number: 11554 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greenie, sure. It is the idea, not the day. I know this is going to sound wrong, but I envy you the chance to have the conversations you are having with your Mom. Some of us never had the opportunity to do that. Hang in there. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7706 Registered: 5-2001 |
Nope - doesn't sound wrong at all. I think about it all the time - I may have been a rebellious teenager, an introspective, preoccupied twenty-something and a too busy with my own life thirty-something, but I've had a chance to make up for it. This past year & change has been very special and we've had a lifetime of conversations. I have to say that I've learned to be a patient and empathetic person, which I wasn't always before. There's nothing we haven't been able to talk about. I will be grief-stricken and very sad. But I won't have unresolved issues or (too many) regrets about our relationship. Except for the French Bread Pizza thing. I have been truly lucky in so many ways. | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 222 Registered: 3-2006  |
I will be grief-stricken and very sad. But I won't have unresolved issues or (too many) regrets about our relationship. Very touching and profound, Greenetree. Cancer stole my mom, fairly quickly, a number of years ago. You will understand this when I say that those 9 months were a gift. Nothing was left unsaid. We laughed and cried together. When she passed, much of my mourning had been done. If I could have, I would have spared her the suffering, but I would never have given up that time. Thank you for using this forum, and for giving me the privilege of knowing your heart. Calli | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7713 Registered: 5-2001 |
Thanks, Calli. I said to someone last week that maybe by the time this is over, the majority of my grieving will be done. She looked at me like I had three heads. I completely understand the gift thing. Which reminds me: the GMF story. TS & I picked GMF up to go to the restaurant on Sat. night (mom wasn't with us). In the car, GMF gave me my B-day present. A very nice antique bracelet. Then, she hands TS a gift bag (while TS is driving) and says "This is for your B-day next month. It's a CD. I was going to give you Frank Sinatra, but, well, I didn't. It's a Bobby Darin CD." OK. It was not necessary to give TS (or me, for that matter) a gift. I wondered what the back-story was about the Frank Sinatra thing, but it's something that I knew better than to ask about. So, I ask Mom about it later. She tells me that GMF called and told her that she was giving me a Frank Sinatra box set & asked what Mom was giving me. When Mom told her about the ring, GMF said "oh" and hung up. Called mom back a few minutes later and said "Since it's a big birthday (45?), I'm going to give her one of my antique bracelets." This competition-gift thing GMF has is ridiculous. But, it still didn't explain why TS didn't get the Frank. Fast-forward to this morning. I had put the CD in a pile with stuff to go downstairs. TS picks the pile up and says to me "Why do you think that there isn't any shrink wrap on the CD?" Are you sure? Can you open it? Yes - it pops right open. Maybe it's used. She couldn't possibly be that cheap. How would I know if it's... never mind. There are finger prints all over it. We both howled. I couldn't wait to call mom this morning (she sleeps in) and tell her. She roared, too. But there is the remaining mystery: what happened to the Frank boxed set? Oh - for anyone who wonders how the diamond clasp story ended, you'll love this too. GMF hands me an emvelope in the car and says "this is the clasp your mother has been nagging me about. I don't know why." I look at it; it looks suspiciously small and the strand of pearls is very tiny. But, I've never seen the clasp nor Mom's grandmother's pearls, so what do I know. Later that night, we compare the clasp to grandma's pearls. It doesn't fit. Either GMF sold it long ago or she hid it somewhere. Either way, it doesn't look like she has any intention of giving it to her daughter. Sometimes, I wonder how, with a mother like that, my own mother managed to not grow up being so selfish. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2774 Registered: 9-2003 |
She learned why not to be selfish from an excellent teacher. Stories like this make one hope there is a certain sort of afterlife, or karma, during which one finally experiences what the bad behavior feels like. I sweardagod, it passes all understanding that some people just don't get what horrorshows they are. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7729 Registered: 5-2001 |
The most bizarre thing is that GMF looked truly confused at my reaction when I opened the ring. Although, it explained why, when she gave me the bracelet in the car, she kept pushing me to see if I liked it. Thank you, GMF, it's very beautiful. It's part of a set that your grandfather gave me, blah, blah, blah. It's very pretty. You don't look very happy. Greenetree yells "whopeeeeee" Is that better? GMF laughs (give her credit for that) Yes The problem is that she doesn't get that it's not about the value of the gift. She wouldn't know a gesture from the heart if it bit her in her boney, anorexic •••. I think she also realized (for the first time in 45 years) that my mom & I have a bond that she'll never have with me. It comes down to jealousy. I think that she honestly thought that I'm closer to her than I am to mom. I know that some daughters and grandmothers are. But, I've always been respectful and tolerant towards her. That went out the door with her behavior during mom's illness. Oh well. So, our garage has been fighting a losing battle with an oak tree for years. Last night, I went to open the door and, nada. The angle has finally pushed it over the edge. I have been posting about it incognito (  ) in Home Fixit because I have a feeling that there are code issues involved here. I dread what's coming. I'm also really pissed off that all the money (bonuses, tax returns) we've put away to do the bathroom will be going into a friggin' garage. I guess we'll live with the plastic garbage bags lining the shower walls another year (it's quite elegant). I know, I'm lucky to have the option. It's just a major PIA. I wonder how long it will take to get a contractor? I consider it urgent because it's only a matter of time before the other door gets stuck and we can't get into the garage at all. And the beat goes on. So, Cyn. How did the kumbaya with your boss go the other day? Is he being not as much of a Richard as you feared he would be? | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2775 Registered: 9-2003 |
Good morning, all. Slept 8 hr last night and that makes me happy. On a bad day, I realize that the one thing I look forward to is going to bed and sleeping. Not today, but some days work is drag and home is a drag. I look at others, on their way home, looking forward to same, and I do not. So, I ask myself: "What do I look forward to?" The answer is 10:00 p.m. when I go upstairs, with a cookie, lie down and read a detec novel for about a half hour and then sleep. Everything else is work, and schedules and difficult. Chat with boss went pretty well, really, and through some heroics on my part this week, despite coming in late Monday, Tuesday -- and not until 3:00 on Friday -- I seem to be viewed as a responsible. I managed to talk about THIS as if I had a plan. Which I do, sort of, it's just highly fungible. Sez I: "Best case, we have a really rotten summer but the chemo takes care of it. I have friends and neighbors who help with the driving so mostly I need 1/2 day off every other week to meet with the doc and for tests. Worst case, chemo doesn't work and the whole Situation doesn't work and he dies." This sort of manly, unemotional address of things has great appeal in the workplace. Plus, we had a mess of issues at work with the data center that I managed to manage very well. I am very good at my job. Curt made it through week one. Friday, a Barium swallow GI series just to make sure there are no interesting kinks or other in his small intestine. That took from 9:30 to 11:30 or so. Then a CAT of his trachea as some tiny anonomoly had appeared, most likely a stuck globule of phlegm during the original. He was exchausted M-W. I did talk to his sports med GP about supplements, and he's doing some research. Monday we go see the onco for follow up, and I get the nutritionist's contact info. Last night, Curt looked at me from the recliner as I was humping 4 grocery bags in the doorway, and dinner from Roman Gourmet, and he said "You're amazing." For a change, I didn't go "Nah, I'm just getting by." I said "Thanks for saying so." Because I am. I just wish I were less called upon to be so. Last weekend, before the chemo began, he was hell-bent on going to Washington on Memorial Day to visit The Wall. He'd gone a few years ago, and while he's not noisy or jingoistic about it, The Wall is a big thing with him. I think he was feeling like he needed to do Last Things, and this was one of them. If he feels up to it, I believe that's where I'll be on Memorial Day (by train). But, wait and see. Not feeling like there's a call for last things just now, but if he wants to do this, I think we will. This morning I go see the chiropractor. One thing I didn't bring up is that this week, I had a rather scarey episode with my vision. Had 'em less so, and fleeting before. Weird scintillation of parts of what I was seeing. Went to the urgent care where I learned that this is a feature of some kinds of migraines. I have been living with relatively constant tension like headaches. Seems it could be a subspecies of migraine that is not as profound as some. So, I too have doc f/u. But also, the chiropractor's ministration around a pinchy nerve thing in one shoulder blad also do wonders. But, all of this sounds grim 'n grizzly. Don't really feel that this morning. Sleep, my favorite drug! | ||
| kmk Supporter Username: Kmk Post Number: 1254 Registered: 5-2001  |
Cyn, I got my first "silent migraines", with the zig-zag dazzles and blind spots, when I was completing my 4th month of bedrest with my first child. Yes - stress and hormones can trigger them. They do go away within 15 mnutes usually. Only once did I have to sit on the shoulder of South Orange Avenue - right in the middle of the reservation - with three screaming children in the car and wait for my vision to clear before I could drive any further! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2777 Registered: 9-2003 |
Wow, glad to hear from you kmk. I only know classic migraine sufferers. Zig-zag dazzles is exactly it. In the last year or so, and I'm post-menapause, I had 'em every 2 months, only on one side so to speak. The other day, it was general which is what gave me the willies. And only at work, usually after being there about 1/2 hr. Cleared in 15 minutes, as you say. No real blind spots, no loss of peripheral, no black areas, no floaters. And, if I closed my eyes, I could tell that it was going on. Had never heard of this before. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7750 Registered: 5-2001 |
I haven't been officially diagnosed with atypical migraine (never followed up), but there is a suspicion that I have them. I've had sporadic vertigo & tinnitus my whole life. I've also had one or two thunderclap headaches, but not in years. Then, this past Jan/Feb, I got one that was so severe I thought that I was going to die, followed by another one a week later. They lasted about 24 hours. The rest of the time, just severe tension headaches for days on end. I mentioned it as a "BTW" when I went to the doc for something else (allergies? can't remember). He immediately sent me for a bunch of tests, etc., similar to what Las just went thru. Since I don't have an aneuryism, it is probably atypical migraines. Some of them are less severe than typical migraines, so the tendancy is to ignore them unless something like what we've all experienced happens. One of these days, I guess I'll follow up. But, I agree, it's the last thing that you need when you have so much other crap. Oh, glad the boss-chat went well. I have come to realize that it is much easier for them to be sympathetic and supportive when you spend lots of time reassuring them that your personal situation will not interfere with them in any way. Not only do they not want to think about work suffering, but, god forbid! they should have to deal with an employee's emotions. When asked about my mom, I'm generally chipper and say "doing great, all things considered, thanks for asking." Big smile. Alan the garage door guy is here from Elite. He can make the door work again for $120. We'll still have to deal with it, but not immediately. He's the same guy who showed up on the Saturday of July 4th weekend several years back, when opener died and left the door stuck open. I love Alan. I'm going to marry him. Vinpat was here, too. What a character. I'm going to get on his list; maybe we'll have the money when he gets to us in a year or so. | ||
| kmk Supporter Username: Kmk Post Number: 1258 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn - Do you have flourescents at work? I find that either a flash of glare from the car ahead of me, a very bright window behind someone I am speaking with and flourescent lights (Big Kings dairy section is the toughest!) will trigger these little devils... Greene - Did I see somewhere in your blog a list of "things" to ask your folks if they are in the midst of a serious illness? I am not talking about purging the soul and healing old wounds (that'a another list) but more like bank accounts, medical directives, living will, quality of life type things. My husband is dealing with the here-and-now with his parents' illnesses - but he is the exector of their will and he doesn't even know where their checking account is held! I don't mean to sound so "efficient" but I need to give him some sort of checklist to have a productive conversation with his folks. They discuss what type of cold meat to have on their sandwiches and which operas are scheduled for next season etc. It is all fine and good and comfortable but no real end-of-life discussions have taken place. My FIL is not doing well and now my MIL is in the hospital too. These two are 82 and 86.They travelled overseas and were the life of every cocktail party in Philadelphia just a few short months ago. It seems like it is just imploding | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2779 Registered: 9-2003 |
Yeah, bosses (especially male bosses, especially bosses who have never lived through what you're living through) need reassurance by the boat-load. It is wearisome but true. I find that dealing with what I'm dealing with has the possibility of turning me into a Typhoid Mary -- people don't know how to treat me, on a bad day staff may not want to bring their "petty" concerns to me. I spend a lot of energy letting others know (including my kid) that I am still on the job. I'd rather not, but I must. greenetree, for me the tinnitus thing is comparatively recent. I did learn, from the chiropractor at SMG that I've finally relented and gone to, that for me a contributing factor is some kind of post-50 stressing (probably lifting crap alone) I did to my left shoulder area. I went there this morning (having gone Thur) and he found the pain centrals, used the electric pulse jiggling thing, some manipulation a nice little crack or two, and I seem to be coming along. No doubt stress and clenching is a contributing factor, but I have become one of those weirdos who loves the chiropractor for restoring movement, etc. Yes! kmk. Fluorescent lighting. I had 2 bars removed in my office because of the interesting coincidence of these eye thingies only happening at work. That was most definitely cited as contributing. Also, on the parental stuff: With my parents, we did get the will thing taken care of, and succession stuff. Also, living will or final directive matters just in case. Also, got my sister as co-signer on their bank accounts (she was the primary bill payer in times of trouble). His was pre-privacy concerns, but we also got designated on their several credit cards and similar. Made a list of all accounts, including some stock stuff, bills. Found the mortgage paperwork. Fundamentally we treated these things as if we were running a business. Wasn't that hard to figure, and my dad was ultimately ok with it. WE even dealt with some things jointly (my sister and I) regarding repairs etc. to their house and kept records. We agreed -- rightfully -- to pay my BIL for replacement of sliding door and other work he did to get their house ready to sell. Things do tend to go down steep step-wise. Many's the time I sat in wonderment at diffs in my dad between, say, Easter and Memorial day. The other thing that can be tough if they're on their own (unsupervised) is medical care and consistency of taking medicines. Depending on their cirumstance, getting some LPN in to see to that can be wise. Onward to the cat box!!! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7755 Registered: 5-2001 |
Just when you think that you've racked up all the "stupid" possible in a 45-year span, you top yourself. Yes, folks. I have a gardening injury. I can't bend, twist or turn. My lower back is in total lockdown. This may be more pathetic than the time I broke my knee walking. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3336 Registered: 9-2003 |
ok, help. Although I'm still clinging to that little ray of hope back within my former post.. that "cure that kills" thing is looming. BIL's not very responsive of late and he's on 50mg Fentynol patches for pain. PET was done last Friday so we're in waiting mode for the results. But, I just called up to his house and things are not good. Cyn - I'm thinking that the Fentynol is the cause of the cloudiness of mind and that he's not "slipping away" per se. But is really sounds like his every pessimistic wife (who has always seen the glass 1/2 empty) seems to be ready to go out and buy some black ensembles. I know she's tired and I know he's drawing on her energy to maintain what little energy he has left after a year of this. Their grandchild #7 arrived yesterday - this branch lives in Tennessee and she SO wants to make the trip to celebrate this little miracle (really, she is). I've offered to go and stay with BIL so she can just shoot down and back - but so far she's afaid to leave him. I hate this. I hate waiting. I hate the thought that he might actually be slipping away. I feel guilty because I experience joy and new days and nothing has changed for them, day in and day out for over a year. PS: Greenie - I also hate that you're hurt. Wheelchair still available if TS is up to pushing it. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2781 Registered: 9-2003 |
By responsive do you mean "socially interactive" or ??? Yes, Fentanyl can do these things (along with slow respiration and yield junkie-like symptoms). It can be powerfully hard to tell what's what. Also, some degree of hallucination if the body is very weakened. As Tom Petty said, "waiting is the hardest part." I'm guessing they'll have PET results by Tuesday? I'm also guessing they're taking labs every other week anyway. I know that last Fall, when Curt had his near death experience, it was such a combination of things no one was able to sort it out. Dehydration, starvation, chemo. And, of course, depression/despair. Were I her, I'd both want to go see the baby/get some respite and be afraid to go. Bottom line, the baby will be there and he may not. Need to wait for the PET and latest labs. And, if he's that poorly off, he might need the hospital at least to stabilize. Any signs that his chemo etc. have been doing the job? Guilt is understandable, but useless. You're right: you are experiencing joy and life and they're in the 3rd circle of hell. Not your fault that this is going on, and living in hell won't help. If you can, and he stabilizes, it would be glorious of you to stay with BIL a day or so so she can visit. Can your husband go, too? It's almost harder to step into this live, face to face, for a day or two than to live with it. I've seen the reactions on others when Curt's been really bad. For me, it was all so gradual that I didn't notice the same things in the same way. On your SIL: Something in some of us wants things to just settle, in one direction or another. It's hard on your head and your heart to live through this kind of thing. I'm a practical type, a planner, and not being able to cuts me to the quick. Plus, she's a nurse so she probably feels she has an inside track and can predict. Part of her probably wants it to be over. I have those times. Don't know what "over" is but it's very, very hard to watch and support and not know. You get hopeful, you get close, and then you distance. All, sometimes, in the space of a half hour. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2782 Registered: 9-2003 |
greenetree, that sux. You weekend warrior, you. Is this is a repeat of a prior injury? If you're inclined, I highy recommend Dr. McDaid with Summit Medical Group. He's on Millburn. In today, but schedule Tue and Wed funky due to a graduation. He's helped both Curt and me powerfully.... | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7758 Registered: 5-2001 |
SOL - I started to post to you last night, but was a little wiped out. There is nothing I can say that would be any different or more eloquent than Cyn. Cyn - kind of repeat. 'Bout 15 years ago, I had bad L5 problems, But, never like this. It's now on both sides and as long as I don't turn my hips or bend, it's OK. Thanks for the referrals; I may try to get there. Of course, I have a non-negotiable-deadline thing at work, so must go. Fortunately, it's a little better this morning. But it's gonna be Birkenstocks or sneakers. Speaking of which, I can find the old-timey, granola-crunchy Birks anymore. Sux really bad. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2783 Registered: 9-2003 |
I was NEVER a chiro type of person but when I saw what good it did by Curt, and I was desperate, and my GP in the practice recommended, well I went for it. I think you'd like him. Explains everything, no mumbo-jumbo. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3337 Registered: 9-2003 |
Nephew just called. PET's in. Cancer has spread to both lungs and a bile duct. Docs want to continue chemo anyway.. BIL has agreed. I was so hoping for good news.. maybe too much I guess. I'm numb. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7774 Registered: 5-2001 |
I'm so sorry. Nothing wrong with hope, even if it does let you down sometimes. We're here. | ||
| Wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 2491 Registered: 5-2001 |
What greenetree said. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2784 Registered: 9-2003 |
SoOrLady, I'm so sorry. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3338 Registered: 9-2003 |
OK guys.... time to back up... Nephew just called again... they read the wrong report. Cancer is not... repeat NOT in his lungs! He does have a small spot on a bile duct, and he is still considered a level 4, but the PA told him as cancer patients go.. he's not so sick. Hope springs once again... but maybe a little more guarded. Thanks for being here.... | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 2241 Registered: 8-2003 |
Yikes! what a scare glad it's not as bad as you thought makes you wonder about getting the "wrong report", though... | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2785 Registered: 9-2003 |
GOOD GOD!! Glad for the good news update. You want to shoot people when they land the wrong report stuff on you. Can't wait for greenetree's reaction. On other fronts, Curt's doing OK so far. Visited the onco today. His GI series looked fine, one area of small intestine slightly enlarged, which may be somehow related to the food flow/blockage stuff. Nothing more said than that. Here's a funny. Curt has scarcely driven (once? twice?) in about 10 months. Last weekend he drove the 55 chevy a little as we had jumped it. Then, it conked out due to bad battery. Then, chemo. Tres Sisyphus. Roll the car outta the drive way and drive, then we had to roll it back in. Anyway, Sat he had his shyt together and joined AAA and they sent someone out to but a battery in. Well, today he was feeling sparky and I was running late coming back. I said "you feel good enough to drive my car home from train station?" Yep. So I screamed up to the station, jumped out and left him to drive home. Called him 15 mins later to make sure all was well. Felt like a big deal, though. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2786 Registered: 9-2003 |
So, did they saying anything about his responsiveness, etc.? Depression, medicine, weakness? | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7775 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn - that is a huge deal. How great for Curt (and you). A little freedom goes a long way. Next thing ya know, he'll be running Lil' Cyn to her friend's house to hang out while you get to sit home in a bubble bath. Well. Greenetree's reaction to SOL's BIL. We had the same thing happen in February. They were going to stop treatment over a "whoops." The worst thing about my reaction is that I am not surprised. It's amazing that families and lives hang in the balance of what is, in essence, nothing but a bad day at the office for the docs. It must be something about radiologists. When you never, ever, ever see a patient and look at films all day, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. I've known for years that our heathcare system was broken. I didn't realize how much until Mom got sick. And I am no longer indignant and enraged. It beats you down, it really does. You come to expect these things, ask the doc to check everything 3 times and figure out how to get your family member the best possible care. I think that there are some specialties (oncology among them) that take a special and dedicated kind of person to practice. And they can't fix the system, either. And aren't we all lucky that we have the most advanced, greatest health care in the world. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2787 Registered: 9-2003 |
Plus, he just picked me up at the train station!!!! I may let him go to DC to met his buddies alone on Mem Day (which he'd prefer)to visit the Wall. The Tuesday after, Round 2 of chemo. We all know it tends to get worse as you go so it's gather ye rosebuds and all that. Yep, oncology is better, but still....The recent Time Magazine article on what doctors fear about hospitals is true about ALL of it. It's the knitting together of the facts, questioning the out of synch report, etc. that sometimes goes missing. And each link assuming the other links are doing their job. My GP confirmed this for me. I feel badly for people who don't have someone like greenetree, or me, literate, pushy, organized, English speaking to coordinate their care. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2788 Registered: 9-2003 |
He wants me to go with on Memorial Day. Now I'm trying to (1) see if the kid can stay overnight and Mem Day with a friend, (2) find someone to let the dog out, (3) Amtrak tickets that work with the schedule, (4) complete 8 staff evaluations at work including my own, (5) check in with his GP re: nutritional supplements, (6) schedule my own doc appointments....If I'm lucky, I'll get (4) done today and the parent I asked will offer (1) readily. Ideally, he and I would go down to DC Sunday and stay overnight to preserve both our energies. z-z-z-z-z Also have to find kid ride, roundtrip, to lacrosse game Thur eve from one of the other parents. I get tired sometimes, and I just woke up! I know this Mem Day thing is a must-do, cuz one doesn't know how many more he has, etc. Wish I didn't feel so torn between work and home, husband and kid, self and sanity. Sometimes all of this really is exhausting> I wish, too, I didn't have to make nice and could just get stuff done. The story aspect is half the weariness, explaining why I need what I need, the way I need it, when I need it. Still, it could be worse. It has been worse. It may yet be worse. Just sleepy... | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7779 Registered: 5-2001 |
Does puppy get along with other dogs & strange cats? We may be able to have her here. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2789 Registered: 9-2003 |
Nah, she's an old fat thing who would make your life miserable with other pets. Sadly in need of grooming, the vet...I need to find her a doggie fat farm for a couple of weeks to get brought back up to code. Thanks much for the offer -- I just got to find someone to stop in It's just the multiplicity of things to organize, y'know? I mean, it is my strong suite and all that but sometimes, yikes! Not trying to crank for no reason -- mostly venting. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7783 Registered: 5-2001 |
Ohhhhh - I know, alright. Major, major, major. Major. Melt. Down. Last. Night. TS's family is coming down this weekend for our traditional Memorial Day weekend cookout. I begged this year: just the family (that's 20 people alone). OK. Although she did invite our friends who know the in-laws really well and are always asked about. OK. 22. The gathering is Sunday. My S-I-L & her hubby (whom I adore) will be here Friday night. The rest of the family will arrive the day of the cook-out. My other S-I-L will bring my M-I-L who will start whining about when the food will be ready and asking "aren't you going to make any xxxx?" The sisters will handle all the cooking and will stray from the planned menu and start making all kinds of things. There will pots & pans everywhere. I will do my best to ignore it until it's time to clean up. I will garden and set-up outside, with help from the guys. Everyone goes back to CT that evening, except for the Friday night arrivals (they'll leave Monday). That's how we do it. That's how we always do it. The other day, TS's brother calls. The one who I tolerate because he's her brother but I don't care much for. I love his wife, tho. He & his family are coming Saturday night. They're staying over? Yes. Here? Yes. Where? I've hired Suzanne Janow to spend a few hours clearing out our little room with has a single futon in it We'll figure that out. We have a guest room with a double bed (currently holding several loads of laundry yet to be put away), the small room with the soon-to-be-unearthed futon and a sofa in the den. An Aerobed can go on the floor in the den, too. That's sleeping space for 6. On Friday night, we will have S-I-L & her hubby; their adult daughter and her dog. Add to that on Saturday night my B-I-L & his wife and grown son & daughter. That's 7. And the dog. Her family is very spontaneous; the "it will all work itself out, why stress" types. I need to plan. I need to Plan; know what will happen, when it will happen, how, where, why, etc. This has not been a good year for me, Planning-wise. So, it's Monday night before Memorial Day. I've pulled out my back and have no idea how the laundry will get off the bed. We do not have a menu and we haven't done any grocery shopping. I do, however, manage to stop and pick up the developed pics from when Mom came to visit a few weeks ago. I look thru them; she looks so old and frail. You can see the change since Xmas. Something starts to gurgle inside. A vague feeling of ..... something.... I brush it off. I say to TS "we need to make a grocery list for Sunday. I don't even know what you are making." Gurgle, gurgle. Rumble. She starts to make the list. Green salad. Macaroni salad. Pulled Pork. Ribs. We need more detail. What's going in the salad? How do we know what we need to buy if we don't list the ingredients? Do we have all the ingredients for the pork sauce? Rumble When is your brother getting here? Will they be here for dinner Saturday? What are we feeding all these people? What about breakfast on Sunday? "We'll figure it out; don't worry." Boom! That's not good enough! I need to know. There has got to be something in my life that I know for sure. How hard is it to make a friggin' grocery list........... I think I eventually stopped screaming. I probably didn't do it for as long as it felt. The sobbing went on for quite a bit. The upside is that, during my meltdown, my back didn't hurt at all. That I noticed, anyway. Cyn - let me know if you don't get someone else to walk the pup. I may need the excuse to get away. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2790 Registered: 9-2003 |
I can go you one better -- unlimited access to my house. Since last I wrote, I got Curt and me a room at a Holiday Inn right near Union Station and the Mall (about half price given some remaining Am X points). We travel via Amtrak on Sunday, hopefully late morning, and return Monday early evening. Kid will be at a friend's from Sunday a.m. till Monday evening. The dog doesn't need walked but she does need let out. Yeah, yeah we're terrible dog owners these days. If you are really contrully interested, I am looking for someone to come over sometime Sunday late afternoon early evening for, say, 1/2 hr; then Monday morning and (ideally) late Monday afternoon. Our house will be empty (save the old cat, the hamster in her cage and the goldfish). It'll probably be reasonably clean. You could come over and breathe for awhile or stay overnight and watch the big TV. |
